A Friendly Referral
by ABeautifulBreakdown
Summary: Modern AU While recovering from an injury Ben is referred by a friend to Rey for treatment. His goal, get back to work and as far away from his family life as fast as he can. When things don't go as planned he finds himself stuck struggling with his options and inexplicably drawn to the girl who has helped him in more ways then he'd ever expected. Rated T for now
1. Chapter 1

Looking at her cell phone for the fifth time that night Rey sighs and sets down her wooden spoon. The room around her is lit with the distant glow of a corner lamp and bright lights from her stove range. After firing off a quick text she sets the cellular device screen side down against her kitchen island and sets to work making the finishing preparations for her evening meal. Steak simmers in the pan decorated by caramelized onions and soft looking mushrooms. She impressed even herself this time and is beginning to feel incredibly stupid that she has gone to so much trouble for a guy who couldn't be bothered to simply text her back.

At her side, large brown eyes staring up at her expectantly is the only man she will ever need in her life. Bending to give her faithful companion a scratch behind the ear and loving pat on the head Rey smiles at her friend, "Oh BB, why do I keep doing this to myself?" she asks, The floppy-eared fur ball cocks his head to the side as his master says his name. BB is an oversized Bernese with a head like a brick and a bottomless pit for an appetite. He's always at her side and never misses a step when his Rey is involved.

The overgrown puppy yawns, a low keening whine erupting from his throat as he sits, shifting onto his hip to lean against the kitchen island. When Rey doesn't return for more puppy lovings he allows himself to slide to the floor, placing his head on massive paws to keep watch.

Rey has been seeing Snap for what is beginning to feel like years. They met at one of Finn's parties. He was a friend of Poe's who came highly regarded but was turning out to be just another arrogant flyboy. Poe and Snap are pilots and worked together for a few years before Poe left the private sector and started working for Falcon industries where he expanded his knowledge from flight to repair and really sank into his passion for aeronautics.

In the beginning Snap had come across as smart and sweet. He was always randomly showing up at Rey's place of work with lunch or treating her to evenings out. His love of adventure was electric and addictive. All around he was just a really fun guy to be around. That however was where the positives ended. He was notoriously running on his own clock and had the worst habit of ghosting Rey had ever seen in another human being. She couldn't even begin to count how many times they had planned this dinner date and each time Snap would text ten minutes in and tell her that he couldn't make it, ending with a 'Sorry Babe.' which was beginning to make Rey's blood boil.

Tonight, she hadn't even received that. Now forty minutes into their date, steaks simmering beautifully and risotto freshly made, Rey is left with a beautiful meal for two an no one but her faithful BB to share in the amiable silence.

She's just popped the cork on a bottle of zinfandel when her phone chimes. Glaring at the offending electronic Rey pours herself a healthy glass of the red wine and turns to lean against the counter. BB lifts his head expectantly as she brings the glass to her lips and sighs into the aromatic liquid. "You know buddy, men are just useless," she mutters before taking a mouthful, allowing the decadent thick flavor to cleanse her pallet before she responds to Snap and his many excuses.

Screw him she figures, he can wait. Through sheer force of will Rey sets to arranging her plate with creamy, parmesan garlic risotto, steamed veggies and a gloriously cooked steak. She has no one to impress tonight she figured so why not pile on the onions. Feeling rather proud of herself Rey flips the range lights off and brings her meal and wine to her small bar height kitchen table. She keeps the dining area neat, the walls a dark rich royal blue edged with intricate white crown molding around all the doors and windows. Her dining nook awards her with a beautiful view into her widespread front yard nestled into the forested mountainside. All around her are incredibly tall trees of wondrously lush greens. It's private and quiet and more importantly it's hers.

As Rey settles into her kitchen table, she tries to push Snap and his stupid face from her mind. BB shifts from his place by the island and with a pathetic sigh he collapses onto his side. His large opulent eyes watching carefully should his loving momma decide to accidentally drop something on the floor. He's a mooch but he's a well behaved one. Puppy dogs who don't hang around the table at supper are often rewarded he's come to learn. So happily, he watches from afar.

After a few moments of silently poking her steak Rey throws her chair back. She isn't as controlled as she might like to think, stalking over to where her cellphone sits. Resting her hands against the dark granite countertop Rey leans, then pushes herself away. The inner struggle is torture. She wants so desperately to give him a piece of her mind but knows it would only be a matter of time before she's suckered in by pretty words and promises. She's pathetic.

"Ugh!," she cries, drawing away from the counter with decided irritation. She's done her hair, shaved her legs, even put on those damned black underwear that Snap likes so much. What was it about him that drove her so utterly mad? Was it the dark hair or the strong nose? Maybe it was the beard? His smile? None of it makes any sense to her because at the very core of it all, no one is worth feeling this way over. She's attractive, she's smart, she has a good job and owns her own home. She's a catch dammit and if Snap Wexley doesn't see that then that's his problem not hers.

Shaking her head, ridding herself of any doubt or ill-feeling Rey disappears up the stairs and into her open bedroom stripping the form-fitting dress off in the process. She tosses the black fabric monstrosity onto her bed and makes short work pulling on a pair of calf-length yoga pants and a black wide neck sweater that falls over one shoulder loosely. Mussing her masterfully crafted hairstyle, Rey shakes her head, running her fingers through the brown mop a few times before pulling it into a messy bun atop her head. There, peaceful comfort, she thinks as she gazes at herself in the mirror. When was the last time she wore makeup?

A quick trip to her ensuite and her face is bare, her body comfortable and her stomach more than ready to devour that steak! After she tidies the kitchen some that is. She hates a messy kitchen after all. Soon the leftover food is sitting on its own plate, her cookware soaking in the sink. She straightens her spice rack, puts away the extra vegetables, and grabs her bottle of wine. This is going to be a 'me night.'

She's just settled into her table for a second time, piece of steak cut and ready to be inhaled when the sound of tires on gravel draw her focus. BB shifts so he's laying on his belly, ears perked in interest. The vehicle is louder then Snap's jeep, it's moving slower too. Snap's usually quick to pull in, careless of who or what might be around. Rey bristles. BB stands up moving to the door with surprising grace for a dog of his size and wags his tail happily. "Friend or foe?" Rey calls to BB as he paces in front of the door ready to investigate the newcomer. She's too far out for it to be a coincidence and most of her friends make sure she was home first. Poe and Finn knew that Snap was supposed to be coming over so they wouldn't just randomly show up. Rose was in the city with Jannah… Who does she know that drives a motorbike anyway?

Peering out the window panes of her front door she watches as a tall man slips off a rather impressive looking motorcycle. He's wearing a dark leather jacket, zipped up to the neck, dark blue jeans and a pair of leather motorcycle boots that came up over his ankles. As he removes his helmet he shakes out his dark hair, letting it fall haphazardly all around him. Rey can see that it's thick and falls about shoulder length, maybe shorter, she can't tell from this distance but he takes care to run his fingers through it a few times before he advances on her doorway.

BB simply stands and stares, his tail wagging as the stranger approaches. He has long lean legs that carry him quickly to her threshold taking her stairs two at a time. He's preparing to knock when he seems to realize she's standing there staring at him in the dim light of the evening autumn sun. His knuckles become a hesitant wave as he smiles, hunched some to look in at her.

"Hi," he calls awkwardly through the glass, stirring Rey from her reverie.

She pulls the door open a crack, standing so that her body blocks him from entering. BB on the other hand is much less apprehensive. His big head is wiggling between her hip and the doorframe until he manages to weasel his way out the door and is now doing circles around the stranger. "BB!" Rey calls as the tall, dark figure rises to his full height and laughs some, "I'm sorry he's a bit of a brute,"

"No problem," the stranger says happily, holding the back of his hand out for BB to sniff at. The dog starts there, sniffing at the leather, then the man's wrist before he moves on to his pants, and then the helmet he holds in his other hand. "Love dogs," he answers as BB sticks his head in the helmet and then sneezes, moving to dance back and forth on front paws.

"Can I help you?" Rey asks, her hand pressed on the edge of the door, still using her body to prevent any further intrusion. She may be small but she's mighty and she feels fairly confident she could take this man if he started anything with her. Well, probably not but she was prepared to scream really loudly if she needed and hit him with her walking stick she keeps tucked against the door frame.

"Oh uh yeah," the dark-haired man says. He holds his free hand out in pleasant greeting as he continues, "I'm Ben."

Rey stares at the offered appendages confusion etched across her delicate features, "Ok, hi Ben…" she says slowly, giving him a quick once over again. He has a long face and strong nose, with plump lips and a beauty mark to the right of his nose. His eyes are kind, a sort of whiskey color in the autumn light, lined with thick manicured brows. The hand he extends towards her is large, much larger than her own but she shakes it tentatively all the same making sure to give it a good strong squeeze "I'm Rey. Are you lost?"

Ben laughs lightly, his mouth drawn in a wide and brilliant smile. It draws at the corners of his lips up showing off heavily lined dimples and white teeth, "Yeah, no, I'm not lost. You're Rey Nima?" When Rey starts to look a little apprehensive, Ben's smile falters and he takes a step back giving her some space, "You're friends with Huxley right?"

Playing the name over in her head, Rey runs over the list of people she finds herself close with, there isn't a Huxley in the bunch. "Do you mean Armitage?" she asks cautiously, giving her leg a sharp pat to call BB back from his misadventure. The last time she let him wander too far he got into it with a porcupine and she's not keen on revisiting that ordeal any time soon. BB perks up from near Ben's bike, he was sniffing at the saddlebags inquisitively before returning on quickened paws to sit in front of Rey proudly.

Ben lets out a sharp laugh and rubs at the back of his head, "Yeah I forgot people called him that," He gives a few more passes of his broad hand through his hair, pulling it back in a sweeping arc off his face. "Yeah, Armitage Hux, he was supposed to send you a text a while ago, did he not?"

A text? The text she had chosen to ignore because she assumed it was from Snap must have been in fact from Hux. Rey finds herself relaxing some, allowing the door to open a bit more. "Give me a second?" She says before disappearing back into her home to retrieve her phone. Sure enough, she has three text messages from Hux.

\- Hey, sending a friend your way, he's in need of your magic hands-

Rey groans, great she thinks.

-Sorry, should have sent that earlier he's on his way-  
-Shit, he's a big fella on a bike, I didn't even think, you're out there all by yourself. He's an old friend of mine. Be. Nice.-

Who is he to tell her to be nice? she's always nice.

There's nothing from Snap she noticed with a bitter grimace as she returns to the door, phone in hand to an apprehensive looking Ben.

"Well there it is I guess," she calls lightly, "come on in, Hux sent you because?" pulling back into the house she opens the door wide so that Ben and BB can make their way inside. BB is content to settle on his bed at the base of the stairs that wind up to Rey's loft-style bedroom while Ben enters cautiously. Rey closes the door quickly and makes short work setting her phone back down on the island countertop. She leans against the dark surface folding her arms against her chest, her legs crossed at the ankles.

"Uh," Ben starts, "Whiplash injury from a while back, I can't seem to get rid of these headaches and my neck has been killing me as of late. Huxley, sorry Hux, said you were one of the best massage therapists he knew. He figured you could probably help out.

Taking a slow deep breath Rey lets the situation wash over her, of course Hux would send someone directly to her home instead of getting them to come in and see her at work like a normal person. Armitage never could quite grasp the concept of personal space well. Not unless it's his own, "So he sent you here?" she questions sharply, she doesn't take new clients in her home, it isn't a concept she's entirely comfortable with especially living so far outside of town. All of her friends know this, she thought it was obvious but of course Hux is Hux.

Ben seems to pick up on her irritation as he sets his helmet down on the floor at his feet. He's unzipping his jacket pocket to pull out what Rey realizes is one of her business cards offering it to her in way of explanation. "I tried booking in with you at work but you're hard to get in to and there's a bit of a time sensitivity thing. Hux didn't seem to think it would be too big an inconvenience, said you treat people from home all the time."

A loud harsh laugh erupts from Rey as she pushes herself away from the counter and moves towards her kitchen table where her wine glass is waiting. This is shaping up to be one hell of an evening. Mentally she makes a mental note to thank Hux later on for his kindness. "I have, I will, but…"

Nodding, Ben smiles softly, "That's Huxley for you." as his eyes follow her, they fall on the elaborate meal set at her table and the glass of wine in her hand, "Oh, were you expecting company? I'll leave I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to intrude, I thought you knew I was on my way."

Rey groans, Hux is many things but he has impeccable taste in friends. He seems to curate good people the way some people do fine art or old records. His penchant for being an annoying prat notwithstanding, he's someone you can trust and surrounds himself with people who can in kind be trusted. Ben, she decides as a result is someone she doesn't have to be nervous around. So as he moves to reach for the door Rey finds herself speaking before she can really think about what it was she's doing, "No, you're ok," she says easily enough and before she can stop herself she's telling this complete stranger about how she's been stood up and was just about to sit down to enjoy a meal by herself. "There's extra," she hedges, "If you're hungry. You'll have to wait a little bit if you want a massage anyway, I have to get the room set up and a fire started. "

Giving Ben another quick glance Rey adds with a hasty smile, "It would actually be nice to not have to eat alone," her grin widens, broad and sweet and full of impossibly white teeth, "Annnnnd" she adds in a soft sing-song, "There is something I could really use your help with."


	2. Chapter 2

_I broke these chapters up to avoid posting some 10 000 word monstrosity. I also wanted to play around with shifting point of view a bit. These chapters were intended to be written from Rey's POV but I may play around with it from here on out. We shall see, feel free to throw in your input. Now, in the first chapter I professed a need for accuracy in regards to the massage therapy component. I'm now realizing that I cannot provide such a thing for Ben's background. Have a read and then let me know what you think, is it too on the mark? I've been researching and gathering information as best I can so please let me know if the inaccuracy is glaring. Thanks my darlings! xo_

* * *

Ben stood watching Rey curiously, There is a sweet disposition about her but she's just a little bit reactionary. Hux had told him to be careful with her and Ben hadn't been entirely sure what he had meant by that. She seems kind and bright and full of life if not for the irritation that bubbles off her as she surveys him with cautious intent.

When she mentions needing his help he waits a moment, letting her continue in her pleasant way before he decides to commit himself to anything.

"It's no huge task really, I just need some help pulling wood in from outside." She tells him pleasantly, he can tell she's sizing him up. He's tall and awkward and good for things like carrying heavy objects or getting things off the top shelf. "I'm running low. It takes me ages to do it myself, Finn was supposed to help last time he and Poe stopped by but, well that didn't happen," she rattles on her voice lilting with a soft sweet of accent.

He finds himself chuckling as she rambles then gives her a slow kind nod, "Yeah, no issue at all," he says quietly as Rey claps her hands together happily and gestures for him to follow her.

"Leave your boots on," she instructs, "Just come this way," she's shuffling towards the other side of the room, slipping her feet into a worn pair of clogs before she disappears through a doorway located beneath a set of stairs.

With a flick of a switch the room beyond the frame is bathed in a soft amber haze. It runs the length of the house with large picture windows accenting the back wall affording him a beautiful view of her wooded back yard and the forest beyond. The windows themselves are set deep in the wall framed in beautifully polished live edged wood. The thick ledge work is sanded down and left to its captivating maple color with enough room that someone can use it as a seat. It's rustic compared to what he's seen of the rest of the home. A wood stove separates the room into two halves. On one side a comfortable seating area with a plush deep brown couch and old wicker Papasan chair. Bookshelves line the walls made from the same live edged wood that frames the windows. They're littered with more books than any one human might have the right to own. There are pictures and knickknacks all over the place, smiling faces in dark frames all grinning outwardly at him as he follows her through. The wood stove is a large iron structure set into the wall to look like a fireplace. The framework lining it and the mantle set above are all done in aged, worn and polished old barn boards. The floor it sits on is black granite speckled with flecks of grey which reach out into the hardwood floor laid in patterns of rich dark mahogany and pine.

Passed the wood stove, the other side of the room is set up more like a treatment space. Her massage table is neatly done with crisp linens and draped in a dark purple blanket that looks incredibly soft to the touch. All along the short wall next to the outer door are small wooden shelves placed at varying heights, each holding its own unlit candle. Next to the table she has a large blue exercise ball and a shelf which she appears to keep her lotion and other tools on. In the middle there are two hardwood pillars wound in twinkling lights, supports he assumes. Necessary and yet made to look incredibly pleasing to the eye.

For someone who professed to not treat from home often she certainly has a lovely set up. The wall parallel to the windows have artistically done pictures of muscle groups decorated in various flowers and leaves. There are small shelves made from wooden crates that hold towels and a large wooden sign that looks to be hand-painted. On it are the words '_Inhale and Exhale_' done in sweeping calligraphy separated by a flower he recognizes the be a lotus. She takes pride in her space he notes, everything is chaotic but clean. There seem to be bits and pieces from different places that don't fit but fit perfectly all over the place. An intricately carved elephant whose side is done in looping paisley swirls made of what looks like marble. A very basic wooden carving of a cat sitting next to a painted ball covered in bright reds and yellows outlined in black that looked like it may have come from Jakku or maybe even Tattooine. There are scarves and shawls of various colors and textures hanging in some of the windows like curtains. The sheer of some of the material glittering in the evening sun. A stuffed sheep with a shamrock on its backside, a metal tower-like structure sitting in a snow globe. There are little pieces all over the room each of them screaming with character or a story to be told.

As Rey urges him towards the back door he notices on the other side of her massage table, beside the doorframe a rather large statue of buddha. This piece in particular draws his eye as he approaches. It's quite tall and a worn dark blue in color accented in brilliant golds along its every line and fold. In its hand, it holds a bowl that is filled with water. Rey has found some lotus candles, one floating on the surface quietly. Ben lets his hand caress the statues bumpy head, the surface of which is also gilded in worn golds, "My uncle has one like that," Ben says absently as he walks passed, smiling fondly.

Rey who has gone through the back door and is out on the step when he spoke turns to catch what he's talking about, "My yoga teacher gave that to me," she tells him with a bright smile, "It was a house warming gift," And with that she ducks back outside, the cool mountain air whispering past her as BB barrels by Ben's knees to join his master.

Ben can't help but marvel at the grandeur around him as he ducks out her back door pulling it closed behind him. The view through the windows is nothing compared with the unmarred scape before him. She doesn't have a large backyard per-say, the flat area to the immediate right of the door is decorated in slate flagstone evenly spaced apart. She has a hot tub that is built upon what looks like old pallets. He realizes as he gets closer the structure is in-fact heavy concrete but she has used the palette boards to line the structure giving it a more rustic look. The slate flagstone winds out from the hot tub to a large round burning pit that's surrounded but a motley crew of Adirondack chairs that are painted in a variety of bright and brilliant colors. Beyond the fire pit the ground slopes down disappearing into a tree line of beautiful large firs casting the horizon in green topped giants.

The air smells crisp and fresh settling something wild within his heart he hadn't known needed to be settled. When he turns to look Rey has disappeared to the side of the house. He only knows because he can see BB milling about carrying a large stick in his gaping maw. When Rey pokes her head around the corner Ben takes the cue and meets her with hurried steps. She has already loaded herself up with a rather large bundle and is indicating he should do the same.

She's no slouch that's for sure. Ben has never seen a woman so involved and so take charge in all of his life aside from maybe his mother. Most of the women he meets or has gone out with are more interested in what they can get out of the situation or impressing him with their hard work at the gym then showing any real gumption. Rey doesn't seem like she has any interest in showing off at all. Unless she's using her ability to carry several pieces of firewood into the house on her own to do so. Shaken from his thoughts as BB sauntered past hitting him in the back of the knees with his stick Ben takes his jacket off and sets to the task of helping her lug wood in.

It feels good to be doing something productive, yet menial. He doesn't have to think but he can feel as his muscles pull and worked carrying some of the larger chunks of wood. After a few loads, Rey disappears inside and begins to start a fire. Ben, hoping to be helpful makes a few more runs before he and BB decide to head back inside. By the time Ben has shaken off any bark and arranged the wood in a sturdy pile Rey has a crackling fire going and was marveling at her handy word, "Thanks so much," she says happily as she raises her hand awkwardly in the air.

Ben just sort of stares at it a moment confused as to what she was doing. Her hand hovering she waves it just slightly and raises a brow looking from him to the lone appendage. "Oh, uh, yeah," he replies as he claps his broad palm against hers finally realizing what it's she's asking of him.

Rey simply laughs, "Do you get to socialize much?" she asks him playfully, patting him on the bicep before she turns to head back into the more modern part of the house. "I mean, I know Hux is about as dull as dirt…" she's saying as she kicks off her shoes and rejoins her glass of wine, taking a quick yet delighted sip.

"Not much," he admits as he followed, BB at his heels as he rewards the faithful pup with a good scratch on the head. "You don't give Hux enough credit though," he adds as he drapes his leather jacket over one of her kitchen chairs and sets to the task of taking off his motorcycle boots, "He's not so much dull as he is an acquired taste,"

At this Rey laughs heartily, "That's him alright, thank god he can roll with the punches. What do you want to drink?" she segues to the topic of dinner as she plucks up the plates of food and makes her way to the island.

Shifting to help, Ben finds he was more in the way. Of course he doesn't know where anything is so why did he think he would be of any use in her kitchen? "Water is great," he says as he steps back watching as she bends and places a plate in the microwave located in the back of the island.

Rey moves with fluid ease, winding her way around like a cat. While opening the upper cupboard, white framed with panels of glass, she nods over her shoulder to the drawer closest to Ben, "Forks and knives are in there," She indicates before she's up on her tiptoes reaching for a glass on one of the higher shelves, "You sure? I have wine, no Beer sorry."

He can't help but admire the way her calf muscles flexes as her yoga pants ride up just a little. She's lean and limber and he finds himself suddenly very grateful that her sweater is long enough to cover her backside. "Oh, I'm not much of a drinker," Ben finds himself admitting, "Water would be great," He isn't entirely sure how much he should let himself relax around this woman. She's cute and he was afraid he might scare her off. Unsure when that thought manifested itself he pulls open the drawer indicated and finds himself some cutlery. Rey returns to his side as the microwave beeps with a large glass of water in hand.

She's put it in a wine glass he noticed, "Little less like I'm drinking alone," she chirps ruefully, "You don't mind if I have a glass do you?"

Taken a little aback by her polite consideration Ben responds with, "Oh no, by all means," as he watches her extract the warmed plate of food handing it to him with a grin.

"Hope you like medium rare, I find anything more cooked is too chewy," Now that she seems more relaxed her dialogue comes in rapid spurts. He finds he likes the way she carries herself with an easy grace as they fall into a smooth rhythm.

When both meals were heated and they find themselves back at her kitchen table and settled in Ben finds himself utterly overwhelmed. Rey is saying something to BB as she points to the dog's bed. To his surprise the creature trots over and sits himself down just as told. He's a marvelous looking thing with a large head white snout and copper-colored eyebrows. He's clearly well cared for as his coat glistens looking smooth and well brushed. He's a little larger than some of the Bernese mountain dogs he's come across but it seems to suit his rather animated personality.

"What about BB?" he asks as the aforementioned puppy dog lifts his head.

Rey casts Ben a knowing look, "Don't get suckered in by those big brown eyes, BB ate." And she begins cutting into her meat with delighted vigor.

They settle into a comfortable silence, Ben in awe of the meal set before him. He can't remember the last time a woman had prepared something like this. Not that Rey's intentionally done so but he's quite happy to pick up from Snap's unfortunate disappearing act. The steak is exquisite, deliciously browned but pink in the center in a way that makes it melt in his mouth. When his jaw pops a little as he chews Rey stops what she's doing and takes a good long drink of her wine. She seems to still have food in her mouth as she chews it, swallows and then wipes at her mouth with a napkin, "How long has that been going on for?" she asks around her final gulp.

Unsure what exactly it is she means Ben licks at his lips, quirking an eyebrow. "The jaw thing," she continues nodding towards him as she takes a scoop of risotto onto her fork, "You said you get headaches and your jaw cracks. The two are usually linked." She speaks of the issue as if she's telling him about a cat video on the internet. Her words are easy, relaxed and not what he had been expecting at all.

Ben thinks a moment as he finished his mouth full, "Oh, uh," he really needs to stop starting his sentences like that, "That's been an issue long before I guess,"

"Braces?" she asks, carrying on as if this is the most normal conversation in the world. Maybe for her, it is.

Shaking his head Ben skewers a piece of broccoli scooping a little of his risotto onto his fork in the process, "No…" he says slowly, "broke my jaw."

Nodding Rey presses, "How long ago?"

She doesn't seem to pick up on how uncomfortable this conversation is making him, or if she does she doesn't seem to care much. She's on the hunt for information and nothing is going to stop her now that she has started. "Well, the first time I think I was twelve," he says slowly, popping the fork full of food into his mouth to avoid answering anymore right away.

This answer seems to stump her a little as she replies slowly, "First… time? As in more than once."

Ben nods, "Three times total," he's trying to seem very interested in the risotto, focusing on the creamy riced dish with delighted intent, "This is good did you make it yourself?"

Rey nods, "Yeah, from scratch," she says before barrelling passed the topic of risotto and right back to the jaw, "You know it's not an easy bone to break…" she hedges.

With a sigh he realizes he wasn't going to get out of this. She's going to press an push until she has all the information she's looking for. She seems to think it's pertinent to his current issues, "First wasn't huge, I crashed my dad's motorcycle,"

Her eyebrows shoot up, "At twelve…" not so much a question as confirmation of the fact.

Nodding again Ben continues, "It was only minor, I wasn't wearing a helmet. I was lucky. Second time it was a fight in high school. Again minor, no surgery or anything just pills and an ass-kicking from my dad," When Rey looks like she's going to say something about the ass whopping Ben adds, "Other guys were way worse off than me."

Taking a break from her meal Reys cradles her wine in her hand as she crosses her arms against her chest and sits back in her chair taking him in. She looks like she's afraid to ask but pushes herself anyway, "Third-time minor too?" she inquires hopefully

Ben grimaces this time and shakes his head woefully, "No, I needed surgery for that one."

"How old were you?"

It takes a minute to count back the years and figure out how old he was now but Ben finally says, "I don't know, early twenties or so."

Rey looks as though she wants to ask more but decides to leave it alone for which Ben is incredibly grateful. Instead she swirled her wine around in her glass idly, observing him with curiously lit brown eyes. "You said this was time-sensitive," she crosses her legs and takes a sip of her wine as she waits for him to answer.

Although she hasn't asked directly, he knows what she was getting at. It's becoming painstakingly obvious that this woman is far from foolish. She has honed in on him and is watching his every move with carefully decisive attention. "Yeah…" he exhales and poked at his steak a few times, "I was in an accident," he begins.

"Another one," she confirms.

"Another one," he says with one slow confirmatory nod, "this one was work-related, sort of."

Setting her glass down Rey shifts forward in her chair to rest her elbow against the table, "You should be going through the WCB then."

Ben chuckles, more to himself than anything else, "No, workers comp doesn't apply." As Rey cocks her head to the side in inquiry Ben takes a breath and says, "I'm a Marine, Naval aviation to be exact."

"Ahhhh," Despite her recognition of the fact, Rey stumbles on the information. She seems to disappear within her thoughts as she jumps from one thing to another in search of the right thing to say. When she can't find the words for anything more then a dumbfounded 'ok' Ben takes it as his sign to continue.

"It was a crash," he tells her solemnly, placing his fork down on his plate in order to give this conversation the attention and respect it deserves, "Helicopter,"

"Helicopter," she repeats nodding blindly.

"We weren't deployed, it was a routine thing I was the training officer and my cadet spooked. I don't know how it happened I don't usually fly the damn things, I'm a jet pilot but I've got enough experience with most things that fly. Anyway we went down and were both injured pretty badly." Rey's eyes are wide as he continues, "Broken leg I've got some hardware in there now. My pelvis needed some work. My wrist," he counts off his injuries like he's reading her a shopping list, oh you know, oranges, bread, milk, no big deal. "Elbow wasn't great either actually. I had severe whiplash and a few of my vertebrae were broken but nothing major. All in all I was lucky."

"Mmmm," she agrees, "How long ago?"

Again, timelines mess Ben up, he has to count back on his fingers, "Maybe eleven months ago now?" he offers with a sideways quirk to his lips, "I was doing good until the headaches started. They told me to take a leave, I had vacation saved up, quite a lot actually and we would revisit when I was due to come back."

"And when is that?" she inquires softly, taking another deliberately long drink of her wine.

"Month or so" before she can react Ben shifts forwards, gesturing idly with his hands, "I know you can't work miracles but I'd like to see if this can help at all. They're talking honorable discharge and I don't know what I'd do if they did that." he can't help but note the pathetic tone his voice adopts as he admits that to her.

She's the picture of calm understanding as she watches him carefully now. Her deep brown eyes are soft, edged with something he might almost have mistaken for affection. Pursing her lips together she nods her head slowly before worrying at the bottom one carefully. "Ok," she finally says, starting back in on her steak as if nothing ever happened.

Ben takes a moment to process her easy demeanor before he too goes back to finishing his meal, every once and a while casting a glance in her direction. She's the picture of cool resolve, her eyes watching something far off. Deep in thought now as she masticates her steak, savoring its rich flavor.

When they're both done Rey scoops up their plates and carries them over to the sink. BB takes this opportunity to join her and is rewarded for his good behavior with the offering of a plate to lick off. Ben watches as the large dog laps at the surface and Rey speaks to him in hushed sweet tones, praising him for being such a good dog, a handsome dog. She finishes with a pat to the head depositing the dishes into the sink before she turns to head back towards her sunporch sanctuary. "Bathroom's just over that way," she pointed towards the direction of the house he hasn't been exposed to yet. "There's a hallway on the other side of the living room, bathrooms at the end. Likely the only door open, I keep the other rooms shut to keep the walking fur ball out," she tells him and then disappears into the sunroom without another thought.

After making use of the facilities Ben takes the opportunity to start cleaning the dishes. Rey after all had been kind enough to offer a meal, it's the least he can do to help out. His height always makes standing at a sink awkward. Yet another thing in life he simply wasn't built for but he made good use of his time. Grateful her dish soap has been left out on the counter he scrubs their plates thoroughly and then sets to the cookware. He's just finishing up when Rey pokes her head back in the room, "Sorry, had to get the fire going again," she says pleasantly and then stops, "Oh Ben you didn't need to do that," she tells him as she approaches. He has his long sleeves pulled up to his elbows and his forearms are damp from the running water.

When she puts her hand on his upper arm and smiles at him Ben finds his heart gives a slight flutter. She's smiling the way old friends do when they talk of their past. Fond and sweet and so utterly open. "Come on." she says with a tug, "let's see if we can get you feeling a bit better shall we?"

And suddenly, Ben is more nervous than the first time he'd stolen his father's Ducati.


	3. Chapter 3

_Wowzers, am I ever glad I broke their first encounter down into several chapters, this has really kind of gotten away from me. As always lovelies let me know what you think, I do ever so love hearing from you! xo _

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As Rey leads Ben towards her treatment space she stills, shifting so that she can follow along behind him. She tells herself it's an opportunity to observe his gait and posture, nothing more. He carries himself with roguish ease but as he manages to get a few paces ahead Rey notices the way his right leg hitches ever so slightly. His injury, a sever one by his telling dragging her deep into her thoughts as she plays the mechanics of it over and over in her mind. Lost in her thoughts of metal plates and busted limbs, she allows her eyes to follow along the back of his knees up and along his fine strong legs. He's a marvel if she was being honest with herself, the way his jeans clung to his form, the roundness of his backside. He simply looks too good not to stare.

_ Be professional_. She mentally admonishes herself as she carefully inspects the cut of his shoulders. She tries to focus on the way one sits higher than the other but her eyes keep dipping to his hips and the way he carries himself.

His presence is utterly distracting, "So, how do you know Hux again?" she asks distantly, cocking her head to the side as he turns to face her. His look is one of questioning humor as his dark eyes rove over her in an appreciative reciprocation. Dear god he thinks she's checking him out. The mere idea of it brings a soft flush to her cheeks.

There's an awkwardness to the way he smiles at her that she can't help but find adorable. It's a mix of that and the way he seems to drag his large hand through his hair for the umpteenth time, "Uh, community service when we were younger," he says with a wry grin.

Rey tries desperately to school her features into neutrality but by the look on Ben's face she hasn't done a very good job. He seems to expect her response though and she finds herself unsure of whether it's more shocking that Hux has had community service or that Ben is so forthcoming with his life story. Not simply his life story, but some major pitfalls most might be afraid to admit. It makes her curious about him in a way that unsettles her greatly. "Hux, really?" she asked by way of distraction, trying not to focus on the way Ben's eyes fixate on hers.

He chuckles softly, his eyes softening some, "He'd kill me if he knew I told you."

"Oh, but am I ever glad you did," she chortles, "What did he do? Jaywalk?"

Looking a bit uncomfortable Ben shifts, his head turning to look out the large windows that line her sunroom wall. His profile is strong and sharp, all dark angles and curves that Rey can't help but mentally trace the line of. "I feel like that's more his story to tell," Ben speaks thoughtfully as he casts her a rueful smile.

With an exaggerated grin of exasperation Rey rolls her eyes playfully at him, "Allllright," she chimes as she finds herself standing directly in front of him. "Stand tall," she instructs, her switch from playful flirtation of professionalism a quick one.

Ben does as he's told and Rey makes quick work running her hands across his shoulders and around their curve to his chest. She pulls back his hair focusing intently around his ears, struggling some against the height and angle of their position. He's tall, delightfully so she thinks, marveling at how he can hold himself so utterly still. She's been so set on her observation she barely notices as Ben begins to chuckle, "Are my ears really important in this?" he asks, seeming almost uncomfortable with having his hair pulled back and his ears exposed.

"They… are…" Rey responds slowly as she checks for asymmetry in his jawline and ears again. Her fingers are nimble but light as they drag across the angle of his jaw dipping behind it swiftly. She has to get quite close as she presses and prods, finally pulling back with a triumphant grin. He smells good, like faintly spiced earth and soap, hints of sandalwood and bergamot waft around him, it's delightful yet incredibly distracting. "You've done this before?" she finds herself questioning, her voice falling into business mode to hide her current state of flushed excitement.

Nodding he looks towards the table, she's folded the sheets back and there is a clean headrest cover now sitting on the horseshoe-shaped pillow. "Clothes off, face down?" he asks gesturing with his hands.

Rey chuckles, "More or less, just let me know if you get uncomfortable or my pressure is too much," she tells him confidently, "I'm going to go and wash my hands. BB sometimes likes to make his presence known so if he starts bugging you then just tell him to go lay down."

And with that she turns and walks out. As expected she cab hear BB's paws against the hardwood as he makes his way into the room. There's a shuffle, the snap of static and the sound of someone moving around. Rey has to remind herself she has a task to set to instead of standing there listening. She has to get her head on straight, this is no different than treating someone at work. If Ben came in and was being treated there she wouldn't be thinking about the lean line of muscle across his back, how wonderfully large his arms were or how good he smelled. She also wouldn't have had a large helping of wine beforehand either. That's it, blame the wine. It's all the wine and stupid Snap's fault. She was in date brain, she needs to be in work brain. She needs to be professional.

Washing her hands quickly in the kitchen sink Rey schools her emotions and moves to check her phone before she returning to Ben. It's more of a reflex, she isn't expecting anything, but there on the screen is his name. Snap has finally gotten back to her, over an hour and a half after the fact.

_ -Sorry Babe. Got tied up with something, I could still come over if you'd like? I miss that sweet face of yours- _

Rey groans, there it is, there he is. No concern for anyone else, no apology, just an assumption. The text was sent fifteen minutes ago, odd she didn't hear her phone go off. She wants to throw the damn thing out the window, she wants to scream, she wants him to come over… Quickly she opens the screen and fires back a quick message telling him not to bother, she has company and isn't sure how late they will be.

A dark part of her revels in the idea that this might make him jealous. She struggles against sending a follow-up text explaining the circumstances of said visitor but settles on the vague turning her ringer off and stuffing her phone into the waistband of her yoga pants. Sauntering back into the sunroom with a renewed pep in her step she forgets to knock or wait or listen to see if Ben might need more time. She's riding on the high of her self assured triumph over Snap and his arrogance when she looks up stopping short mid-step.

The room is cast in a warm amber glow. She had turned off the lights and instead lit the candles on the shelves against the far wall. The fake flames of the electronic candles flicker and dance like tiny fireflies against their opaque resin shells lighting Ben's body in ethereal warmth. He's looking out the window as the sun casts itself down over the trees, the vestiges of its brilliant rays reaching up over their pointed tops. The sky is awash in deep pinks and purples as the last of the daylight fades into the deepening blue of night. He's removed his clothing down to a form-fitting pair of dark boxer briefs which Rey finds herself increasingly grateful for. He hasn't noticed her or doesn't seem to as he watches the sky beyond.

Unsure of what to do Rey takes a few soft steps back, awarding him his rightful privacy as he crawls between the sheets and gets himself organized. It shouldn't be a big deal and it isn't really, he's not the first, nor would he be the last person she had accidentally walked in on. There is something about it though, the way he watched the sky, maybe how peaceful he seemed that made the moment more intimate than simply walking in on someone half-dressed at work.

Clearing her throat she stills in the door frame listening as her table creaked under his shifting weight, groaning in protest he adjusts and settles into position, "All set?" she calls, her voice catching some as she waits for his response.

"Yeah," he calls through a chuckle piquing her interest as she enters the room for the second time. Sure enough there's BB on his back laying on the floor looking up at Ben through the hole of the headrest. The massive dog is on his side his paw raised in the air, wagging his tail as Ben drapes his arm over the table to scratch at his belly. BB is a friendly dog sure, but she has never seen him open up or act like such a booger with someone he doesn't know before.

"BB…" she calls and both he and Ben lift their heads in her direction. The furry mass thumps his tail against the floor a few times as Rey approaches. The strain in Ben's neck makes her place a hand against the back of his head and push it back down into the horseshoe pillow. "Come on BB, go lay down," the dog groans in a wide yawn as he lazily drew himself up and maneuvers onto the couch. He gives one last look in their direction before he huffs and rests his head on his paws which he leaves dangling off the edge.

"He's something else," Ben mutters into the pillow as he adjusts his face and then stills.

Rey, after pulling the pillow up under his legs for better support runs her hand up and along his spin covered in the thick purple blanket. It's impressive how Ben has managed to slide into the sheets and cover himself back up without so much as ruffling the blankets. Most people are forever adjusting or pulling them to one side more than the other. "Yeah, he's quite the beast," she answers absently as she sets to folding the sheets back and finding her lotion bottle.

His hair isn't long but it sits in a loose wave at the base of his neck creating a need to push it out of the way. Her touch is tentative at first as she stands at the head of the table and walks her hands down along either side of his spine. His skin is soft beneath her touch marred in a few places where the flesh pulls together or pocks slightly with scar tissue. He's tense, his muscles hard and resistant as she allows her hands to sink in a little and then drag down towards his toes engaging the tissue so that it blanches and then pinks beneath the stretch. She can feel where some things wind together and stick and where others pull, taut and ropy beneath the skin.

It's like running your hands down velvety marble as she slides her touch down the length of his spin until it hitches at the angle of his pelvis. Walking her hands back up and along the expanse of flesh she keeps one hand on his back while the other seeks out her lotion. She gathers it in her hand before returning it to his skin. Rubbing her hands together she allows them to slide down over his back in a slow and steady rhythm as she tests which side she's going to go after first.

Ben is quiet, his breathing easy as his chest expands, ribs rising to meet her touch. As she slides her forearm over his shoulder and down into the muscles of his back she leans in close, rocking up onto her elbow and allowing it to sink into the resistant flesh. She holds herself there for a breath or two letting the muscle beneath melt under her insistence. It's stubborn at first, like granite beneath the flesh. Still Ben keeps his breathing smooth and steady. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the invasion of her pointy elbow as she rocks off of it and flushes out the areas a few times with her hands piled one on top of the other for support. Her fingers dip against his spine dragging a deliciously deep line against the column of bone working to pull and separate the muscle stuck there. Wiggling her way down and then back up she pivots onto her elbow again and repeats the process of coaxing his hard trapezius muscle to let go.

For quite some time she works this way, slowly pivoting onto her elbow to sink into the unyielding muscles. After a while Ben lets out a low toned groan and Rey finds herself chuckling quietly, "You doing ok down there?" she asks with another sweep of her forearm, dragging it in down the long line of his torso.

Ben lets out a huff of air, his breathing adjusting just slightly beneath her touch. He's tough she'll give him that but all in all he gives her no indication she should stop. "Yeah, it's just," He stops a moment and Rey can feel the need to back off some mounting, "That's vicious," Ben answers, "I could feel it up in my neck,"

Continuing to flush with her palmer contact Rey coaxes and caresses the offending area kneading this time with her fingertips rather than her elbows, "Yeah, It's pretty stuck, I don't want to flare anything up. You'll need more than one treatment that's for sure."

Ben Hmmm's in response as she changed angles and starts kneading into the area with her pointy little thumbs. Falling back into their comforting silence Rey moves smooth and harsh against the tensions only stopping when she's pleased with the amount of release she's accomplished.

His pale flesh is red by the time she's done. "I'm going to use some mint oil on this ok? No allergies?" she asks, eyes searching for the bottle

With a sharp inhale Ben lets out the air from his chest with a glorious groan, "How does that much strength come from someone so tiny?" he says gruffly into the pillow. His voice is thick with massage-brain as he clears his throat and added, "No allergies, not to mint anyway."

Without a word Rey gropes from the bottle slathering her hands in the potent liquid. The scent of mint ripples into the air, harsh on the nose making her eyes water some, "It'll go kind of warm then cold, like an A535 only so much better," she assures him as she begins kneading the oil into his back with quick and easy hands. She pays particular attention to the brilliantly red area where his neck meets his shoulder, the flesh there radiating with the heat of a deep muscle release.

"I think I'm going to feel this tomorrow," he tells her with a tone satisfaction, "Like a good run."

Rey's starting to tent the sheets, positioning herself at the side of the table only half listening, "Turn over, shimmy down. Head on the flat part," she instructs. Ben follows sloppily, it's the first movement she's seen him orchestrate with a lack of confident ease. His large form rocks the table, eyes blinking at the change in light as he stares off at the ceiling in wonder.

"How long have you been doing this anyway?" He asks as she adjusted the sheets and starts toeing around under the table. When her foot hit its mark the table grunts and starts to shift, raising itself slowly.

She's rolling her exercise ball over, finding it a spot under her bottom when she says, "That's a good question," She doesn't like thinking about herself much, it's uncomfortable and strange. She often feels like she was bragging when she has no real right to. "Five years now?

As she shifts some on the ball her phone takes to vibrating and becomes forced out of her waistband. As it clatters to the floor she can see Snap's name and a foolish selfie of the two of them light up the screen. The offending electronic jitters some obnoxiously causing Ben to tilt his head trying to look up at her. "Do you need to get that?" he asks absently, settling his arms on top of the sheets as he relaxes into the table.

Rey groaned as she leaned forward and hits ignore with her knuckle. Careful not to get her lotion-y hands all over her phone. She kicks at it unceremoniously pushing it out of the way mentally cursing Snap and his foolishness. She did however allow herself a modicum of pride for the fact that she was the one leaving him high and dry for once.

When Rey doesn't answer Ben presses, "Was it that Snap guy?"

Choosing to ignore the question at hand Rey pushes forward, "So, how frequent are the headaches?" she asks sharply. Ben seems to pick up on her intent and exhales through pursed lips.

"Depends, daily? Some days aren't as bad as others," he tells her as she begins pulling his hair away from his neck. Her hands are warm and delightfully soft as her fingers begin stroking the contours of his neck.

Trying not to let frustration bubble over, Rey focuses on her work. From her position at the head of the table she can't help but look down the angle of Ben's face. His eyes are closed now, his lashes beautifully dark and long. So unfair that they're wasted on a man who won't appreciate them. She follows the angle of his nose, the slope of his cheeks, the muscle tone of his pecs and the strength in his biceps and delts. She finds herself wondering if he knows he's a work of art. His is the type of body she normally loved to get her hands on. Not because it was beautiful necessarily, but because it was well maintained. Like a mechanic appreciating a fine car, she appraises his muscle definition as her hand's sweep in languid lines along the taut muscles of his neck.

Scooping his head into her palm she rocks it to the side running her thumb down the long column of muscle exposed to her. She works in smooth and steady strokes. Pausing here or there to hold onto something particularly tight the way she had with her elbow. Ben is quiet beneath her hands but wonderfully pliant. He allows her to move his head this way and that as she pushes and strips at the muscle with her thumb only to reward it with an easy flush of her palm afterward. When she's done with the muscles of his anterior neck she works along the muscles disappearing into his hair. Particularly the ones hidden at the base of his skull. Kneading and pushing she holds onto bumps and coaxed out lumps before rocking his head back onto her hands and allowing her fingertips to sink into the deliciously abused muscles. His head wobbles as it finds balance against her thumbs and she uses the weight of it to get one final release.

Ben says nothing, his breathing easy and smooth as she hooks her palm against the base of his skull and starts to pull. She's concise and thorough, just as he had been told she would be. Her deft fingers were like divine little steam rollers running through his flesh until he feels sated and deliciously sore. He loves the way she handles his head, she can tell by the soft exhalation of air released as he relaxes into her small hands. She moves it around as though it weighed nothing at all. Stretching his neck to one side and then holding the position she rocks it to the other, holding the stretch with the most exquisite pull. He's a big guy and they often find it hard to find someone willing to get into the muscles they way they really like. She figures he was an active youth and that compounded on top of his military training have garnered him with a solid physique but she can make him feel like tenderized meat.

"Dear God," he chimes as she slides off the ball and stands with a stretch. Her small form is dwarfed by the sweater she wears rolled up at the elbows but as she leans back the fabric lifts exposing a delightfully tanned stomach. Even in mid-fall her skin still holds a wondrously warm glow. "That was…"

"I know," Rey quips lightly. Their banter coming across as oddly erotic, causes Rey's cheeks to flush with a renewed embarrassment. She can't believe she's allowing herself to react this way over someone who is essentially a client. Was he though? He'd been sent here by Hux who was a friend after all and she treated her friends at home often enough. That never stopped her from going out with them.  
No, This was different. It has to be. She isn't allowed to feel so bothered by a body on her table. Not even one as deliciously sculpted as Ben's.

"Holy shit," Ben groans, he's sitting up as she turns to face him, the sheets falling around his middle affording her a view of his well-defined chest and abdominals. He's moving his arms around with renewed vigor as he hunchs forward, his eyes hooded and dazed in the afterglow of massage bliss.

"Yeah… I'm going to go and start up the hot tub," she tells him quickly, what was she doing? "You're welcome to have a soak if you want." She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut but the invitation is already out there.

Ben quirks a brow, he seems lost between wanting to accept and not knowing what exactly to say. Of course he likely isn't prepared for that, it's not like Hux would have told him to bring a pair of swim shorts. He can just get in in his underwear, she mulls over idly, wondering if he's coming to the same conclusion.

No, Bad Rey.

"I mean, I have so many random pairs of swim shorts up here, Poe and Finn leave theirs here all the time." she laughs at the thought, those two are much smaller then Ben. The length would look ludicrous on him, "Hux has a pair here too I think, they'd probably fit you I'm sure. I mean, you don't have to, if you have someplace to be." she rambled on bending to pick up her phone.

Eleven text messages and two missed calls. Great.

Suddenly Rey is very hopeful Ben will accept. She's even contemplating having another glass of wine. Professionalism be damned there was nothing wrong with a little flirtatious banter.


	4. Chapter 4

_My poor husband, all I've been doing lately is writing! It's a deep dark hole and I never want to crawl out of it haha. More of Rey and Ben, I am looking forward to getting some other characters involved though. Enjoy lovelies! xo_

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After pulling the cover off the hot tub and getting it started up, Rey leaves Ben to think about her offer as she wanders back into the main house to wash her hands. She hates rolling the arms of her sweaters up over her elbows and is mentally cursing herself for not changing shirts before she gave Ben his massage when her phone vibrates again against her hip. Making short work of drying her hands and arms off Rey extracts the mobile device and swipes the screen open with minimal effort.

It's not all from Snap thankfully, but it all seems to spiral from his newfound need for drama. Finn is the most recent addition to the list, coming up as Finn with a heart emoji and then a peanut emoji next to it.

_ -Hey Peanut, You got company? Snap just called Poe flippin out-_  
_ -Girl, I hope you're being smart about this-_

Finn, the closest thing she has to a family was the brother she always wanted. They met when she was working for Falcon Industries as a receptionist and all-around gofer girl on one of her summer vacations. The company owner, a gruff man by the name of Han Solo had taken a liking to her and decided to give her a chance despite her age. It had worked well because Rey found herself back there every summer, filling in positions throughout her two-year school program as well. Finn is a mechanic, just a few years older then she is but still very low on the totem pole. He and his partner Poe had been working for Solo for a few years when Rey had come along and sort of fallen into the crew. Poe is better with the plains aspect of things, he thrives on aeronautics while Finn just loves getting his hands on cars.

The two are an odd pairing but work so well no one ever questioned it. They just sort of happened one day and no one ever looked back.

Snap's text messages are a little less friendly, almost hostile in nature. She can feel the hair on the back of her arms and neck started to bristle, a need to respond and put him in his place mounting. She's just given what she considers one of the best treatments of her life and she's letting him ruin it with his stupid male stupidness.

_ -What the hell?-_  
_ -really?-_  
_ -I was just talking to Poe, do you have some guy out there?-_  
_ -I'm coming out-_

Rey sighs as her phone starts to buzz again. She's fired up and preparing to scream at Snap when she notices not his but Finn's name on the screen along with the time. When had it become nine-o-clock?

Swiping at the screen Rey forces her voice into a cheery lilt answering the phone with a "Hey Peanut,"

Finn's voice sounds rushed and breathless like he's running, "Hey pumpkin," the concern in his voice is thick, "What are you up to?"

Rey settles against her counter crossing her ankles as she holds the phone loosely against her face, "Just getting ready to hop in the hot tub. You and Poe make it to that play tonight?" A quick detour away from his real reason for calling won't hurt.

Finn mumbles something, it sounds like he's moving quickly, as he fires back, "Yeah, not Poe's thing but he went. Leia gave us tickets after all, how could we say no?"

"When the bosses wife insists," Rey tones in understanding.

"Right," Finn agrees reluctantly, "Listen P, Snap called Poe in a snit, what's going on."

Snap Wexley is not one of Finn's favorite people. In fact he loathes the idea that Rey has been wasting so much time on him as of late and is not afraid to voice his concern to whoever will listen. Poe in particular.

"He didn't show," Rey tells him simply, looking up as Ben enters the room with BB in tow. Her faithful companion wanders to her side, sitting with a slouch as he leans into her legs. Ben is shirtless but wearing his glorious dark denim, noticeably undone. He quirks an eye, mouthing '_do you want me to go?_' clearly questioning whether he should actually take her up on her offer.

Rey shakes her head as Finn's voice chimes into the phone, "I don't know why you bother with him."

"Me either," is her response as she covers the mouthpiece with her hand and smiles at Ben. "Uhm, first door on the right is a spare bedroom, there's a dresser in there. Top drawer has swim trunks, just pick whatever you think will fit. Towels are in the hall closet beside the bathroom. I'll be with you in a minute"

"Uh… who you talking to there darling?" Finn asks suggestively, she clearly hadn't been as sneaky as she thought. His tone is edged with hopeful curiosity, she knows he's rooting for her to find someone who isn't an over fluffed arrogant flyboy to spend her time with but how would he feel about Ben? How did _she_ feel about Ben?

Rey lets out a soft laughing exhalation as she idly pets BB's head. His ears are soft under her touch as he presses himself into her embrace. "A friend of Hux's" she replies enigmatically casting a look over her shoulder to watch as Ben slowly makes his way down the hallway. She isn't sure if he's listening, or if she even really cares.

"Male friend?" he croons curiously.

Rey grins, "Very." she tells him surely, "But, it's not like that. He couldn't get into me at work so Hux gave him my address,"

Finn chuckles as a bell chimes somewhere in the distance on his end of the phone, "Sounds like the arrogant prat, you ok?"

"Oh yeah, no, great," she says confidently. Trying to assure her friend that she's indeed very much ok out in the middle of the woods with this new acquaintance who just happens to be very tall, dark, incredibly handsome.

"Hold on a second," and suddenly Finn's mumbling something to Poe now as BB shifts and wanders into the living room. She stands quietly a moment, trying to discern what it was Finn and his partner are talking so heatedly about when she turns groping for her glass of wine in the process.

As she finds her glass empty she works at pouring herself another, managing to pull the loose cork from the neck with one hand. She's helping herself to another substantial helping when Ben emerges from the backroom. He looks adorably uncomfortable as he walks towards her with a large blue towel in hand. He's still topless but now wears a pair of dark blue swim shorts decorated at random with small bright red lobsters. BB dances excitedly at his side as he comes around the raised kitchen countertop giving her the full view of his rather exposed legs.

She lets out a loud laugh, moving her hand to cover the mouthpiece of her phone, "I'm so sorry, are those really the biggest I have?"

Ben simply shrugs, "They're not bad," he tells her, taking a moment to look down his body to his legs where the shorts cut off a few inches above his knees. "Listen I really appreciate all of this. I left cash on your shelf, I hope that's ok, for the massage I mean."

Rey nods as Finn's voice grows louder in the earpiece, "That's great," she tells him, "I'll be out in a minute. There are lights…" she starts but Ben gives her an easy wave of his hand.

"Take your time, I'll figure it out," he tells her as he disappeared through the sunporch again with BB at his heel.

"Peanut?" Finn must have said her name a few times because when she finally clues in that he's speaking to her his voice is laced with concern. "Listen, Poe's trying to talk Snap down here. I think he's been drinking,"

_Joy._

"Just tell him I had a client come out to the house when he decided to stand me up. That should calm him down. I'm not dealing with him tonight." she tells him in a tone that brokers no more discussion on the matter. She's getting tired of the childishness and wants to enjoy the rest of her evening in peace.

"Will do. Breakfast tomorrow?"

"Only if we go to Akbar's I want to go to yoga in the morning," she tells him with a grin, it isn't hard to convince Finn to go to Akbar's, Junior serves the best coffee in the area and Finn doesn't function well without his coffee.

"Not going to be a late-night then?" Finn asks teasingly as Poe hollers Snap's name in the background.

Rey lets out a soft breathy laugh, "Naw, it's not like that. Don't get me wrong he's gorgeous but…"

"Right you're thing with clients," Finn finishes.

Rey tucks her phone against her cheek as she hoists her backside up onto her counter letting her legs hang off easily, "It's not my thing, it's kind of a professional thing,"

Finn's quiet a moment before he says, "Don't take his money then…" a little more flippantly then Rey likes the sound of.

"Just stop, he's an interesting guy. I'm going to have a glass of wine, soak in the hot tub and then he'll head home…" Her voice drops a note as she says that.

"Oh…?" Finn of course picks up on the hesitation right away.

Shaking her head Rey says, "Oh no no, he drives a motorbike, I was just thinking these roads up here aren't great in the day let alone at night."

Laughing to himself Finn groans against the phone as Poe's voice erupts over the speaker, "Please text the asshole, he's ready to drive up there and he's been drinking!"

There's a struggle, Finn sounds like he's laughing as Poe lets out a loud cry of indignation, "Ok I'm done now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my evening." she sings into the phone, "Love you both"

As she hits end she's sure she heard the loud demand of "Send pics!" from Poe and Finn both. She has to laugh, her friends really do seem to make everything better.

Three more text messages from Snap, all as obnoxiously drunk as the last. She struggles with whether or not she should answer him setting her phone down, picking it up before setting it back down again. Why was it she's meant to care when he's acting like such a dick!

Finally, she opens the screen one last time and fires off a simple text

_ -Had a client, going to rest with BB and a book. Will talk tmrw-_

Ok, she's done with that for the night. Shaking herself off she takes a deep drink of her wine, slides off the counter and then hurries upstairs to change into a bathing suit. Deciding on something a little more modest then her sunbathing two pieces Rey skips down the stairs in a simple one-piece of deep mauve. It bands around her neck but is laced up between the breasts and leaves only her upper back exposed.

After grabbing her wine and her phone she pulls a freshly dried towel out of her dryer and pads her way out to the hot tub and her awaiting guest. He's gathered up the sheets off the table and loosely folded them for her she notices as she makes her way through the sunroom. Taking a quick moment to check on the fire before she bursts through the door and into the cold air. She makes short work of hanging her towel up on a hook Finn had built into the side of her house before holding her phone aloft. "You ok if I put on some music?" she asks. When Ben didn't respond Rey pulled up one of her many music playlists. Turning on her Bluetooth speakers set she'd forgotten to take in the night before she's pleasantly surprised to find they still work. As the mellow voice of Norah Jones flutters around them Rey ascends the steps and sinks into the bubbling water.

It feels glorious to simply sink in and exist. Setting her glass of wine and her phone down on a shelf behind her she finds herself parallel to Ben. His dark stare is deep and still as he watches the world around them. The sky is alight now in a brilliant wash of distant starlight. It isn't a sight one is used to if they live in the city. Ben watches with the appreciation of one who missed the view, savoring the way the sky lights up the world around them in a glow like fairy light.

After a few minutes of silence, Ben finally turns to her, concern etched on his stoic face, "Everything ok?" He asks calmly. His long limbs reaching out through the water resting against the seat next to Rey. His arms are emerged sinking back so that his shoulders and part of his neck are swallowed by the water and its heady warmth.

Offering him a kind sort of smile Rey says, "Oh yes, Finn was just checking in. I've lived up here going on two years now and they still feel the need to baby me." she adds a sigh of contentment as she relaxes her head back against the slope of the seat the whisps of her loose hairs getting damp in the process. She's always loved the way the warmth of the water seeps into her core while the chill of the night air licks at her flesh leaving it in goose pimples. There's something about the heat that comforts her, a reminder of a past life maybe, or something deeper.

"You are quite a way out," Ben seems to agree, "It's amazing though," he says almost wistfully as he raises a wet hand to drag it through his hair pulling it back in an arching wave of body. "It's so busy in the city, people forget the simple things. They consume themselves with a need to fill some vacancy that they have no idea what to do with."

Rey allows herself to be carried away by his words. He's a deep thinker, complex and mindful. She watches as his lips move, the way he smiles softly or how his eyes crinkle as he speaks of different topics. There's no rhyme or reason to the conversation, it's easy and flows smoothly. Their hallows filled with pointed silence where each seems to simply bask in the other's company. Ben is smart, he studied a lot in his free time but doesn't keep many books of his own. When he was deployed it was hard to keep possessions on hand. He had to be a minimalist and in some ways that washed over into his personal life as well. He loves the library he admits. He loves the search for something beyond his own understanding. He learned his way around engines at an early age, admitting to stealing his dad's bikes and then cars on more than one occasion. His true mechanical enlightenment didn't come for some years after though. It's deviant and yet Rey loves to hear the telling of it.

She too shares bits of her story, how her parents died when she was young and her uncle raised her in hopes of gaining access to a small trust that had been left in her name. She speaks of her love for her job, her friends and when there's nothing left to say, fills the time with stories of BB and his many misadventures. She talks about finding herself and doesn't mind so much, it doesn't feel like bragging not when Ben watches her like _that_. He asked questions and she answers, thinking on the responses carefully as he watches her as though he truly sees her. She skirts away from some things, avoiding any real talk of her uncle or her childhood. There's no need to go down that path with a complete stranger

As the evening draws on and their skin becomes pruney and wrinkled they moved the conversation indoors without a second thought. It's nice to find herself at ease with someone who doesn't seem to really want anything from her. He shuts the hot tub down for her while she dries her hair and brings in her speakers. They work together in simple harmony, moving around one another as though they have always known one another's quirks and idiosyncrasies.

After a quick rinse off in separate showers Rey finishes her wine and begins making them hot chocolate. Ben is toweling his hair dry when he enters the kitchen clad in his dark jeans and a black t-shirt. He's barefoot she notices, his feet leaving warm, damp footprints across her floor as he holds up the towel questioningly.

"Through the door at the bottom of the stairs," she tells him, nodding behind her as she pulls her blanket shawl tightly around her chest. She hasn't bothered to get properly dressed, instead, she has picked out a pair of blue, purple and white plaid sleep pants and a simple beige t-shirt that had the words 'namastay in bed' scrawled across the front.

When she turns with both mugs of hot cocoa in hand, a heaping number of marshmallows in her own Ben is standing behind her. "Thanks for everything," he says softly, his eyes kind and warm as they catch hers. They look grateful and curious like he wants to say more, or maybe move but thinks better of it. He wets his lips before saying, "I really should get going soon. It's later then I thought."

Somehow they managed to spend an entire evening together and have it feel like no time at all had passed. Rey exhales softly holding out the second cup of sweetly scented hot cocoa. "I made hot chocolate," she offers weakly. Her insides fluttering as Ben smiles at her, an easy laugh on his lips as he takes the cup and holds it to his nose.

"You're…" He starts to say but his words die away, settling instead on a sweet, "Thank you." Following her as she leads him into the sunporch, her favorite room in the house. BB is settled onto the couch snoozing happily as Rey opens the wood stove and pokes at the logs a few times with her iron poker. The fire crackles and snaps with a pleasant warmth, the embers glowing a deep dark red as its heat seeps out into the room. Ben sits on the couch leaving ample space she notices should she decide to join him.

Through her wine addled consciousness she desperately wants to. How easy it would be to sit down in the space allotted next to him, folding up against the warmth of his strong body. Hesitating a moment Rey takes the creaky old Papasan chair instead, folding herself into it with cautious ease as the old wicker creaks beneath her. BB, lifting his head to notice he's no longer along, rises to his feet and ungracefully adjusts his position so that his head now lies against Ben's lap. "You've made a friend," Rey offers lightly, sipping on the warm chocolaty liquid in slow tentative bursts.

Ben simply rubs the large beasts head, his long fingers dipping behind BB's ears to give him loving scritches which the canine soaks up eagerly. After a few minutes of silence, Ben's focus on his task at hand slips and he looks up to ask, "Why BB?"

Rey laughs softly, "Benjamin Button," she tells him with an embarrassed grin, "I went through a Brad Pitt stage, it's weird I know. BB is far less embarrassing."

Nodding sagely Ben allows his hand to run the length of the furry monstrosities back. He sips his cocoa and quietly watches out the window as he had before. His features are still and calm but there is a forlorn sort of pain etched against the set of his brow. Rey finds herself wanting to run her fingers along the length of his nose, over his cheeks, down his neck. She wants to lose herself in his whiskey-colored stare and know him. Truly know him.

"Doing ok over there?" she asks softly, Ben's hands stilling as he withdraws his gaze from the forest and brightly lit sky beyond to settle it back on Rey. She's sitting on her hip, her legs folded beneath her as her fingers idly play against her pinky toe. There's a nervousness that settles into her making her feel like she's a teenager again. That frightened sophomore who didn't know how to talk to boys let alone the captain of the lacrosse team.

Ben in this case is the captain of the lacrosse team, "Yeah, sorry," he muses, "It's just nice to feel this peaceful. I don't remember the last time being with someone was this easy." He stills suddenly as if he's said something he regrets, "Sorry that sounded…" He purses his lips together and exhales.

Rey however is quick to rescue him from his thoughts, "I get it," she says softly and she really does.


	5. Chapter 5

_Welllllll this took a turn I wasn't expecting. I had intended to sit down and wrote some lovely friendship fluff and well... this happened. I apologize for the blatant lack of Ben in this chapter. I wanted to add him, had every intention on adding him and then, well. The characters took over and here we are. This should give a little bit more backstory though and I promise Ben will turn up in the next chapter, bare with me. Let me know what you think, was it dramatic enough? _  
_Your kind words have been so utterly heart warming, thank you kittens, you're all so darling! xo_

* * *

When Rey wakes up the next morning Ben is gone and her body aches desperately. She's somehow managed to fall asleep folded in on herself in her old Papasan chair. The wicker creaks animatedly beneath her as she stretches and basks in the warm glow of the sun cresting the trees. Her mug is gone, and a blanket is neatly folded over her legs, placed with such care it hadn't caused her to stir. BB, asleep on the couch and none the wiser snoring away, stretched out like the lazy lump that he is.

They'd stayed up talking to all hours. However, she can't remember the last thing they talked about, just his laugh. That wonderful chuckling that sounds like he was trying to hide the fact that he's happy.

Shaking herself from her fond morning reverie Rey sets about her morning ritual. Feed BB, start a coffee, check her phone. Just two text messages this time, one from Hux, odd for this time of day and one from Finn conforming coffee post-yoga.

Right, she was going to try and make it to a class wasn't she? Luke is going to give her hell for missing so many sessions as of late, she knows it but he's always been a bit of an old curmudgeon. Casting her eyes on the clock she plays a game of what-ifs deciding she has more than enough time to hop in the shower quickly and make it into town before Luke's seven am Yin yoga class. She needs the release more then she needs the extra sleep no matter how sweetly those freshly laundered linens call to her.

Stripping out of her clothing as she marches through her house Rey notices their mugs washed and set in the drying rack next to a piece of paper lined with neatly scrawling script. Curiosity getting the better of her she finds her way back into the kitchen reading over the fine penmanship fondly.

_ Rey,_

_ Can't thank you enough for last night, I haven't laughed like that in ages - really I'm looking forward to feeling sore tomorrow. (today?)_  
_ Hux neglected to give me your number, just your address. To avoid seeming like a huge creep and just showing up on your doorstep. _  
_ I'll leave you my number. I'd love to see you again soon._

_-Ben_

Rey grins broadly as she holds the note to her chest. She's torn between utter elation and a deepening fear that all this may be just too good to be true. Ben was been referred to her, he is a client, he came to her with the intention of being a client. She can't date him. Did he even want to date her? Seeing her soon could mean so many things.

Quickly she's spiraling down a hole of uncertainty and self-doubt. She needs to shake this gross feeling, likely the wine and concentrate on the positives. She has just had a marvelously lovely evening with a man whom a friend had recommended to her because she is awesome. There, that's all that matters. She can sweat the rest of it out on the mat.

Without further haste Rey hops in the shower, finds herself a clean pair of yoga pants and top, takes care of BB's needs and skips off for the long drive in town. Most people hate the trek but for Rey it's one of the best parts of her day. It's an opportunity to decompress and mull things over. She can listen to music as loud as she wants, sing at the top of her lungs, listen to an audiobook, compile her grocery list, plot world domination. Whatever her heart wishes. When the weather is nice it's amazing, tall trees opening into the valley below as her mountain, which is really more of a large hill, winds down into more populated areas.

There's something oddly surreal about driving into town like she's entering into another world. The countryside around the foothills are sparsely populated but have their own basic conveniences. It's a sort of modern rural suburbia where young families move to escape the doldrum city life. Poe and Finn have been looking at a home in the area. Things are getting serious now that they've been together for almost five years. They're even talking about getting a house plant!

Walking Sky Studio is on the outer edge of the city of Coruscant. It's a sort of stand-alone building made of old brick, one of the last of its kind in the area. All around it larger structures are popping up. Apartment buildings with hip new coffee bars and hair salons on the ground level. But, Luke owned the building and his sister is on the city council so he's been left alone for the most part. Left to bring peace and tranquility to all those who seek out his particular brand of yogi.

Parking is easier at this time of day, Rey finds a spot almost immediately. Come noon this area will be overrun with people who can't parallel park and have a hard time understanding the purpose of a parking meter. She likes morning classes best for the lack of fuss and crazy.

Grabbing her mat from the trunk and locking the doors to her old Honda SUV Rey makes her way inside. The room is dimly lit and smells of sandalwood and something faintly spicy. The aroma immediately makes her think of Ben. Luke is standing at the front of the open space speaking with a tall woman with wavy blondish hair. Rey can't help but notice how the woman stands in partial tree pose as she speaks, both her hands balanced on the same hip crossing her body.

When Luke's eyes fall on Rey he excuses himself from his conversation and makes his way over towards her. Trying to ignore the blatant favoritism shown by their yoga instructor Rey begins laying out her mat preparing herself for the tongue lashing that is sure to come.

"Where have you been lately," Comes Luke's half accusatory speech. He's smiling she notes, something he doesn't do often.

Rey chuckles, "Busy," She answers as Luke's hand finds the back of her arm. He rubs at it lightly in a gesture that to some might misconstrue an invasion of space, maybe even a tad inappropriate. Rey however takes it for what it was, a kindly old man who likes to keep an eye on her doing just that. "I've picked up a few extra clients at home," She isn't really lying, she has been doing more massage from her house as of late.

With a gentle squeeze Luke says, "You better not be working yourself too hard," It's nice to have someone care about her like that. Luke is like a kindly old uncle who likes to give advice, is always there when you need and has an affinity for throwing rocks at kids who walk through his lawn. He has a reputation for being no-nonsense and very straight-laced but Rey has seen him after a couple of glasses of red wine. She knows what he is all about at his core.

"I do have to ask though. Do you work a lot from home?" casting an eye on the clock Luke speaks quickly, "I only ask because I have a nephew who's in desperate need. He was in an accident several months ago and the pain still plagues him. He's trying to get back to work even though Han and Leia hate the idea of it. I know you're busy at work but I thought maybe I'd give him your number…?"

The last of the regulars have strolled in and are setting up their mats leaving Luke with little time for this conversation. He smiles and mouthes 'talk later' as he slips off to the front and settles himself down onto his yoga mat in a cross-legged position.

The class goes by with little incident. Rey focuses on her breathing, shifting into the long-held stretches in languid movements. She has become adept at holding the poses. In Luke's yoga teacher training classes, which Rey had taken before, he was been known for smacking you lightly with a bamboo reed if he felt you were doing something wrong which to him meant unsafe. To avoid getting swatted Rey always made sure she knew what she was doing. From time to time she'd slip out of place to annoy the old hermit but quickly found herself righted again.

She always found peace on the mat, like stretching and engaging her muscles released not only tension but the emotions she's holding onto too deeply. As her mind slips into a blissfully contented place she mulls Luke's words over, he has a nephew who'd suffered an injury. Could it have been a coincidence? Ben had talked about a lot of things, she's now realizing that family wasn't one of them. He avoided the topic in fact, falling quiet or losing himself whenever Rey steered the conversation in that direction.

When class is over, as she rolls up her mat exchanging pleasantries with those around her Luke approaches, "You're holding onto something in your chest," he observes casually, "your core is a mess, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Rey quips lightly, avoiding the pale blue and all-knowing stare that is Luke Skywalker, "I fell asleep in a chair last night that's probably all it is."

Luke eyes her warily, he has the worst habit of seeing what other people don't want him to see. It's hard to fool him when it comes to matters of the emotional and spiritual and that makes him all the more infuriating. Still he's kind and loving and despite his peculiarities, one of the closest things she's ever had to a father figure. "Right…" he seems to chew on the word as he turns with her, walking her to the doorway.

Adjusting her mat under her arm Rey stops mid-stride, "You were saying about a nephew?"

"Yes, Ben." That can't be a coincidence. "He was in a bad accident, he's been trying to get back to work much to Han and Leia's dismay…"

Rey can't help herself, she blurts out, "Ben is Han and Leia's kid?" Of course if Ben is Luke's nephew he would be Han and Leia's kid. Hadn't he already mentioned them when he brought up his nephew the first time? Her mind skips and skitters along half-formed thought patterns. Had Ben known the connection between her and his family from the start? If he did why hadn't he said anything about it? Hux surely would have known. Her list of things to rake him over the coals for is growing at an exponential rate.

Chuckling to himself Luke appears utterly unfazed by the interruption, "Of course Ben is Han and Leia's kid. I only have the one sister. I'm surprised Leia never brought him up before."

Leia is a client of Rey's. She was one of her first clients in fact. They had met when Rey was working for Han at Falcon. She'd liked Leia from the start, she was quick-witted and took no guff from anyone, least of all her brother or husband. She would stop by the office and chat with Rey taking her out for lunch every now and again. Rey had always suspected Finn had let her circumstances slip to Han who could keep nothing from his wife. She didn't mind though, she had become enveloped in their lives and it was comfortable. How then had she never met Ben?

Sure, Leia talked about having a son. He was older she recalled, a few years Poe's junior and Rey could recall Leia talking about how he had gotten himself into trouble. Something she now realized must have started at a young age. There were never any pictures of Ben in Han's office or even in their home.

"He's only been stateside since his accident, he's a Marine," Luke explains as Rey's mind reels, "Takes after Han with his affinity for flying. I've never seen a kid with a mind for machines the way Ben does. She really never mentioned him?"

"She mentioned a son but I never knew his name before now," Rey says distantly, well aware that her smile has faded to something more like a contemplative grimace. Quickly, but not without Luke noticing she grins, "Give him my number sure." she tells him pleasantly.

Nodding sagely Luke reaches out for Rey, taking her by the shoulder, "You sure you're ok?" his tone is soft and filled with paternal concern, "We could go grab a coffee?"

Rey laughs brightly, "I thought you swore off the stuff," she toys, looping her arm up so that her hand rests on Luke's shoulder in a position mirroring his own, "I'd love to but I'm meeting Finn and Poe at Ackbar's in a few minutes. Rein check though?"

Luke nods as Rey broke their contact. She's heading for the door to get her shoes when she stops and turns back. "Thanks… for being concerned." she tossed him a half firmed smirk as she cocks her head to the side. "I found some new trails up by the house," she continues as she tucks her feet into a pair of worn but incredibly comfy sneakers, "There's one that I've been chipping away at it goes straight down to the lake. If you ever want to go up. I don't need to be home." She offers, "Grab BB and take a stroll. You know where I keep the spare. He'd love it."

"Thanks youngling," Luke calls lightly and Rey was off.

She doesn't bother moving her car, the jaunt to Ackbar's isn't a far one. Tucking her mat into her trunk she sets off down the sidewalk. The air is chilly so she's glad she'd pulled on a sweater, her body warm beneath the fabric tingles against the cool air. It's invigorating and just the atmosphere she needs to clear her head of all it's bubbling thoughts.

Poe and Finn are already there and seated Rey is pleased to find as she wanders past one of Ackbar's large picture windows. Junior always opened early for the morning crowd. What was the point in having a coffee house if you weren't open when people most needed coffee? Poe and Finn Are settled into a table close to the back window at a table drawn for four she notices. They are talking happily when Finn's eyes find her and he rises to his feet.

"Peanut!" he chimes as Poe slides his chair back casually, swooping in for a hug after Finn has gotten his fill. "How was yoga?"

"Enlightening," Rey offers up as she slides into the seat adjacent to the window, "We waiting on someone else?"

It's Poe who responds, "Hux is joining us," he tells her with a knowing raise of his brow. Poe has an easy smile and a thick head of dark hair. He always looks like he needs to shave, a fact for which Finn teases him about mercilessly. He's older than them by more years then he'll ever admit but it makes him easy conversation and a fast ally when one is needed. At this moment, his hair is swept back off his face in a way that reminds Rey of a certain Marine she can't keep out of her head.

Rey chuckles as she waves to Junior, "Oh good, I need to have a word with him." she says with casual ease, crossing her legs as she settles herself in for what promised to be an interesting breakfast.

Finn is nursing his coffee the way some might a lover, holding it in front of his face so that the coiling tendrils of sweet aromatic java waft over him. Rey is sure this isn't his first cup, maybe not even his second. Not with the tender care he takes sipping at the dark liquid, black and sharp the way Finn likes it. "So…" he edges eagerly, "How was last night?"

She's sure Poe has kicked Finn under the table, as Finn jolts back in his seat slightly. Finn is undeterred, however, his dark eyes alight with mischievous curiosity. "Great," comes her easy answer, careful not to give too much away until Hux arrives, "We talked, had coco, I don't know what time he left but he's lovely."

"How is it Hux has this mystery friend none of us have met let alone heard about before?" Poe asks, crossing his arms loosely against his chest.

"Oh, you may have," Rey replies cryptically, grin broadening as Junior approaches with a steaming pot of coffee held out in offering. "Hey, Junior!"

Junior is a tall man with a broad face and big eyes. He inherited the restaurant from his father when his father decided to go into politics at random. The Admiral they all use to call him fondly had long since passed but Junior keeps the place just as it always had been. A staple in a time when things were quick to change. "Coffee Rey?" he asks with a smile his voice lilting with the faintest of accents that Rey has always found hard to place.

"No thanks, I'd love a water and maybe a tea?"

"I have some night oolong in from the coast?" Junior offers. Rey loves that he is always trying to keep things fresh without changing the basics.

"Perfect" she chimes as Junior ducks away swerving around a tall, lanky redhead who is making a quick approach.

Hux, as always is dressed in his typical black ensemble of black trousers, a black v-neck sweater, and a black blazer worn over top. It always sort of struck Rey as a little odd that he was so averse to color. The constant lack of which makes him look washed out, like some pasty high-school kid. "Hello," he calls, his voice light but thickly accented as he takes the seat opposite Rey with a smug smirk, "Good night last night?" He quips lightly, and Rey kicks at him, hard. The soft toe of her worn sneakers providing little protection from the impact of the assault but it feels good when she hits him square in the shin. "Jesus, what was that for?!" He cries, rubbing at the offended limb.

"You. Are. A. Prat!" She bites through clenched teeth and a hidden smile of her own.

Hux has the audacity to look affronted and confused while Poe and Finn just looked curiously amused. "What, Ben said it was a lovely evening!" he cries defensively.

"Oooooh, Ben…" Poe mocks childishly. Despite being the oldest he can also be the most infuriating. It may also be that he feels bad for introducing or more or less pushing Rey in Snap's direction leading her down the path of endless ghosting.

Rey takes a backhanded but playful swing in Poe's direction as he laughs, raising his hands in his defense. She stares him down a moment before she says with deliberate slowness, "Yes, Ben…" quite pointedly adding with a certain degree of pleasure at that, "Ben Solo." Her eyes fall to Hux appraising his reaction. Unsurprisingly it's one to utter smugness, Finn and Poe on the other hand share matching looks of shock and awe. They look to one another, then to Hux before their attention falls to Rey, "Yeah… I didn't find that part out until this morning," she mutters, keeping her eyes trained on Hux.

It isn't Hux who responds first however, it's Poe, uttering a mindful, "Shit…" softly as he worries at his stubbled covered jaw with his hand.

Still Hux looks utterly nonplussed, as though he has no idea the significance the name Solo might bring to the table, "What?" he answers with a hapless shrug, "He's a friend."

"I know you're not stupid Hux," Poe bites out rather seriously, "You know exactly what you did. How is it you're friends with him and none of us knew anyway?"

With a casual shrug of his shoulders, Hux crosses his legs, resting folded palms easily against his bent knee, "No one asked I suppose,"

Poe looks like he might snap, instead, Finn asks, "You never through the fact that you were mates with our bosses son was worth mentioning?" He slumps back against his chair crossing his arms to his chest. Finn isn't one to look intimidating, no matter how hard he tries. He does however do a damn good job looking annoyed.

Rey feels oddly vilified in her annoyance as she watches her best friend's reaction. Poe seems a little more irritated then she may have anticipated though, he's practically radiating a need to wrap his hands around Hux's throat.

Thankfully Junior takes that moment to return with her water, a cup of oolong and a pot of coffee ready to pour for Hux. The redhead accepts the warm liquid happily when Poe raises his hand, "I'm sorry, How?" he bursts out.

There's a pregnant pause at the table, even Junior seems to still. Poe isn't just annoyed she realizes, he's properly pissed off. Rey thanks Junior, stirring him from his mindful attentiveness. Their server gives her an apologetic smile and indicates he'd be back in a little bit to take their orders, clearly very happy to escape their table and the mounting dark cloud that's surrounding them.

When Hux doesn't answer the question, Poe simply stares him down, his dark eyes growing larger as he mentally urges Hux on. Whether he's being coy or truly doesn't understand the question Rey knows they aren't going to get the answer they want from Armitage. He's smart enough to know when not to bait Poe despite his obvious love of stirring the pot. "Oh Jesus, Armitage it's not a big deal." Rey pipes in after a moment, "They did community service together ages ago."

Hux has the decency this time to look mildly ashamed or perhaps he's annoyed. She knows he hates when people called him by his first name and to her knowledge she's the only one who does so now. "Ah, Yes he told you that did he?" Hux asks as Finn takes a swat at his shoulder.

"Noooo," He all but giggles, "Noooo…." Rey isn't sure she could have given Finn a better gift at that moment. The fact that she has also taken some of the wind out of Hux's sails is a mere bonus. Finn is laughing now, both his large hands covering his mouth as he chortles into them, eyes alight as he tries to hide his growing mirth.

It's only funny because Hux is so straight-laced and proper ninety-eight percent of the time. Poe however does not look amused or even surprised in the least. He rolls his eyes as he rubs a hand down the back of his neck. "Figured," he mutters to himself as he makes to adjust himself in his chair.

You don't need to be Luke Skywalker to pick up on Poe's agitation. He's never exactly been known for being calm, cool, and collected but Poe is looking absolutely murderous. He's never been overly close with their ginger friend and truth be told Rey isn't convinced they would even be friends if it weren't for her or Finn. They're too different and not in a way that opposites attract. It's more in a way that oil and water simply won't mix. She chances Poe's ire with a soft questioning, "Do you know Ben?" her tone easy, "I mean you've been with Han the longest. You're kind of like a son to he and Leia."

The mention of his relationship with the Solo family brings a sad sort of smile to Poe's lips. Finn has reached out across the table and taken his partner's hand which Poe accepts with a fondness often only awarded to Finn. "Yeah…" he says slowly, leveling his stare on Rey, his smile is half worn but quickly turns to a grimace as he takes to glaring at Hux, "I mean not well, obviously." He gives Finn's hand a light squeeze before he starts to itch at the back of his neck, adding hastily, "Look, he's probably changed a lot since I knew him. I'm sure he's a nice guy."

"He's a Marine now," Hux tells them softly, evidently picking up on the need to share something that wasn't useless information or baiting irritation. His smug grin is gone as he leans forward to add a creamer and some sugar to his coffee before giving it a sharp stir.

Poe doesn't look impressed with this new-found knowledge or maybe he's known all along. He'd known Ben at some point so it's not outside of the realm of possibility for him to have known that Ben had gone off and joined the Marines. "Yeah, good, I mean." he's trying to calm himself, looking at no one in particular as he busies himself with his coffee, toying with the edge of his napkin, adjusting the angle of his fork, anything at all. "It's not my story to tell," he finally says, speaking to the whole group but Rey knew his words are directed at her.

"Then don't," is Hux's reply, muttering irritably as he levels Poe with a poignant glare. He's a great many things, their Armitage but at the core of all his idiosyncrasies Hux is loyal to a fault. Ben must have done something pretty grand in order to have earned such a strong degree of friendly devotion. Even when it's present, Hux doesn't like to make his affection for others' common knowledge. He often hides behind manipulative games, never outright stating his intent but allowing it to be known in other ways.

"You can't honestly think it's a good idea for her to go into this blind either," Poe pushes.

Hux however pushes back, "Let him tell her on his own."

With an exasperated sigh Rey lets out a groan of irritation, "You're acting like I'm going to date the guy. You," she points at Hux who is taking a slow drink of his coffee, "referred him to me. I treated him. He's a client."

Unbothered by Rey's words Hux responds with a pointed finger in her direction, "You, Then invited him for supper, a soak in your hot tub and made him coco." he quirks a challenging brow, "Ben didn't get in until closer to three am." His knowledge of their evening is more in-depth then Rey would have expected. Hux is obviously a lot closer to Ben then she had originally thought.

Wait, "How do you know when he got in?" she asks curiously, gesturing towards Hux with a playful bite which makes him quickly drop his finger.

He's obviously given away far more information then he intended to as he settles back against his chair calmly. "Oh…" He's avoiding Poe now, focusing intently on Rey who's oolong she realizes is growing cold. "I've been staying in Ben's apartment for years now." He answers as if it were nothing, "I'd say we're roommates but he'd rarely ever stateside. He was training in Bespin when the accident happened. He was too injured for them to move him so they kept him there for months worried about what the travel would do for his recovery." There's a sigh and Hux takes a long drink from his mug. He almost seems defeated when he turns his look to Poe. "We all have a past." he levels seriously, "Some darker than others but that doesn't mean we can't rise above it."

Poe looks like he's going to respond but it's Finn, unable to hold in his questions any longer who speaks, "What did you Do?" His dark eyes are broad, like a child about to be told a tale of adventure and danger.

"Finn…" Rey admonishes softly.

Hux however seems resigned to follow along his newfound track of honesty. "I'll tell you once and then it never comes up again," He runs a hand through his hair sweeping it off his forehead in a way that reminds Rey of Ben. "I stole my father's car…"

They all wait for the rest of the story, surely it couldn't just have been that. Hux the golden child, the man who strives to be the best at everything he does and doesn't stop until he's accomplished it. Upon realizing the others aren't content with just that Armitage lets out a sigh, shaking his head with a roll of his eyes, "Look, I have a complicated relationship with my father." his voice drops along with a level of his arrogance, "I may have tried to use said car to run him over."

Finn grows bug-eyed crying, "No!"

The dark-haired Poe however mutters something that sounds like, "No wonder you two are friends."

It's Hux's turn to look agitated, turning his cool stare upon Poe challengingly. "Don't," He bites out.

Things spiral quickly and Rey is becoming very unsettled with the direction this is taking. Poe can't seem to settle or maybe he isn't even trying. It's hard to tell with him sometimes. Hux has just admitted something that clearly makes him very uncomfortable and Poe can't give him the credit he's due.

She's about to call him out on it when Poe explodes, "You know what, No!" he cries, ignoring the way Finn says his name desperate for him to stop, "I get the whole redemption thing, I do and maybe he deserves forgiveness but what I don't get Hux is how you can let your friend, enter into any kind of relationship with a man who has a history like Ben Solo."

Hux has never one for confrontation, he likes things easy and has a mind for getting himself out of situations that make him uncomfortable. He's a thinker, a fixer, a problem solver and makes his job being indispensable to those who employe him. At this moment however, Hux looks like he might match Poe's need for a physical altercation. He pulls at his lapels trying to settle himself as he places a hand against the table, pale knuckles bent, "We aren't doing this," he seethes.

Poe simply pushes forward, "Oh no, I think we are," he bites out, "If you're not going to think of Rey, I am."

"Were you thinking of Rey when you pushed that arrogate fool of a pilot Snap Wexley in her direction?" Hux raises a brow challengingly, "Tell me how that went."

Finn shakes his head uttering softly, "Don't do this, guys."

"Snap may be arrogant but at least he hasn't tried to kill anyone. He's not a drug addict." Poe would have continued but Rey slapped him and hard across the face.

She's sure where it came from but the need to defend Ben who wasn't here to do so himself radiates through her. Her body thrums with hostile agitation, the morning's yoga class and all its blessed serenity a moot point now. Everyone is silent, Hux looking furious while Poe blinks wide-eyed.

"The two of you stop it now," Rey seethes, "I get you're concerned," she begins, stalling as Poe makes to say something, "No, my turn." her voice is deathly still and quiet. She's desperate to get the eyes of the other patrons off them and settle into a quiet happy breakfast with her friends. "What is this? You don't get to be someone's judge, jury and executioner. No. I appreciate the concern but I'm not a child." Hux looks smug before Rey turns her ire on him, "And you, I don't even know where to start. I can't help but feel this was some misguided attempt at pushing two people together without either of them knowing." Smugness gone, Rey has hit the mark, "I'm so sick of all of this bullshit, you guys act like I can't do anything on my own or like I need a man."

She slides her chair back harshly, "What I need is for you all to fuck off and give me a chance to live my own life. I also need to Pee." she told them harshly, "Order me an eggs Benny with asparagus when Junior comes back and this ends now!"

There's too much to process, Rey's body hums as she walked away. She just needs a reprieve from the drama. This is why she chose to live on the side of a mountain in the middle of the woods, far away from anyone.


	6. Chapter 6

_Well this was suppose to be an exercise in controlling my words but it turns out I fail at that completely. This chapter is slightly engorged, I apologize but I hope you enjoy. Thanks for all the lovely reviews my beauties, I appreciate it ever so much. If you see anything or feel anything is out of place or the text is off or maybe characterization is sluggish or funny please let me know. I love feed back and constructive criticism as it helps improve the writing. Cheers darlings xo_

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After the events of breakfast, Rey's next two days off are spent enjoying quality me time. She reads a book, she cleans the guest room, she clears some of the trails that she and BB have been chipping away at. She even contemplates pulling out her holiday decorations but the thought is fleeting. Wine and a movie is a much better alternative. Most importantly she's left her cellphone turned off for the entire forty-eight hours. Tired of the nagging, the unwarranted guidance, and the drama she's determined to enjoy her time off the grid. She still has a home phone if anyone really needed her but as no one has called her, it's safe to say her message has been received loud and clear.

At the end of the two days, she's only thought about Ben maybe seventeen times. The majority of those times she feels she can blame on the wine. No, she'll definitely be blaming it on the wine. When the end of her social hiatus hits she feels almost normal again. Ready to take on the world. Well, maybe not the world exactly, but she's ready to get back to work

Deciding to go to bed early Rey turns her phone on and watches as the small icon illuminates the otherwise dark screen. Apparently cranky at being left off for a whole two days the small electronic device lags taking its time encouraging Rey to set to her nightly routine. Throwing her phone onto her bed she finds herself before the large brightly let mirror in her ensuite. Large luminous brown eyes stare back at her reminding her what a few good nights sleep can do for one's complexion and sanity.

She pulls her hair back, washes her face with deliberate slowness then brushes her teeth before padding back to climb into her bed happily. Her soul sings with self-gratification and tranquility as BB climbs into bed next to her doing his trademark half turn with a flop accented by the slight beating to his tail. It always made her laugh like he's trying to expel the last vestiges of energy from his body in order the achieve optimum relaxation.

Rey's about to pull out her book when she remembers her phone. She doesn't really want to check her messages but she does need to check her schedule for the next day. That need outweighs her temporary self imposed social exile.

Of course, there are close to twenty-two messages and a hand full of voice mails. She tells herself none of them could be that important, no one bothered to reach out to her at home. The reality of it makes her feel better as she begins idly leafing through the texts.

Poe, Finn, Finn, Finn, Hux, Snap, Snap, Poe… She rolls her eyes before noticing one from a number that isn't saved to her contacts. It's familiar but only in that, she's pretty sure she's seen it somewhere before. Pulling her heavy duvet up and over her legs Rey settles into her bed, resting back against her pillows like a princess propped up on her grand mattress. She picks up her book, ready to sink into its pages when it hits her.

_Ben._

Groping for her phone with renewed intent she picks over the text messages to find the one left by the random number.

_ Hey, Hux gave me your number, I feel like a creep. I haven't heard from you, should I take that as a sign? I'd be remiss if _  
_ I didn't at least try. So, this is me trying. Give me a call sometime? If not I'll take the hint. Oh this is Ben._

So Hux had pushed Ben to reach out to her. There's no mention of their conversation or the allegations laid against Ben by her friends. There's no hint of shame or any indication at all really that Ben is aware of just how much Rey has been told about his life by someone who wasn't him.

Immediately she feels guilty. It wasn't fair to judge him based on here-say. He deserved a chance to tell his story on his own didn't he? Or maybe she was just making excuses so that she might feel better about wanting to see him again.

Without realizing what she's doing Rey hits call and Ben's number comes up on her screen as dialing. Her heartbeat flutters against her chest as she brings the pice to her ear and places a delicate hand against her throat. Worrying her fingertips against the notch of her sternum, her jugular notch she notes happily as she waits.

One ring, two rings. Her heartbeat echos in her ears loud and brilliant. She's ready to hang up on the third ring out of sheer panic when a voice breaks through on the other end, "Hello?"

Rey stills, her fingers against her lips as she sits in stunned silence. "Hello?" the deep voice comes again, a little stronger this time, not annoyed but definitely no-nonsense.

"H-Hey, Ben?" There's a blush creeping into her cheeks heating up her face as it travels. She sounds like a little kid talking to her crush and she hates that.

There's a sound on the other end of something shifting, maybe footsteps falling short. She's not sure but it sounds like he was moving around and stopped when she finally decides to speak, "Rey?" he asks softly. She can hear Hux's voice not exact words but a mumbling of his voice as he talks to Ben and the two sit in silence a moment before Rey realizes it's now her turn to speak. That's how conversations work

"Yeah, sorry, Yes. It's me. Sorry, I didn't get back to you I had my phone off the last few days."

Ben's words fall slow and even, "Everything ok?"

Realizing how that likely came across, Rey quickly says, "Oh yeah, just needed a break from the world. You know. Quiet me time."

A door shuts in the background and she can hear music playing. Something with a steady, strong, and easy bass and guitar beat. "Are you listening to Tom Petty?" she asks with a grin.

"Shit sorry, can you hear that?" Ben seems to turn down his music and Rey giggles.

"Are you a Heart Breakers fan?" she teases and on the other end she can hear Ben laugh softly, a slight rapid exhalation of air that makes Rey's grin broaden.

"Yeah, I blame my mum."

Again that awkward silence overtakes them. Why had she called him if she was just going to sit there and not say anything?

_Speak Ray_!

"You doing ok there kid?" he asks with a soft lilt, she can picture him worrying his hand through his hair as he pushes it back off his forehead. Maybe he's doing that sort of half-laugh half-smile that makes his lips look so utterly kissable.

Hux is there again in the background and there's a muffling, like a hand over the phone as she can hear is Ben's low baritone rumbling, pulling her from her daydream. She definitely doesn't need to be thinking about his lips, "Yeah, no yeah I'm good, really. I just turned my phone on and noticed you'd texted me."

Ben chuckles, "Two days ago, no big deal. I was starting to think maybe I was too forward."

Rey exhales through her teeth, the air sounding a little like the soft hissing of a kettle, "No, no," she runs her hand through BB's fur as her large furry companion edges a little closer. "I was just feeling a little overwhelmed with the world really…"

"Ahhh," he sounds as though he might understand, "Hux said you might need a bit of a break from people."

Hux said that, had he? Clever Hux. Still pulling the strings from the background despite her warning to leave well enough alone.

Was it a bad thing though? He gave Ben her number which she's not exactly upset about. She likes that she doesn't have to think about whether or not she should send him a message. There's none of that feeling like a hapless teenage girl with a crush. At least, it's dulled to a soft roar now that they're actually speaking. "It happens sometimes, back to work tomorrow though," she tells him wistfully. That part she doesn't mind, she enjoys her job, her employer, her place of employment. Work, like her home, is a safe place. Things make sense there, there is a goal to achieve and a time frame to do it in. People are happy to see her and felt better when they leave. What could be better than that?

"Working tomorrow huh?"

Listening to Ben's voice, Rey snuggles into bed curling up on her side so that she's curled around BB. She shifts her hips until they're comfortable and she and Ben fall into an easy conversation. Ben is quiet but talks quite a bit once he really gets going. He tells her about how Tom Petty was his first concern and how his father had forced him to a Clapton concert when he was sick with the flu. He told her about the first bike he ever rebuilt, and the first time he knew he loved to fly. They talk and talk the way old friends do, sharing pieces of their lives in snippets and flashes. They laugh, then they yawn and by the time the conversation is over Rey is agreeing to meet him the next day after work for coffee or possible dinner. He even promises to pick her up on his motorcycle after she expresses an interest in his sleek two-wheeled ride.

They stay on the phone until Rey has a hard time keeping her eyes open and even then a little after that. When sleep finally overtakes her Rey's heart sings with brilliant, affectionate warmth and she can't wait until work is over tomorrow.

Her work is further into the city then Walking Sky Studio. The drive is obnoxious but only because of the plethora of one-way streets and odd turns that seem to plague the up and coming tree-lined boulevards. It's filled with unique older homes, artisan boutiques and cozy little eateries boasting a mix of handmade delicacies. Parking is an absolute nightmare, the streets are littered with parking meters and two-hour spots leaving those who work in the area to fend for themselves on parameter streets. Rey's boss Amilyn Holdo lives close by and it's always a safe bet Rey can find parking near her older townhouse just a few blocks away.

Holdo is a brilliant woman with an eye for business that keeps her spa up and coming. She's always making changes, bringing in new services or products and is incredibly open to suggestions made by her staff. Rey was hired straight out of school and can't imagine working anywhere else. As an added bonus Amilyn has a love for BB that enables Rey to take him into work with her. He can usually be found sleeping in the office or curled up on a bed in Rey's treatment space, clients comfort provided of course.

BB has a bow tie he wears when 'on duty' with a vest that says '_Pet me, I'm a therapy dog'_. It's one of the ways they're able to swing having him in the building. There were some health and safety regulations but Holdo was quick to find a way around it for the sake of puppy snuggles.

The first thing Rey does when she gets through the door is greet Jannah, their receptionist with a broad grin. The girl's brilliant hair is a dark cloud that falls around her in springy halo of frizzy locks. She has a beautiful full mouth and strong cheekbones with the most wondrous round dark eyes. Jannah has always been quick to smile and has the be one of the most helpful people Rey has ever worked with. "Pulled your files for you Rey," she calls with a bright smile showing off her slightly gaped, too-white teeth.

Rey approaches the tall reception desk, BB in tow walking on his leash which he has to wear for show. The incredible mutt wags his tail as he approaches with a grin setting his head in Jannah's lap. "You're a godsend, you know that?" Rey says as she moves around the desk and kisses their computer wiz extraordinaire on the forehead. They have been trying to go paperless, uploading all their notes and client files onto their own private server. It's convenient but Rey was a creature of habit and likes having her files on hand. It means doing twice the work but the only person she's really bothering is herself. The files need to be kept for several years anyway.

As Rey swings around she takes a peek at her schedule. The day is broken into individuals ordered by way of occupation. The first few are aesthetics, then the next few the massage therapists, finally in a row that amounts the same as both aesthetics and Massage combined is the hairstylists. Services are color-coordinated to keep things neat and concise. Amilyn loves order and Rey finds it unbelievably helpful to always know where people are going to be. Not that it matters much to her, she has a room that she works out of and very rarely ever deviates.

Amilyn's office and the lunchroom are located parallel to one another. Her office door is almost always open particularly when she's around. She likes her staff to feel like they can approach her at any given time. On her way to drop off her lunch and her purse, Rey pops her head in to give a quick hello.

Amilyn Holdo is a tall, thin, powerhouse of a woman. She has incredible blue eyes that offset the marvelous richly colored hair that is often changing. The last two weeks it has been a magnificent shade of mauve. She has a strong pointed nose, well-defined cheekbones and always wears a wild assortment of jewelry. No one can really guess how old their employer is so the answer they often go with is, ageless.

"Rey," Holdo calls with a soft sweet smile, "Enjoy your time off?" she asks kindly as BB makes his approach, resting his head now on Amilyn's well-tailored pants suit lap. Holdo's smile grows as she bathes BB in attention. The dogs large head lolling from side to side as she scratches at his jowls.

"Yeah it was nice, good to get some quiet in but I'm happy to be back to work." she tells her boss cheerily, "I wanted to ask a favor if I could, would you be able to take BB for a bit after I'm off? Or, can he hang out in the office? I have somethings to do after work and I don't think they're dog friendly."

Amilyn raises a well-manicured brow casting a '_do tell_' look in Rey's direction. "Snap?" she questions in a mildly gossipy way. She's often teasing Rey for her odd ability to draw in the most interesting and attractive sort. She has always had a particular fancy for Poe. Often teasing him in a strangely flirtatious and sometimes inappropriate manner.

"No," it's hard to hide her agitation but with a soft smile she says, "A friend is taking me out for a bit."

Amilyn Holdo has far too much class to lower herself to Poe and Finn's level of teasing. Instead she gives a look that says more, '_be careful, be smart_' then '_what's his shoe size_' as she nods in acquiescence. "Sure leave him here, I have some work to do so I'll be here late but if you're not back when I'm done I'll just take him home with me."

"Perfect I'm parked two doors down from you so that will work well. Thank you so much."

Holdo waves off the gesture easily as she rocks back in her chair, folding her hands against her stomach casually, "Did Jannah tell you she was able to fit Leia in?"

Rey is moving towards the lunchroom when she realizes her boss isn't finished with her. But it only takes a second to register the name, Leia before she puts two and two together and realizes what Amilyn is talking about. "From when she had to reschedule a few weeks ago you mean?"

Nodding, Holdo stand, her pantsuit bottoms are black, wide-legged, flowing and now covered in BB hair. They rise up high against her middle where a bright white silk blouse sits tucked in. The neck rises high into an attached scarf which Amilyn has knotted in a loose, floppy bow. She's barefoot Rey quickly realizes, her toes neatly done in a fresh pedicure. "She'd been trying to get in with you for a while now, We had some clients shift around a bit and were able to get Leia in at the end of your day for ninety minutes. Just a heads up because your day is going to look quite different. I had to move your break up a bit to make it work.'

Rey gives a friendly shrug, Amilyn knows Rey has always been flexible with her schedule and in turn Holdo never asks for too much. Quickly Rey deposits her things in her locker and pulls out BB's work bowtie and vest. Trying not to dwell too hard on the fact that her last client is in fact the mother of the man who is coming to pick her up from work.

The main level of the spa is where clients enter and mill about. There is product to look and a lovely seating area behind a door just across from reception. To the back is the hair studio lit by bright open windows overlooking the more rural looking streets. It's bright and open with a sort of modern industrial feeling to it. The colors are done in white and dark chromes with accents of purple and blue. The second floor opens onto a small balcony overlooking the entryway There's a large water cooler, an assortment of glasses, with a dark velvety couch and several armchairs. Beyond the balcony is a wall of frosted glass that looks like ice etched into marble and a door that reads _'treatments in session_'

That realm is Rey's home away from home. A hallway with a series of doors lining its corridor. It's brightly lit by several windows at the end that gave a spectacular view of one of the prettiest boulevards in the area. The townhouses are well taken care of and lined with beautiful tall trees. Their leafy greenery affords the wall of privacy while painting a lovely picture of the world beyond. Rey's room is the one to the far end. Its high ceilings are lined with spectacular windows framed in thick black curtains with silver swirls and pearl work embroidered into the bottom. It's large for its purpose, boasting a rustic french settee for client comfort. The worn stylized wood is white with silver embellishments instead of woodgrain. It's plush and cream-colored done in plain cotton with pillows of deep blue to match the navy of her walls. The counters are a white marbled surface decorated with random knickknacks. Gifts from her clients over the years. There's crystallized kyber from Jedha, a statue of the Bendu from Atollon, as well as a wooden carving of a loth-wolf from Lothal to name a few. Of course BB's bed is in the corner near the heater and under a window where he can snooze out of the way.

After depositing her belongings and gathering her files Rey wanders back to the front desk. Jannah, who has just finished dealing with a rather irate client whose appointment was mixed up looks up with a wary smile. "I think I need a drink after work, you fancy a go?" she asks ruefully.

It's hard to hide the grin that spreads like wildfire across her lips but Rey can already feel the blush setting in. "I uh… Can't," she tells her friend as she worries at the side of her bottom lip with her teeth.

Jannah is friends with Finn and while she understands the need for privacy in most matters she doesn't always favor it. She isn't a gossip per say, just overzealous with her knowledge in the kind of friendly way that leads her to speak before she really thinks things through. She has a big heart though and Rey is sure she is positively glowing at this point so there's no real hiding it from her coworker and friend.

"Oh?" Jannah's dark eyes positively glitter with unbridled enthusiasm. She leans forward, elbow resting against the desk as she props her jaw up encouraging Rey to continue.

"I have plans," Rey replies with a confident grin while BB whines, begging to be included in the interaction.

Jannah's eyes quickly divert from Rey's giddy grin to BB's floppy-eared smile as she bolts forward. Her rolling chair clatters against the hardwood floor as her hands ruffle BB's ears and itched down his neck, shoulders and torso in an eager scratching motion. BB, always the attention-whore laps it all up happily as both women laugh "Actually, he's picking me up from work, you here late today?"

"Yeah," Jannah says through vigorous puppy scratches, "Kaydel called in sick again so I'm manning the front until close." When Rey furrows a brow curiously Jannah adds, "Astrid is out of town visiting her family, her mum's sick, like real sick so she can't come in. I think Rose's sister Paige is getting hired though so that'll take some pressure off."

"I hope Kaydel's ok…" Rey muses as Jannah rolled her eyes.

"Look, I love that you give everyone the benefit of the doubt, it's sweet but how many times has she dicked up your day or left me in the lurch?" Ever the pragmatist, Jannah raises her hands in mock defense, "I love the girl I do but she's got to get her life together."

Rey can't argue there, they are too busy and the front desk is their first line of defense. They keep the whole place running. Serving clients and maintaining order through scheduling and a keen eye for detail. Rey helps out where she can but at the end of the day she's pretty content to hide away in her sacred space and do what she knows best.

With a soft squeeze to Jannah's shoulder Rey ascends the stairs and disappears beyond the frosted glass threshold, her files held against her chest. The hallway ahead was blessedly quiet. When she enters her room she does a quick surveying of its contents. Someone has been kind enough to stock her up for the day, her sheets and face covers full and ready. _Wondrous Jannah_, Rey thinks as BB takes up his mantle on his plush dog bed settling in a huff before he quickly starts to snooze. Rey raises her table and throws her client files down. She organizes, makes notes where its due and gets paperwork ready for that day, dating and signing each treatment form carefully.

When her eyes fell on Leia's file Rey's heartbeat gives a slight jump. With a quick glance to the clock Rey makes note of the time before delving into Leia's file. She pours over notes made on treatments done years in the past. Small things left in margins about life events and other small tidbits of information that may at some point have been pertinent in some way shape or form. She likes to be able to remember things clients have told her so she can inquire about it in the future. With Leia there was an excessive amount of professional information but very little personal. She knows the Senator so well outside of work it's not as hard to remember the extras. Still, there are no notes on a son, nothing mentioned about her worry for his safety or that he was a Marine.

With a deep body stretch, arms reaching wide over her head Rey sets to the task of organizing her day, her thoughts and her paperwork before skipping down the stairs to grab her first client. BB stays with her most to the time, all of her clients are regulars and huge BB fans so he's a welcome addition to the treatment space. He ducks away for a quick bite and some love from Amilyn about midday but is quickly back on his bed in Rey's room snoozing away when it comes time to go and get Leia.

She greets Rey with a warm smile and a hug, the way she often does. She's a woman of small size and mighty stature and her hugs like her handshakes are a damn good reminder of just that. BB rubs up against her legs as she returns the affection with a gentle pat on the head and a sweetly admonishing, "Hello BB," before she turns a kind broad smile on Rey, "I don't know what you did to make this happen but thank you," she says as they make their way back to Rey's treatment space.

Rey has always had a deep fondness for Leia Organa. She's a kind woman with a mischievous smile and a head for politics, unlike anything Rey has seen before. Leia always thinks three steps ahead of everyone else with contingencies in place that make you wonder if she might not be sort of psychic. She welcomes everyone with open arms, always has time for a chat, preferably over a glass of merlot and always, always rises to any challenge placed before her. She is also one giant ball of tension and one of Rey's absolute favorite people.

With Leia on the table they chat amiably about a variety of differing topics. Leia asks after Luke, saying she really has to get a hold of him soon. It's always the same thing with them, they never saw each other, both far too busy in their own lives. It always happens, without fail though, whenever something is a miss and one needs the other, they're there without needing a call. As twins they have this bizarre otherworldly connection that is both amazing and incredibly scary. Rey often wonders if that's what it was like to have a sibling After getting to know Luke and Leia though it became evident that what they shared was something beyond familial bonds.

The conversation drifts to Han and how he misses Rey. There's an invitation to dinner as there always is with Rey promising to stop in soon. Leia asks about _'the boys'_ meaning Poe and Finn, and then about her love life. She isn't shocked to hear that Snap has ghosted her yet again though she seems quite proud that Rey didn't allow herself to get baited by his foolishness when he sought her forgiveness. Then, Leia says something that almost makes Rey's hands still.

She's pushing her hands down along Leia's spine when the smaller woman says, "I've told you about my son right?"

Rey swoops her palms up against Leia's pelvis rocking it back and forth slightly before pivoting onto her knuckles. She drags the half-formed first along the pelvic crest, flushing away with her other hand as her chest gives a slight flutter. "A few times, nothing major though," Rey says by way of reply, trying to keep her hands steady as she sweeps flushing strokes along and away from the column of spine before her.

Leia exhales harshly, whether from the pressure of Rey's hands or frustration over her son Rey can't be sure. She lightens up as she rounds the scapula anyway, using her fingers to pry in against the bone and the soft muscle that is held it there. She works her fingers back and forth in a steady rhythm as Leia continues, "He's a Marine." she tells Rey as she toys with one of the rings on her left hand. "He was injured, badly too, though I don't think he wants to admit it."

This story is starting to become a radio classic. She isn't sure now how many times she's been told it, maybe four, possibly five. What it really indicates however is the deep web of interconnected drama Rey has firmly settled herself into.

"He's home now, he hasn't been home in… well I can't really remember to be honest," Rey allows Leia to continue, she's curious but doesn't want to ask too many questions. It doesn't seem fair since Leia doesn't know about Rey's connection to Ben and Rey isn't sure whether or not she should say something.

She should right? She owes the woman honesty beyond all else.

Before Leia can continue Rey makes the snap decision. Yes, she has to say something, "Uh, Leia, I'm going to stop you there," Rey says as her rhythm slows and she works against the woman traps with her fingertips in persistent vicious little circles. "I've met Ben."

Lifting her head up quickly, Leia turns it to the side, resting her cheek against the plush headrest. Her face is puffy and lined with creases from the head linens, eyes clouded with the flush of massage but intent all the same, "You've met Ben?" Her voice is clear, unmuffled by the pillow.

"Yeah, my friend Hux. Do you know Armitage Hux?" Rey asks.

Leia makes a noise that tells Rey Leia is more than familiar with her redheaded friend before saying, "Ohhhh yes, Brendol's boy. He's been staying in Ben's place for the past few years."

Rey nods though Leia can't really see, "Hux thought I could help with his headaches."

"They're more than just headaches!" Leia bites out quickly, startling Rey as she shifts to flush down Leia's back with a few more strokes before grabbing for a hot towel. "I'm sorry dear," Leia finally says with a sigh. Rey has the sheets aloft encouraging Leia to roll over onto her back, slide down the table as Rey settles in. She cups the Senator's head in her palm as she rocks it to the side and starts to lightly strip and flush along the cord of muscles exposed at her neck. "Ben was told he has severe neurological damage which they haven't been able to determine the extent of."

"Leia…" Rey begins softly, "I don't know that…"

Quickly Leia stops her, "No, he won't tell you these things. I'm telling you this as my friend and if nothing else as my therapist."

"Massage therapist," Rey corrects.

Leia smiles, "My dear one, I don't want him making you think you can fix him. Lord knows I know you'll try."

And she would. It's easy to forget when the roles are reversed how well Leia knows the truths of Rey's soul. She's known Rey longer than most people have and has loved her like a daughter from the very beginning. "He's a kind man…" Rey says finally, hoping to ease Leia's mounting anxiety.

"Well for that I'm glad, he hasn't always been that way." Allowing her head to be moved from side to side, Leia falls into a stunted sort of silence. Her eyes are open though, Rey notices and hold the look of a woman deep in thought. When Rey returns her head to midline, digging her fingertips into the suboccipital region of Leia's head, she looks up, brown eyes lined with concern and something else. Something slightly unreadable. Whether from the angle or the intent, Rey can't tell, "Be careful with him." She speaks quickly yet earnestly, "I want to believe he's changed, I do. I want to believe he is the good man I know he can be but there's a lot of water under that bridge. He was in the dark for a long time. I won't say more than that."

Can Leia see the budding affection Rey harbors for her son or is this a casual warning?

So far Poe has alluded to some rather nefarious life choices littering Ben's past and now Leia is warning her too. For a mother to say such things about her own son… Rey stills, her chest growing heavy and the joy melting from her face for only a millisecond before she schools herself into cheerful neutrality.

The shift in the energy of the room however is palpable, "You've more then met Ben then…?" she asks softly, no accusation but a hedge of concern lining her words.

Rey stretches out Leia's neck focusing on the pull of the muscles more than the words being spoken. She looks off to the floor as she feels along the lines of tension angling the head in just a way to get an optimal stretch. After she repeats the same on the other side she rolls her work chair back and shifts so that her foot catches the tables peddle. As the table jitters and lowers itself Leia sits up quickly. One hand clutched at the sheets while the other reaches out to grab Rey's, "Rey…" she urges, "Are you seeing my son?"

The words sound funny. There's wistful hope, blossoming into intense fear and curious unknown fluctuating beneath her skin. What she wants becomes swallowed by a fear of what could truthfully be and what is expected of her. She can't tell if Leia would be upset if the answer she gives is yes even though she knows the truth of it to be no, or maybe more accurately she doesn't know him well enough.

Instead she gives Leia's hand a soft squeeze, fixing the older woman's stare with a kind smile and soft eyes, "I've only met him the once," she says truthfully. Sure she's thought about him more then it was maybe right for one sane person to think about someone they barely know. That had to be hormones and a chemical response she tells herself, like the feeling eating chocolate gives you. Ben is like a big delicious bar of chocolate. Nothing more. "He came to my house, I treated him the same as I would any of my friends. He did catch me in a bad moment, Snap had just stood me up so I offered him supper. Honestly, that's all. The super was already made so really there was nothing to that."

She quickly finds herself being pulled against the massage table, her hip colliding with the surface as Leia encourages her to sit. The smaller woman, incredibly comfortable with herself and her relationship with Rey tucks the sheets under her arms and moves to hold Rey'shand within her own. "I love my son," she says with a certainty that brokers no argument but Rey can feel the 'but' coming like a busted freight train running into the station, "But," and there it is, "I love you too and I need you to be safe."

Rey starts to argue when Leia releases her hands and moves to tuck a strand of hair back and off Rey's face, "Rey," she urges, "Ben has made choices in his life that he will be haunted by for the rest of his life. He escaped into the Marines and if I'm being totally honest I don't know the man he is today." There is a sigh, a soft puff of air as Leia blows a strand of hair off her cheek. Rey smiles, " I want him to be a good man but don't let his baggage become yours."

On a split second impulse Rey throws her arms around her friend, crushing herself against Leia's chest, tucking her chin against her shoulder. "We all struggle with darkness," she says softly, _knowingly_. "I'll be careful but I want to know him…" she isn't sure whether she's admitting it to Leia or herself, but when the words meet the air, a fear clutches at Rey's throat stilling her words. "We'll do dinner soon, talk properly?"

As she pulls back Leia takes Rey's face in her hands, pressing her forehead against the youths. They hold the position for some time before Leia rocks back and places a kiss to Rey's brow in a soft, intimate, and incredibly motherly sort of way. "You have so much good in you," Leia says softly as she lets Rey back away.

With a hasty glance at the clock Rey realizes how late she's now running. She beckons BB to her side as she turns towards the door readying her exit before she stills and turns back slowly on her heel. "He's downstairs now," she says almost shyly. Her hand on the doorknob giving a quick turn and she's gone, leaving Leia to sit in stunned silence.

After getting herself washed off, arms clear of lotion and skin cells Rey moves towards the door at the end of the hallway. Her feet carry her a little quicker then those of someone who was simply going out with a friend, her cheeks flushed with anticipation. BB canters at her side rushing over to Jannah who is giving Rey a look of distinct approval.

"Ok, Where, how, when?" she asks all with a broadening grin.

"He in the tranquility space?" Rey questions hopefully, flushing her hands down against her shirt subconsciously. She worries at the hem a little before looking down along her own body, then to Jannah.

"You tart! You look marvelous." Jannah cries, petting BB's head softly, her fingers trailing along the bridge of his nose, between his eyes and back. His big brown eyes shut against her ministrations relaxing into her touch happily.

Rey shoots a quick look up the stairs making sure that Leia wasn't within earshot of her teenage preening, "I brought an extra shirt, should I change?" Rey had put on a nicer pair of yoga pants today, stitched together in random panels of black stretchy fabric and stretchy patterned lace. She wore all black, easier to hide offending oil stains that way should she get any on her clothing. Her shirt is long and black with short capped sleeves and a boatneck neckline.

"You're fine," Jannah assures her before Rey turns quickly.

"I'm going to change, BB, stay." she nearly panics and spirits away towards their lunchroom. Amilyn, who is in her office calls to her as she jogs passed but Rey is a woman on a mission. "One minute!" she calls out slipping into their staff chambers. She quickly strips her shirt off leaving a plain thin-strapped tank underneath. She throws the apparel into her locker and starts to dig through her bag for the piece she'd selected specifically for this outing. It isn't fancy, but it's not, not fancy either. More importantly it isn't black. The sweater was a marbled knit of forest green and creams. It's cropped short so that it falls just to her hips but opened across the neckline in a sweeping off the shoulder v-lined boatneck. It's long-sleeved too which she couldn't have worn to work if she'd wanted to. It's also decidedly very comfortable and not too over the top. She checks herself once in the mirror hanging on the inside of Jannah's locker spritzing herself with a soft fragrant lilac and vanilla body spray. As she adjusts her hair, eyeing a few strands warningly she feels a faint tug around her middle.

Not like a pull on a limb, more of a knowing and she soon realizes what her subconscious was reminding her of. Quickly, shutting the lockers with a little more force than intended Rey bolts out the door, trying to school her features as best she can. She was worried she'd find herself face to face with something possibly a little confrontational. Instead Amilyn and Leia are talking animatedly at the front desk while Jannah continues to pet BB's head, scratching behind the dog's ears as he rests his cheek against her pant leg.

All three women turn to look at her as she stills and then walks slowly towards them. Leia, much shorter then Holdo smiles at Rey fondly, Holdo, however, looks rather curious. Jannah, she just looks smug, like the cat that got the cream.

"You look nice," Amilyn tells Rey with a cock of her head.

"She has a date," Jannah chimes childishly. Leia has her back to the receptionist so Jannah can't see the slight widening of those knowing dark brown eyes but Rey catches it. Oh boy does Rey catch it. Along with the way Leia's smile is guarded just slightly.

Holdo crosses her arms against her chest as the pair of old friends level Rey with matching looks of inquisitive curiosity. It's BB who stirs, moving towards the door of the tranquility lounge and pulling Rey's attention away from the mental interrogation. Before the gentle giant can reach his oddly chosen destination however, the door draws open slowly and the tall form of Ben Solo steps out.

Rey's world turns on its axis as her employer and friend looks from Ben to Leia, then settled on Rey with a wide-eyed questioning stare. "Well…" she says with a tone of professionalism one usually fakes, "Good to see you Leia, uh Rey. Just text me? BB will be fine is his leash?" she's nodding towards the staffroom but her eyes betray her curiosity as she looks over the tall dark-haired figure that she obviously knows to be her dearest and oldest friend's son.

"Yeah, his bowls, food, leash and all that are in the black Corellian sports bag," Rey says softly, giving Amilyn a soft smile as the taller woman excuses herself politely.

Jannah, oblivious to the magnitude of the situation, watches with rapt fascination. BB wagging his tail madly upon approach runs his head into Ben's knees in an attempt to earn affection. Rey watches as Leia and Ben stare at each other a moment, the air thick and crackling with unease and tension.

Without though Ben bends and scratched at BB's head, large hands combing fingers down and through the pooches thick neck fur. "Hey buddy," he says happily affording the canine with a small but genuine smile. When he looks up again, Leia and Jannah are both watching him intently while Rey wants to slowly disappear.

"Mom…" Ben finally says slowly, leaving Jannah in a state of shocked silence. Leia looks like she might cry while Rey isn't entirely sure it was in fact outside the realm of possibility at this point but still she keeps quiet. Silence falls, as the voice of Halsey's '_Beautiful Stranger_', drifts amongst them.


	7. Chapter 7

I wrote and rewrote the beginning of this chapter so many times I wanted to scream. It was awkward, totally out of character, and completely disjointed. I'm still not totally happy with it but I feel like the latter half makes up for it, maybe? I look forward to hearing what you think! Thanks darlings xo

* * *

When Rey was sixteen she worked her first real shift at Falcon Industries. She'd fallen in love with the place at once. It was busy and loud and the people were always on the move. The owner, one Mr. Han Solo who hated when people called him Mr. Solo was a gruff man with a hard exterior and a mischievous glint in his eye. She wasn't sure how she felt about him at first, he was explosive and sarcastic and soon she came to find out, one of the kindest people she would ever meet. Aside from his wife, but that was a lesson learned later.

After a few months as the weekend and afternoon receptionist Rey had gotten a feel for the regulars, the delivery guys, and the general flow of the workplace environment. Then one day, there was nothing. Han had told her that it happened from time to time when there were labor disputes in Corellia. Poe and his team had been working on a particularly large project, a YT class 1300f light freighter. Han had acquired it through means he avoided discussing and they were waiting on parts to kick start the engine. With a large plane like that in the hanger, it as hard to fit much else and the rest of the boys had finished up the bevy of oil changes and engine block repairs that had been on the docket for the day. It was at the point there wasn't enough time left to start anything new so Han decided a good ole fashion game of cards was in order. His office was near the front, he liked to know what was going on so he piled the few remaining workers in and set to a friendly game of Sabaac. Rey just watched at first, picking up the subtleties of the game as cards were drawn and bets were made. Rey was behind Han, sitting on his desk watching him as he schooled his employees.

It was in that moment that she learned the art of a good bluff. Han had a poker face like Rey had never seen before, he was cool, collected, and incredibly good at hiding his hand. She was utterly fascinated by the tactics of the game but even more so by the ruthless and genuine way in which Han drew and dealt. He was confident in a way that had people backing down even when his hand was filled with piss poor cards. Years of experience she supposed but still, he was masterful at it.

Today Rey is learning that Han Solo has nothing on his wife. Leia is the picture of calm and effortless cool. Her eyes are soft and still as they take Ben in. Rey can't help but wonder if Ben is any different now from when his mother saw him last. If his looks have changed at all, maybe he holds himself a little differently. It's impossible to wrap her head around the enormity of the situation.

All she does is smile like one does when someone tells you that your hair looks nice or that they like your pants. It isn't stiff or unfriendly but there's something about it that doesn't quite meet her eyes. Leia is still, her posture easy as Ben stands stiff as a broad pinned beneath his mothers stare looking panic-stricken and confused. He clearly hasn't mastered the art of the Solo bluff.

"Hello, Ben," Leia's voice is filled with even sweetness. Her words followed an awkward moment where she extends her hand but Ben moves forwards as if to embrace her. There's some adjusting and a few more awkward gestures before Leia seems to settle on a hug being the better of all the options. Rey watches as Leia's arms wind around her son, the motion stiff but warm as an invisible line of tension seems to dissipate. Her arms sag as though relieved from a great burden. While Ben simply looks lost. His arms around her in a half-formed hug as he towers over her. It's like watching extended family meet over the holidays. The ones you really should call more or make more of an effort with beyond maybe sending a card. It is nothing like what Rey imaged a mother-son reunion should look like at all. Still, Leia holds on a little longer and just Ben allows it to happen.

"You look good," she says as she shifts back a breath allowing a comfortable amount of space to lapse between them, "Have you been well?"

Ben nods as if he's not sure what else he's meant to do, too busy looking back and forth between Rey and Leia, "Yeah, well enough," there's a casual but hesitant tone in his voice clearly denoting his desire not to delve into anything too personal here in this very public setting, "And you?"

Laughing, Leia tosses her shoulders, "You know me, always busy."

There's a soft scoffing noise that does not go unnoticed by anyone but Leia chooses not to respond. Rey however is entirely too curious. He's watching her carefully, his eyes dark and curious but there's something else there too, a wonder and a betrayal that doesn't seem to make sense to her.

Does Ben think she betrayed him somehow?

"You know Rey…" He says finally, not a question so much as a loaded statement and a demand for answers.

"For quite some time, yes," Good ole Leia, never one to beat around the bush. Right to the point leaving Rey struggling to find something to say. Some way of explaining that she didn't trick him into this, that she had no idea the relation between him and Leia and how could she? Their family was so filled with these strange family connections it would take Christopher Columbus to navigate these waters. Thankfully Leia barrels forward, "She worked for your father for some time years ago, when she decided to go into massage we became clients. Me more frequently than your father. I honestly only just now discovered you two know each other."

"You never told me your last name," Rey offers weakly and suddenly Ben is looking very Sheepish. He seems to lower his heckles some enough to smile a little at her in a way that has Rey mentally tracing the lines of his mouth carefully, trying obsessively to memorize his grin.

The awkward silence that follows it poignant, followed by the sound of Jannah checking a spa guest out, "So, what are you kids up to tonight?" Rey can't really blame Leia for wanting to keep the conversation going, no matter how awkward it might be. No matter what may have happened in their family Ben is still her son and Leia's capacity for love is nothing but awe-inspiring. She and Han had taken Rey into their home the minute they had the faintest inkling about Rey's home life. They were as good as family to her but Ben was flesh and blood and those bonds were always something Rey imagined to be unquantifiable.

The attention has Ben shifting uncomfortably so Rey decides to take the reins, "Ben's taking me out on his bike."

While Rey was excited about the prospect, Leia seems anything but. Her eyes wide beneath her tinted glasses as she looks from Ben to Rey and then back to Ben again, "Not the Ducati," Ben offers with a sternness that makes Rey jump.

A soft smile lingers but there's still something that feels a little like apprehension stuck in the air like a bad smell. "You still have that bike?"

It's quickly evident that Ben would rather be anywhere else but having this conversation. He'd been so excited to tell Rey about his motorcycle the night before. It was endearing to hear him brag about how much work he'd put into it or how often he got out on. Now, with his mother asking the questions it seems more like something Ben wants to avoid. He almost looks sick, "Yeah, I've done a lot of work to it. She was my first." Like he's talking about an old girlfriend he misses, Ben allows a fond smile to slip.

"What are you taking her out on?"

As though unsure whether he should answer or not, like he might be walking into a tramp Ben peers at his mother apprehensively, "I picked up and older BMW a while back, rebuilt her engine. She's an easy ride with some kick but it's a better touring bike then the Ducati."

Whether the look of relief ghosting Leia's features is for Ben's benefit or her own Rey isn't sure but Leia seems more at ease now "Do you have dinner plans?" Oh… that's why.

Almost as though he knew it was coming, Ben's lips form a sharp line, "That was our plan, yes." His words slow and apprehensive. Leia however is always two steps ahead, even it seems when dealing with her son. She's the type of woman you have to be careful with because without realizing it Leia can have you committing your entire weekend to helping a fundraiser you didn't even know existed. Ben thankfully seems very aware of this.

Right he grew up with her after all.

"Where were you planning on going?"

It hadn't really been discussed Rey realizes, "We… hadn't gotten that far."

Apparently, Ben _has_ already thought it through, "I was thinking maybe the Moons of Endor," he says almost shyly as Leia's look of calm appraisal turns to one of impressed shock. It seems she's as surprised to hear of these plans as Rey is. The Moons of Endor is less of a '_let's grab a bite to eat place_' and more of a '_I'm trying to impress_' you sort of place. It's new and fancy and a _definite_ date destination.

"Do you have a reservation?"

Ben obviously hadn't thought of that part though, "No…" he almost sounds like he's afraid of what's about to come out of his mother's mouth next.

Now, Leia is a great many things, she's a manipulator for sure, maybe even a little bossy if the mood strikes her. She's kind and loving and sweet and amazing too but Leia is also an opportunist. So it should come to no surprise that her sad smile doesn't quite look that sad as she says, "You'll never get in without a reservation. It's their anniversary, Vesper is going all out on the menu," of course, Leia would be on a first-name basis with the chef, "Why not come home and have dinner with us tonight, Mairem is cooking."

This seems to be exactly what Ben was hoping to avoid. He looks tired as he turns his attention on Rey offering her a small smile, "Whatever you want to do, I'm ok with," Rey finds herself offering. This isn't a decision she wants to make.

It isn't a decision Ben seems to want to make either as he passes a few moments idly scratching the back of BB's head. "Yeah… Yeah if Rey's ok with it."

Leia's grin is bright, as it should be after things clearly played out in her favor, "Marvellous!" Her approach to Ben is quick as she places a hand on his arm allowing it a gentle squeeze, "You two have fun and we'll see you later. I'll tell Mairem to plan for a later supper." And with that Leia is off towards the closet to grab her coat batting Jannah away as she raises to her feet to help, "Sit down, I can get my own damn jacket," she quips with a smile, "You've been run off your feet, just relax,"

At this point Rey isn't sure what exactly it is she's supposed to say or do so she just stands watching. Leia and Ben are standing close now, almost side by side as Leia fiddles with the collar of her coat. Side by side like this it's a little easier to pick out the things the two have in common. Their eyes are the same color, the sweet sparkle of warm whiskey. Ben has Leia's mouth too, broad and full and Rey is willing to bet just as saucy. His nose is definitely from Han, that much is clear as well as the shape of his eyes and the obvious height. His coloring he gets from his mother through, he's as dark and beautiful as she is. Seeing all this now, Rey mentally admonishes herself for not picking up on it before. She's so lost in her observation she doesn't even realize that Leia is speaking to her.

How about I take BB home with me so he can Chewie can play a bit and you guys can just come out whenever you want?" True to form Leia doesn't even give Rey an opportunity to respond before she's disappearing off down the hallway towards Amilyn's office. With a soft click she's is gone leaving Rey both very confused and incredibly frazzled. It's hard to tell how Ben is feeling about the whole thing, as he brushes his hair back and off his face. It seems thicker then it did the other night, maybe a little more wavy and full of body. The kind of hair Rey wouldn't mind running her fingers through…

No.. no. Bad Rey

There's a soft steady sigh as Ben casts her a sad smile, "I'm so sorry," it's more of a matter of fact admission, "This was not how I wanted our evening to go."

Someone calls BB's name from down the hallway and the large oaf shifts off Ben's feet and trudges away, his thick tail swinging lazily behind him. "It's ok, really." She says as she watches BB disappear into Amilyn's office. She's trying to comfort him but it's coming across as more of a defeated acceptance, "Your parents are fine, I've eaten there plenty of times. I just feel bad that you were put on the spot like that."

Ben's shrug is casual and his laugh light, "It's fine, I would have ended up over there eventually. This way at least I won't be thrown to the wolves alone. You'll save me right?" For a moment it almost seems like he might be flirting with her, his mouth pulled into a smirk that seemed to promise trouble of the best kind, "Not exactly the best way to get to know someone though…"

There's a twinge of something that tightens in Rey's chest under Ben's admission. A flurry of excitement and joy and something a little deeper. He wants to get to know her. It's both exhilarating and terrifying all at once. There's no more talk of her treating him for which she is incredibly grateful. Now however it appears there are more complicated reasons as to why getting to know him more intimately might ultimately be a bad idea. Even though he has no interest in being a client, she can't date Han and Leia's son. The way he's looking at her right now however is making her think otherwise. He has her pinned beneath those marbled orbs of startling hazel. Flustering her to the point that she's completely lost on what it is she's supposed to say or do. _Again._

"Well I'm ready if you are," trying to push the conversation forward she points a thumb back towards the staffroom, "I just need to get my purse and I'm good.

"Do you have a jacket?" he asks while raking his eyes over her body with deliberate and toe-curling slowness.

"I do not."

After thinking a moment Ben disappears into the tranquility lounge only to emerge with a pair of bike helmets in hand. "Let's do this."

Grabbing her purse and waving to Jannah who mouths '_good luck_' to her she follows Ben out and onto the street. The evening sky is still bright and beautiful, a pleasant assortment of blues and mottled oranges. The autumn air picks up around her causing her to shiver beneath its brisk touch.

They find themselves next to a black sports bike decorated in deep red paneling and clean chrome exhaust. "You park close to here?" he asks absently eyeing her purse as he hands her a helmet. It's white unlike his black one and a little smaller to boot. Rey finds herself wondering if Ben is in the habit of taking girls out on his bike a lot.

"Few blocks, why?"

Grinning Ben sets his helmet on the tail end of his seat letting it rock there awkwardly. Ever the gentleman it seems he's soon out of his leather jacket, wrapping it around Rey's shoulders snuggly, "You should leave your purse in your car, there's not much storage on this thing. Maybe enough space for keys, a phone if you're lucky." His jacket is thick and heavy and warm, so very very warm. Handing him the spare helmet back Rey slides her arms into the smooth leather and snuggles it close. It smells like spiced sandalwood and bergamot and something that's just a little on the sweet side. It's like being wrapped in a hug, comforting and oh so large on her small body.

"What about you?" She asks as she zips the coat up until it stops beneath her chin. It has a high neck which swallows the bottom half of her face ridiculously. She can't help but rub her nose against it softly. Taking the helmet back she eyes Ben wearily. His grey thick knit henley and black undershirt surely won't be enough for the open road. Maybe warmer than her off the shoulder sweater but not by much, "Won't you be cold?

Ben chuckles as he offers her a casual shrug, "I run warm anyway," he tells her with a coy grin before he sets to the task of helping her with her helmet. His large hands cover hers as he helps her ease it over her head. It's snug and smells new like she's the first person to ever wear it. That answers that question. Ben flicks up the visor, his dark eyes like molten earth beneath the glare of the sun. "You ok in there?" he asks with a smile as he stoops some to catch her gaze. Her cheeks feel squished and it's kind of what she imagines a human bobblehead might feel like but she gives him a thumbs up all the same.

From that point on his movements are quick and sure. Pulling on his own helmet he straddles the metal beast to hold it steady. Once he has himself situated he holds out a hand for her so she can slide on the back with little issue. Perched on the small back seat Rey now realizes that there is very little space to be had on a machine like this. Her hips are rolled forward so that her front lies flush against his back with only her purse separating them. He wasn't kidding about the issue of space, her purse definitely needs to go.

As the engine roars to life he asks over the low hum what street she's parked on, his voice barely a rumble over the motorcycles growling heartbeat. After getting a loose idea Ben kicks off with a request that she '_hold on tight'_. He takes it slow at first, winding his way through the streets and the pre supper traffic with care. The motorists of Coruscant loathe bikes of every kind so it's not entirely surprising that their presence is met with some hostility. Cars keep pressed together as though worried these motorcycle hooligans might weave their way through.

After depositing her purse, locking her doors and zipping her phone away in the pocket of Ben's coat Rey resumes her position at his back. His body is warm even through the leather as she presses her chest tight against him, winding her arms around his torso like a koala. He mumbles something that sounds like '_ready_?' before he kicks off and they head towards more open roads.

The feel of being so exposed and free against the air is terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. It sweeps passed them as they pull out of the city making Rey cling just a little tighter both for security and warmth. Ben's body is all hard muscle lined with a little bit of squish beneath her hands. Solid and comforting as his muscles contract and move leading the bite into its turns. He keeps it even and steady as they make their way into the Middle Rim away from the towering buildings of the city behind. The structures become smaller here and more evenly spread out, less business-like and homier until all that lies before them is a rural utopia of homes with large front yards and space to roam.

She knows Han and Leia live at the bottom of the mountain near Norton Lake. The lake itself is a large body of water which is fed from the rivers and streams that trail off Kyber mountain, where Rey lives and the larger mountains behind. The area marks Coruscant's outer boundaries and separates Coruscant from Naboo which lies just along the other side of the twin peeks behind Kyber. Kyber is less of a mountain and more of a steep hill really. It's a rise that sits in front of the larger of the two mountains the locals fondly refer to as the Lovers. The lovers, technically known as Anakin and Amidala were named after a local legend and stand as silent sentinels guarding over their valley below.

Naboo was one of those places that Rey always dreamed of going. She had always been told it was beautiful and full of more greenery then there was in all of Coruscant. It's hard to imagine really, having grown up in Jakku filled with junkyards and barren land good for nothing but growing wheat. Coruscant was a paradise compared to the drudgery she left behind. When she thinks about Naboo, which she does sometimes, she sees it as a glowing emerald of green with no towers and skyscrapers just farmland and peace. She'll get there someday Rey's always promised herself it's just a matter of time.

The thought is fleeting, swallowed up by the vibration of the bike beneath her. It's a slow rumbling hum and the steady beating of Ben's heart beneath her touch are nearly dizzying. The bike slows as they come to a stop sign near the edge of CoCo Valley nestled just along the edge of the Middle Rim. It's a small town that lines Coruscant's hillside and a quick stop for anyone not wanting to go into the city proper for supplies. Ben lets his feet hit the ground as he turns his head over his shoulder flipping up his visor. She can see his dark eyes as they peer back at her and see his cheeks moving, "Ready to pick up some speed?" he seems to be asking.

With a quick nod she tightens her grasp.

When he kicks his feet up and pulls away the bike moves smoothly, adjusting to his demands. Rey's grateful he doesn't just carelessly open up the engine and let it go. He's careful and easy allowing the bike to pick up speed gradually as he moves them away from the city and into a more secluded area. The bike is a marvel, she can see why he's so fond of it. As they hit the open road with great enthusiasm Rey closes her eyes and allows herself to feel the bike through Ben. She can feel his muscles contract beneath her hands and the bike responding in kind. When Ben leans just a little the bike sweeps smoothly to the side as he uses both the steering and his body to give it direction.

Taking a wide turn carefully he accelerates at the end of the arc, hitting the open road with a burst of speed. She can feel the wild hum of the engine as it greedily feeds off the gas, opening itself up in a wild panic. Like a horse set free from its paddock the bike seems to revel in the feeling of freedom. The bike... or its rider. Ben's wrists torque as he shifts gears and the engine kicks up a notch. The wind whipping passed them, groping at the leather of Ben's jacket as the bike carries them on.

It's surreal to watch the countryside unfold with no barrier but that of her visor, He takes them down through the Lake Country to where his parents live but then continues passed their turn. The grassy knolls open into orchards heavy with hanging fruit along the base of the mountain. The air is cool and sweet, a lovely contrast to the body beneath her fingers. He wasn't kidding when he told her he ran warm. His stomach and chest are like a small furnace beneath her hands. She loves the way he feels, calm and steady as the bike eats up the road beneath it.

As the metal beast begins to slow Ben shifts gears again turning them onto a forested road. The trees are tall and old, their trunks several feet thick in some areas reaching high up into the sky. She's never seen anything like them before, she's never been this way before, so close to home and yet hidden away. Hidden by Anakin she realizes as she peers out beyond. The large cliffside at their right rises high in the distance as Ben takes one turn and then another zigging and zagging his way through paved roads winding through the trees. Rey almost wants him to slow down so she can take it all in but his chest rumbles and she realizes he's talking to her. "_Not much further_," it sounds like he says, his voice eaten up by the buzz of the world around them.

It's all she can do to nod and watch as the landscape shifts from brilliant greens to deep reds and browns. The bark of the trees is old and marred. Flaking off in giant pieces in some places littering the floor with their skin. The ground below littered with scraps of red and brown but lush and green with vegetation beneath. Mossy grass and small purple and blue flowers littler the ground between the giant redwoods. While smaller fur trees and thin birch glittering and gold in the light of the falling sun try to survive between the mighty sequoias. As their path continues the road opens again into more large trees spread further apart and a cliffside that juts out towards them. Over the roar of the engine Rey can just barely make out a loud rumbling that she has to strain her ears carefully to pick up. It's deep and fast as the river comes into view at the edge of the mountain. The road follows the water along to where the Norton comes into view on the other side. There's little space between Anakin and the Lake, the road and accompanying flat no wider than a boulevard lined with houses. There are tall trees growing out of the mountainside, arching towards the sky at odd angles as their leafy tops now beautiful shades of orange and yellow fight for sunlight.

The bike is slowing again, the engine a low purr now. Everything is hushed and still and yet all Rey can hear filling her head is that same wild roaring. Ben brings them to a stop after a few minutes, dropping his feet to the ground in one smooth motion. He's pulling his helmet off, his hair falling heavy around his face. As he slips from the bike he holds his hand out for Rey to follow. It's harder on shorter legs but she uses him for balance and they find themselves standing in a small paved clearing. The trees around them are larger then she realized causing her to crane her neck in order to stare up into the sky where their tops blot out the blue.

"They're incredible," Rey mutters to herself as she pulls her helmet off, holding it to her chest as she closes her eyes and takes in the soft hum of the world around her.

"That's nothing, just wait," Ben's voice is filled with childlike wonder as he grabs her hand, tossing her helmet carelessly onto the bike with his own before he tugs her after him. The world is a mass of motion and rumbling glory as Ben's feet carry them down a dirt path leading not into the trees but through_ a_ tree. It's the largest living thing Rey has ever seen before. The tunnel carved from its center is wide enough for a camper van to drive through with several feet of trunk left on either side.

Ben only gives her a minute to appreciate it's glory before he pulls her inside and the rumbling sound grows hallow, almost far away. It's dark inside, shadows slipping across the ground as the tree's core swallows up the light. It's like being in a cave, or what she imagines being in a cave might feel like. Cool and quiet, a part of the world and yet separate. Ben seems eager to continue but she pulls her hand from his for a moment to approach the walls of the tunnel. Her palms press against the wooden surface surprising her when she finds it smooth, not splintery like she expected. The tree sings with life vibrating beneath her hands as she turns her face and presses her cheek against its inner body. All around her, the vibrations, the rumbling, the soft sound of Ben's breath as he stands unbearably close, it radiates into the world around her like a song. A song she can feel sung through the very core of her being. Closing her eyes she inhales softly, the scent of the sequoia and its ageless beauty imprinted in her memory. The tree creaks and groans beneath her hands adding a new voice to the melody as the hushed rumbling calls to her loudly.

It's all he can do to watch her a moment, the sunlight from the outside creeping in around his feet. When he reaches for her, she can almost feel his hand shaking as his fingers wind into hers, "Come on," his voice falls almost in a whisper, "You don't want to miss this," and with gentle encouragement, he pulls her away from the tree.

She follows along in a state of perpetual awe. It's like venturing through a portal only to come out in a world that looks similar to your own but subtly more beautiful. The world around them is tall outcroppings of craggy rocks and enormous wooden giants. The trees on this side of the world are sparse to make room for the body of water and the source of the deep rushing roar. The ground beneath her feet is well worn, traveled and used with pathways that spread out like a spiderweb around them, some disappearing into the woods while others lead down towards the water's edge. The body of water before them isn't large necessarily, just a small lake fed by several thin waterfalls. The water above them spilling out like angel hair down and over the cliffside lining a larger flow of liquid at its center. This is the source of the rumble, this large outpouring of water that tumbles to the earth in thick gushing streams of dark liquid that hammers into the pool below. The water ripples heavily beneath the impact leaving the surface oddly placid closer to the lakeside. As she arches her neck to take in the full extent of the beauty before her she notices trees that line the mouth of the falls. Not tall redwoods but small trees that peek out from the cracks in the rock as though the land above is flat and full of life.

Still, Ben pulls at her hand, "Not yet," he's almost giddy now as she tumbles after him. Leaving the waterfall he draws her forward until they come to the open expanse of the Norton spread wide in her vast and every changing glory. Trees line the banks to the far east as the mountain before them climbs higher and higher. There's a sheer drop down into the hard and jagged mountainside, the heavy rumble dissipating at their backs as their feet carry them slowly away from the falls. Ben's palm feels warm against hers, his fingers holding tight as he keeps looking over his shoulder. Still they walk, following a path that leads them along the water's edge. When he finally stops, Rey takes a moment to peek around them. They're standing on the edge of an embankment, the cliffside across from their rising high above as far as the eye can see. The light from the setting sun has washed the lake in a warm ember flow but the cliffside is darkening beneath the sun's sleepy rays.

The whole world is alight with glowing pinks and oranges but then Rey sees it. She has to turn some but it's there, behind a wall of rock that juts out from the rocky mountain. It's cocooned in a small hallow, glittering like molten gold as it pours from the cliff high above. It takes a moment to fully realize what it is she's looking at. At first it's almost volcanic, then biblical. A waterfall of light spilling from the unknown down into the Norton at its feet. It pours off the rock trailing down in a river or iridescent orange that is almost too beautiful to be real.

"That." Ben's breath is at her ear as he bends forward to make sure her eyes catch the full glory of what's sitting in front of them. His body is so close she can feel the heat of him radiating like the sun as his hip bumps into her backside. Tentative, almost shy Ben's hand finds her shoulder, his palm warm as he closes the space between them

"What is it?" it can't possibly be real, water cannot look like that.

Ben's voice is soft and so very close as though he's speaking into her ear as he explains, "When ice melts at the top of the Lovers, it comes down and feeds into the Norton. For whatever reason at certain points in the year the sun seems to catch this area just right and this happens.

Taking a step forward, Rey leaves the warmth of his embrace, her head cocked to the side as she tries desperately to take it all in, "It looks like angels tears," she says distantly. Though without realizing it her steps have taken her to the edge of the river bank. The ground gives way a little, her feet slipping as the world around her tumbles backward. Her backside hits the muddy earth and she slides down unceremoniously just barely missing the water's edge. Ben is at her side in an instant helping her to stand, a hand at her elbow to hold her steady.

She can tell he's trying not to laugh when he asks, "You ok?" as he lightly dusts the muck of her bottom. The ground beneath her feet is slippery making her cling to Ben all the tighter before she loses balance again.

"Well I feel stupid," she mutters softly but Ben is helping her back up the embankment and his arms are around her as though he's afraid she might fall again. Instead they sit in the grass and allow their feet to hang over the muddy ledge. Her black converse are now caked in mud which streaks up and along her dark leggings. "I've never seen anything like that before."

Sitting down as with standing, Ben towers over her. He's broad and dark against the setting sun and when she looks up at him he's looking back at her, not at the falls. As though he's seen it a million times before. Maybe he has but it's not a sight Rey thinks she could ever tire of.

His eyes are intense but soft making her blush. She isn't sure what to say or do but his wide-eyed grin makes her feel incredibly comfortable all the same. He's smiling at her in a way she's unaccustomed to, looking at her and only her with a level of intense scrutiny that might be uncomfortable if it wasn't incredibly warm and sweet. "I'm glad you like it," he says softly, his smile showing off pointed canines and teeth that are just slightly imperfect.

"This place is incredible," she breathes out softly, looking from the distant falls and then back to Ben. At that moment she's not entirely sure which sight is more perfect. She's desperate to take it all in, the smell, the sound, the feel of his body pressed hard along her side. The world around them erupting with life and glorious, rapturous song. "Are we at the base of the mountains?"

Ben nods, his attention drawn back to the rocks and the way the wall carries itself along before disappearing and reappearing in the distance. It's faint but she can see it when he points it out to her, the world between two worlds, "Down there, that's the gap, in the spring you can canoe between them."

She's never heard anything so amazing before, "Have you done it?" she asks wide-eyed. Her mind filled with massing questions. How wide is it? How far can you get? Is it dangerous?

"Couple of times now," Ben confirms, "It's amazing, if I'm around in the spring I'll show you if you'd like."

She was about to ask why he wouldn't be around but quickly remembers his one life goal. The whole reason they had been introduced in the first place. The idea that Ben intends to go back to a job where the potential for danger is so high makes her heart sink a little. Her chest feels heavy and sad at the prospect of losing this opportunity, this closeness that he seems all too willing to provide. It makes her feel a little hollow to think she's been given this gift and she might lose it so quickly.

Lose the opportunity for his friendship… his friendship because that's what they are, that's what they'll be is friends. But, when he smiles at her like that, like he is right now, it's hard not to hope that they might someday be a little more than that. "I'd love that," she tells him in earnest before looking back to the shimmering falls before them.

They sit there for ages, watching the water in all its lustrous glory. When the world around them darkens, lit only by the rising moon and the slow setting sun. Dusk it turns out is the best time to view the falls. Their surroundings glow in an ethereal blue, the rocks disappearing, swallowed up by the darkness and still the falls paint the cliffside in an opulent shade of oranges and yellows. It shimmers as the world grows dark around them. In the end Rey doesn't know how long they sit there, swallowed by the silence like a friendly hug. His breathing is even as he sits with one leg bent so the heel of his boot rests against the round while the other hands over the embankment. He's leaning back against his palms, relaxed and comfortable so that her body can fit snuggly into his.

As the air grows colder, nipping at her legs beneath her dirty leggings Rey comes to realize just how thin the material of her pants is. Drawing her hands to her mouth she blows hot breath against her knuckles before pulling her fingers deep into the sleeves of Ben's jacket.

"Shit what time is it?" Ben suddenly blurts.

Right, they were supposed to be meeting his parents for supper and they still had a bit of a lengthy drive ahead of them. Ben is too his feet quickly muttering something to himself about never living this down as he reaches out to help Rey to her feet. The ground around them is dark and dappled in moonlight but her eyes adjusted as the sun's rays fall to sleep. She can see the worry etched on Ben's face as he rubs the dirt off his pants and then sets to brushing hers off too without a thought. His large hands caress her bottom in slow, easy pats as he rids her pants of grass and dried mud.

"Sorry," he says suddenly as though he's only just realized what he's done.

"You're so sweet, don't worry."

As he leads her back towards the pathway and the first set of falls, Rey allows the sounds of the world around them to wash over her. There are peepers in the distance singing their mating call. An owl hoots in the trees and just for a moment she closes her eyes and inhales deeply. The world smells clean and fresh and deeply of Ben. Though that may in fact be the jacket. When she finally opens her eyes she realizes he's just standing in front of her, his eyes watching her carefully. His features are illuminated but the moon, strong and sharp and beautiful and he's looking at her like that again. Like he's afraid if he blinks she'll just disappear. There's a softness there, a sweetness that Ray can't quite explain as she approaches ready to say something sarcastic or funny. Ben takes a step, quick and sure but his hands are shaking slightly as they reach out and cup her cheek.

She's never really been looked at like this before, there's no president to follow, no rule of thumb to lead her through it. All she knows is her heart is hammering in her chest as she feels his fingers trace a soft line against her cheek. He says something, but the rumble of the falls swallows the sound and he's smiling, just… _smiling_.

Unsure what how to reach she treats him to a soft smile and leans into his touch just a little. His fingers are broad and gentle, not what she was expecting from someone who works with his hands so much. His palm is warm as it slides against her cheek, fingers feathering through her hair and along her neck. His touch is warm and sweet and as he closes the space between them Rey can feel her heart as it leaps into her throat.


	8. Chapter 8

_So... I changed the tense for this chapter, trying something a little different. I would really like to know what you guys think. Is it better in past or present? I plan on changing the whole thing if this tense works better. This chapter was a hard start because I knew where I wanted it to begin but had a hard time building off that. Once the drama started however it sort of just happened. No matter how many directions I took or how many times I rewrote it, it always ended up in the same place. It's big and we get a little more into Han and Leia's characters. I tried to keep Han accurate but a little standoffish based on where his and Ben's relationship has come from. So lovelies, let me know what you think. xo_

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Her heartbeat hammers against her chest as Ben moves in closer. Their faces are mere inches away when suddenly he presses his forehead against hers. Their noses bump softly and she can feel his slight smile as he sighs into her space. She is frozen and still, not sure what she should say or do in this one perfect moment. Had she wanted him to kiss her? Would she have been ok if he had tried?

Still all she can think about is how his forehead fells pressed against hers. It's oddly intimate with no real scale of reference. Up close like this his scent is strong, the smell of his body wash or maybe his cologne wrapping around her mind in a fog of delirious joy. She melts into it with a soft sigh, only stirred from her mindless enjoyment when he chuckles softly then draws back to press a kiss to her forehead where the feel of him still lingers. As he finally steps back he turns his wrist over to check his watch. The numbers glow in the darkness and he groans.

"We're running late," he tells her ruefully. "I thought maybe it might be best if we head back to the city to get your vehicle and then take that to my parents but we don't really have time." his lips draw a harsh line as he casts his gaze to the stars overhead. Rey watches as the moonlight light casts a glow against his profile highlighting his soft smile.

When he holds out a hand for her, she's glad to take it, "Shall we go?" she chimes, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

Ben chuckles again, "Off to the wolves den," he mutters with a twitch of his lips turning to give her a gentle tug in the direction of his bike. The air around them has shifted, it's cold now, not chilly like it had been before but actually cold. Her knuckles burn against the air but his palm keeps hers delightfully warm in his grasp. They move quickly, Rey breaking out in a run in order to keep warm.

As she bolts ahead of Ben she cries, "Race you!" over her shoulder a mistake if there ever was one. Ben's legs are much longer than hers and he is far faster then she had anticipated. His boots against the ground sound quick and loud as he gains on her. Her own converse uncomfortable in situations that involve any kind of hustle but she throws herself into it with all she has. The darkness isn't much of a deterrent either. She can see the outline of the tree tunnel which means they are getting closer to his bike. She just has to make it a little further and…

Large hands grab at her waist and she lets out a wild startled shriek. Ben is laughing as he pulls her back into him and turns so that she is now facing the opposite direction. His booming laugh is contagious as he sets her down with a plunk and keeps on running.

"CHEATER." She hollers after him but there's no way she's winning now. She can make out the glow of his grey shirt as he jogs towards his bike and then turns around to face her. She can't quite make it out but she knows there is a smug smirk plastered across his lips as he leans against his bike in triumph. "Pretty sad you had to resort to cheating," she accuses him with a light punch at his shoulder. Her cheeks are warm now, flushed pink as she sucks cold air into her lungs. It stings but the heat of exertion is delightfully pleasant.

Ben of course has barely broken a sweat. "You were an intimidating opponent," he tells her and she punches him again causing him to laugh. "Alright bruiser, don't start anything you can't finish," he tells her sternly.

The warning only fuels her fire and she finds herself pushing his shoulder with her fist again in a playful attempt at being cute. Ok, so she's flirting a little now.

Ben eyes her warily as he picks up his helmet. Rey is standing in defiant opposition, her hands on her hips in an open challenge. Ben just shakes his head before quickly setting his helmet back down and throwing himself forward. He has her by the middle again only this time she finds herself hoisted up and over his shoulder. He swings her around as though she weighs nothing at all leaving her to beat helplessly against his back and kick her feet at the air. "Do you yield?" he asks as he spins her again.

Rey giggles wildly as she shrieks and he jumps. Her belly strikes his shoulder as his hands grope at her thighs pushing her down his back so she hangs a little more precariously. She is midway down his back now, her fists beating against his backside, the firm muscles beneath his jeans unyielding against her onslaught.

"Never!" she cries joyously and when he finally places her feet first on the ground she throws her arms in the air giving a whoop of triumph, "I win!" she cries as Ben eyes her flirtatiously.

"If we didn't have somewhere to be…" he mutters and he's handing her her helmet.

Rey grins, "Ooooh big talk," she says mockingly before hastily adding, "I'm sorry please don't leave me out here in the dark."

At that Ben laughs heartily, "Wouldn't dream of it, who would save me from my parents then?"

Forcing the helmet over her head as Ben does the same she offers, "BB maybe?" She can hear him chuckle as he steps onto the bike steading it with his thighs. He turns the key and starts the engine flicking on the bike's bright headlight before he turns and offers her his hand. She slides on with practiced ease, impressed by how quickly she's picking this motorcycle thing up and they're off.

The ride back is slower than the journey there. The darkness is all-encompassing with no street lights to aid in their travel. Ben is careful which Rey appreciates, he takes his time as he winds through the roads with ease and care. Still she holds tight, grateful for his body heat which helps to warm her hands despite the way the air bites at her legs as it whips passed them. The bike is a mass of power, it's engine roaring as Ben shifts gears with care and takes them out onto more open streets and back towards civilization.

Ben's family home, at least Rey assumes it's where he's grown up is set back off the road by several hundred feet and surrounded by a wide-spanning acreage. Han had wanted enough space to land his plane and Leia wanted her privacy, it was a win-win.

The two-story home is dark against the evening sky, it's windows bright and welcoming as they pull up alongside the garage which houses all of Han's toys. Ben is quiet and contemplative as Rey slides off the back of the bike and sets her helmet down on the back of the seat. The stupid thing gave her hair a flattened static-y look but a quick messy bun fixes that up easily. She is stretching her legs out when she notices the shadowed shape of a man illuminated by the burning ember of what looks like a cigarette. He is sitting on the front porch, off to the side and out of the light on an old rustic porch swing.

"Hey kid," a gruff voice calls from the darkness and Rey breaks out in a broad toothy grin. It was Han.

"Leia's going to kill you if she catches you smoking again," Rey chimes happily as she bounces over to where Han is hiding. He_ is_ hiding too because Chewie and BB are nowhere in sight.

Han Solo is a devilishly handsome man with white-grey hair, eyes of a light smokey hazel in color a strong jawline. He also has a strong penchant for getting himself into trouble. "Don't you rat me out." he scolds as Rey plops down next to him on the swing, the chains jingling as the seat shifts under her weight.

Ben is being cautious and slow Rey realizes. He had taken off his helmet but he wasn't moving away from his bike yet, running his hands over the seat as he stuffs the keys in his pockets and then turns his eye on the sky. The stars are bright, twinkling, and clearly far more interesting than meeting your estranged father.

"You managed to get him home huh?" Han whispers, trying to be discrete but his voice carries a little more then he may realize, "You two sleeping together?"

Rey's eyes bulge, Ben's head quirks and he is making his way over towards them. His long legs carry him in a few quick strides so he's standing before Han and Rey in the shadowed overhang of the porch. There is a tense silence in which Han takes another drag off his cigarette, holds his breath, and then exhales slowly pointing the smoke away from Rey. "Ben," he says with a curt nod.

Ben's eyes narrow, "_General_," he says with a harsh coolness to his tone.

He was a General?

Han grumbles, "Don't give me that shit kid," as he shakes his head and takes another long draw from the cigarette which Rey is now realizing does not smell the faintest bit like tobacco.

She isn't the only one to pick up on this interesting little fact as Ben sniffs at the air sharply, "Really Han? _Pot_?" Ben looks like he might explode.

"What? It's medicinal!" Han cries, as he drops the joint on the brick ground and crushes it with his foot, "You know I was hurt when I served," he growls sitting back now with one arm draped up and over the back of the swing behind Rey. He crosses his legs casually and takes up a position of comfortable indifference, "You should try it sometime, might loosen you up."

At that moment, Ben looks positively venomous, his mouth a hard line, his shoulders tense, and his eyes wild, "You know why I can't" he seethes, "Fuck, this was a bad idea." Ben runs an agitated hand through his hair as he scowls at his father. Rey is beginning to feel incredibly uncomfortable shifting some in her seat to sit on her hands.

As if suddenly realizing she is still there Ben's eyes soften and he exhales quietly, "Rey, I'm so sorry."

Unsure what else to say Rey simply smiles, "It's ok, really." Her words shaking a little as she jumps up and moves towards the door. "I'm going to go and find your mother."

"Don't you tell her!" Han says, tapping the side of his nose as Rey slips passed Ben, her hand casually grazing his shoulder. He turns to follow her when Han says his name rather harshly.

She feels bad leaving him there treating Ben to an apologetic grin before she slips inside. The house is large and brightly lit, an open concept with high ceilings and windows everywhere. It's done in a rustic modern design, the furniture a rich cream tone with the walls done in a mosaic of barn boards all stained in different colors. She knows the layout pretty well by now, the kitchen is through the living room to the back of the house and she is prepared to head in that direction when Han's voice breaks through an open window.

"She's a good one kid," he grumbles in a rather fatherly way. Ben is quiet, he says something but his voice is too low for her to hear. Han however presses further, "Don't you fuck her up with your shit. That kid's been through hell in this life and she doesn't deserve any of your brand of drama."

Rey is frozen in place, torn between running away and a deep urge to cry but she can't get her feet to move. Ben bites out harshly, "I've grown up Han, a lot can change in seven years."

"Some of us are still picking up the pieces Ben," Han's voice grows soft, sad in a way that Rey has never heard it before. While Ben takes his turn at being angry.

"That wasn't my fault. I've done a lot of stupid," he pauses, "a lot of shitty things in my life but that," His rage surfaces and Rey has to take a sharp but quiet breath in, she doesn't like this side of Ben at all. He's harsh and cold and not the man she has been getting the know in the slightest, "There's nothing I can say to make you believe me, even after all this time."

That's when Leia steps into the living room. Her dark eyes are wide as she picks up on the voices from the porch.

"He was my best friend Ben," Han is saying loudly.

Ben's voice is low and dangerous as he replies, "And I'm your son, I may have been a fuck up but I deserved more then what you gave in the end."

Feeling trapped Rey takes a few tentative steps towards Leia who has her arms wide, open and welcoming. She is small but she gives the best hugs, wrapping Rey into her embrace like a mother cradling their child. She doesn't say anything, just holds her, rocking them back and forth before she draws back and strokes Rey's cheek with a ringed index finger, "The boys are out on the deck, there's a fire lit and a bottle of merlot on the island in the kitchen along with some finger foods. Go, make yourself comfortable." Leia's voice has a soft maternal cadence to it that Rey finds incredibly comforting. "And for the love of God," she whispers, "make it a big glass, we'll need it tonight by the sounds of those two."

Rey smiles as she skips off, drawing herself away from the clammer of voices as Leia throws the door open and she starts to tune up her husband and son.

BB is was exactly where Leia had said she would find him. He's happily chewing away on a large bone that looks remarkably like a femur while Chewie, Han and Leia's dog, a massive Leonberger, mouths and crunches away on his own. After peeking her head out onto the deck Rey locates a wine glass and does as Leia instructed. The wine is strong but sweet and makes her insides tingle just a little. She casually sips as she wanders around the kitchen taking in the subtle changes made since the last time she was there. When it becomes evident that the Solo-Organa family is still dealing with some heated family issues Rey takes the opportunity to step out onto the deck. There's a fire glowing in the large fire pit Leia had built into the side of the house and Rey happily takes a seat in front of it.

The back deck is fenced in and lined with twinkling lights. It's ground level which makes it easier to access the lake but the latticework surrounding the seating area keeps the occupants quietly tucked away. BB shifts, picking up his treasured bone and taking it to Rey's side as she sits sipping her wine quietly. The big harry knucklehead bumps into her shins with the bone as he parades it proudly before dropping it to the floor with a clattering bang. Chewie, now interested in whatever it is BB is doing, moves away from his treat wagging his tail as though he's only just now realized they are no longer alone. With both gentle giants vying for her attention as she sits curiously close to their level, Rey doesn't notice as Ben slips out onto the deck to join her.

He looks flushed and a little embarrassed as he moves over and takes up a chair next to Rey's. They sit in amiable quiet for a minute or two, staring at the racing flames of the fire before Ben breaks their silence.

"I'm so sorry," he says earnestly causing her to flinch. His voice is soft now, back to the Ben she had met less than a week ago.

Without much else to say Rey treats him to a smile, the best one she can muster as she says, "It's ok, really." and continues to stare off looking at nothing in particular.

The moments pass with a stunted awkwardness that is almost suffocating. Her only comfort the merlot which she is sad to note she has almost finished. Han and Leia are inside busying themselves with an older woman who looks like she could be Ben's grandmother. She is pulling dishes out of their oven and is placing them on cooling racks while Leia goes about pulling plates and Han arranges the cutlery.

It's oddly sweet to watch them as they move around one another. When no one is looking they're a happy couple. Han is hands-y and adoring while Leia is flirtatious and sweet. How two people can still be so in love after so long is, in Rey's humble opinion, a miracle. Sure they fought and they fought a lot. Han had a couch in his office at Falcon Industries that Rey knew for a fact he had slept on regularly over the course of one particularly bad hand full of months. And Leia was always venting about how he'd thought of some new and very dangerous scheme calling him childish, reckless and Rey's favorite, a hopeless scoundrel. But, he was Leia's scoundrel and they are as close now as they had been the first time she'd met them.

"Makes you wonder doesn't it," Ben says wistfully, he is watching his parents now too as Han slides his hand over Leia's rear end with an affectionate pat. Leia bats at him playfully and then offers him a spoonful of something that looked like potatoes, or some other mashed root vegetable.

Rey smiles, "What's that?" she asks with quiet curiosity.

"How they do it," he replies cryptically, "I've never seen two people fight so much but love so hard."

With her empty wine glass hanging in her hand Rey thinks a moment on his words, "Something to fight for I suppose." she muses, watching as Han and Leia laugh and then share a soft, sweet kiss. It's heartwarming and endearing and exactly what Rey knows she wants in life. Someone to fight for and to love with everything she has. A love story for the ages. It's just a silly romanticized fantasy but when she watches Han and Leia it doesn't seem so unattainable.

He smiles sadly, his profile illuminated by the bright lights from inside and the twinkling lights behind them, "They've certainly had enough to fight about." Ben doesn't come right out and say it but he didn't have to, his meaning is clear. His parents have fought a lot about him over the years, a fact for which he is desperately and unequivocally sorry for.

Rey wants to know more but is too afraid to ask and so settles for nodding, saved from a response as Leia pokes her head out onto the deck to announces that dinner is ready.

Dinner is red wine, balsamic and rosemary braised lamb served with not potatoes but a delicious mashed cauliflower and cooked asparagus. Rey is in heaven. Mairem, the cook, not Ben's grandmother is a marvel in the kitchen. She had worked for them full time when Ben had been little and served as a sort of nanny for the boy while he was young. When Ben grew older, her services were limited to cooking and now she's only there a couple of times a week. She's happy to see Ben though, hugging him tightly as she tuts on his appearance and tells him he is too tall and too thin, her words thickly accented.

If she could only see him without a shirt on she might not be too quick to judge, Rey thinks to herself, smiling as she helps herself to another glass of wine. Leia has assured her she too was on glass four and had no intention of stopping.

Han and Ben are tersely quiet choosing to now ignore one another instead of engaging at all. The dinners conversation passes easily enough, Han asks Rey about work and how she's been doing up there on the mountain by herself. He tells her how much he's missed her at Falcon and has offered her her old job back before he's even finished his lamb. Ben however has finds none of this amusing, politely picking away at his meal the way a good house guest would. He adds to the conversation only when acknowledged, and listens carefully as his father, a little under the influence proudly tells them all about his newest acquisition. Of course Poe has his hands in the project, he's Han's golden boy. A wiz with an engine who has a knack for flying and reminds Han of himself in his younger days.

Ben flinches almost imperceptibly but Rey notices, placing a hand on his knee under the table to give it a soft squeeze. Leia is right, the wine does help. It's particularly effective in elevating her confidence in regard to her interactions with Ben. If he notices the light flush of her cheeks he doesn't say, but Ben is uncomfortable in a way that makes Rey's heartache for him. She's not sure if it would be better or worse to steer the conversation in Ben's direction but chooses against it when she witnesses him jab a piece of asparagus with his fork in a strained sort of agitation.

The conversation flows easily enough, but when Leia asks Ben how he's been feeling the air in the room grows still. Ben doesn't want to talk about it, answering evasively while Han grunts a mocking scoff. Rey upon finishing her fourth glass of wine decided it may be best to excuse herself to the bathroom, stumbling a little as she stands. The alcohol has rushed to her head at the change in positions causing the world around her to pitch to the left. Ben's at her side before she has time to realize what's happening, a hand at her elbow to steady her.

"You good?" he asks softly.

She can feel the eyes of his parents on them, watching with a curiosity that's a mix of hopeful elation and stunted fear. Han's words echo within her head inquiring about whether or not she and Ben had been _intimate_. Her cheeks are flushed but Ben's fingers merely grip her elbow harder. "Yeah, yeah just stood too quickly," she assures him, nodding once she's sure she won't topple over. "I just need to run to the bathroom," she says softly, touching his bicep in a way that is far too affectionate.

He smiles and nods once in acknowledgment before he takes his seat at the table again. Her steps carry her down the hallway towards the powder room. It's not that she really needs to go, it's a more need to remove herself from the tense situation she was currently enduring. This was a whole new level to Han that she's never seen before and she can't say she enjoys it. Ben is an enigma with his past wrapped around him restraining his happiness in the present. His father can't let it go and his is mother desperate to have her family back together. Rey can't help but feel like she's been put in the position of duct tape holding this tense family together through a very awkward meal.

She leans against the sink, hands pressed into the marble basin when Leia's voice breaks through the quiet. She's scolding Han, telling him to smarten up. Han's reply is something about being worried about Rey when Leia tells him to stop being such an arrogant ass. That's when Leia turns on her son and the conversation falls quiet. There's a rumbling of voices that Rey adamantly ignores deciding instead to turn the tap on. She splashes the water carefully against her face scrubbing her palms down across her cheeks. They're pink, her eyes oddly bloodshot. How much wine had she had to drink again? She couldn't think clearly but she was sure Leia had just opened the third or was it the fourth? Had Han been drinking? Had she and Leia polished off three bottles of wine together?

She struggles to think through the alcohol-fuelled haze but is pulled from her thoughts by a loud bang and a flurry of raised voices. The situation is making her nervous and she's hesitant to return. Rey has never been good with confrontation of this sort. She can stand up for herself sure and she's not afraid to hold her ground but there's a hostility here that reminds her of her childhood. It's a memory that makes her dizzy, the world spinning as she rights herself, steels her resolve and returns to the dining room. Ben has his father by the shirt collar and Leia is pleading with her son to let him go. Han however is the picture of cool indifference as he levels his gaze with Ben, eyes cold and challenging. Ben looks positively wild, his dark eyes wide and filled with a dangerous sort of fire she's only ever seen once before. It was how her Uncle Plutt had looked right before he'd put his hands on Rey the first time.

Her Uncle Unkar, known by Plutt by his friends was a mean drunk who had taken Rey in after her parents were killed in a car accident. She had been little older than five at the time and Unkar had no right taking in a child her age. He hadn't wanted her so much as the money that had been put aside for Rey when she turned nineteen and the small stipend that came with raising the kid. He was unfortunately her only known living relative so she was left with little else to do but go and live with him in Jakku. He had been ok enough in the beginning, not nice but not horrible. He made sure she was fed, sent her to school, didn't really neglect her in any way but as Rey got older Plutt got meaner and meaner. He was verbally abusive and had a nasty habit of gaslighting Rey so her self esteem was next to none existent. She was nine the first time he hit her. She couldn't remember much about it other than being hit so hard it knocked the air right out of her. She'd never been able to remember what it was she'd said or done, just that intense pain as it cracked through her skull and the way her head hit the wall afterward. That and the look in his eye, fury and anger the likes of which Rey had never witnessed before in her life and never would again until this very moment.

She shudders as she draws away, stumbling over her feet as Han seethes, "Do it kid, wouldn't be the first time you hit your old man." His voice is so calm it's almost eery as if this sort of thing happens every day. The edge of disdain however is sharp and cruel.

"You'd like that wouldn't you." Ben's voice is loud, almost a holler, as his fist clench tighter in the fabric of Han's shirt. His sleeves are rolled up some, the muscles of his forearms flexing and strained. "Prove I haven't changed, prove you were right."

Han is shaking his head, his face strained beneath an emotion that looks almost like incredulous pain, "I don't want to be right Ben, it's the last thing I want."

"Bullshit," Ben barks. He's taller than his father but not by much. Han isn't a big man by nature but he's tall and can hold his own in an argument. Rey's seen him go toe to toe against angry delivery drivers and hostile workers plenty of times. Against Ben however, Han looks small, older in a way that ages him desperately. Ben is dark and angry and terrifying while Han is pale and placid and waiting. It's an image that Rey has now burned into her mind and she wishes she hasn't. She doesn't want to see Ben this way but she was warned wasn't she?

Poe's voice chimes into her mind, a regretful, '_I told you so_.' as she watches Ben, this immense figure of a man standing over his father as a menacing threat.

"You two stop it now!" Leia cries as she pulls on Ben's arm. If Han looks small compared to Ben Leia is puny. She's hollering now, her first beating on Ben's bicep with the futility of a four-year-old trying to push a crate full of power tools. "Ben let him go!"

They've seemed to have forgotten about Rey as she presses herself against the wall, making herself an unimposing as possible. The threat of violence is thick and she's starting to become afraid, shaking against her need to be incredibly still. Be unseen, be silent, it was the only way to avoid getting hit when she was young and as her body slips into muscle memory she adopts the same mechanisms to remain safe and untouched.

"Didn't the Marines teach you to control that anger kid?" Han is grumbling, his voice gruff and gravely. Rey can't tell if he's egging Ben on or trying to help.

Ben's lips are pressed together as though he's biting them from the inside, "FUCK." he screams and Rey inhales sharply, it's the first noise she's made since she's come out from the bathroom.

Three heads turn in unison to see her standing pressed against the wall tight and afraid. Ben drops his father's shirt, stepping back as he worries his hand over his nose and jaw. Han looks like he wants to say something, to reach out to her but he thinks better of it. It's Leia who approaches slowly. Her presence is calm, her hand held out as though approaching a timid animal. Rey counts the rings on her fingers, her eyes follow the line of her manicured nails. She's focusing on the glasses Leia has slid up onto of her head, the opal necklace hanging around her neck like a tiny glittering moon. Her eyes are everywhere, the wine making her dizzy, the raised voices making her panic.

She hasn't had an anxiety attack since she was young and she doesn't want to start again now. She's stronger than this, she will not allow herself to go back down this path. Plutt will not win, not now, not ever again. She's so focused on not slipping away that she doesn't hear Leia's voice as she says her name. Her lips are moving but Rey can't hear the sound. She's slipping, tumbling against the fear. _Be strong_, her heartbeats, _be strong, be strong, be strong_. Leia's lips are still moving, she's talking. She's saying something, she's trying to talk to Rey.

"Rey, sweetheart." her voice breaks over the static and crackling buzz that has filled Rey's head. "Sweetheart, look at me."

Rey is wide-eyed, her eyes burning as they water and her voice catches in her throat, "I'm sorry, I think I need to go home," she says in a voice both broken and hallow. She looks to Han, then Ben and then back to Leia, "Dinner was lovely," she's worrying her hands against her arms as they fold across her chest. "Thank you so much for inviting me."

Ben is stepping forward, "I'll take you home," he says but Han places himself between them, his shoulders set.

He may be smaller then Ben but when he's squared up like this Rey feels like he could probably stand his own. "You won't go near her," he demands, pointing in his son's face in a way Rey has seen him do a hundred times to a hundred different people.

Rolling his eyes Ben quips, "Who's going to get her home then Han, you? You're still high, Mums had nearly a bottle and a half of wine."

Leia is agreeing with her son but she doesn't want him going up the mountain on his bike, plus they need to get BB home too. "Take my Lincoln," she says.

Han is adamantly against the idea, "Do NOT let him take the Navigator Leia." He says sharply.

Thank god Leia can handle her husband better than anyone else, "Oh stop it you old fool he's not eighteen and he doesn't have anything in his system." When she turns to Ben she smiles softly, placing a hand on his forearm in a moment of maternal warmth, "You take her home, stay with her if you have to but give her space."

"Don't encourage that, he terrified her!" Han is gesticulating with his palm open, his voice rising in a way that makes Rey's shoulders tense. Normally she's ok with raised voices, normally she's ok with yelling and fighting but there's something about the way Ben looked, about the sound of Han's voice, the cadence in which Ben spoke. There was something about it all, the combination of it that made her feel helpless and young again. It kicked her fight or flight into overdrive and now the slightest noise was making her want to bolt or lash out. She was afraid if anyone got too close to her she'd punch them, an involuntary reaction, unintentional but effective for keeping people away.

Growling at Han, Leia bites out softly through gritted teeth, "Lower. Your. Voice." She swats him before turning to Rey, "Sweetheart," her voice is soft again and Rey likes the way it sounds, "Ben is going to take you home ok? He's going to take my car and get you and BB home. I'd like Ben to stay with you if that's ok." It's like she's offering Rey a lollypop if she took her medicine like a good girl. The thought of it makes Rey laugh to herself but as Ben moves towards her she draws back away from him quickly.

"See," Han grumbles again, "She should stay here for the night."

"She doesn't want to stay here tonight Han, she wants to go home. She wants to feel safe." Leia knows Leia understands, "Rey, can Ben stay with you tonight?"

She looks at Ben, tall beautiful Ben with his dark eyes now soft and curiously alarmed. His lips full and kissable and capable of saying sweet and yet incredibly hurtful things. Ben with his desire to know her, to be close to her. Ben with his temper and his rage and his deep and desperate need, but for what?

Was she ok with Ben staying with her? Couldn't she just send him away? She's used to being alone, she can be alone, but she doesn't want to be alone. With large doe brown eyes she looks to Ben, his eyes searching hers as he looks for answers to unasked questions. Like a child without a treasure map looking for clues to pieces of buried gold.

His eyes hold a pleading sort of need. What he's asking, she isn't entirely sure but she feels like she might need it too. She nods without speaking and Leia releases a sigh of relief.

"Ben you come with me, I'll get you the keys. Han… down boy." Han put his hands up in a defensive way as his wife and son exit the room. Rey can hear them as Leia tells Ben hushed secrets and half-truths, filling him in on a background she's unwilling to share with him herself just yet.

When they're gone from sight Han casts a look over his shoulder before he draws himself closer. Rey watches him with the curiosity of a child as he finds himself before her a mere few feet away. His expression is soft and Han-like again. The way he used to look at her when she was seventeen and had just sent herself into a panic because she was afraid she'd messed up a shipment or taken an order wrong. His smile is kind, his eyes soft, his words uttered almost breathlessly, "Hey kid…"

She has always loved it when he called her that, it was a very Han thing to do. When he raises a hand to gently touch her cheek she doesn't flinch away like she thought she might. Instead she watches him curiously. "You going to be ok?"

Is she? She's not entirely sure, she thinks so?

Maybe?

She doesn't know how to answer and so she just nods.

Han takes a deep breath in and then lets it out soft and steady, "Fuck that kid…" Ben, he's talking about Ben. "Look, you and me kid, we're going to get lunch sometime real soon. Have a good chat. Ok?"

Rey nods again and Han smiles sadly.

"You're safe, Ben will keep you safe." He says the words like he actually believes them causing Rey to quirk her head. Han simply pushes passed the thought like walking through a fog. "I'm so sorry, he just… there's so much." he sighs heavily, his strong arms drawing her into a tight hug. Han gave good hugs too, not as good as Leia but they were different. He smells like cloves, sandalwood and the faintest hint of grease. His arms wrap around her, drawing her head against his shoulder as he cradles her close to his heart. "You're too good for the likes of us kid, men like Ben and me but I'm so incredibly grateful we have you," he whispers softly and Rey winds her arms around him in return. She pulls in close to him and loses herself against the man who saved her all those years ago.

Ben and Leia are back quickly as Han whispers that he loves her and Rey wills herself not to cry. When he pulls away he steps back and places his hands on his hips as she moves towards Ben. Leia has wrapped up some supper to take home as well as a healthy helping of dessert. She's wrapping an arm around Rey as they walk to the door, leaving Ben to carry the food and all of BB's things. The large beast of a dog follows along behind them watching his master closely. Ben has the car in the driveway idling as he takes out her things first before coming back and wrapping his jacket around Rey's shoulders telling her it's cold and she'll need it.

She doesn't feel the cold though, her body is warm, alight with adrenaline and drink. October is almost over, she's going to do a dry November she decides, blaming the wine for her poor reaction and overall state of panic.

Once she's in the car and they're pulling away she feels Ben's hand drape over her kneecap softly. She can see it for the apology it is and the questions that lie beneath it but she doesn't have the energy to go down that path.

Not now.

So instead she presses her forehead to the cool windowpane and watches the scenery go by under the shadow of darkness.


	9. Chapter 9

_Heads up friends, this chapter has mild mentioning of _**domestic abuse.  
**_It all seems to have come to a head rather quickly. I hadn't meant for Ben and Rey's attraction to be so intense so fast, it was supposed to be more of a slow burn but have no fear just because the attraction is there they have a lot of things to work through! _

* * *

True to his word Ben drove her home that night and stayed until the next morning. His presence in her home was odd and made her feel uncharacteristically uneasy but he didn't leave until he was sure she was going to be ok. In her heart of hearts, she knew she was being unfair to him. She barely spoke more than a handful of words, her heart a stone hammer within her chest. She was stuck between the rational and irrational and Ben, patient and sweet was so good to just follow her lead.

She tried, she really did but the words died in her throat when he looked at her, his dark eyes pleading and fearful. He left the next morning after she'd called in sick. The first time she's done so in years and still the guilt she feels is minor. After turning her phone on silent she takes an Ativan and then texts Finn to ask if he and Poe can pick up her vehicle sometime through the day. Whenever it's convenient for them, she'll be around. She didn't bother to check for a response but let BB out for his morning business and then crawled straight back into bed.

Her sleep the night before had been an exercise in gymnastics. Her bed looks like she'd had the cast of Cirque de Soleil over for a private performance but she can't be bothered to redress it. With her curtains pulled, the room is cast in a muted morning glow and she allows sleep to steal her away, this time she sleeps like the dead.

When she wakes up her house smells like roasted hazelnut coffee and fresh blueberry scones. It's gloriously distracting and makes her belly grumble in its desperate need for sustenance. Her feet draw a groggy line across the floor as she makes the way to the ledge of her loft overlooking her living space below. The large railway station clock hanging from her wall tells her it is in fact two in the afternoon and she's slept half of the day away.

God bless good drugs.

The smell is curtesy of Poe and Finn who are sitting at her kitchen table with a bouquet of flowers. As she descends the stairs she realizes it's no normal bouquet but a beautiful array of sunflowers, white roses, lily of the valley, babies breath and pinecones. An odd mixture but one that is incredibly pleasing to the eye.

"Oh boys," Rey chimes upon her approach, voice thick with sleep and stunted from underuse, "Are those for me?" she asks as she slides a hand over each of their shoulders.

Finn casts Poe a rueful smile as Poe says, "They're for you, but they're not from us." He offers her an apologetic smile as he hands her the card. The envelope is crisp, white and smells faintly of coconut hand lotion. She smiles as she inhales the scent, sliding in to take a seat opposite Finn. Wincing as the bright light from her board windows meets her sleep stunted gaze. Her head hurts, not a little, but a lot. It aches in a way that makes her want to crawl right back into bed.

As though he recognizes the signs, Finn is to his feet and maneuvering around her kitchen with comfortable ease. He pulls down one of her favorite mugs and sets to pouring her a cup of coffee as Rey turns the card over in her hand. She hates this feeling, the dirty feeling of too much alcohol, and drug-assisted sleep that makes her feel seedy.

So, she focuses instead on the flowers and the sweet scent of freshly baked scones mingling with java and hazelnut. The smooth envelope in her hand is like a weight on her soul as she slides her finger beneath its flap breaking the seal. The flowers are from Han and Leia, an apology for the night before inscribed across the folded paper inside. It's inked in Leia's neat penmanship thanking Rey for her company while expressing her anticipation of their next visit. Hopefully under better circumstances. The gesture is sweet but unnecessary and yet welcome all at the same time.

Finn returns quickly, a mug of coffee in one hand, a plate sporting a buttery looking scone in the other. He places both in front of Rey carefully before sinking back into his seat next to Poe. The two share a look which Rey chooses to ignore as she picks up the warm mug and inhales deeply the delicious scents wafting through its steam. It's an amazing mixture of sharp, dark, bitter chocolate, hazelnut and roasted coffee beans. She knows instantly where it has come from. The little coffee shop down the road from Falcon Industries. The one she loves but never seems to have time to stop into. It's a little hole in the wall but they serve the best coffee in the Middle Rim. Better then Juniors but they won't ever tell Junior that.

Her friends are quiet and patient as they watch her with apprehensive care. She tries to ignore their looks of concern as she sips on the deliciously hot liquid nestled between her palms. She knows either Han or Leia has likely filled them in on some of the drama because they look at her now as if she is going to slowly start to break apart before their very eyes.

"I'm fine guys," she says softly as she takes a careful sip of the dark liquid gold. It's warm against her tongue in a way that doesn't burn but soothes her tastebuds beneath its heat. She savors the rich taste using it as an excuse not to further the discussion she really doesn't want to have. Poe and Finn however show no real signs of leaving.

Poe looks apprehensive as he lets out a slow, "Uh…. uhhhhh…." nodding discretely to Finn in hopes that Finn will know what to say or do.

"Peanut," he says with a softness that betrays his intent.

"I'm not talking about it guys," she speaks into the mug, her words distorting against the rim of ceramic, "I'm ok."

Neither of them believes her, they want to, they just can't. "Han said it was pretty bad." Poe hedges as Finn moves his chair closer to his partners. They don't usually sit like this, pressed so close together, like a unified front. For a split second Rey has the thought they might be trying to strong-arm her but Finn looks distressed and Poe is cradling Finn's hand within his own.

"Well it wasn't good," Rey says sadly. She wants to tell them but she doesn't want to be unfair to Ben. It's all so complicated and she's not even aware of half of the sordid tale. Anxious fear bubbles up in her chest as she recalls the look in Ben's eyes as he held Han ready to strike. The regret and torment there when he realized what he'd done. "Everything will be ok though."

"Peanut you're shaking." Finn points out and she is. She quickly sets her mug down on the table, the liquid within the cup sloshing around before the bottom strikes the tabletop.

Poe, the closer of the two reaches out to rest his hand against hers but Rey draws back, sitting with her back flush against the seat. Her eyes feel puffy and hot but she knows she's not crying. She doesn't feel like she is.

"He didn't…" Poe's voice grows dangerously low when he asks, "hurt you did he?" There's a dark sort of malice in his brown eyes that Rey finds unsettling. Even still it doesn't scare her the way the look in Ben's eyes did. Maybe it has something to do with the way that she knows Poe. Her comfort with him perhaps or the knowledge that Poe could never hurt anyone let alone her. When she thinks about it though she didn't feel like Ben was going her either. She didn't feel unsafe when he was with her and even Han was sure Ben would protect her. What was it then?

"No, no, I don't think he has it in him," Rey says idly, her eyes on the floor but her mind is lost in a sea of thoughts. She almost misses the look that both Finn and Poe share before they pin her beneath matching pairs of serious, dark eyes. "What?"

Finn looks like he's going to try and stop Poe but Poe slides his hand out from Finns and holds it up, effectively silencing Finn in the process, "No," he says a little sharper then Rey's heard him speak to his partner before, "No, I'm not doing this, I don't owe him anything"

Finn says Poe's name but Poe presses on, "Rey, Ben's fucked up, like a lot." he levels her with a gaze that tells her he's not messing around. There's no embellishment here, no dancing around the truth. He's never been one to sugar coat anything but he's good at being evasive with the truth. Right now, he's putting all the cards on the table, "He's got anger issues and in a big way."

Rey mutters that she's seen it first hand and Poe frowns, "He was a messed up kid, he got into some serious trouble, sure he stole Han's bike, but that's nothing. I know it's not my place to say and sure he should tell you himself but that's not the first time he's put his hands on Han."

Rey had kind of figured that already by the way their evening had gone down. Ben was enraged in a way that a lot of people just don't have in them but Han? Han had been antagonizing him all evening. Rey was in the bathroom when it happened so Han might have said something to set Ben off. That didn't excuse the outburst but it didn't make Han innocent either.

"I knew Ben in high school, or at least I knew of him. He was a few years younger than me and he was a total mess. He put Han in the hospital once. I think he was about eighteen when that happened." Poe has Rey pinned as he speaks, and she doesn't like the way it feels to be so under his scrutiny but he doesn't let up, "Then there was this spice dealer he used to hang out with, Usher. Ben and Usher were friends until something happened. This girl Ben was friends with, they might have been dating I don't know. She OD'd on some bad Spice. Ben went ballistic and beat Usher within an inch of his life."

Finn shudders as Poe's voice drifts off, "I remember that. It left him scrambled pretty badly didn't it?"

Nodding Poe says, "Han has him clean the shop, makes sure he's taken care of. I think its the only reason Ben wasn't up on charges for it." his words on the topic are nonchalant now but Poe steadies Rey with a serious look when he says, "I have my biases yes but the reason I'm telling you this is because I was there when Han got you away from Plutt. I packed your things, I drove you away from Jakku and that hellhole." This time when Poe places his hand on Rey's she doesn't flinch, "I remember the bruises, I remember the sleepless nights and I remember the fear."

"You're a bright light Peanut," Finn adds with a weak grin, "broken people flock to you like you're their salvation.

They aren't wrong and Rey hates to admit that but still she feels this pull to Ben like he's calling to her as though he belongs to her. She can't explain it but she knows there's more to the story than what Finn and Poe are aware of. Still she heeds their words promising to take them seriously.

Trying to calm their raging concern Rey gives them a firm smile and sets to inhaling the offered scone. She listens as they talk but doesn't offer much in the way of conversation. Her head is pounding in a way that tells her she's bound for bed again in only a matter of time. It's not that she's hungover she realizes, though she's still swearing off alcohol for the entire month of November. Her eyes ache and her mind feels fuzzy in a way that makes her want to empty her stomach. It isn't until she has something in her stomach that she realizes she actually feels nauseous.

Finn and Poe have switched topics now, they're talking about Hux and his new girlfriend, a tall Amazonian woman by the name of Gwen. They hypothesize how he could have managed to trick her into thinking he was a decent human being, joking about his pasty skin and odd manner of dressing. Like some hipster goth with expensive taste and a bad haircut. Rey feels a little bad for Hux, he's a decent human being when he's not being antagonized which is almost constantly.

After a while they start to talk about Falcon which brings the conversation back to Han and an odd sort of pang strikes Rey in the chest. After everything that went down Han had been oddly paternal in the end. She files that away under information to be pondered over at another time and listens as Poe and Finn tell her about Andy their newest hire and how Han terrorizes the poor man.

They only really stay about an hour and a half but it feels as though they've been there all day. When Finn picks up on the way Rey's eyes look shadowed and distant he instructs Poe to clean up and ushers Rey back into bed. Bringing her a glass of water and one of her pills he promises to let BB out and then lock up but he'll be checking on her later.

The promise of his text makes her think of her cellphone and as Finn descends her loft stairs she fishes for the small device finding it trapped between her headboard and mattress. The bright screen is havoc on her eyes as she turns the brightness down several notches. There are too many text messages for her to comprehend, Jannah inquires after her well being telling her to text if she needs anything. Holdo wants to know if Rey would like the next day off as well, no pressure, just concern. Her boss is a saint and Rey takes the inquiry under serious thought.

She has a text from Snap which she chooses to ignore. She thumbs passed his name but not without acknowledging the lack of that familiar pang of hopefulness his name often provoked. Hux wants to know what she's done to break Ben and demands she fix it at once. She wants to fire back a '_sod off'_ but chooses instead to ignore him as well. Then there's Ben. His texts are paragraphs outlining his deep apologies, and concern. She has a sinking feeling that someone may have told him a little about her past but she can't find it within herself to care too deeply. It's not as though its a secret.

As she lays in the quiet of her bed listening to her friends while they play with BB outside she thinks about what it is she wants to say to Ben. After a few minutes she takes her pill, washes it down with a gulp of water and settles on a simple.

_-Have a migraine, call you later?-_

Her eyes ache and she's starting to lose focus on the world around her. Her vision is awash with fuzzy edges and the deep jarring sound of static. She hears her door lock somewhere in the distance as her mind swims and swirls, the world shifting on its side. It's all she can do to just lay there, eyes closed and wait for her medication to kick in. The sweet embrace of sleep cannot come soon enough but when it does it brings with it a swell of flashing images and sounds from deep within the dark recesses of her subconscious. Her memories beat a strange time within her mind, a jumble of information and experiences that have melded together and make little to no sense. Still the imprint left is one of groping panic as she runs and hides. She's eight, she's ten, she's fifteen. Plutt's big meaty hands, the smell of bourbon on his breath as he yells in her face. The nights where she falls asleep in front of her door to her bedroom in case one of Plutt's friends decide they might act on the filthy words they mutter to her as she passes.

She's breathing hard, her brow coated in sweat when she wakes up. BB is sleeping on the floor instead of in bed with her, a sign she's been thrashing. There's a pillow across the room and one in her hands that's been ripped open, it's fluffy contents spilling out. She can't get her heart to settle, she feels wild and filled with adrenaline as though she's been out running in the woods. She hasn't thought of Plutt in a long time, he's a ghost in her life but even still he haunts her. She can feel his hands on her wrists and the thought sends a fevered ache roiling through her. She's pacing and panting and feels like her world is coming apart around her.

It doesn't make sense, none of it makes sense. Least of all her deep-seated need to reach out to Ben. As if summoned by thought, Rey sees her phone light up in the darkness. It fell to the floor at some point through her fevered dreams and it's sitting a few feet away. Stalking over to pick it up she looks to see his name staring up at her. As she swipes open the message she sees he's sent her a series of funny Bernese pictures. A Bernese in a top hat with the comment, '_new look for BB?_'

There's a gif of a puppy licking peanut butter off its nose and Bernese laying in an awkward position, it's ears up, eyes wide in shock with the tag line, _'I'm not weird I'm limited edition_'

Rey laughs to herself, the sound almost foreign to her ears. The glowing numbers on the phone tell her it's after midnight but Ben's clearly still up. He's been sending her funny pictures. Her head doesn't hurt as much, the ache a dull roar now and less of an all-encompassing drowning feeling.

When his next gif comes in, a Bernese sitting between a pair of cows as they lick its face, Rey hits dial and holds the phone to her ear. Ben sounds almost surprised when he answers, his voice stiff as he clears his throat. He doesn't say Hi, he simply asks, "How are you feeling?"

Rey sighs, letting the sound of his voice wash over her. She feels like a teenager as his words melt into her settling somewhere in her belly like warm smooth whiskey. "Better, haggard but better."

"Did you get your car?" he asks practically, his tone neutral and unimposing, keeping their conversation light and easy,

"Yeah, Poe and Finn brought it up, with coffee and scones this afternoon," she tells him as she settles back onto her bed, drawing her knees to her chest as she presses her back into the headboard. "They didn't stay long, I've been in and out of it all day. Mostly out," she adds with a soft laugh. She can hear Ben meet it with his own on the other end and the breathy exhale of air makes her smile.

"You need anything?" he asks and Rey can't help the flutter within her chest at his show of concern.

With another sigh, "That's a loaded question." she tells him absently and he seems to pick up on her meaning.

"Anything I can do?" he offers instead.

Her body is torn between exhaustion and physically alert. It's a stunned feeling where she feels the need for more sleep but her body just wants to move. She pauses on his words a moment, ruminating on the implication, wondering whether he could actually rush to her aid if she asked. It's a childish idea and she knows it. It's cruel to toy with him and she doesn't know if she's ok seeing him just yet anyway, "No," she answers after a few seconds of silence, "Just more sleep, my body is all buggered up"

They fall into an easy conversation, she asks about Hux and his cryptic text. He's laughing as he explains that Hux has been flustered over his new girlfriend. She asks questions there and laughs as he tells her about Hux's last girlfriend and how poorly that went over. Rey doesn't say anything but she knows Rose well. They don't talk about anything serious but it feels like she's known him forever, as though midnight conversations were a common thing in their newly budding friendship.

She imagines him sitting on a bed of dark sheets, ready for bed himself as they laugh and share a pleasant back and forth. And so this becomes routine for them.

She doesn't see Ben for quite a while, finding herself back to work the next day despite the niggling sensation in the back of her mind she should have taken another day. Work is easy though, it's a comfortable place for her where things make sense. She loves her job, she loves her clients and she loves the peace of mind she gains from losing herself in the functional problems of posture and injury. Keeping her hands busy keeps her mind busy and when her mind is busy she can't spiral out of control.

The dreams don't stop either but she fills her evenings with texts and phone conversations with Ben. He's easy to talk to and a wealth of knowledge on a plethora of different topics. He tells her stories too outlandish to be true but too detailed to not be. They play a game of two truths and a lie discovering hidden pieces of information about one another that would otherwise have remained unspoken. Ben is eerily good at the game but he's fun too. Laughing at her cries of disbelief and egging her on when she stumbles on picking her information. She loves the sound of his laugh and finds herself chasing after it like a child after butterflies. They don't talk about anything too serious, giving those topics a wide birth. They both seem content to chip away at the obscure, like how Ben hates the feeling of anything between his toes and Rey gets uncomfortable when the volume is on an even number.

He's the last person she talks to at night and the first person she hears from or texts in the morning. Hiding him away, she treasures the little bubble they've surrounded themselves in but still she finds herself avoiding his presence.

In her dreams Plutt becomes Ben staring at her with those wild and dangerous eyes. When he hits her, it's not just the physical pain of it that shatters through her body but there's heartbreak there too. He drags her down the hallway by her ankles and locks her in the closet the way Plutt use to or pulls her by a mittful of her hair, smashing her face against the doorframe in the process.

Something inside her tears a little each time but every time she wakes up from one of these dreams it's Ben she wants to reach out to. She's not sleeping and her friends are starting to get worried. Poe and Finn have taken to alternating invites to dinner or stopping into her work with lunch. Even Amilyn seems softer somehow when she speaks to Rey. She's always been a kind employer but now she's emanating a maternal warmth that almost makes Rey uncomfortable. Still she assures everyone she's ok and it's only Ben who doesn't press the issue. He makes the odd comment here or there and inquires about how she's slept so someone has been feeding him information but that's all.

It's on a Thursday night when she's getting ready to call Ben that she receives a text message from Han. It's short but sweet, asking her to meet him the next day after she gets off work. they'll go for lunch. She works the morning shift, though she's not sure he should have or could have known that. He's likely been interrogating the boys again. He wants to meet at Kessel's Run around one if she's free. It's a bar in the underground that Han has been known the frequent. It's not a place he would normally have picked to meet but it affords the privacy that high scale restaurants often lack.

She fires him off a quick confirmation changing the time to one thirty to give herself enough time to get there. She's hitting send just as Ben's name lights up her screen sending her lips into a Cheshire grin.

Work goes by easily enough, it's busy for a morning, but that's how Rey likes it. She putters away at paperwork settling up some old files before she slips off wishing Jannah and Paige, their new receptionist a good weekend. The trip to Kessel's Run is an odd one, she has to double back a few times as she keeps missing the turn off down Dresden Row. It's a small side street tucked away in the Akkkadese district that Rey isn't familiar with. The whole area has her in a tailspin when she finally pulls up outside the little hole in the wall pub.

Han is already inside a pint of ale in front of him as he waves her over. The atmosphere in the room is dark, a hazy sort of brown light filtering in through oddly tinted windows. At this time of day the only other patrons look to be regulars sitting at the bar enjoying a lunch hour pitcher.

Rey takes the seat next to Han placing her purse in the seat next to her as a woman in her mid-fifties with her hair pulled back in a tight braid approaches them. In her hands, she carries a glass of water and a pair of menus. She gives her name with a friendly grin flirting a little with Han as she tells them to wave her over when they've decided.

This happens a lot, women tripping over themselves around Han. He's what her friends would call a silver fox. Rey just never saw it, he's too close to a father figure for her to be attracted to him and he clearly only has eyes for Leia.

"So… Kid," Han starts on uneasy footing, his hands drawn together, fingers interlaced as he rests them on the table. "How have you been?"

She hasn't even looked at her menu yet but casts him an appraising look. "Tired if I'm being honest," she says surely her eyes skimming the limited options for something that sounds appetizing. "What are you getting?"

He doesn't seem to appreciate her evasive maneuver, quickly telling her he's getting a cheeseburger and fries while he fixes her with a knowing stare. "Heard you're not sleeping well," he says finally, "any truth to that?"

Rey shrugs in a way that has Han narrowing his eyes at her. She can't hide from him, she never could. He sees her in a way the others don't, even Luke. He was once the kid who didn't belong to anybody and he knows her past like he's written it himself. Han grew up rough and alone so he knows what her demons look like. It's how he was so quick to discover the abuse and why he never pushed her to talk about it until she was ready.

"Some nights are hard sure," she offers him easily enough, trying to breeze over the idea that she's suffering from some unseen struggle. Han sees through that ruse too, far too easily. He's taking a deep swig of his beer and narrows his eyes at her a moment before Rey waves Colleen over for the orders. She thinks she being smart but when the waitress scurries off to the kitchen Han has her.

"Rey," he says sternly, a warning to cut the foolishness, "don't bullshit a bullshitter kid. I'll ask again, Are you not sleeping?"

"It's hard," she admits, watching him as he nods knowingly.

"Nightmares? Flashbacks? Something different altogether?"

He's seen it all so he knows her pattern but at this point he waits patiently for her to offer up the good stuff. She feels the pressure of his affection for her, a need for her to be ok and soon a dam breaks and she's telling him all of it. The warnings from her friends and bits of information she's been fed here and there. The fear and the flashbacks and that_ look_. She tells him what that look in Ben's eye did to her, how it broke her tightly woven resolve and freed her demons. Rey tells Han about how she clings to Ben and yet now feels afraid of him. The late-night phone calls, and this undeniable connection that tells her he'll keep her safe.

Its a myriad of confusing emotions and feelings that she only half understands because none of this makes sense. It's impossible to feel so intensely about another human being in such a short period of time and she knows she shouldn't even be feeling this way. She feels stupid when she's done. The waitress has been avoiding their table and her unshed tears. She brings their food only when Rey has fallen silent and Han is treating her to a sad knowing smile.

"I love my kid," he says in a way that shocks her. There's a sureness in his words that makes Han sound almost like Leia but Rey watches as he continues, "Ben was a good kid, quiet, awkward, he always wanted to be with us and it was hard. I was just coming out of service, I had no idea what I was supposed to do with myself and Leia was headlong into politics." he explains to her his words simple and easy. He's unfolding his napkin that's wrapped around his knife and fork as he continues, "I was home with him a lot and he was such a happy kid. He wanted me to teach him about bikes and planes so I did. It was weird being idolized by such a small human but I loved him I just didn't know anything about being a dad. Falcon was his idea, sort of anyway. He sparked it and I ran with it. I was busy again and Ben was lost in that."

She continues to watch him as he speaks, his schooled movements, the easy way he had about him. He always comes across so casual but there is a line of meticulous deliberation to everything he does that she had never noticed until this moment.

"Having a kid… there's nothing like it in the world Rey. Ben was everything to us, _is_ everything to us and so we worked to give him everything we thought he needed. We just took for granted how much of that was simply just us. Leia came out of politics and tried to be there for him but she had no idea how to relate to him and he was getting so angry. It was my fault I know that, but by the time I realized it he was lost. We fought all the time, it was bad. _Really_ bad. Ben started to withdraw within himself and that was when the drugs started I think. He got in with a bad crowd but they seemed to understand him or made him feel like they did... I don't know he was just so filled with anger and hate. It's hard to see someone go through that, I was filled with regret. I blamed myself and that made_ me_ angry, Ben's behavior made me angry, the drug use, the stealing, all of it. Love makes you do strange things when it gets wrapped up in those kinds of emotions."

He's dressing his plate as he speaks, taking his burger apart to rearrange the toppings before running ketchup over his fries in a zig-zagging pattern. "Poe told me he put you in the hospital." Rey finds herself saying before realizing it's being said.

Han looks up at her, his mouth a hard line, not mad but upset as he seems to mull over his words carefully, "Yeah… yeah that happened." he confirms, "I mean, shit Yeah." he inhales sharply with an awkward shake of his head, more of a tick to the side then a yes or a no motion, "That was bad, I mean real bad. But you have to understand that drugs were involved in that situation. We told him we didn't want him hanging around with his girlfriend anymore. They were toxic. There was this pull of hatred that kept them together it was insane. She'd get aggressive with him and he'd just take it. Leia was going nuts, I didn't know what to do. We fought, the little minx had gotten into Leia's jewelry and fenced some pieces of Leia's mothers and that was the last straw. I grabbed her by the arm, admittedly not my best moment and Ben lost it." He's popping a few fries in his mouth, chewing on them quietly before he says, "Ben took off after that, we didn't see him for months until he showed up on our doorstep covered in blood. His hands were a mess, he was incoherent. I'll never forget that moment so long as I live it was terrifying. The girl was dead, bad Spice I guess, Ben went after the dealer. A friend of his apparently and it got bad. The guy got him a few good times with a knife, nothing major but Ben nearly killed the guy. We got him into rehab and it wasn't long after that he joined the Marines."

Rey's food has gone untouched, she's listening so intently to Han she's forgotten that it's even there. "Why do you egg him on then?" she finds herself asking.

The question catches him off guard and he's rubbing his hand at the back of his neck as he answers slowly, "That's complicated too, there's a lot more to the history than just what I've told you. It's Ben's story and I wouldn't have told you myself if I wasn't so concerned about you. I will tell you this though, He would never hurt you. He's done a lot of things in his life kid but Ben feels things with an intensity that other people often can't understand and he'd die before he put his hands on you."

"You can hurt a person in a lot of ways Han, you know that. You don't need to put your hands on them," she thinks back to the ugly words Plutt use to drape her in, the manipulation, the mental torture. But there's a truth to Han's words that she clings to. Ben isn't cruel, he's timid and lost.

Han acknowledges her words with a soft "Mmm," as he chews on a mouth full of burger. The silence gives her an opportunity to try a few of her own fries finding them deliciously crunchy and tinged with a faint unrecognizable flavor. "I won't lie, I'd rather you steered clear of him Rey," Han says as he swallows dabbing at the corner of his mouth with his napkin. "Ben's in for a rude awakening when they give him his honorable discharge. He won't take it well."

"But he's determined to go back," she responds quickly, confused but admittedly utterly in the dark to the proceedings within such a military body.

"With an injury like that, I'm surprised they've given him this long. I know a little more then he's letting on, I still have friends in some high places." Han stops a moment and then levels her with a finger pointed in her direction, "Don't you tell him that either," he warns, "He's lucky he survived but he'd never pass the physical now. I'm not even convinced he should be allowed in a plane again with his head the way it is."

Rey wants to ask more about the accident, about the injuries Ben has sustained but she doesn't think it's her right to ask. Or maybe it isn't Han's right to tell. She thinks about the man she's been getting to know, the strength of his character and identity that he clings too which hinges so desperately on his career. "Are you worried…" she starts slowly, the words coming in the dawn of a frightening realization, "He's using his job as a crutch for his sobriety?"

"Bingo," Han affirms, "I don't want you anywhere near him if he slips."

"Shouldn't you want him surrounded by people who can help him?" Rey offers, hoping Han doesn't pick up on the edge of desperate fear that lines her thoughts.

Appraising her a moment Han lets out a soft wary sigh and sets his hands down on the table. His palms sit gently against the edge as he licks his lip clean of pickle juice. "I'm only going to tell you this once kid, and I need you to hear me loud and clear, you got that?" he nods in her direction once waiting for her confirmation, "You can't keep him sober, Ben has to do that on his own. I know you, I know your heart pretty damn well at this point and I'm telling you, if he slips and he might. Trying to keep him in the light will destroy you."

Emotions well up within her that are foreign and strange, there's a burning at the back of her throat and her eyes sting. She feels like she might start to cry again but she's not entirely sure she has any hydration left to leak. She wants to argue with him but part of her knows that he's not wrong. She can't quite figure out why she's so attached and invested in Ben Solo's life but the idea of him alone in the world doesn't settle well with her. "I'm an adult Han," she says, her voice shaking just a little, "I'm not that kid who you had to save from her drunk abusive Uncle."

"I know what you are kid," he keeps calling her kid and this time she feels an odd sort of resentment well up at the sound of it, "You're strong, you're bright and you have the world ahead of you."

"Ben does too," she presses, "It's just a different sort of broken."

"Maybe that's the draw, I don't know. I'd like to think Ben can rise above, that he's grown but he hasn't let us know him as an adult. I just know I'd never forgive myself if I let him hurt you in any way."

Han falls into a strained sort of quiet, picking away at his meal with the casual grace of a man who's had his fair share of messy burgers. Rey picks at her fries but hasn't touched the sandwich yet. She doesn't feel hungry, more hollow and deeply contemplative. She wars against herself knowing Han's simply being fatherly but at the same time flabbergasted he doesn't want his son to have the sort of friendship she can provide. There's ego in that though, she knows it, the idea that she can be so much to one human being. It's more a desire to be then the idea she can. Despite it all Han's warnings and the dark truth of Ben's life with so much left to understand the first thing she wants to do when she leaves is call him. Reach out and hear his voice. Maybe she'll even suggest they meet up soon, get coffee or take BB for a walk.

She's finally enjoying her burger when Colleen sweeps back with refills and a chipper flirtatious swagger. Han turns her down, he has to get back to work but he takes a water and the cheque. They talk about other things, Chewie's new found love of socks, BB's need to lay on top of Rey while she's trying to read in bed. It's like it always is between the two of them, as though the family drama never existed at all.

When the check is paid however and they're ascending the steps breaking out into the crisp October air Han turns to Rey and levels her with loving hazel eyes. In the light their color swirls in a blend of browns, greens and mottled blues. They're lighter then Ben's whose eyes always remind her of the color of rich scotch. After a moment Han pulls her into a hug. The act is not unexpected, they hug all the time, it's the fierceness of the embrace that throws her off. He presses her tight against his chest and breaths in the air around them. Taller than her by several inches she feels her body fold in under his warm embrace. It's the type of thing she craved as a child, this unwavering feeling of affection. When he pulls away Han looks almost sad, the smile ghosting his lips not quite reaching his eyes, "I love you kid," he tells her, hands pressed into her biceps as he gives them a light squeeze and then turns to leave, "We'll do dinner again and I'll behave next time, promise!'


	10. Chapter 10

_Bit of a shorter chapter, not a lot happening, sorry. It was either keep it short and sweet or stupid long so here we are. More Ben interaction though with much more to come. Thank you so much everyone for your input and comments, I love love love it! You're all so wonderful just know there is a method to my madness which I hope to execute soon! Thanks so much lovelies xo_

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Ben's story haunts her over course of the next few days, it's hard to process the gravity in Han's words. The stark warning that presses a brand over the area her budding affection for Ben lies. She wants to ask him so much but knows she doesn't have the right to.

Still their phone conversations continue, unhindered by the heavy truths that surround them. That threaten their peaceful bubble of friendship and… whatever is there between them. He's so easy to talk to it makes it hard not to reach out to him when she's tired or bored of just feels alone. His presence is a balm to a loneliness she never new she harboured. She was always surrounded by people, never physically by herself but always on the edge of something that wasn't quite hers.

Sure she has Finn and she has Poe but they have each other. She has no one to be that for and that never really bothered her until now. She isn't sure why either, she has been perfectly ok in her existence up until this point. She enjoys her time alone. She has friends, people who love her, a good job, a house, BB. She has a lot of things people her age don't have and that bolsters a pride within her that just can't quite graze the heavy feeling of being by herself. Ben, Ben is like coming up for air, he's the warm hand in hers when she's scared but not enough to need being held. He's a firm hand at her back telling her she can do anything. He's broken and pieced together like she is. They have that in common, a need to prove themselves as something more then the sum of their broken parts. They never talk about that though.

She hasn't seen him in almost a month now and the reality of that causes something akin to a physical ache to blossom within her chest. And yet he doesn't push the fact, he doesn't ask her to meet him, doesn't make mention how badly he'd like to see her again. He just lets her talk and fills her mind with colourful imagery and joy.

Han has been ever present as well, he even stopped in after work one day to whisk her off to supper at one of Leia's favourite restaurants. They don't talk about Ben anymore, it's strange and there's a guilt that accompanies the feeling like she's stolen something away from him that rightfully doesn't belong to her. This treasured affection she holds tightly against her heart should belong to him and yet she cannot for the life of it let it go. Han is his father and yet he hasn't made so much as an effort to contact Ben. Or has he? How would she know she's never really asked? She's complaisant in the silence as she steals away the affection that should belong to Ben.

They're sitting there in Bespin's Finest, a restaurant owned by Hans long time friend Lando Calrissian when Rey chances the question. She's ordered a water, dry November and all and Han is sipping casually on his third beer. It's a microbrew that Lando is trying out and he wants Han's opinion as to whether or not he should invest. Lando is always looking for the next greatest thing to sink his wealth and fortune into. No one talks about where the money came from, it's just know that he's disturbingly well off and loves to have his hands in a little of everything.

Rey is picking away at her salad, a medley of fresh greens, orange slices, pecans and raspberry vinaigrette. It's deliciously fresh, crisp and sweet all at the same time. Han of course ordered the steak and threatened Lando that it had better be done right. They were settling into a comfortable rhythm in conversation when Rey drops her fork against her plate and levels Han with an even stare. "Have you talked to Ben lately?" she chances and Han doesn't so much as blink.

He's got a mouth full of steak, chewing away on it happily when he swallows and grumbles a simple, "No," dabbing his mouth with the fancy cloth napkin before he asks, "Have _you_?" it's a challenge that's been issued and Rey refuses to back down.

"You know I have," she responds evenly and Han narrows his eyes at her.

"_Do I_?" he asks sounding far too casual before he starts in on his steak, hacking at it with his knife. The tender browned meat oozes in the centre a delicious soft pink in color making it the right texture juicy and smooth. He's frustrated but it's only slightly obvious in the way that he stabs the meat with his fork before he takes it to his mouth. It stirs a riling fear in her that would only sever to hurt him so she steels herself and stares at him in a challenge issued.

"You a sucker for a pretty face?" Han asks ruefully, he's not as angry as she thought but the frustration is there just beneath the surface. Like a snake coiled for attack.

Rey smirks as she crosses her arms against her chest, "I still hang out with you don't I?"

At that Han laughs, a good ole belly chuckle as he points his finger in her direction and quips, "Kid," at first he sounds mad but the gentle shaking of his shoulders belies his mirth as he says kindly, "What am I going to do with you?" and shakes his head.

She knows she shouldn't push it but there's this niggling sensation in the back of her mind that tells her it's ok. She's not doing anything wrong or untoward, she's simply looking out for the people she cares about. If not being a little nosy and underhanded in the process. "I think you should reach out to him," she encourages lightly before she starts picking away at her salad again. Rey makes an off handed comment one the ripeness of the berries as if to tell Han the issue is over. She's said her piece, or rather all she felt was necessary and they fell back into a amiable conversation lightly.

After dropping Han off at home she heads up the mountain to her own bed and a phone call she's been waiting all day to make. Setting into a simply routine Rey lets BB out and fires up the hot tub. She's texted Ben but there's been no reply, not a big deal, he has a life after all. She kills some time soaking, her mind awash with confident assurance as she toes the seat across from her. The water is warm and welcoming and she lingers a little longer then she should but she doesn't have to work the next day so there's no rush to accomplish anything tonight. Nothing aside from her usual late night conversation with one Ben Solo.

When she feels thoroughly prune-y Rey extracts herself from the waters surface and shuts the bubbling tub off. After checking her phone, still no word, Rey sets to cleaning up the deck making quick work of it in the chilly night air. She takes a shower, pops some popcorn and is settling in with a book when she chances a glance at her phone again. Her heart beat thumps in anticipation and then plummets when she see's there's still no word from Ben. Odd, he's never taken this long to get back to her before. She isn't even sure what he could be doing, they don't go into heavy details about their lives keeping those sorts of points short and sweet.

She can't focus on her book, her mind is so wrapped up in the thought of him. Even the popcorn doesn't satisfy her, leaving the half eaten bowl on the counter as she ascends her stairs up into her bedroom. BB is waiting patiently for her in her bed, a look of canine concern gracing his animated features.

"Hey buddy," she says to him softly, his tail thump thumping against the bed as he watches her move about the room. She's in and out, brushing her hair, applying lotion to her arms, finding the right blanket from her closet to wrap herself up in. It's all menial and time consuming but still when she returns to her phone it's heart wrenchingly empty. Maybe it's not working properly?

Sometimes her signal goes out. She turns it off and on again, still nothing. She's beginning to feel incredibly obsessive and a little (a lot) pathetic when she groans and turns off her lights before crawling into bed. Sleep comes fast and easy, it's surprising how tired you can be without realizing it. She doesn't dream that night, not really, not like she usually does. Her sleep is sound but when she wakes all she can feel is him. As though he had been walking through her dreams all evening. Frustration tears through her as she begins her morning routine. It's early, earlier then she usually gets up. The sun is still cresting the trees.

After grabbing a bowl of yogurt, granola and berries Rey does a bit of yoga in her living room. She let's BB out for his morning business and then decides they need to get out of the house. She doesn't know where she's going until she's on the road driving down the mountain into the middle rim and CoCo Valley. It's still barely morning, the clock on her dash reads 6:30 am. She can't remember the last time she's been up this early and it fills her with an odd sense of accomplishment. She follows the roads as best she can. It was getting dark when he took her this way and she hadn't thought to commit the trail to memory but soon she starts to see things she recognizes. The orchards and the Norton wide and winding along the edge of the Lovers. Soon the trees start to change, spindly pines and birch opening into tall sequoias, subtle at first until she's in a forest of thick trunks and flaking ochre bark.

BB shifts in the back, resting his head on his paws, lulled into a soft snooze by the gentle rocking of her vehicles frame. She knows she's taken a wrong turn when the ground beneath her tires turns to hard gravel and dirt but after a while she's back among familiar sights. BB is alert after the momentary detour, standing on the counsel as Rey slows her speed and starts to look for the parking lot Ben had taken her too so many weeks ago. It takes her a little, the tall trees looming over her, mocking her poor sense of direction but after a little focus and pure dumb luck she recognizes the trail and pulls over.

The air is crisp and foggy as the sunlight washes through the trees inching over the land in low creeping rays. It's quite but for the gentle roar of the falls beyond and BB is utterly elated when she opens her back door, letting him roam free. She doesn't bother with his leash, there's only one other vehicle here, an old shelby series Mustang fancy, but aged. She only recognizes it because Han has a thing for them, he's restored a few at Falcon and use to own one himself until he totalled it. It's likely someones pet project by the looks of the brilliant new red paint job and careful way it's been parked. It should be easy enough to avoid them. The pathways seem to spiderweb in different directions and the idea of adventuring strikes up a child like enthusiasm deep within.

She thought the next time she came here would with Ben but that thought leaves a sour taste in her mouth and she pushes it deep ignoring the hollow feeling that settles in her gut. BB is barking after a squirrel drawing her attention back to the beauty around her. His paws are muddy already as he weaves his way in through trees ducking and sniffing, taking in everything at once. She decided it's best not to go down near the water falls today. Her furry companion isn't usually one for taking an autumn swim but she has seen him do stranger things and she doesn't have his car blankets. Instead she chooses a path to the left, it quirks and winds through a series of trees before disappearing in a sharp turn. The idea of the unexpected is exciting, her feet picking up their pace as BB sniffs, wanders and then sniffs some more. His head is turning this way and that, completely and totally overwhelmed.

The trees grew thicker, the sunlight dappled across the earthy ground as they walk further into the forest. The silence is thick, accented by trudging footsteps and a pig like sniff that BB makes anytime he gets excited. She laughs to herself, shoving her hands in her pockets as she watches her canine friend more then she watches the trail a head. He is ducking and weaving, his tail upright and alert as moves from tree to tree. The thick redwoods are breathtaking, old and wise as they watch over their quiet landscape. Their wide spread branches providing a thick canopy of mottled greens mixed with the yellow and red leaves from their smaller companions.

She doesn't know how long she walks for or how far for that matter. Her steps are steady but waver anytime BB veers off path. He is a huge fan of squirrels and loves to bark at them so the freedom to chase one up a tree or stand at the bottom and yell is hard to pass up. He doesn't venture far though, he never does. He sticks close to Ray as though attached by an invisible string that only extends a few meters from her person. He is trotting ahead happily when the trees break and light from ahead pours through in heavy waves. It's still foggy, the air thick and damp as they emerged from the tree line to stand before the grandeur of Norton Lake. It's a wide spanning and glittering jewel sitting along a lush green banks. Their trail leads close to the water winding along the lakeside following down into another thick patch of trees.

Rey almost considers turning around but BB's nose is active again, dragging him from scent to scent as he wanders into tall patches of grass and weaves through alder bushes. The sun is wondrous as it kisses her face, a cool breeze blowing off the water to toy with her hair. She's left it down, not something she's prone to doing but it makes her feel wild and free as she tucks it behind her ear. The smile on her lips is nearly feral, the peace of her surroundings calling to her soul as she meanders and skips. BB has found a stick and drags it back dragging with it the rest of a small tree and it's root system. When he sets it at her feet proud of his accomplishment she scratches at his ears and praises his landscaping skills.

Trotting away his feet picking up speed, he's off like a rocket barking after something near the tree line ahead. Another squirrel Rey assumes and so doesn't react. She watches with a grin as he barrels ahead, his hind legs bouncing as he scrambles. He's not an aggressive dog, maybe a little over exuberant in his desire for human lovies but he's as harmless as they come. It's why Rey isn't concerned when he takes off. She can see him sniffing around a bush, his head raising to scent the air before he's off again and this time Rey see's what he's after.

In the cool mist of the autumn morning air, the form of a person emerges from the woods. It's a tall figure with long legs wearing what looks to be all black. They're too far off to make out much more but BB is approaching them quickly from the side. His run has slowed to a gentle canter as he approaches the runner who appears to be blissfully unaware of their new companion. Worried about annoying the other person Rey pops both index fingers into her mouth and blows, a shrill whistling noise erupting into the air.

BB's head perks and he takes off in a gallop startling the runner from their steady stride. Rey feels bad, like she should apologize but she also doesn't want to be a bother. The runner appears unfazed as they continue their brisk pace and BB returns panting and happy. Crouching down to nuzzle his soft face against her own Rey gives his head a good scratch, digging her fingers into the space behind his ear before they turn and start to walk back to the car.

They take their time, mindful of the person coming up behind them, hugging the side of the path in an attempt to be polite. Her feet carry her with less purpose now, heels scuffing at the ground as she allows herself to simply exist in the moment. Take it all in. She sighs into the air, her eyes closed a moment as she basks in the cool autumn air. Her faithful companion is a sniffing mess as he wanders through the trees off the path. He skips from one to the next marking the as he makes his way.

Foot steps are coming closer now but Rey doesn't think anything of it until they slow and BB darts out from the woods trailing passed her. He doesn't bark, he does't growl but theres a soft keening whine that erupts from her pooch as she turns to see him laying on his side with his front paw in the air, belly exposed for rubs. "What are you…" she begins to ask when a pair of dark eyes effectively cut her off.

His shirt isn't black, but a dark grey material that looks like it's made to be worn while sweating. His hair hanging around his flushed face is damp from exertion. He has an earbud stuck in one ear while the other hangs loosely around his neck. A phone tucked into a band at his arm. "Rey…" his voice comes as a breathy whisper, confused but maybe surprised as well as he scratches at BB's now wet and exposed belly.

"H-Hey Ben," she says softly, almost shyly as he raises to his full height to approach her. He's glistening from his run, his chest rising and lowering in quick even pants as he tries to steady himself against the onslaught. "How are you?"

He makes a face as though contemplating the weight of her words as he says, "Good," it's awkward and strained and almost painful the way he looks at her, the way he keeps his distance. They may have been talking every night, last night excluded but this is a beast of an entirely different nature. The sunlight casts a halo of bright light against his crown of dark chestnut, as he approaches slowly, "You doing ok?"

She nods quickly as they fall into step side by side, a world of space between them as the walk. Ben looks like he wants to say something else but he keeps his mouth firmly shut as he steadies his breathing and carries along beside her, "You sure?" he presses lightly.

Its all Rey can do to smile. She wants to ask him what happened to him last night but realistically he doesn't owe her any sort of answer. Still, her heart aches to know the truth of it, or so she thinks. Maybe its better to not know and accept that this filtration has run its course and it's not more then just an idle fascination leaned into by two lonely people.

For weeks they've been full of things to share, anecdotes, stories, useless facts that make the other laugh. Ben's voice has been bright and friendly and full of joy. But this man, he looks different some how, altered and almost still despite the graceful way his long body carries him. He's swinging his earbuds around his finger idly as his steps fall in ease pace with hers. A feat with the not so subtle difference in their leg lengths. It's awkward and she hates it. She hates that it feels so strained and weird, that he's walking so far away from her. That it feels like he might be avoiding her for some reason.

The silence spills on as their steps carry them back towards their cars but it's painful and hateful until she simply can't take it anymore, "Did I… do something?" she asks quietly. Her voice is hushed and soft as she keeps her eyes trained on the trail a head.

Her question startles him, he's looking at her she can see but she's almost afraid to meet his eye. When she doesn't move to glance, he too looks away but not before casting her a sidelong look that may have been a little more personal then their casual distance implies, "Why would you think that?" he asks softly. The question met with a question irks her making her want to lash out.

Steading her breath the lets the question settle over her, she's the one who's put the distance between them. This weird dance they've been doing has been hers to lead this whole time. He's been nothing but a gentleman but maybe he's tiring of it. They've only been social twice now, once was an utter disaster but their constant communication has to hold some weight. Right?

"Just… a feeling," she offers him, watching the ground as she walks. The weight in her chest is a pressure she's not entirely familiar with. A sort of flustered feeling that flutters like the hushed beating of a birds wings.

When Ben makes a noise that sounds like a strangled "Hmm," the silence that fallows is deafening. He's worrying his hand trough his hair as he often does. She hasn't known him long and already she recognizes the familiarity in the action. It's endearing the way he fusses, using his long fingers to comb through the damp and sweaty hair gently. "No…" he finally says after a long moment of pause. It comes out like an after thought, as though there's more to be said but he doesn't want to or doesn't know how to say it. Whatever _it_ is.

These games are tiring, it's why she's avoided dating. This peculiar draw to another human being is stifling and strange making her feel like less of a human being. Strange how something so innocuous can make you feel like less of a person while making you feel whole at the same time. "Right." she says, stuffing her hands in her pockets and shoring up her shoulders.

Birds chirp in the canopy over head while squirrels chatter and BB, the great hunter takes chase. He's the only sound she can here now, focusing on his foot falls as he muddles about in the brush. He's darting in and out until he's not. Rey becomes so focused on this new strained awkwardness with Ben that she doesn't notice at first, BB has never been one to wander far. A fact she sometimes takes for granted. A moment passes and then another and he's still not emerged from the woods. There's a soft growl and then a yelp and Rey's body prickles with cold sweat.

"Shit, BB?" She wheels around wide eyed but Ben is already heading into the woods following the low hum of a dogs whine.

"It came from over here," he says as he steps over a downed log and winds around a particularly large redwood. The area is well manicured making it easy to maneuver but Ben's feet carrying him quickly and Rey has a hard time keeping up. When they find him, BB has a muzzle full of porcupine quills that extends down his shoulder and arm. He's whimpering as he paws at his face to no avail, the offending beast long up a tree.

Rey takes a sharp breath and groans, "Oh buddy, no no, don't do that," BB simply looks at her, sad brown eyes pleading for help, relief, love. He quickly falls forward rubbing his face into the dirty ground marring the white fur around his nose with ruddy earth. It does nothing to alleviate the discomfort and so he whines again. It's hard to see her best friend in such a state but Rey lowers herself to the ground, Ben at her side as she gingerly takes stock of the damage.

Ben's large hands pat the back of BB's head away from the painful affected area. He's heart warningly gentle, careful not to pull on the skin too much. His fingers work in slow circles behind BB's floppy soft ears calming the dog enough for Rey to make sure none of the quills landed close to his eyes or throat. His thick coat is a saving grace in this instant. While some quills have make their impact, there are a lot on the ground around them and less in the areas where his fur is the thickest, or maybe she simply can't see them as well.

When she goes to tentatively pull one out Ben's hand stills her. Its the first time he's touched her weeks and the sensation thrums through her like a sparking live wire. He's close to her now, she hadn't had time to register it, so focused on BB but she can smell him, the faint musk of body spray that mingles with the forest and fresh air. "We need to get him to a vet, you shouldn't try that on your own," he tells her.

They move to stand and she's patting her leg encouraging BB to follow. The poor creature whines again as he goes to walk but the quills down his arm cause him pain. Rey makes a soft pained whimper herself, the idea that he hurts so is difficult to swallow. He's such a good dog.

There's no warning when Ben scoops him up. His arms wind around BB's hind legs and under his arms like he's carrying a big baby. It's awkward and Ben has to lean back some to keep the canine steady but he's strong and in the end it's whats more effective. They make it back to the parking area quickly, the Mustang and her Honda are still the only two vehicles in the lot. Of course Ben would drive an old GT but she can't think on the subject for long as she fishes for her keys and quickly unlocks her car door.

She expects Ben to place BB inside and leave them to their morning quill filled drama but once BB is in the car Ben pulls back, a hand on the door frame. "I'll sit in back with him to keep him calm so he doesn't dig at his the needles." he tells her, as if it were the obvious choice.

Stunned, Rey nods sharply and they get into the car. She backs up quickly stopping only because Ben asks her too. He's darting out of the car quickly, rushing over to his own. She can't see what he's doing but there's a slam of a car door and the beeping of a lock and he's back sliding in next the BB, buckling his seat belt, "Wanted to grab my wallet," he tells her. She chances a glance into the back seat, Ben has his body half curled around her pups. He's running his hand down the back of BB's neck in slow and easy stokes muttering words that sound like, _'it's ok, you're ok_' and Rey's heart bleeds warmth and affection she has a hard time schooling.

It's almost eight now so BB's vet's office should be open soon. It'll take them a bit to get back into more populated areas but the vet is in CoCo town in the middle rim so they won't have to worry about the morning commuters hurrying into Coruscant.

This was not how she imagined today was going to start.


	11. Chapter 11

This chapter didn't want to happen and then it did, and I'm still not happy with it but here she is. The choosing of the '67 was random, I'd forgotten about Eleanor from Gone in 60 seconds. By the time I realized it I'd already looked into the engine specs and a bunch of other stuff so it's staying a '67. I know NOTHING about cars, they go vroom vroom haha so bare with any inconsistencies or inaccuracies. Anyway, let me know what you think! It took a turn at the end that I wasn't sure about it almost felt a little forced? Anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Your reviews are amazing so thank you thank you thank you. Cheers darlings XO.

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The trip to the vet is quick and as easy as can be expected. The quills have perforated BB's muzzle at off angles and hooked into his flesh making them difficult to extract. For being such a well behaved canine, BB is an utterly horrible patient and Doctor Andor has to eventually sedate him in order to get the job done effectively. Rey stays only as long as it takes to put BB under and then she has to leave, it's hard to watch him like this and Cassian admits it's best for everyone if he's left to work. So instead she and Ben sit in an awkwardly strained silence with the resident felines, Kay and Tew to keep them company. Rey has never been a cat person per say, it's not that she's not one either she just hasn't had a lot of exposure to them. Ben on the other hand looks visibly uncomfortable.

Tew, a fluffy black thing who purrs when you look at him is bumping against Rey's side as she strokes his head softly. It's oddly soothing, the way his little chest rumbles beneath her touch, his head turning into her hand as she scratches behind his ears. Kay, Tew's sister is a little more invasive in her search for attention. It's amusing to watch as the little white cat climbs onto Ben's lap and proceeds to gently paw at the side of his face. He's sitting with his arms and legs crossed, his posture closed off and imposing but Kay doesn't mind. She's climbing over him as though they've been friends forever, he just doesn't know it yet.

The cats are a nice break in their awkward existence. It doesn't hurt so much that Ben doesn't seem to walk to talk to her when Tew crawls onto her lap to curl up and purr. It's even a little funny to watch as Kay balances her front paws on Ben's crossed forearms so she can bump her head against his chin and cheek. Rey can't help the giggles that rumble in her chest like Tew's loud purring as she watches Ben struggle against the tiny white dictator. She tries to hide her grin behind her hand, she even shifts away from him but it's happening and she can't stop it. His response to the matter is a curious quirk of a brow as he turns a mildly unamused stare in her direction.

His eyes are intense, dark pools of starburst hazel when he looks at her causing her to school her features, "Sorry," Rey mutters softly as Kay slides her whiskered jaw across Ben's cheek again and then nuzzles herself under his chin. "Do you not like cats?" she asks quietly.

"I'm allergic actually," Ben tells her as he leans his head back trying to avoid the attention forced on him by the smaller creature. Still he makes no effort to actually move Kay off of him. Ben makes no sense to her at all. He's unhappy, he's allergic and yet he lets the small white cat crawl all over him. As though he doesn't want to cause her any sort of discomfort. It's aggravating to feel like she knows him so well and yet doesn't know him at all.

"Oh Ben!" she cries as she drops across to grasp Kay under the cats front legs. Kay allows it easily as Rey deposits her on the bench beside her. Already Ben's chin is a red and blotchy mess with lines of red irritation lining his eyes. "Is it bad? Do you need something?"

Shaking his head Ben shifts his knee up to sit it on the bench, draping his arm over the back so that his body is partially facing her now, "I'll be fine," he tells her easily enough, "I have allergy medication in my car, I'll get it later."

Right his car, the Shelby with the hot red pain job. It's not what she would have expected from him at all. Too hard lined and not sleek like his bike and the paint job is flashy too, not the dark monochromatic tones he tends to favor. She wonders if Ben realizes that his father has an affinity for those exact cars. Maybe they had worked on one together when Ben was younger and that's why owns one now. Questions erupt within her mind bottlenecking at her mouth as she stars at Ben, trying to figure him out. She hates that he's become so enigmatic over night, she thought she knew him but maybe she never really knew him at all.

There are so many things she wants to say, she wants to ask but when she opens her mouth to finally speak all she can say is, "I… missed you last night." She hates the way the words sound in her mouth as they fall from her lips. The minute they're out she regrets it, like she needs him, like he owes her something, like they're more then whatever this is between them.

Ben seems to struggle against them, like he's unsure what he's suppose to say or do. His mouth moves soundlessly as he seeks the words to fit his intention. The silence is almost palpable, awkward, and cold, then suddenly filled with a heavy guitar rift and matching bass that Rey recognizes from some Eric Clapton song. She can't quite place the tune and Ben appears confused until he realizes it's his phone ringing from his pocket. Extracting the device he gives it a cursory glance, his nose scrunched in confusion. Rey, being nosy peeks as carefully as she can, recognizing the number at once. Her heart flutters in hopes that Ben is going to answer it but instead he moves to shove it back in his pocket.

"You should answer that," Rey hedges softly, her hands busy petting both cats in an attempt at drawing their attention away from Ben who's neck is now looking quite Red and itchy. When Ben shrugs she pushes, "Might be important?"

He stops to think on her words as he eyes her suspiciously and then, as if not entirely sure what he's doing he answers, "Hello?" His voice is stiff and sharp but he's made the first step. She knows this is difficult for him, her eyes eagerly encouraging him when he looks in her direction. He manages a small half smile and then draws up to his full height moving to take the call closer to the doorway. His words fall hushed but she can still make them out. He's monosyllabic but he's talking and that's a good start. There's mention of Kessel's Run and Rey wonders if they're making plans to meet for lunch sometime as Ben grunts in approval of something and then the unthinkable happens. He laughs. Its not a full blown laugh mind you, just a soft exhale of air that sounds like the tail end of a chuckle but it's there and he's dragging his fingers through his hair again. Dark eyes observe Rey, catching her while she's openly staring at him. There's a look there that seems affectionate, maybe questioning but it's warm and makes her cheeks flush. Just in time for Cassian to emerge from BB's exam room.

"Rey…" he says softly, his voice is sweet and smooth like warm caramel poured over ice-cream. He's a handsome and kind man, his smile soft and easy, his eyes dark and lined with wear. "Benjamin is doing well," Cassian has always called BB, Benjamin, he says it makes him sound refined and nobel, like a Bernese should be, "He's going to be out of it for a little while and you're going to want to keep an eye on him over he next few days but you can go in and be with him now."

Rey shifts out from Ben's attention and approaches the vet slowly allowing Tew enough time to register the lack of lap to curl up in. Cassian is holding the door for her as she nods to Ben so he knows where she's heading. She assumes he'll follow when he's off the phone or maybe he'd rather take his chances with the cats.

"I have to warn you, I had to shave his arm and a bit of his chest to get at some of the needles better, you'll want to make sure he's not digging at the skin it will be irritated for a bit and we both know how he likes to dig at things."

That was an understatement, "I still have his cone of shame," she assures him with a sad smile.

Cassian laughs, a rich, easy sound, his eyes trailing to Ben who's huddled by the door still on the phone. There's a moment where Rey's not sure whether or not he's going to ask the question she knows is on his mind but he seems to realize it's not his place and says instead, "I'll be back to check on him in a little bit."

As the door closes behind him leaving Rey alone in the room she see's BB is on the floor now and not on the exam table as he had been before. Easier to wake up there she's sure. His eyes are closed and his breathing is steady just like any other time he's been asleep but for some reason this is so much harder to endure. Maybe it's the sterile walls, maybe it's the vacant smell of antiseptic and faint animal but this, this is so much worse. Cassian has him wrapped loosely in a blanket to keep him warm and he's shaved halfway across his chest and down one of his legs. It seems a pointless thing, he couldn't have shaved him with the quills still in but Rey can't bother to figure out the whys or the hows of this situation. All that matters is that BB is ok and soon they'll be heading home.

The floor is hard and cold beneath her knees as she crouches down at his side, her hands pressed into his sleek warm coat. She allows her palm a moment to draw a line from the top of his head down along to his hip in long affectionate motions. After a moment or two, she makes the decision to shift onto her side, laying with her chest pressed against his back so that she can wrap her arm around him. That's how Ben finds her, her eyes closed, tears slipping from the corners, silent and steady as she allows herself a moment to experience the emotion of it all. She's never loved anything in her life the way she loves this big, goofy, stunned creature and the reality of that is heavy against her chest.

When he enters the room, he's itching the back of his neck, his shoulder pressed into the door, not entirely paying attention as he says, "Did you…" his words cut off in his throat as his eyes settle upon her.

She can feel him move but she doesn't quite register his presence until he's sitting against the exam table behind her. His long legs are stretched out at her back as his hand reaches out to rest against her shoulder. He's hesitant and unsure as he asks, "You ok?" the words edged with a concern she's missed. It's all she can do to nod her head, her throat dry and sharp with emotion as his hand slips down against her back tracing idle circles over top of her sweater. It's a sign that he's there, without pushing her to accept him. A quiet acknowledgement of her need for quiet and comfort. Her breath comes in shaky and uneven waves as warm salty tears drip over her nose and cheeks to crash against the arm she's been using as a pillow.

They sit like that for some time, Ben's hand a solid warm presence at her back as they both refuse to break the silence. There are so many questions she wants to ask, the air is heavy with them. It's stifling the way they sit in the air but she doesn't now how to have this conversation . She doesn't know how to ask about how his conversation with his father went, nor is she sure it's her place to ask. She wants to ask him where he was last night but that too is none of her business. There are so many things she wants to know, about his life, about his dreams, about his heart but they're all too private so instead she lays with her cheek pressed against the top of BB's head.

When Cassian returns she manages to get to her feet. He goes over BB's simple care instructions and Rey is thankful for the conversation. It breaks the quiet and gives her an opportunity to shake the strain our of her voice. It's not long after that that BB is awake and trying to stand up. His feet are uneasy and his legs shaky beneath him as he wobbles from side to side trying to wag his tail, trying to look happy. All he seems to manage instead is a confused sort of bump into Rey's legs but it's enough for her. He's ok. She's back on the ground again, her arms wound around him in a gentle hug as she strokes his hear tenderly before they try to further test his footing. His steps are laborious and slow in a way that is heart breaking to watch but Cassian encourages them to let BB walk around the parking lot a little before getting him in the car. Sedatives have a way of loosening their bowels and no one wants to deal with dog poop in the back of their car.

Once they're sure BB is ok, able to walk and thoroughly emptied she pays the bill and make their way to the car. Rey puts the seats down in the back so that her trunk is open and flat giving BB more space to lay down. They spread out the blanket which Cassian gave them and fluff a few older massage sheets around in a make shift nest so that the groggy canine has a comfortable place to rest his head. That leaves Ben in the front with her as they drive back to the park and Ben's car. Their awkward meeting soon to come to a close as strangely as it started.

They make light small talk over the soft sound of 80's classic rock playing in the background. Skirting away from the topics Rey is desperate to talk about, neither of them comfortable with coming right out and saying what it is they way to stay. It's stunted and weird and suddenly he feels like a stranger.

The day ahead of them is turning out to be a beautiful one. The sun is rising high in the autumn sky, warm against the cool breeze that swirls in off the Norton. The November nip is fresh and sharp while the ground is coated in an array of brightly coloured leaves. The orchards have been picked over, those apples left now on the ground ready to compost and feed the soil for the coming year. Rey doesn't worry about getting lost this time, travelling as though on auto pilot while Ben talks about Hux and his new girlfriend. Apparently she'd become quite the presence in their (his) apartment but Hux is happy and that is enough make Rey smile.

Until Ben asks, "How did you meet Armitage anyway? I don't think I've been told that story."

Rey almost chokes on her laugh as she sheepishly replies, "Uhhh, well…" it's not a story that gets told often unless Hux is in the mood to tease her. Even then he's careful when he brings it up, "I may have hit his car…" she says slowly, "With my car… you know that old black volvo he use to drive?"

Ben says nothing, he merely turns so that he's facing her, his eye curiously wide and full of amusement. She wonders if he too is going to start teasing her about her driving skills but he remains oddly mute on the topic.

"In my defence," she tells him rather boldly, "He was driving like an asshole. I was backing out of a spot and he was driving far faster then he should have been. By all rights I should have had enough time to get out but I backed into him." Rey is gesturing with her hands while she drives, her palms beating against the steering wheel for added emphasis. "We exchanged information which apparently needed to be cell numbers too incase there were any issues. He later admitted that it was a ploy to ask me out but we both just laughed it off. I honestly thought he was gay before he started dating Rose."

Ben laughs and he laughs hard. Rey isn't sure what she's said that's so funny but she's glad to hear the sound of it. His's nearly breathless as he rests his head against the back of his seat and lets the loud chuckle roll through him. "You're the one who hit my volvo?" he asks through fits of booming laughter.

The words take a moment to sink in and it's all she can do not to stop the car as she glances at him quickly, "Wait…" had she heard that correctly? "your volvo?"

His laugh is loud and infectious, eyes watering so that he has to wipe the back of his knuckle against his cheek, "Y-Yeah," he groans with mirth, "He use to drive my car until he got that scion he drives now." still the rumbling sound continues and Rey can't help but feel a little foolish, "He told me it happened in a parking lot and he had no idea who hit him, the little weasel."

Rey's not sure if she should apologize or laugh with him so chooses instead to say nothing at all. A part of her wants to say she's sorry but it seems a mute point as Ben clearly finds the situation amusing. He's smiling the rest of the drive which Rey finds settles warmly in her belly as they pull into the parking lot where Ben has left his mustang.

The morning fog has lifted and the sun is bright and brilliant. There are still no other cars to be seen but something about the scene before them seems incredibly off. Ben's smile is gone in an instant, replaced by a look of pure shock and then visceral rage. Rey hasn't even turned her car off before he's bolting out the door, leaving it ajar as he runs to his vehicle. The tires are flat and his windows have been smashed in. There's glass on the ground around the poor shelby and when Rey gets out she can see the culprits have even gone so far as to key the front passenger side door. Ben is beside himself, his hands groping through his hair as he walks in circles around the mustang. His shoes crunch against the glass strewn across the ground as he makes his way from side to side, looking in the broken windows to survey the damage to the inside. Luckily everything seems to be intact. The car, despite it's outside appearance and the glass on the floor is pristine inside. Rey wants to ask Ben if anything has been stolen but she's afraid to draw his attention. He's groaning as he hollers a few choice curse words making Rey's spine tingle with apprehension.

"Ben…" she says softly but he doesn't hear her. He's digging through his dash carefully, probably looking to make sure all of his paperwork is in order. The sudden guilt of the situation settles over her as she sinks back against her own vehicle, if he hadn't come with her to help BB his car wouldn't have been left behind and this never would have happened. She watches, trapped beneath the weight of wanting to help and having no idea what she can do that would be of any use. Ben is dragging his hand over his jaw, his posture agitated and predatory as he shakes his head and curses again. He seems to have forgotten she's even there as he does another circle around the car, his eyes wild and filled with anger.

When he stops, Rey finds her feet and moves to his side. She's not sure what she's doing but when she takes his hand in hers he jolts causing her to back up several feet. She hates that she probably looks like a frightened animal when he looks at her but his eyes soften some and he's suddenly drawing her into a tight hug. It could be an apology, it could be he just needs it himself but his chest feels warm as he draws her in, crushing her against his body.

He holds her a moment and even this feels awkward as he presses his cheek against the top of her head. She can feel him as he tries to control his breathing, matching it to hers without intent. Slowly, he lets her go and turns away, his eyes back on the ruined image of his car.

The next logical step would be to get someone out to tow the vehicle and only one thought comes to mind. Rey disappears back to her car and grabs her phone, she's busy thumbing through her contacts when Ben asks, "Who are you calling?" his tone heavy and dark, not accusatory but still filled with an agitation she doesn't want to touch.

When she finds Finn's name in her contacts she hits dial and settles against the ringing, "A friend," she tells Ben as the phone chimes against her face. It rings and rings and then goes straight to voicemail. Right, he's at work, Poe would be too she's sure so it looks like she needs to call Falcon. The receptionist Daisy picks up on the second ring, her generic answer chirping into Rey's ear, "Falcon Industries, how may I direct your call?"

"Is Finn busy right now? It's Rey."

The receptionist makes a clicking noise, like her tongue banging off her teeth before she answers, "Uh, I think so, let me check." instead of putting Rey on hold, she hears Daisy cover the receiver with her hand and holler into the back. "Where's Finn?" There's a muffled sound of someone responding before Daisy says, "He's under a car right now, sorry."

Rey really doesn't want to do this, her eyes trailing over Ben as she weighs the merit of her decision but she can't think of any other options available to them, "Ok, can you put Han on?"

Daisy's response is quick and expected, "Mr Solo is in a meeting right now, can I take a message?"

Rey growls irritation as she levels the receptionist with a cool, "Daisy…" making sure her tone is laced with a desperate edge of no bullshit, "I know Mr. Solo hates taking phone calls but I need to talk to him. Is he in the office?"

The receptionist huffs, "Yes,"

"Is he alone?" Rey asks patiently.

"… Yes," Is Daisy's reluctant reply.

"Put me through to him please or I'll call his personal number and tell him you didn't want to put me through."

"One moment please," is all Rey hears before Daisy is gone and the phone is ringing against her ear again.

Han picks up after one ring. It's obvious he hadn't been in a meeting in all honesty it sounds like he's just woke from a nap which is a very real possibility, "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Rey," she offers in a smooth chipper voice, "Can you send Andy out for a tow?"

"Yeah kid, you ok?" Han asks, she should have known this wouldn't go down without the fifth degree.

"Yeah, yeah good, just car trouble, nothing major."

Han makes a noise like he doesn't believe that but doesn't push the topic either, "Where you at?"

Looking around Rey see's a sign she's somehow missed before pinned against one of the tall sequoia's, "Freedom Park, Norton lake." she says hopefully, it's a little off the beaten path but she knows they've gone farther. Falcon caters to the entire middle rim and into Coruscant. She's even heard Han send trucks as far as Naboo on the other side of the mountains.

"Sure kid," Han responds easy enough, "You need anything or just the tow?"

"Just the tow," she assures him.

He grunts his acknowledgement, accenting it with a yawn, "I'll see you in a bit then I guess." and the call is over.

Ben looks like he wants to argue with her but she doesn't engage. Instead she moves around to the trunk where she opens the hatch and sits next to a still very groggy BB. He's lifting his head now which is a comfort, his tail wagging lazily as she settles in against the back bumper of her SUV. The vehicle shifts under her weight as she softly strokes the fur of his ears and he adjusts so that he's resting his nose against her hip. There's a contented huff and his eyes are closed again, resting off the days dramatic encounter.

The mixed messages Ben is sending make her head spin and this odd stalemate they've settled into is infuriating. It's like being a teenager and having a crush on a boy but being too afraid to talk to him. At least she assumes that's what it's like. She was never really allowed those simple teenage dramas. It's hard to focus on feelings you might have for a boy when you're busy trying to hide the bruises from your Uncles last drunken rage. It's probably why she struggles so much now with knowing what to do around those of the opposite sex. She's had boyfriends, or casual acquaintances at least. She doesn't lack the understanding of how attraction works, not on a physical level at least but the messy emotional side of it all is foreign and panic inducing.

After a few moments the tail end of the vehicle shifts and Ben has joined them. He's perched so his rear end is sitting against her bumper, his feet stretched out in front of him to hold him in place. He's quiet and still, almost as though he's afraid to speak. The silence suffocates her, it reaches down her throat and crushes her windpipe stalling the emotions she isn't sure she's actually feeling. It's strange to feel so much and yet so little at the same time. Words escape her and she hates the way the air between them rings with indescribable tension.

"I.." she starts but isn't sure it's even her voice when she hears it. Since when did she sound so meek? "I'm sorry."

When she chances a look in his direction, he's watching her, his face drawn in a line of concern, "You didn't do anything," he tells her softly but the words don't make sense to her. She feels at fault, if not for this then for something, some unknown he hasn't shared but there's something. There has to be something, a reason for this weird shift between them that makes her feel like crying.

"I feel like I have," she admits softly, the words taste bitter on her tongue but Ben is looking at the sky and his face is washed in bright light. He doesn't look angry anymore, just tired, maybe warn in a way that makes his edges fray.

Still he does't look at her, he doesn't speak but his demeanour shifts just little. Again he looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't know how or maybe he can't. It's hard to tell with him and she's suddenly pissed off with herself that it's been this long since they've sat face to face. Is it her fault for holding him at arms length? Is he tired of this? Does he think she's toying with him?

It's suddenly very hard to be around him, his presence is all encompassing and he's everywhere around her. The smell of him, the sound of his laugh, the way his hand felt against her back, the fact that she shouldn't want any of this and the realization she doesn't want anything but.

She can't.

She won't.

She's out of the back of her car quicker then she can process but there's something stopping her from moving further. Something holding her back, physically. His hand has found her wrist and it's pressed against her skin in a cuff of warmth. He's looking at the ground, not at her as he clings to her, his eyes unfocused and strange.

"I can't do this Ben, I don't even know what this is," she says gingerly, expecting him to let her go. He doesn't.

His hold merely tightens with the faintest of tugs as though he's trying to pull her to him. It isn't strong enough to move her though and she's tired of the games. This back and forth with no destination other then crazy. When he pulls on her wrist again, it's a little more insistent this time but Rey stands her ground. Turning to look at him she finds his eyes wide and bright, staring not just at her but into her. His skin is marred with red blotches from where Kay had been basking him in her attention but if he feels any discomfort he doesn't show it.

"What are we doing Ben?" his name sounds like a plea when it falls from her lips. A sound that makes her feel weak and ashamed but the way he's looking, there's something there that gives her pause. This is it, she has to ask, she has to say something but he's suddenly so close. He's standing over her, his fingers no longer looped around her wrist but tugging gently at hers, coaxing them apart. His palm is warm as he laces their fingers together and tugs her, this time with a gentle insistence she cannot ignore. "What…" she goes to say again but she's cut off as his lips descend upon hers. It's slow and petal soft, the faintest press of skin against skin as he closes his eyes and drinks her in. He smells like sandalwood and whatever else makes a man smell good. Sweat but not the acrid stench of body order, more heady and soft. The kiss itself doesn't last long, a breath maybe two but it lingers in a way that a good kiss does. The electric kind that sets your nerves on fire and leaves you flushed and wanting more.

It was innocent and sweet but curious, as though he was repeating her question back to her physically. When their lips are no longer touching, the feel of him is still there, a memory of a light pressure against her skin as she breaths out a soft, "That wasn't an answer," and he laughs, breathy and sweet.

"This is all very confusing," he admits, and all she wants is for him to kiss her again. His mouth is wide and full and welcoming. A mouth made for kissing, pink and flushed from her touch.

It's like they're children pretending to be adults, trying to seem mature but utterly terrified of getting hurt or maybe misunderstanding the others intent. It's beyond confusing, it's tiring and mind numbing and heart wrenchingly painful. She doesn't know how to feel these feelings and it makes her head a little squirrelly. She's bouncing off emotions that make no sense, on thoughts that suffocate while he rubs his thumb against the back of her hand softly holding her in place. "I like you," he confesses and suddenly she's fourteen years old and a boy has just confessed his feelings. The warmth of it spreads across her chest and up her neck, leaving her dizzy and giddy all at the same time. "There's a lot of complication around this though, my parents, my job, my… history"

"Mine," she offers softly.

He makes a noise of agreeance as he raises her hand to kiss the backs of her knuckles softly, "I don't even know if I'll be in the country next month. A few weeks ago that was all I wanted and now…" His eyes flicker to hers again, and she's falling into those deep pools of whisky like a woman desperate for drink. When he speaks again, his voice is softer. His admission falls on a breathy sigh as he says, "Now, I want to know you. I want to know more then your favourite kind of cheesecake or why you're afraid of birds. I want to know so much that I feel selfish for keeping you to myself." His eyes are searching, looking for answers as he continues, "I want to know what makes you happy, I want to know what you're afraid of so I can protect you from it forever, I want to know what you simply cannot live with out," Theres a soft pause, his eyes edged with gentle searching, a hand raised so that his thumb grazes against her lower lip, "I want to know how you like to be kissed." He admits breathily, "I want to know so many other things I have no right knowing."

She's never been spoken to like this before and the heat in his words make her flush with anticipation and need. Her cheeks pink and the blush rages down her neck and across her chest as he smiles shyly. It's no longer just a warmth but a blistering heat what erupts across her flesh, "I want you to feel safe with me," he confesses sadly, "But I don't want to open this door and then just up and leave either."

His confession is dizzying, filling her head with sweet words and promises she's always dreamt of hearing. He's so close she feels drunk on him, his thumb lingering against her lip dragging to the corner of her mouth. She isn't sure what to say, or how to express the feelings that are welling up within her. Her chest is tight and he's looking at her like he wants to devour her.

Words, she needs to say words, all of the words, sounds and syllables falling mute on her tongue and all she wants to do is feel those lips again. The softness of his touch is etched on her flesh burning her like a brand. She isn't sure who moved first but the space between them closes, she's on her tip toes and he's learning forward. Their noses bump and they share an awkward laugh as Ben rocks his forehead against hers and says, "I want to kiss…" she doesn't need to hear anything else. Her lips find his as her arms wrap themselves around his neck. The angle is strained as she pulls him into her. It's warmer, more insistent this time. Lips faintly parted but pressed against the one another's. It's easy and smooth until its not. She can feel his smile and she chases it, opening her mouth to draw her tongue along the seam of his mouth. There's a strangled groan that seems to come from Ben and it's one of the best things she's ever heard.

He draws her close as if any space between them is too much while his mouth moves softly against hers. They rock slightly, their height difference causing the angle to shift and then he's tugging at her thighs as though he wants her up. Does he want her to jump?

She can't think straight, his lips are at the corner of her mouth and she hops a little as he tugs on her backside again. He has her hoisted against his legs as she hooks her knees against his hips and he moves her so she's pressed against the side of her car. His mouth is on her neck, his tongue dragging a line down the smooth column of flesh as he tastes her pulse point and nips at the underside of her ear.

His mouth is sinful and dear god he's good at this. She isn't sure how long they remain pressed together tasting and testing their limits. His hands are big and warm, the heat bleeding through her leggings as he holds her hips steady. There's something within her that's desperate to move, to shift her hips, to gain some modicum of friction but when his teeth graze her neck she stills. White hot heat erupts through her vision and she just needs more of _that._

Her toes curl and she's groping at his neck, fingers lost in his hair as she pulls against him, her toes curling as his nose nuzzles against the sensitive spot just beneath her earlobe. It's easy to forget they're in public when he does that and her hips slide against him, knees gaining more purchase at his hips. The groan that rips through him then is almost feral as he sucks in a breath against her neck and the world shifts so that it's more then just Rey and Ben. It's also the vehicle that's driving down the road towards them and two men in the cab who are watching them with mild interest.

Ben is laughing softly against her neck as he drops her feet to the ground but still he keeps her pinned. His lips are pressing soft kisses to her temple and then her forehead and crown as he pulls away. There's a hand in her hair, the warmth of his palm cupping her cheek and a silent promise of more. So much more.

As the truck ambles closer she can make out Finn in the passenger seat and a heavy set man with a bored face and glasses at the wheel. The new hire Andy she figures as one of Falcon's towing trucks pulls up to a stop before them.

Finn is out and serving the damage done to the mustang with a loud whistle of mock approval, "Who'd you piss off?" he asks as Andy moves the truck into place lowering the back so they can pull the broken beauty up onto the flat bed.

"Left the car here for a few hours and when we came back it was like this," she tells Finn calmly. He's giving her a look filled with mild accusation and curious inquiry as his eyes dart between her and Ben, "BB got into it with a porcupine, we had to get him to Doctor Andor, Ben helped." she explains.

It almost looks like Finn isn't going to believe her but as he approaches he catches sight of her canine friend in the back of her car. "Jesus," he mumbles as BB lifts his head, his tail patting against the trunk lightly in recognition of Finn's voice.

A soft smile plays at Rey's lips and Ben's fingers wind their way through hers, "He's still really groggy, I need to get him home."

Finn is nodding but his attention is back to the damaged mustang. Her scratched paint job a glaring offence to a car lover like him. "Such a sin, she's a what, '69?" Finn has his hands in his pockets of his grey work over alls. The arms are tied around his waist the way he usually has them when he's not working on or under a vehicle.

There's a light squeeze at her hand and Ben is pulling away. She shuts the back hatch as she watches Ben wander up to Finn in a strange sort male appraisal, "'67, but good call." Ben says as he cocks his head to the side, "She was a mess when I got her, I finally just got a new engine in her a few months back."

"What's she holding?" Finn asks with a casual glance in Ben's direction.

"Haven't had a chance to open her up yet but she's got a V-8 in her."

"Nice." Finn chuckles and Rey groans. Gear head talk has never been her thing. " Zero to sixty?"

Ben looks like a little kid when he grins, "six point five." Rey knows he's showing off a little and it's working.

"How'd you manage?" Finn asks with a lamenting groan

"Upgraded suspension, a lot of other modifications," Ben tells him easily enough, "I'd let you drive her but... maybe when she's fixed?"

It seem's Finn understands which is good because Rey has no idea what they're talking about, "I think it should be purple," She says from her new found position leaning against the hood of her own old beat up Honda.

Both men stare at her as though she's just said something grievously offensive. At least they're bonding over their love of the shelby. Andy on the other hand is busy hooking the poor creature up to the winch so that he can hoist her onto truck. Ben and Finn share a few more enthusiastic words on the build of the car. Ben is more then happy to share the information while Finn takes it all in with the wonder and awe of a five year old at christmas.

"Your Dad's gonna shit a brick whens he see's this beauty," Finn says as Andy gets the mustang settled and strapped in. "He thought Rey was in some sort of trouble, that's why he sent me out here too. You guys just going to meet us there?" Finn seems oddly ok with Ben's presence which is a relief. She'd really like to get BB home but there's also the matter of Ben's car and the curious warm tingling she still feels against her lips.

He's at her back as though summoned by her thoughts, his hand pressed into the arch of her spine. Finn has gotten back into Falcon's work truck but not without watching with a careful eye as Ben open's Rey's door. His fingers linger a little longer then before, his touch just a little firmer and his eyes… His eyes burn with an intent that threatens to scorch her apprehensions to the ground.

It's confusing but it's intoxicating and she can't wait until he's branding her with his lips again.


	12. Chapter 12

The drive to Falcon is painfully slow. Every twitch of Ben's mouth, every graze of his fingertips as they trail a line along her arm is distracting. It somehow feels like he knows it too, the cocky grin that edges his lips each time his thumb rubs against the ulnar head at her wrist. They don't talk, they haven't gotten to that part yet so the silence is strained with a new level of tension that feels like it's pinning her to her seat.

Han is outside when they pull up, his silver hair almost glittering in the sunlight. Hands on his hips as he narrows his eyes as Rey pulls into a parking spot. She tosses a glance to BB who shifts in his sleep but stills with a huff, he should be fine a little longer. Ben is sliding from her vehicle as Finn approaches. He's ignoring his father in favour of surveying the damage done to his car. He said something to Finn about imported wheels which he's currently running his fingers over. Rey knows she would be angry to find her car in such a state but she did't put anything into the old Honda except a new battery and routers. Ben said he'd rebuilt the Shelby himself, she can't even begin to fathom how he must feel looking at her in this state.

"What were you two doing anyway?" Han says as he sidles up along side her, his voice pulling her from her thoughts. "Necking?"

Her face reddens instantly under the accusation. Had Finn said anything? When would he have had the time to? "What?" she nearly barks in response. Her eyes are wide as Han surveys her cautiously.

His thumbs frame his hips as he cocks his head ever so slightly searching for the truth in her reaction. "Ben's neck and face are all red," he nods towards his son who is talking to Finn as Andy works to remove the mustang from his truck. "Looks like you didn't listen… sucker for a pretty face." he's shaking his head as though scolding a teenager for being caught making out in the back of their parents car.

Rey can't help but laugh, "No!" she cries, Ben's attention is suddenly on her. Lingering maybe a little longer then necessary. He's still communicating with Finn who beckons him into the garage with an easy sweep of his hand. "No, no. Thats from Kay." she tells Han easily.

Now Han looks thoroughly confused, "Who's Kay and why was he necking with her?"

Her smile is easy, broad and bright when she tells him, "Kay is Doctor Andor's cat. Apparently Ben's allergic?"

"Horribly," Han confirms, "Ever since he was little but why were you two at the vet?"

Soon Rey is explaining their situation to him. Their random encounter, the porcupine, poor BB's state in the back of her car and now Ben's vehicular dilemma. Han takes it all in with the easy understanding of a father convinced there's more to the story then is being let on but Rey doesn't let it phase her. "You called him." she says quietly after they fall into a round of easy silence.

The Shelby is in the garage, a few of the other mechanics now surrounding the glowing red framework. There are rowdy questions and praise as one or two circle the car. Finn has his hand pressed to the hood while Ben springs her open and they all stand around looking at her core. It's almost laughable the way they stand around starting, like she's some woman in a magazine. Han is watching with the easy appreciation of someone who wants to be right in there with them but he holds back. Maybe he's giving Ben his space. Maybe he's giving himself the space he needs to comprehend what's happening here but his words come gravely and soft, "It's got to start somewhere." he tells her knowingly.

His hand is at her back with a soft pat as he ventures over to throng of mechanics all vibrating with approval as they touch and poke at the Shelby's inner workings. Ben looks almost comfortable as Han approaches but the set of his shoulders is still stiff. The two keep their distance but fall in side by side as Han asks Ben more in-depth about the Mustang, where he found her, what he's got in her, how long it took him to find that engine. To her surprise Ben answers everything with the relaxed nature of someone who simply loves cars. It's not as strained as it could be but not as easy as it should be.

From behind they look the part of husband and son. Han's hands in his pockets as he nods at a part here or a part there. They talk time lines and ordering with a detail that often comes from a car lovers curiosity. When Ben asks about cost Han just rubs at the back of his neck and grumbles something about crossing that bridge when they come to it. The tires are the big concern, they were brought in from away and will be hard to find. Han points out wear on a few parts making suggestions that Ben seems to mull over with serious intent. He agrees and they start in on a conversation about new modifications and possible work to be done in the future.

She knows she doesn't need to be here for this but Rey finds she likes watching them. Now that his car is being taken care of there's a good possibility she could just skip off home but for some reason she doesn't feel the rush of urgency she did before. With his hands now in his pockets, Ben starts to resemble Han from behind, the only difference their colouring and height. He laughs, a loud sort of chuckle and Finn is pushing one of the other mechanics playfully threatening him within an inch of his life if he so much as breathes on the car.

"I still think it should be purple." She chimes in, her feet carrying her over towards the group. She's use to being the only girl in these scenarios but this time it's a little different. She's not one of the guys so much any more, but a part of something that feels new and exciting.

Han grumbles at her as she stands next to Finn. He has his arm wrapped around her with the casual ease of a brother as he bumps his hip into hers. They war back and forth, hip pressed to hip as they rock side to side scrambling for dominance. Finn is larger then her but his intention is easy letting her control his movement from time to time. "Purple wouldn't be a bad color on this actually," Han muses, Rey knows he's teasing Ben and it's nice to hear the easy way Ben chuckles in response.

"Never going to happen," he says, his eyes on Rey as she and Finn try desperately to push each other around. He's scratching at his neck now, the red blotches creeping up along his cheeks and down around his neck. It looks like it burns but other then the light scratching Ben doesn't seem bothered.

They laugh and joke as though they don't actually have a business to run. It's easy to feel comfortable when the boss is egging you on. How Han manages to keep his business afloat is a mystery in and of itself. The work is quality but he's always cutting deals and letting people walk away with promises of later payment. He takes the work seriously but never too seriously. Like a pet project that is simply meant to keep itself above water. He pays his employees well too, Rey knows this for a fact and realistically he's the only place in several surrounding cities that will can do work on freighters and aircraft the way Falcon does. Maybe that's where the money comes in, not that it's any of her business anyway.

They're all laughing and joking around when an old Dodge pick up rumbles into the parking lot. Rey is nearly breathless as Finn grosses about some older lady who was in the week before. She kept calling him Pedro and patting him on the rear end like he was some wanton pool boy. Now Poe wouldn't stop calling him Pedro. Han's laughing too when his gaze turns to the parking lot catching sight of the pick up. Rey can see a moment of realization dawn on his worn features before he grabs Ben roughly by the upper arm.

His lip curls and Ben looks like he's about to hit his father when Han growls, "Get her in my office now!"

Finn mutters, "Shit," as he starts pushing Rey back away from the bay doors while Han pushes Ben after her.

Rey barely has time to register what's happening when the broad form of a man slides from the bench seat of the old dodge. Her heart stills, and the air is gone from her lungs as though someone has punched her square in the gut, "What?" she starts to say but Finn is pushing her and Han is practically seething.

"Ben, now," Han demands and Rey suddenly cannot move at all. Her legs are like lead as she watches him approach. His squashed face the same as she remembers it, a mix between a pekingese and melted icecream. His broad nose takes up most of his face, broken one too many times from skirmishes at the bar. His eyes are beady and too far apart, his hair thick but greasy.

Panic sets in, raw and visceral and then Ben is at her side heeding his fathers warming. Still her legs don't seem to work. Finn is urging her harshly as he opens the door that leads into the office space beyond and Ben's hand is at her elbow. His fingers are broad and strong as he tugs her gently at first and then more insistent

"Solo!" his deep voice calls out and she's thirteen years old again. The hand at her elbow _burns_ and she's trying to pull away from the person who it belongs to. She won't let them touch her, she'll fight, she'll kick, she'll bite if she has to but all her body can do is shake. There's a hand at her throat, or is there? Aren't those her fingers raking over the flesh of her neck? Her body trembles, eyes wide and pleading. How is it possible that he's here?

Finn meets Ben's questioning gaze mouthing the name that her heart is hammering against her chest. Still not sure what it means Finn sighs and says, "Get her out of here man, now!"

Ben nods and the next thing she knows she's being picked up. The feeling of strong arms around her make her panic rise. It's like she's being stolen away and all she knows is she has to fight or she'll be hurt again. She won't let him hurt her again. Broken ribs, bruised cheekbones, cigarette burns on her legs. She can't register the soft voice that whispers to her that she'll be ok. Her vision tunnels and she's pounding her fists into a thick broad shoulder. It doesn't feel squishy and swollen the way he usually does and there's a smell to the air like leather and wood that confuses her senses.

There's a hall closet, a kitchen table with a broken bottle and blood. Never a lot but enough to tell her she's been injured again. She bites the shoulder that holds her close and somewhere in the distance a door clicks shut. Someone hisses in pain but the sting against her cheek never comes. There's a softness beneath her backside that doesn't make sense and the smell of leather gets stronger. She's dizzy, she's falling. The world around her spins and that voice, that deep horrible voice is yelling her name. It's telling her she's worthless, it's accusing her of stealing, demanding she give him everything she has and doesn't she know how _lucky_ she is?

She closes her eyes and squeezes them shut, if she wills it hard enough he'll be gone. He was never there in the first place. Right?

She feels her hands shake as she draws her knees to her chest and slowly folds in on herself. Make yourself small, hide yourself away so he can't find you. Stay as still as humanly possible and he'll forget you exist. Somehow that never happens, even now all these years later he's found her.

But he never leaves Jakku and how could he know?

Slowly as her eyes open, her knuckles white beneath the strain of wringing her hands together, the world around her comes into focus. Han's office is wide but shallow and she's sitting on his old brown sectional he had taken from home after Leia's last remodel. Ben is crouched before her, afraid to put his hands on her but his dark eyes are curious and sad. His mouth is moving but she can't hear the words he's saying. Her mind is a buzz with white noise and hollered threats as the door to the garage bangs shut and a chorus of voices erupts in the hallway.

_He's there. He's there. He's there_.

He's right there on the other side of the doorway and years of being strong simply don't matter anymore.

When she was in the middle of it she could scrap and claw and bite because she had to get away from him. Her one goal in life was to survive and she somehow had managed that. The memory of it though, the burn of his touch, the rank stench of his alcohol soaked breath, it did something to her now that made her feel weak. She had been tough and now she was terrified.

Ben's fingers against her cheek cause her to jolt but his touch is soft and welcome. He's tucking away a few stray strands of hair behind her ear when the grumbling of his voice stirs her from a moment of peaceful enjoyment.

"Where the fuck is she Solo?" his voice rips through her consciousness and Ben is trying to pull her attention back on him.

Han's voice isn't loud enough or maybe he's just further away. She can hear Finn too and then her uncle calls him something racist and incredibly offensive. Her breathing comes in heavy short breaths, her chest feels like it's going to cave in on itself while someone pries her ribcage apart with their bare hands all at the same time. It's dizzying and she's not sure she can stay awake but she has to. She has to be prepared to run.

The walls are suddenly too close, the room too small, his presence too near.

Ben is shushing her softly, his hand broad and strong is stroking her hair.

What's that strange keening sound?

Ben's shush grows a little louder. Is it her?

Her hands shake as she gropes for Ben's forearm. He's there, she can register his presence, like a break in the clouds his face hovers over her whispering that she needs to stay quiet. She's in the closet again, silent as the grave and still he finds her. He has her by the ankle and he's dragging her down the hallway to the kitchen. Her blunted fingernails leave small half moon prints on Ben's arm as she claws at him trying to get away, while moving closer into Ben's warmth. She can hear her heart beat as it hammers in her chest. There is a pressure in her face, in her head that is nauseating and it makes her vision swim. Closing her eyes she presses her forehead against Ben's bicep and whimpers.

"You got no right Solo, no right!" his voice calls again. "I know you know where she is, a friend saw the two of you at Kessel's Run together, said she got in a silver Honda SUV and drove off."

This time Han's voice breaks through the quiet, "She was in town visiting, I told you last time she moved to Naboo." Han sounds insistent but not angry, he's careful not to enrage Plutt but it doesn't take much to send her uncle into a state of madness.

"You got a silver Honda in your parking lot right now Solo, you telling me that's not a coincidence?" Plutt's voice comes from close to the window of Han's office, he's pacing. He always paces when he's angry and it's worse when he's coming off a bender.

Thankfully the blinds are closed and the room is dark. _She's safe_. Ben's here. _She's safe_. Ben won't let anything happen to her. Han said he would protect her. Ben won't let anything bad happen. Ben is here. Her mind repeats the words like a mantra, trying to push out the realization that Plutt now knows what she drives.

Han is quick witted though, "That's my son's vehicle." he says as though Plutt is being ridiculous, "Ben and Rey have been friends for ages, she was visiting him, must have borrowed his car."

Plutt scoffs, "Son, right."

Ben is moving, he's pulling away from her. He's leaving. _He's leaving_. She tightens her grip and he's speaking softly telling her it'll be ok. He'll be right back. He won't let anything bad happen to her. "Stay low," he tells her and kisses her forehead. His thumb brushes over her cheek swiping away tears she didn't realize were painting her face, hot and sticky wet. "I won't let him in. You're ok."

When he leaves the world is suddenly cold and the terror creeps along her spine, long dragging nails clinging sharply to her sanity. Ben slides from the room easily, and she can hear his voice loud and smooth as he calls to his father as if he has no idea what's happening, "I thought we were going to go for lunch?" he says easily as the door clicks behind him. When Rey looks up she can see he's locked it and now only she or Han can open it. "Who's this?"

"Who the fuck are you?" Plutt barks.

Han's voice is even if not a little condescending, "This is my son Ben… the one who owns the silver Honda you're so interested in."

"Where the fuck is my niece?" Plutt demands, she imagines him squaring up against Ben. He's a large man, a line backer in his day who hurt his knee playing football and let himself go to waste. In a small town like Jakku it's hard to escape what you once were and Plutt lives in constant fury over the loss of his college opportunity and career in football. He's nothing but a broken man who can't escape his own self pity. Ben is taller then him, but he's smaller. Plutt's arms are like thick tree trunks, his hand like dinner plates. He can do some serious damage when he's in a state too, Rey knows this first hand. There's a moment where she finds herself worried about Ben, wondering if maybe she shouldn't end this now and show herself. If only she could get her legs to actually move.

"Who's he talking about?" she hears Ben ask, he hasn't moved away from the door much, standing guard, her protector. There's a muttering of voices, Finn says something she can't make out and then Han says something too. They're further away though and their voices don't translate through the walls as smoothly, "Why would Rey be here? She went back to Naboo days ago?"

She waits, she has to hear the answer, there needs to be a reason. Plutt's enraged that they're keeping her from him. They're family, he's her only family left. It's all the same, the soft words he'd use to keep her pinned when she was young and didn't know any better. Family isn't suppose to hurt you the way he hurt her and oh god did he hurt her. Her stomach aches, not from fear or hunger but phantom pains from being kicked in the stomach one too many times. His words drown her like an ice bath as he tells them how much he worries about her. How much he thinks about her since Han took her away from him. There are threats of violence, threats of cops called, quiet threats that Rey can't hear but for the rumble of his deep harsh voice.

The reality of the situation settles over her like a dust cloud after an explosion, coating her in the debris of her once coveted safety. He has been looking for her this whole time. Han and Finn have known about it too and have kept it a secret from her all along. She's angry, she wants to scream, instead she threads her fingers through her hair and pulls hard. The burn against her scalp is painful and sharp but it draws her attention away from his voice and the implications of all the lies. Han has offered him money and Rey wants to be sick. It's not the first time this has happened either, not with the easy way they fall into negotiations. She's never going to be rid of him, he'll never leave her alone. She changed her last name. but that didn't seem to matter, he still had ways of tracking her down. People in places that might recognize her, that might follow her.

What if he finds out where she works? What if he finds out where she lives?

It's suddenly hopeless she'll never get away from him. She'll never be free of his torment. Ben's voice is still and calm as it rumbles through the wall. She can't make out what he's saying, it takes too much effort and the world is spinning again. She covers her mouth as her body rocks against a sob that shutters through her like a convulsion. She's huffing into her hand and her eyes sting, blinded by the tears she's never really stopped crying.

Poe's voice is loud as it rips through her mind, "Oh fuck no," he cries, new to the party, probably on lunch looking for Finn. "We aren't doing this again, no more." There's a scraping of metal and a loud clammer of voices. Something bangs loudly against the ground causing Rey to tense and shudder. "Why can't you just leave her alone." Poe grounds out and Plutt's deep baritone responds with something Rey can't quite make out.

Voices raise and there's the sound of something heavy hitting a wall. A bang, a scramble of feet and another bang. Plutt makes a noise that she's heard before, too many times. It's the sound he makes when he's about to strike something, a build up of a holler and the muted sound of flesh striking flesh. There's a loud shuddering explosion of noise and the wall she's leaning against shakes. Ben's voice sounds from further away and it makes her heart ache to know he's no longer standing right outside the door. He sounds angry and a flash of his rage floods her mind.

"I suggest you leave now before I call the police," Han says firmly before his voice raises and he's calling to Ben loudly. A warning. He's telling Ben to back down but Plutt is mocking them, she can hear the way his voice changes once he knows he's won.

"I know she's in Coruscant." She hears Plutt spit out. His voice sounds soggy, as though he's plugging his nose or speaking through PVC piping.

"Back down Ben!"

"Settle little Solo." he bites out, "Tell my little niece I miss her, I'm sure I'll see her soon."

There's a flurry of movement and Han is calling Ben's name again, louder, more desperate this time as Finn curses and a number of other voices cry out in a chorus of agitation and fear. She's not sure how long it lasts, the scraping of feet and the thumping of objects she cannot see. Doors maybe or is that metal?

The silence that follows is suffocating and Rey isn't sure she's even able to breathe. Has she been breathing? She's still conscious so she must be but her chest feels tight and strained, her breathing obviously laborious and uneven. When there's voices outside the door she can't tell who they belong to and her adrenaline kicks into over drive. She scrambles, her feet losing traction against the floor as she trips over herself trying to get away from the door frame. Readying herself for an attack that her body feels is eminent.

Keys scratch at the lock and rationally she knows it must be Han but the terror in her soul tells her to get ready to attack. Don't let him get you, don't let him get you, bite, scratch, stab. She's trembling when the heavy door slides open and Han pokes his head in.

It's dark but she can see the ware on hie features as clear as day. He's rubbing the back of his neck as he flips the light on and starts to close the door behind him. It doesn't get far however, a body ceasing it's closure. "Jesus give her a minute," Han demands but Ben is pushing his way into the room, ignoring his fathers request. His eyes are on her and he's the only thing she can focus on. The soft way those pools of warm whisky assess her, the way his tongue darts out over the swell of his bottom lip and his approach stills, cautious and apprehensive.

"Rey…" he says softly and without another conscious though she's throwing herself into his arms. He has her wrapped up in his embrace holding the back of her head softly, his fingers carding through the mass of chestnut hair falling loose around her shoulders. He breathes her in, his body shaking slightly against her own pushing down the emotions that sizzle around him like electricity on the air. She feel's it all and yet sinks into him further sobbing against his chest as he whispers against her crown.

"You two better get in here too," Han says begrudgingly and Rey knows he's talking to Finn and Poe. She can feel the air in the room shift as two extra bodies are added and Han shuts the door with a deafening click.

Finn looks agitated but Poe has his hand to his nose holding against it a white cloth speckled in blood. His eyes look swollen as Finn helps him to the couch encouraging him to hold his head back and just relax. Someone hit Poe and hard enough to make him bleed. Finn is hovering over him carefully, tenderly drawing the cloth away from his face to take stock of Poe's injury. "It doesn't look broken," He tells Poe carefully, inspecting the bloody nostrils and swollen bridge carefully.

"Feels broken," Poe grumbles as Finn softly palpates around the bridge a little more earning a bellow of pain from the afflicted, "I swear, I love you but if you do that again…"

"Shut up," Finn tells him easily, giving Poe back his bloody rag to staunch the bleeding. His eyes look bruised, his face swelling still. Rey feels like the nose is most definitely broken. "You should't have gone after him like that."

"What was he even doing here?" Poe asks bitterly. They all look to Han suddenly as Han settles himself in on the other side of his desk. He has both hands raking fingers through his hair as he throws his head back and curses loudly. Ben won't let her go and she can't find it in her to be too concerned about that fact. He feels warm and safe and she clings to that

His chest rumbles under her cheek when Ben says, "You've been paying him off for years haven't you." It sounds more like an accusation then a question. As though some how this is all Han's fault. Ben's hand is rubbing slow circles over her back as he edges her towards the couch, encouraging her to sit but she finds she doesn't want to be away from him. She clings to him the way a child does a stuffed toy until he begrudgingly takes a seat on the edge of the couch so she can curl against him.

Finn and Poe are watching carefully but their eyes too fall on Han looking for some sort of explanation that might make sense of this odd turn of events.

"Yes," Han says softly and Rey can see the defeat in his shoulders as he slams his fists into the darkly stained oak of his desk. The noise startles her causing Han's features to soften as he says, "I'm sorry kid. I thought I was doing good keeping him away from you."

"How is he not in jail?" Finn asks, his hand rubbing lightly against Poe's knee while Poe rests his head against the back of the couch.

"Friends in high places." Han explains, "Ive never seen a neanderthal so well connected."

It takes a moment but Rey finds her voice. It sounds scratchy and foreign but Ben's presence gives her the strength she needs as she clears her throat and says, "He gets them what they want. Drugs, girls, elicit materials. He goes down they all go down." she explains ruefully. "You all know this" she chokes and Ben pulls her closer, her body pressed tightly against his side.

"I wish you two idiots hadn't hit him," Han gripes, "That's going to come back and bite us in the ass,"

"Uhhh, my face says he got his pay back," Poe groans, lifting the cloth as Finn checks to see if it's still bleeding. With a nod of his partners head Poe presses the saturated cloth back against his face and huffs.

Han gives a slight shake of his head, "Doesn't matter. He would have left with the money and we would have been ok. Now he's got a point to prove. Your anger may have just cost Rey her peace of mind."

Fear is bubbling into fury as she listens to Han talk. It's hard to wrap her mind around the fact that she hasn't been safe at all these past few years but simply living in a bubble of ignorance created by Han Solo and his masterful ego. "How long have you been paying him off?" Rey asks bitterly.

"Come on kid…" Han presses pleadingly, "Let's not do this."

"How. Long?" she grits her teeth and steadies herself. Her hands are the only thing shaking now and Ben is holding them against his knee.

"Since we got you away. It started off as a way of keeping him from coming after you, it's spiralled since then." Han levels her with an even, serious stare as he says, "I would do it again in a heart beat. To keep you from living in that shadow of fear."

"What's she suppose to do now?" Finn asks apprehensively. He's looking between Han and Rey uneasily as he chews at his bottom lip. "He's not going to just leave this. He knows we've been lying."

"You were in on this too?" Rey cries, "How about you Poe?"

Both men groan as the share a knowing look. Finn nods but Poe's position leaves him with no other recourse but to add a soft, "We were aware."

Rey wants to cry but thankfully she isn't sure she has much left for her body to release. She feels dehydrated and painfully sore as her eyes burn and her cheeks feel sticky beneath the drying salty rivers of tears. Ben's hand has slipped beneath the hem of her shirt and is tracing soft circles against her flesh in a way that makes her melt beneath his touch. He's sold and safe and she can feel his need to say something vibrate around them. He's holding his tongue, for her or maybe for the sake of not starting a fight but she can see the way his jaw works, chewing on his words. Its Han who seems the most surprised by this stoic silence as he watches them with cautious appraisal.

His words come soft, thoughtful and cryptic but Rey thinks she gleans his meaning, "Maybe not just a sucker for a pretty face…"

She can see Ben's eyes narrow some as he mulls over the words but again his own fall quiet. His focus is on the journey of his hand against her skin as he rolls the other over on her knee and takes her fingers laced within his own. He looks like he's challenging his father, daring Han to tell him to back down, to leave her alone. He's stubborn and warm and she wants to fall into him and sleep for days. Her body is tired, so very tired and she just wants to go home.

In the back of her mind, the fear rallies, like an ember glowing from a left over inferno it gutters against her control. The flames sparking and burning her as they dance to life. What if he follows her? What if he doesn't believe them and she leaves in her car that he now recognizes and he follows her home? It's the one time living in the woods alone has made her feel unsafe.

"Ben," Han says quickly before Rey can tumble down that rabbit hole of fear, "Can you stay with her for a little while?"

Finn and Poe both make noises as though to protest but Ben is nodding his head, "For as long as I can," he says easily, "I'm suppose to have my meeting with Ren in the next week or two about going back."

"Postpone it," Han orders. Ben looks like he wants to argue when Han says, "Please Ben," He's levelling Ben with a pleading stare now and Rey's insides turn in hopes that Ben will listen.

She isn't sure how she feels about these decisions being made without her input but Ben's body hums softly and all her mind can comprehend from it is '_safe, safe, safe_' like a mantra. He nods as he says, ""I'll do what I can," and the warmth that radiates through her is wild and untamed, his hand at her back burning her like a brand and it just feels so good.

Still her body quivers, fear mottled with apprehension and a need for rest. "I want to go home," she says in a soft voice. One she barely recognizes. It's the voice of a young girl who was too afraid to get help. The voice of a young girl who had to be cornered by her friends in order to let even a semblance of the truth slip free. She doesn't want to be that girl again, the one that Han had to rescue, the one who pretended to be tough but could barely speak up for herself. Years of standing her ground, fighting for what she wanted out of life, for what she felt like she deserved now feel like a lie. It's easy to play boisterous and successful when you're unaware that your one true shame in life is still walking around. It's easy to be tough when you think you're a lion and no one tells you you're still the lamb.

Maybe she can fight him, maybe she'll have to but that squished face is still one that lingers in her nightmares. He suffocates her freedom and keeps her trapped, at least he use to and now he's there again, lingering at the edge of her self imposed surety. How will she ever feel safe again?

Finn is on his knees in front of her speaking softly, "Peanut," he says, his eyes flickering between she and Ben cautiously, "Do you want to come and stay with us?" he offers and Poe straightens up next to her, edging forward to support Finn. "We can set up the spare room for you," He tells her sweetly.

She's shaking her head in response, "Your apartment doesn't allow dogs and I won't leave BB." She tells him with a sad smile, "I want to sleep in my own bed, I want to feel safe in my own home." She isn't sure how likely that will be now but she wants to believe it's possible.

It's probably all in her head but she's fairly certain Ben's hold gets a little tighter. The hand at her back slips out from beneath her shirt to settle across her hip. It's tugging her a little tighter against him. "I'll stay with her," he says, his eyes are fixed on Han, curiously wary and still guarded, "But, no more hiding shit."

Han nods and Finn looks like he wants to argue. A groan of irritation from Poe however draws Finn's attention back to his injured partner. When Poe takes the cloth away from his face this time his nostrils are lined with dried bits of congealing blood. The bruising around his eyes is darker, a purple band across his bridge puffy and swollen. There almost looks like there might be a dent in the cartilage but upon closer inspection Rey can see there's a deviation to the structure, "Poe, can you breath out of your nose?"

Narrowing his eyes Poe takes an easy sort of sniff that sounds oddly one sided, "Fuck," he mutters as he does it again and then winces in pain.

"He needs to see a doctor, that's definitely broken," she says softly.

Han looks like he's about to have a stroke. His hands clench and unclench as he eyes the group in front of him "Finn, You get Charlie on the hunt for those tires, make sure he orders rims with them, I'm not taking chances. There's a place in Bespin that specializes in classics like Ben's Shelby. We'll have to go through them for the glass and I'll text you the few others parts I want to have on hand. Poe, you good on the y-wing?"

Poe nods as he tilts his nose back, it's bleeding again and he only just manages to catch it against the backside of his hand. "Bomber just has to check the fuel compressor." he assures Han.

Han nods, "Good, ok."

"And what are you going to do?" Ben asks sharply.

"Got some business to take care of." Han replies cryptically. "I know I know, no more hiding shit, I'm not. I have to figure out how to tell your mother whats going on. Unless you plan on doing it?" Ben shifts uncomfortably and it's obvious he has no intention of doing so. "Exactly, I'm going to see if Lando can dig up something this guy before things get too out of hand. Finn you make sure to get him to a hospital." he's pointing at Poe, "And don't get blood on my couch for christ sake."

Poe grumbles, "Come on Pedro, let's go."

Finn is mumbling under his breath as he and Poe take their leave. Ben is to his feet next, his hand held out in offering to Rey. It's a kind gesture which she takes almost greedily refusing to put too much space between them. "You ok if we go to my place and get a few things?" he asks her as though she were the only one in the room. It's all she can do to nod as he presses a kiss to the top of her head and moves to lead her into the entry way. Her body aches beneath the heavy panic that flutters through her veins but Ben is there and her mind is a swell of, '_safe, safe, safe_,' again. Unable to dwell on too many things at once. Han says something to Ben that she doesn't quite grasp and she's clinging to his arm as they make their way out to the front doors. She's handing Ben her keys without thought and when he pulls up front, BB still snoozing away in the back as she slides in easily. She can't think of anything else other then the way his hand feels as it curves over the cap of her knee. Or the way he looks at her through the corner of his eye as they drive off.

She started this morning agitated by something that now seems so trivial. Now all she wants is to crawl back into bed and pretend the last few hours never happened.

* * *

**Wellllll this took a turn. Drama, drama, drama! I hadn't planned on taking it here so quickly but things sort of morphed in my mind and here we are. Is it too much? Do Rey's incoherent thought patterns make sense? Let me know what you think darlings! xo**


	13. Chapter 13

Rey doesn't pay much attention to the car ride into Coruscant. She simply sits with her head pressed against the glass watching as the city scape passes her by. She has a rough idea where Ben lives, they've dropped of Armitage a few times after group outings. Usually ones where everyone else is busy drinking and she's been named designated driver for the evening. So its no real surprise when they pull up outside the large condo building, settling into the visitor parking spot near the front atrium door.

"You mind waiting if I shower really quick?" Ben asks as he throws the car into park. Rey makes a noise that could be possibly taken for acceptance as she slips from the vehicle to follow him. Instead of going straight for the door however Ben moves to the hatch and opens it to see how BB is doing. The sedatives have worn off now and his tail wags furiously as he edges forward in his make shift bed. Ben is muttering encouraging words as BB jumps down from the back of the SUV and dances the wiggly bum jig around Ben's legs.

It's nauseatingly sweet the way Ben bends to meet BB's lean as he scratches down the canines back end enthusiastically. BB's hide legs dance from paw to paw and he's pushing further against Ben who doesn't seem to mind at all. Instead he embraces the attention telling BB what a good boy he is before holding his hand out for Rey to take it.

She feels a little like a zombie, her eyes strained from tears, warm and hot and heavy. It's a strain to keep herself upright but she take's Ben's hand as he leads her into into the doorway fishing out his own keys casually. It isn't long before he realizes his house keys were left on the shelby's key right and he has to buzz up into his own apartment. He presses the button once, and they wait. When nothing happens he presses it a second time, pausing before hammering his finger against the silver button beside a tab that reads 'Solo'

He's muttering to himself something about how useless Hux is when he presses the button again, his ears turning red with irritation. She can see them peeking through the wavy dark hair he's wound his hands through one too many times. Finally there's a crackle of static and Hux's voice comes across the intercom, "Yes?" Does he sound a little breathy?

"Huxley you moron, buzz me up, I left my keys at Falcon." Ben says sternly as he leans towards the intercom.

There's a soft hiss of static again as Armitage's voice chirps, "I'm the moron… you don't have your keys and I'm the moron."

For a minute she almost thinks he's not going to give them access but after a moment a buzzer wails and the lock on the door clicks open. The atrium smells like fresh flowers and is brightly lit from a skylight high, high above. There are windows and mirrors lining every surface, even the elevator doors are more then just a reflective metal. When they stand before the closed surface Rey takes in how horrible she looks, her eyes are dark and lined, almost dead looking and her face is set in some sort of resting bitch look. Next to Ben she looks like a poor homeless child, malnourished and unloved. He's so much taller then her she feels awkward in his presence but when his arm loops around her shoulder it's as though nothing has been more right in her life.

Ben and Armitage live on the fifth floor. There are seven in total but the top two are more penthouse types Ben explains as they ride the elevator. The back side is glass and it looks out over a communal park that seems to have been build at the centre of the structure. She's never seen anything like it and mental chastises herself for never demanding Hux show her around.

The apartment itself is decorated in a dark monochromatic scheme. She can't tell if it's more Ben's taste of Hux's but it fits in a modern industrial way. The appliances are black stainless steel and the furniture a white microsuede that makes Rey cringe, she'd never be able to keep something like that clean. "Come on in," Ben says smoothly as he toes off his sneakers and flits around his apartment with relaxed ease. It's strange but why wouldn't he be comfortable here? It's his apartment after all.

Hux's surly face is oddly absent as Rey finds herself wandering around. The kitchen is set off to the side a little separated by a short wall which leads into the living area. The walls are painted a soft heather grey and the marble of the countertop too is black flecked with starlit silver and pieces of white. BB is making his way to the couch as he sniffs around here and there shoving his nose into a sleek dark pair of leather boat shoes. He prances around like he owns the place investigating every nook and cranny he can in search of some long forgotten discarded piece of food.

Her eyes rove over contemporary pieces of artwork and statues that fit the scheme but seem an odd choice for Ben and his fascination with old cars and tech. There's a silver statue of oddly shaped rings with long thin pieces of silver stretching into the air. They look sharp, almost dangerous but as Rey gets closer she realizes they're actually suppose to be birds, their beaks hooked and eyes etched into the end. There's a face half etched in what looks like crumbling marble set on a stand on an end table near the hallway Ben disappeared down and a strange blown glass piece of oceanic blues that looks almost like fire, or maybe water, or maybe… she can't quite figure it out turning her head this way and that as iron pieces erupt from the end lined with silver leaves and opal jewels. There are thick shelves loaded with books, manuals and biographies lining the side wall while marvellously large windows open onto the communal garden below.

Ben is in and out steadily, digging through closets and dipping into rooms that line the long hallway that stretches away from the main living area. "Do you want anything? Coffee? tea? water?" he asks as he extracts himself from a closet pulling with him a large black duffel.

"BB could use some water," she says in a voice that's far away, disconnected from the person actually resides within her body.

"Oh yeah, yeah no problem." he says quickly bustling passed her with a light hand across her forearm. He doesn't even look to see that he's done it as though touching her is the most natural thing in the world. She follows him without thought or pretence, BB at her side swaggering with easy hips. He accepts the water happily as Ben pulls an apple from the fridge, one for himself and then another he offers to Rey. She takes it mindlessly as he leans against the counter and takes a loud crisp bite. "You ok?" his voice is soft, unsure, almost careful as he observes her from his position against the marble.

She's not entirely sure what she's suppose to say, no of course she's not ok. She's not sure she'll be ok ever again if she's honest. Her entire world has been torn out from under her. She's furious at Han for keeping this all from her but she's also grateful for the years she had gotten to feel safe and normal. It's a confusing range of emotions that she doesn't know her body necessarily has room to comprehend. Then there's this. This strange attraction thats morphing quickly into something she cannot even quantify. Now he's suppose to stay with her, he agree'd to stay with her. This isn't how normally people live their existence.

"I don't know what I am," She says instead, "Numb right now," the hallow tone to her voice reaches down into the pit of her stomach making her feel sick. Tired of her own pathetic weakness.

Without thinking, she takes a bite of the apple, letting the sweet juices fill up her mouth. She presses the grainy flesh against her hard palate leeching it of it's vibrant nectar before chewing the rest. It gives her something to focus on that isn't the way he's looking at her. Like she's some sad thing to be pitied. Or is there more to those dark eyes then that?

She sees what her mind wants her to see, or believes it knows to be the truth. It makes it difficult to read his expression when she has a hard time seeing the world in technicolor. Pity could be concern, lust could be gas. People are funny like that.

Instead she focuses on BB, lapping at the water, he gets it all over the floor. A flood of liquid dripping from his jowls as he looks up at her, ears quirked and tail wagging. She takes a bite of the fruit, slips it out of her mouth and hands it to BB. He sniffs the offered food and then takes it carefully between his front teeth before munching on it happily. He's her one constant in life. She'd never known consistent love until him, so sure everyone was going to leave her eventually or inevitably hurt her. She'd kept Poe and Finn at a distance, even Han and Leia like some feral cave girl who had no idea how to interact properly with society. The only difference being instead of lashing out, she made herself into whatever they needed her to be in fear that she might disappoint or they might tire of her. She made herself indispensable and it wasn't until she got out that she started to discover who she really was as a person.

That's why BB has been her saviour, his love has been a balm against wounds still open that have been trying to heal. He doesn't care who she is or what she does, he just simply loves her. It's an affection only a dog can give and it's healed her in ways she never knew possible. If BB can love her when she's sad or has dirty hair or is lazy enough to eat cheap ramen for supper instead of making an actual meal then the world at large can accept that of her too. At the very least she can accept that of herself.

"I'm going to go and take a quick shower, will you be ok for a little bit on your own? Huxley appears to have locked himself in his room for some reason or another." Ben's words are soft and easy as he tosses his apple core into a compost bag under the sink. He touches her as he passes again, this time a hand on her bicep as he slips by, catching her with a quick smile.

Then he's gone, disappearing behind a door somewhere down the hallway. The silence swallows her whole as she takes a seat on the white couch teetering on the edge so BB can lean against her legs.

Minutes go by and there's nothing but the soft rush of water. BB has shifted onto his side and is laying stretched out like an area rug and the world seems strange and still. She can hear her heart beat singing within her ears as she concentrates on her breathing trying to keep herself calm and steady. Every so often filled with a surge of emotions that jack rabbit though her threatening her stability.

There's a shuffle of feet from down the hallway that stirs her from her deep contemplation and Hux emerges from she assumes is his room. He's seen better days, dressed in a pair of fuzzy sleep pants with rocket ships on them and a fitted black t-shirt hidden beneath an over sized grey knit cardigan. His hair is mussed and his eye lids heavy as he sniffles and mopes into the common living space. BB is on his feet quickly, dancing around the gingers feet with friendly vigour startling Hux from his zombie like shuffle. "Jesus, beast!" he cries morosely turning to find Rey starting at him. It takes a moment or two for him to register what exactly is going on before he snuffles again and says, "What are you doing here?"

"Are you sick?" she asks instead of answering, smirking as BB bumps into Hux's legs following him into the kitchen in hopes of a treat.

The red head narrows his eyes, the end of his pale nose a pitiful state of red as he snuffles again, "You're a genius you know that," he says with all the charm of an ameba, all the while muttering 'jesus' under his breath as he tries to swerve and curl around the canines persistent form.

Unbothered by Armitage's irritation Rey forces a sort of half smile as she asks, "You need anything?" turning around on the couch as the Hux disappears into the kitchen, BB a hungry and persistent presence at his side.

There's a pitiful yelp from the kitchen which sounds more man then beast as Armitage emerges with a box of saltines and a very pleased looking dog. "Your beast is a menace," he mumbles around a mouth full of dry cracker, holding the box out of BB's reach. The height is little deterrent as BB bounces around Armitage happily his eyes peeled for crumbling food.

"Sorry, BB here," She calls to her faithful friend his ears perking up at the sound of his name. He looks forlorn at Armitage and the box of dry crackers before trotting over and plopping down next to Rey. Hux eyes them wearily before sneezing into his arm and groaning.

"What's wrong? You don't look right…" he asks with a moan, snuffling his very stuffed nose again.

Rey scoffs lightly as she responds, "You're one to talk, look at you. You look like you have the plague."

Narrowing his eyes Hux makes an odd noise thats sounds like a strangled 'huh' before saying, "Black death I think," his sense of humour is undamaged at the very least, "You just look… not right, what is it?" There's concern edged in the sharpness of Armitage's voice. It's only because she knows him she doesn't get up and punch him right now. He doesn't do well with emotions, in fact he's quite stunted in that department. He tries, he really does but often he looses himself. Some might think it makes Armitage a poor friend when in fact it does the opposite. His very cut and dry approach to dealing with problems can be helpful if you can get passed his inability to read the room. It's not that he doesn't understand emotions, he does, he just thinks they can get in the way of the practical.

The way he's watching her right now tells her he's trying to be sensitive in the strained way that Armitage knows how. "Do you need a hug or something? Have you been crying?" he asks through a clogged nose and difficulty breathing. "Did Ben do something? He's such a meat head…" popping another cracker in his mouth he chews thoughtfully stunned by her silence. Rey is not about to have this conversation with him but there's a curious concern edging onto his features that's foreign, "Look Rey…" he starts and she can see the wheels turning in his head as he picks apart his snarky responses and tries to find more compassionate words to use. "You don't have to tell me jack but please know I want you to be ok." His accent soften's his words some and she can't help but smile. She's grateful for him honestly, he's an odd mixture to their group but a solid one.

"Thanks Armie," she says softly, the odd use of her drunken nickname throwing him off a little as she raises to her feet. "You're a good man." When she closes the space between them to embrace him in a hug, Hux stiffens a little before wrapping his arms around her in return.

"Don't let that get out," He jokes as she pulls away.

She knows her eyes are lined with tears, her traitorous emotions welling up in a volcanic display that promises to ruin her, "I'm going to wait in Ben's room?" she leaves the question open, wondering which door she should hide herself behind, "I'll take BB with me so you can snack in peace."

"First on the right," Hux tells her softly. He watches as she slips away from him, her feet trailing across deep ebony hard wood. She's nearly out of sight when she catches him say, "Hey Rey…" he stops a minute as she turns, "I mean it, if you need anything just let me know. Specially if it's my brand of help…" his meaning does not go un-noted. Hux is a go to guy, a get stuff done guy. He's what some might call a fixer. He's a behind the scenes kind of man who can find almost anything when given the right amount of freedom, cash, and time. He's ruthless when he needs to be making him highly sought after by big businesses and executives alike. It's weird to think of him in such a position of power since she's seen him squeal over pygmy goats and gush over his favourite ice cream flavour.

She nods her head and gives him a small thanks as she calls BB to her side slips into the room Hux indicated was Ben's. It's about 5 degrees cooler in here then it is in the rest of the house and relatively spartan compared to the lavish artwork and decor. His bed is a king, the only real luxury she can see. His sheets are red but his thick duvet is heavy, black and incredibly inviting. There is a large shelf filled with books and knick-knacks. A metal replica of Bespin's Cloud tower. It's a strange looking building with a thick base and tall thin centre that opens into a marvellous disc like structure at the top. She's seen pictures of the real thing and it's always been a curiosity of hers how it manages to stay upright being so top heavy. Cloud Tower is now one of the many structures owned by Han's friend Lando and she wonders if Ben has ever stepped foot in it. Beside it are a series of small bronzed coins with numbers etched into their surface. They indicate years of sobriety she realizes and suddenly feels like she's snooping.

There are books about cars, and large text books on an assortment of topics like; how to rebuild an engine, meditation, and the central nervous system. There's a book or two she recognizes from school too, a text book about pathophysiology and an orthopaedic assessment and treatment book she sometimes still uses when she gets stumped. Mostly though it's cars and planes and space. There's a hunk of rock that looks like it has blue and green veins of metal through it and a small buddha like the one Luke had given her. Beside his bed is a night table with a lamp and a book with a bookmark sticking out the top. Across from that a desk with a laptop and a set of differently coloured therabands each denoting their specific tensile strength. There isn't much beyond the basic other then a large telescope that sits beneath his window that opens onto the city scape below.

His room smells like _Ben_, soft hints of sandalwood mingled with something sweeter edging on a light intoxicating spice. When she lays on his bed, curling up on her side so that her head rests on one of his pillows it's like being hugged by him. That scent becomes all encompassing and settles the roiling torment that bubbles in her gut. BB shifts awkwardly and then jumps up with her, curling up by her shins to lay his head on her knees. He knows she's not ok and as always has taken up his place as her silent protector. It's comfortable laying there, surrounded by Ben like this. Her mind an aching mess of jumbled thoughts she rests her eyes and snuggles herself into his pillow inhaling deeply as she slowly tucks in on herself.

Sleep steals at her consciousness greedily, pulling her under, tugging at her lines of consciousness like a desperate child. It's easy to give in to it, the way his bed swallows her up in it's embrace, the faint smell of him tickling her nose. It isn't until the door clicks shut that she's tugged back into a dozy state of consciousness.

He doesn't make a sound as he moves around the room, his hand swiping through his wet hair, a few shades darker now under the dampness. He has a large dark grey towel slung around his hips, tucked in at the corner as he moves to the closet and starts to pick thought his shirts. She's not entire sure he knows she's there, though how he missed the large canine on the end of the bed.. but BB's gone. The grub hound probably abandoned her for pursuits of an edible nature when she started falling asleep. Content she would be ok in her state of deep unconsciousness. He's pulling a shirt off it's hanger as he moves to what looks like a bureau made of dark wood hidden in his closet. He's got socks and a pair of what look like boxer briefs before he's crouching down and looking for his pants. He's graceful and easy as he moves carefully drawing out swatch of dark denim before his fingers toy with the piece of the towel folded in to hold the fabric to his body when Rey realizes whats about to happen.

"Uh… Ben." She says softly, almost shyly not wanting to startle him in anyway.

Of course this has the opposite affect. Ben nearly drops the towel, the thick material sliding down over his backside a little as he scrambles to hold it up. "Shit, Rey!" he cries. His skin is still dewy, tinged red from the heat of his shower. He's smiling but awkwardly, maybe a little unsure of himself she can't tell. "What, uh how…?" He's tucking the towel in on itself again as he turns to face her. "You ok?" he settles on as he moves towards the bed to sit opposite her. His torso is long and bare and looks wonderfully soft. In her haze of mental exhaustion she reaches out for him allowing her fingers to slide down his side softly causing him to shiver.

"Sorry," she mutters quietly, nuzzling against his pillow a little tighter. She knows this is likely where he sat all those late nights on the phone with her. It's like their own private bubble but she's here now and they're face to face and he's incredibly undressed. Her cheeks flush at the realization as her eyes open wide and she bolts up, "Shit, sorry, I didn't even think." her words are a garbled mess as they explode out her mouth but Ben is smiling and nothing bad can happen when Ben is smiling at her like that.

"No, no, it's ok." he tells her, "I just wasn't expecting you to be in here."

"BB was bothering Armie and he was being… nice." she tells him ruefully.

"Huxley was being nice?" Ben repeats as though he hadn't quite heard her correctly.

Rey just nods, "It was a bit much so I came in here to lay down. I didn't even think that you'd want to come in here and get dressed…stupid I know."

Drawing attention to his current state makes Ben blush a little, or maybe it's his skin still warm from his hot shower but his cheeks are an adorable shade of pink. "Uh yeah… give me a second." he says with a quirk of his lips.

The room suddenly feels far too small and Rey feels warm despite the coolness in the air, "I can leave," she tells him as she moves to stand but he's shaking his hand as though telling her to stop as he approaches the closet and the desk where he's piled his clothing.

"Its ok, as long as you're ok. I've dressed in a barracks full of people before…" he's bending to slide his feet into the legs of his underwear as he shimmies them up his hips and in one quick motion over his backside. It's smooth and effortless the black fabric swallowing his pale flesh as he drops his towel over his computer chair. "You get good at it." he says with a glance over his shoulder. She hasn't moved since he stood and she doesn't know if she'll be able to, her eyes fixed on muscled hamstrings and well defined gastrocs that seem to pop as he flexes his toes. She's always had a thing for legs, not in a 'damn those turn me on' kind of way but in an 'I appreciate the musculature' sort of way. His legs though, she'd be lying if she said it was strictly one over the other. He runs and by the looks of the definition standing before her it's alot. Even his glutes need to be appreciated but no, she _definitely_ should not be looking there.

He bends a little as he pulls on his pants and Rey knows it's that point when she needs to look away. He's agreed to stay with her for the next few weeks she can't make that awkward by ogling his body like a delicious piece of man meat. It's nice to think those thoughts though, they mean she isn't as broken as she originally thought. These are normal things for a normal human female attracted to men to think. It's a normal thought for anyone attracted to men in general to think and with Ben looking at her over his shoulder like that she damn well can't help but it. He knows, he has to know what he's doing to her and that coy little smile… god she wants to kiss that mouth of his again.

He stops with the pants, padding back to the bed to take a seat next to her again. He shifts so that he's flat on his back staring at the ceiling and for the first time Rey feels like she's actually seeing him. His chest raises and falls with steady smooth breaths as he folds his hands against his stomach. His fingers are broad and loop within one another lazily as his hair spills out around him. His skin is pale, almost iridescent but for …

"That's new…" She remarks softly shifting so that she's laying on her side almost curled against him. Her fingers trace the dark patterned ink that decorates the inner part of his bicep, stretching up onto his pec and deltoid. It's a globe, or the earth maybe, loosely detailed in fine half drawn line work. At it's centre is an ornate compass rose detailed and sharp. Across the top of the globe is a plane, simple and black but Rey can tell it's not your average passenger craft, it's sharply lined and dangerous looking like the aircraft she images he's use to flying. Behind the globe are clouds and space which open into inky black lined with twinkling stars. She knows this is the first time seeing it meaning it a recent addition to his body. Not that she's an expert but she _has_ had opportunity to look.

Ben looks sheepishly down at his arm, extending it out before him in loose appraisal, "Oh, yeah… it was Hux's idea." Ben says as he makes room at his side pulling her down against him. He's warm and just as soft as she imagined as she curls into him, resting her cheek against the pale bare expanse of his chest. It's a comfortable position, easier then she thought it would be but he screams safety in a way that tugs at her insides leaving her breathless and quiet.

"Hux? really?" she mumbles with less shock and more casual query then she intended. He smells like his sheets only stronger and it lulls her into a state of hushed surrender.

As though summoned, that is when Ben's door opens widely. He's careless as he bursts through, eyeing the brown eyed lug at his side as BB trots along happily, "Your beast…" he starts, then his eyes fall upon them. He's still, strangely quiet for Armitage as he shifts back to lean against the door frame, "I see…" he sniffs, his red nose glowing against his alabaster skin. "Well… you're welcome I suppose." he adds rather smugly as he crosses his arms against his chest.

Rey can't be bothered to figure out what Hux means by that. Ben is warm and soft but firm and he's holding her. His arms are around her and it feels so deliciously right she could cry from the simple comfort of it. "You guys got tattoos?" Rey asks with her eyes suddenly closed. Ben chuckles, the sound a low rumble in his chest vibrating against her cheek.

"I got a tattoo," Ben corrects, "Huxley got…"

"I got a tattoo too," Armitage barks, interrupting Ben before he can properly tease him.

"Sure… you got a tattoo, it's just not finished." Ben amends and Hux glares at him harshly.

He's stuck between arguing and knowing that doing so will only make the situation worse. But Armitage Hux has never been one to back down. He isn't even any good at figuring out when he should do so. "Just because mines not as big as yours Solo." There's a pause and she's pretty sure she hears Ben mumble something under his breath but it's hard to tell with Hux loudly crying, "Don't you dare!"

Ben's laugh is rich as it erupts from his chest, "You walked into that one!" he cries before muttering a soft sorry against her crown.

"You're a dick." Armitage mumbles, "And this beast of a dog stole my crackers, what are you guys doing here anyway? Other then canoodling of course, I can see that pretty clearly. "

It's Rey's turn to laugh as BB jumps up and makes himself comfortable at the end of Ben's bed. He's staring Armitage down with an air of canine arrogance that clearly screams '_I won_'. She's not entirely sure how to explain it to Hux so Rey's glad when Ben speaks first.

"Rey needs some help around her place so I'm going to go and stay there for a bit. Work on a few things while she's at work." the lie comes easy enough but Hux doesn't seem to buy it.

His eyes narrow as he looks at the space where their bodies connect, Rey's knee is looped over Ben's leg as she snuggles into his chest, her fingers pressing softly against Ben's sternum. "Right… you two think its wise for you to go shacking up? What are Daddy dearest and Dameron going to have to say?"

"Han's idea," Rey says airily but it's not that easy.

"Rey." Armitage says evenly, "What's going on?" His concern nearly splits her in two. She's not ready to have this conversation with anyone else but finds herself wondering if Hux's particular skill set might actually be of some use in her rather unique situation. Ben is quiet, as though waiting to take her lead, not wishing to strip her bare anymore the she already is.

"Ben's just going to help me out with a few things, that's all." Her voice is casual as she sits up and smiles. "I need some help winterizing the place and Ben's agree'd to help out, keep himself busy."

He almost looks like he might believe them but Armitage is no idiot. Rey just can't tell whether he thinks there's something more going on between them or something more going on behind the scenes. Both questions she's not sure how to answer. Ben's hand is at her back a warm radiating heat that curls around her hip reminding her that he's there.

When Armitage finally speaks it's not with his usually flippant banter. He's serious and he needs her to know this. "Rey." he says her name like a warning, a pleading as he chews on the side of his lower lip, "Does this have anything to do with the guy lurking around your work asking questions?"

Ben is upright and nearly to his feet, Rey's head jerking in Hux's direction. A cold chill settles into her veins as her mouth drops open and she struggles with the words to express herself. Questions hammer against her mind like wild horses in a paddock and she does't know what she should ask first. "What?" is all she can manage but Ben, Ben looks absolutely enraged.

Hux leans into this, picking up on the shift in the air or maybe just wanting to torture her, either is likely, "I went by to buy Gwen a gift certificate for a spa day, a little treat you know. Jannah was working with Rose's sister and this big sort of melted rock of a fellow came in asking about your schedule and what you did there. It was weird…"

"Fuck," Rey cries before she realizes it. Ben's reaching for her but she's on her feet and she's pacing again.

"Who is he?" Armitage asks gingerly, he's read the room and seems to understand this isn't a situation where being callous or cruel is going to help anyone. This is one of those rare times he seems to listen to his instincts instead of barreling a head with all the tact of a toddler with a hammer.

Rey can't formulate words, her tongue feels heavy and there are tears in her eyes again. She doesn't think she can cry anymore but they're dripping down against her cheeks in fat warm trails, "Her Uncle." Ben says for her. His words are careful but precise, "He's not a good man Huxley. He's hurt her before and he can't be allowed near her again."

She doesn't miss the flash of something dangerous in Hux's pale blue eyes as he seethes, "Hurt her how?" A moment passes and no one speaks but Hux sniffs again making his building rage nearly comical, "Hurt you how Rey?" he tries to even his voice but his agitation is mounting. He knows dysfunctional family relationships. He's let a few things slip here and there about his own relationship with his father. He'd understand, she knew that but she isn't ready to go into this with anyone right now. Not even Ben knows the extent of the damage and she's afraid to let that cat out of the bag.

"Bad," Ben says in soft defeat, "Han is trying to figure out some way of getting him to back down. He wants something from her."

Hux's eyes focus on her and she knows what he's about to ask. He's a trust fund kid who has a knack for investing money in the right places so he was one of the first people she'd talked to when deciding what to do with her inheritance. "Your grandfathers money?" he asks and it's all she can do to nod. "Does he know how much? any details at all?"

She doesn't know how he could, it's not information she would share willingly. Her lawyer was suppose to keep it quiet as well but Plutt had ways of figuring things out that were beyond legal comprehension. "I don't think, It's the only thing that makes sense."

Ben just listens now, the outsider in a conversation that they have had several times. "He can't get to that, you can't even get to that easily. That money is invested and making you some serious buck." he tells her "But if he's bad new bears then that may not matter"

Shortly after her escape from hell Rey received a letter by courier requesting her presence at the law office of Jarrus, Dume and Hutt to discuss the contents of her grandfathers will. She hadn't even been aware she had a grandfather let along one who would require the use of such big name lawyers, but she went. Leia had taken her in. She was familiar with Kanan Jarrus, one to the partners. An older man with a strange ponytail and failing eyesight. He was kind Rey remembers fondly and very patient as he outlined the details of the will. Sheev Palpatine was her fathers estranged father, a grandparent she'd always assume long dead in their family. Her parents never spoke of him, never breathed his name but he must have been something because she had ended up with her mothers abusive half brother over him.

Jarrus explained rather delicately how Sheev Palpatine's fortune was wide spanning and hidden in a great many places. It had taken them a while to round up all of the details of share holdings and property investments to really paint an accurate picture of what she was getting into. He implied that a lot of the money may have come from nefarious means and skirted around the issue of legality. The money itself was clean, Palpatine had funnelled it through different businesses and invested it wisely to make sure that no one could really claim any of his dealings were untoward. In the end he told her it was best not to dwell on where the sum had come from simply that it was there.

And was it ever, Palpatine had been a politician in Naboo. He was clever with his money and left her a fortune that would have meant she'd never have to work a day in her life again. Jarrus had asked her what she wanted to do with the properties and businesses, not an easy thing for a teenager to wrap her mind around. She'd deferred to Leia and Han asking for their guidance and over the course of the next several years the tangible assets were mostly sold off. She paid for simple things like school and bought a piece of land with the intention of having her own home. Some place safe where she could call her own. A place where she might want to raise a family some day or fill with friends and people who filled her life with joy. The rest she let sit for years building interest and collecting dust. She kept it secret of course, a cushion should she ever really need it. Well less a cushion and more of a giant yacht should she ever need to sail away. Not that she bought a yacht. She could, she just… didn't want to.

She built her house using the funds and again it was left to sit. The cost of her home the most she ever invested the money into. She wanted open and space, she wanted freedom and god dammit even a little luxury so she went all out. She took her time and went for quality product designing her dream home. She deserved it after all. Beyond that she lived within simple means. She rarely splurged and donated a large sum to a program that helped children of abuse. Hux had seen it as a tax right off but it made Rey feel good to put the money to good use. She made anonymous donations every year and still the money barely fluctuated. She never flaunted it though, she always kept herself modest and understated. Her car was old and beat up and truthfully on it's last legs but she didn't see the need to buy a new one right away and she never bought in cash. She always settled into the payment plans and took her time paying down the loan. It was a way to build up her credit and it made her look like everyone else which she was desperate for.

"Armie, you keep an eye on all that right?" she asks in a small voice, as if embarrassed that she in fact does not.

He nods, "I don't think there's any real way to tie it back to you either. We were careful and I'm very good at my job." He assures her. His body shivers his nose dripping some leading him to enter the room fully and take a seat on Ben's computer chair. There's a box of kleenex on the desk top and Armitage makes quick use of it, blowing his nose loudly. He sniffles and rubs the end against the soft kleenex as he leans forward to rest his forearms upon his knees.

Hux looks at Ben a moment who admittedly looks quite confused and to his credit hasn't pushed the topic. He's sitting on his bed with one knee bent, laying against the mattress to stabilize him, the other hanging off so that his foot is pressed into the hard wood. Rey is walking in circles practically wearing a rut in the floor as she paces "It has to be the lawyer," she concludes, looking to Hux for confirmation.

He shakes his head though, "No, Kanan was a good man, he'd never…"

"Are you talking about Kanan Jarrus?" Ben asks suddenly, "He died years ago, there was some big uproar about it. Foul play expected… something to do with one of his partners Jay Hutt."

"How do you…?" Rey starts to ask when Ben gives her a sad smile.

"He was friends with my parents. He was a good man, his son Jacen is a lawyer too. He's a few years older then me but I'm pretty sure my parents still use him." Both Rey and Hux are looking at Ben now, "What? Don't look so surprised, my mother knows _everyone._"

Armitage is rubbing his hand over his stubbly chin, "What are the chances this uncle of yours knows Hutt?" he asks quietly.

Rey makes pitiful little laughing noise as she says, "Good I guess, Plutt knows a lot of people."

That's when Hux goes very still. His eyes wide and dangerously sharp as he levels Rey with a pointed stare, "Paul Unkar Plutt?" His voice lilts when he says her uncles last name as though it means something to him and she knows it shouldn't.

Ben shifts forward, curious now as Rey ceases her pacing to look Hux in the eye. "What do you know?" she demands and Hux smiles wearily.

"Too much maybe, not enough. It's hard to say. He's your uncle?" When Rey nods Armitage straightens and exhales slowly, making a show of it by puffing his cheeks, his nose still emulating Rudolph. "Fuuuuuuck."

"What?" Ben demands.

Hux is careful as he eases off the chair and stretches, sneezing mid way through in a way that causes him to bend and contort making him look like a sort of crazed abstract performance actor. "Look, I'm good at my job but there are some things I won't touch. Plutt… he's sort of the go too when the things you need are more explicit."

"I knew that already." Rey tells him, almost irritated with this lack of new and useful information. "He's a creep."

"He's a _predator_ Rey." The way Armitage says it makes her blood run cold. There's meaning there she doesn't know if she's prepared to hear but her friend, never one to mince words presses. "He exploits people, uses people and that's not the worst of it. I'm talking black market shit, like deep net off the grid stuff. Not just cocaine and other party drugs but fucked up shit." he's serious when he approaches her, deadly so. "You need to be careful."

"That's why I'm going to stay with her," Ben tells Armitage evenly, raising to his feet to grab his t-shirt off the desk. Rey finds herself morning the loss of pale skin but her mind is fuzzy with this new level of information.

"I hope that's enough," Hux mutters and he's serious. He's so serious Rey can't find the words. "What does he want with you anyway? I mean the money sure but I doubt he's lacking in funds himself."

Rey's throat is dry when she says, "It's a game to him," her voice cracks a little as she clears it. Her fingers are toying with the hem of her shirt. "Han pulled me out of there, he lost his control over me. I suppose that's why."

Nodding Hux turns his attention to Ben next. He's pulling on his socks when Hux barks, "What are you going to do if you get called back?" He's staring Ben down when he rises to his full height. Has Armitage always been this tall? He's tall she realizes but Ben's always seemed so much taller then everyone else. Now Hux is standing almost eye to eye with him. It almost seems like he's challenging Ben, why, she isn't quite sure. It's not as though any of this is Ben's fault. Truthfully he's just been sort of slammed into it.

Ben responds with a growl of, "I'll deal with it ok?"

"And what about Rey?" Armitage demands, it sounds almost like he's defending her but from Ben which is odd. "Look I love you man and I thought it was cute the idea of the two of you snuggling up to each other while you were home but this is serious shit and… and… she deserves more."

"_She_ can speak for herself." Rey says with more gusto then she realized was possible. There are still unshed tears lining her vision and her throat is raw and sore but she's tired of being discussed as though she's not really there. "Ben doesn't owe me anything. He's been kind enough to offer his help." she tells her ginger friendly evenly.

Hux however doesn't look at her he pins Ben beneath a stare that is far too blue and far too angry for Rey to make any sense of, "Tell me that's all this is." he says with a low tremor, "Tell me that's all and I'll shut up."

Ben looks a proper mix of terrified and angry when he says, "Don't." One word spoken in idle warning as Hux's ginger eyebrows shoot into his shaggy hair line.

"Tell me Ben," he grits out.

"I swear to god the two of you are testosterone filled monsters, what the hell is this? Aren't you the one who suggested he text me?"

Armitage casts her a look that she could almost take as an apology. It's in the subtle way his mouth quirks, the easy slope of his eyes as they soften when he looks at her, "I did," he says evenly, "I was tired of that asshole Snap treating you like some sort of fan girl and this idiot," he thumbs towards Ben, "Has been a mopey mess since I've met him. You two seemed like a good fit but I didn't think things would get this serious."

By serious he must mean this Plutt situation but by the uncomfortable way Ben is squirming she's starting to think there could be more to it then just that. "You don't know what you're talking about Huxley." Ben says but Rey can see his nervousness easily. There's something there just below the surface that Armitage is poking at that makes Ben uncomfortable.

"Oh? Tell me I'm wrong then Solo. I welcome it, I'll shut up even."

Ben doesn't say anything at all and Rey feels like maybe she's not suppose to be witnessing this. He's raw in a way that she has only seen him once before and now despite the fact that she feels like maybe they're on common footing it also feels a little unfair to him.

"I don't know what you're going to do man, I really don't. Not going back is going to kill you but I have to wonder if it might be worse of you do." Armitage runs his fingers through his messy ginger hair in a motion that's oddly reminiscent of Ben. He sighs heavily, sniffing against his clogged sinus'. "I need to sleep." he mumbles to himself but he's still eyeing Ben heavily, "Please… be careful." he says now, softer then before, almost pleading with Ben but there's more to it then just those words. There are levels of intimacy and unspoken promises that Armitage seems far more aware of then even Rey has the capability of wrapping her mind around.

His job is to know things and he's always been very good at his job. He reads people in a way that others can't even though he's blatantly ignorant when it comes to understanding when enough is enough. Or maybe he just doesn't care. He's unwavering in his affection and refuses to compromise his beliefs for anyone. Maybe that's what makes him so good at it, and such a good friend. It's strange that he and Poe are always off because in so many ways they are very similar. Maybe there's some sort of built up sexual thing or they're too alike for their own good but Rey counts herself lucky to have him on her side.

"Armie.." she says softly as he sluggishly moves towards the door. Ben is in the closet slowly pulling out a number of shirts, folding them as he sets them on his desk. "I have to ask, I hate to ask but… I have to." he nods, as though he knows what she's about to say. She asks anyway, "Can you look into him? Han wants to find something that will cause him to back off."

"He's well insulated. The only real way to get at him is to get at someone above him and that's a dangerous game." he tells her seriously. "I'll look though." He promises and she can't help but smile.

"Thank you," she nearly sobs and he's got his arms open to her as he murmurs.

"Come here kitten." He's hugging her and she can't help the soft sniffle she lets out as he closes his arms around her tightly. "It'll be ok." he tells her and she even though she knows he's just saying that, it's nice to hear all the same. "Worst case I suppose we could run him down with my dads car. Maybe Ben's dads car… Leia's Navigator would do some damage."

She laughs, it's a hallow sound but its sweet in her chest as he kisses her forehead and gives her a soft sort of smile. "You call me if you need me." he tells her, eyeing Ben over her shoulder, "You too moron."

Ben grunts as Armitage shuffles away. It's quiet and strange when he's gone but Ben continues to pack and Rey, for lack of anything to do decides to help. She retrieves his duffle and starts to tuck his clothes away within it's soft walls. She's ready to go home now, she needs it even. Her own bed, a cup of tea, the peace of her mountainous back yard slopes down into a river bank. She needs the safety of home and a large part of her hopes that Ben's around wound around her are a part of that scenario. She can think about Plutt lurking around her work later. There's a conversation to have with Holdo, maybe time taken off work. It all leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, the idea that even now he's disrupting her life so much but then there's Ben. He's there and he likes her and warmth that spreads through her chest is a welcome distraction, she can think about the rest later.

* * *

**Well this got away from me a little bit. I started with Hux and then he started to take over. I didn't have much intention of giving him a lot of airtime but he had other ideas. I like the idea of him being this sort of dick but having redeeming qualities. I also wanted he and Ben to have a very muted version of their animosity towards one another like in the movies. **  
**This has sort of rolled into more Rey focus then Ben focus which wasn't my intention when starting off but it's sort of happened organically. Fear not, the ground work laid for Ben will be creeping into their little bubble soon though. It'll be a sort of give and take drama situation with fluff and sweetness rolled in. And dancing! there should be dancing. Who wants to see Ben boogie? haha ANYWAY let me know what you think my darlings. Thank you for your reviews lovelies I eat them up like delicious little treats and they make my heart oh so warm. xo**


	14. Chapter 14

The drive up the mountain is slow and quiet. Ben's behind the wheel and Rey who normally prefers to be in control can't find it in her to be bothered. Her mind is reeling unable to stick to one coherent thought at a time as the gravity of her situation settles in like a snake curled around it's prey. Part of her wants to call in sick for the rest of the week while another part, the rational part tells her she's just being childish. Work means a conversation with Holdo though, a conversation she doesn't want to have. A conversation that makes her more of a statistic and less of a person. When she closes her eyes she see's his face now, she feels his hands and it makes her want to scrub her skin raw. He's like an imprint she's managed to fill in over the years with pieces of herself that he had once worn away.

Ben's presence in her home is strange at first. He's always there, quiet and unassuming. He's incredibly neat she learns quickly, or maybe he simply doesn't do well with idle time. Dishes are done, floors are swept and when he hasn't been able to find something to pick away at he's out chopping and stacking wood. It's odd to have another human around like this but deep down Rey finds she rather enjoys it. Not just him, but the idea of having someone to share the work load. To share life with in general. They find a routine quickly. Ben is an amazing cook it turns out and Rey finds quiet peace in doing the dishes afterwards. Sometimes he even helps and they settle into a pace of easy monotony.

Her conversation with Amilyn is a much less smooth transition. Holdo's first reaction is to tell Rey she needs to take some time off. She's angry, she's upset, she's damn near on a war path. There are questions about restraining orders and courses of action but in the end Rey talks her boss down and assures her the minute she needs anything resembling a break she'll take it. Right now all Rey wants to do is get back to work and keep her mind busy. Having Ben in the house, while providing a much desirable roommate situation is making her more frustrated sexually then she thinks she's ever been. It's also making people talk but that part Rey can handle.

He runs in the morning. Up early and gone for over an hour which isn't so much a problem except for maybe the state he comes back in. He's usually sweaty in his tight running tops and then he has to take a shower. By this point Rey is usually up and making coffee for both of them, puttering around the kitchen as she gets ready for her day. So, she's around when Ben comes home sweaty and flushed and she's around when he's getting out of the shower clad only in a towel. It's not a new phenomenon really but the more comfortable she gets with him the more the sight of him does something to her. He's been oddly distant too, not necessarily limiting his affection but keeping it at a simple lingering touch. He hasn't kissed her again but if she's being honest she hasn't kissed him either. It's strange, these hesitant moments they share on the cusp of something that could be beautiful but it always burns out before it even has a chance to start.

Finn and Poe have stopped in a few times and Leia as well. She bristles about Han being a stubborn old fool and asks Rey if she's ok. Ben isn't as awkward around his mother now, he even goes so far as to invite her to stay for supper which is of course delicious. They settle into an easy paced conversation about home renovations and gardening. Leia is careful to skirt away from topics such as Ben's return to work and Armitage's deep dive into the seedy underbelly of big business. It's easy and light and when Leia leaves they all agree that they'll have to do it again soon. Ben's standing close to Rey when they shut the door after saying goodnight, almost too close. There's a hand at her shoulder, a soft squeeze and he's gone telling her not to worry about the dishes as he disappears into the sunroom to throw another log on the fire.

They haven't had the conversation yet, the one they need to have where things get emotional and messy. He hasn't asked, but she hasn't either. He wants to know her and yet despite every opportunity to do so he hasn't made any attempts.

It's a Sunday morning when they finally make headway. Ben is out for a his morning run, the early day crisp with a foggy mist settling amongst the trees. He's taken BB with him which he does quite frequently. Her faithful companion has found a new bosom buddy in Ben. With someone home all day BB is in puppy dog heaven. He has all the lovies and out door romps his little heart can handle. It's nice to know there's someone looking out for her dog, someone who obviously has a strong affection for the canine and his dopy mug.

By herself, unencumbered by a dog beneath her feet Rey is able to dip and swirl around the kitchen as much as it pleases her. It's odd not to have to worry about BB under foot hoping for some scrap to be dropped as Rey cooks.

Cooking may be a more of a loose term for what exactly it is Rey's doing but in the end there will be pancakes. For now, there's dancing. Her stomach grumbles as she licks melted chocolate off her finger tip and examines the contents of her mixing bowl carefully. Pancakes are the one thing Rey knows she can do well. It's something she learned young and it always sort of stuck. Don't over mix, always use extra blueberries or in this case chocolate chips and make sure the stove is turned down just right.

The music on her phone changes from Spice Girls, _Wannabe_ to Maroon 5's _Girls_ and her hips are moving as she bounces around in search of her frying pan. Her thighs churn back and forth as she slips against the beat allowing Adam Levine to sweetly croon. The guitar beat setting the pace for her rear end as she swings around and slowly gyrates. There's a bounce and a twirl and she's shimmying along turning the heat up to a low simmer as she adds another handful of chocolate chips to her mix. It's been a while since she's felt this… _good_.

Dancing in her kitchen use to be one of her favourite activities and now if she thinks hard she really can't remember the last time she's done it. For a minute she almost forgets the pancakes in favour or rocking her shoulders back and forth in an easy roll as Adam starts in on his first round of, '_Cause girls like you run around with guys like me_'. Her over sized boat neck sweater slipping against her shoulder as she wiggles and bops her head around with her wooden spoon held tight in her grasp like a microphone. She's never been particularly good at dancing but she's always enjoyed it. The movement is freeing as she let's her body sway to the sound. Her arms crossing over her torso as she half steps and shimmies.

With a twirl she plops a square of butter into the warming pan, rocking her thighs back and forth in quick steps as she moves to grab a measuring cup and a clean plate. Her only solid memories of her mother involve pancakes and dancing. There's a fondness there that makes her feel more at home as the image of a young happy women with light brown hair and a broad toothy smile dances in her mind. Rey always use to always sneak more chocolate chips, her fathers favourite when she thought her mother wasn't looking. It's likely where her sweet tooth developed.

They use to dance like this in the kitchen too, she'd stand on her fathers feet as her mother twirled around, singing along to whatever might be on the radio at the time. It's a warm memory, one that makes her feel closer to her parents as she continues to sway and hum.

The pan sizzles as she pours the first round of batter in. Bigger pancakes she decides, not the little ones you can roll up and stuff in your mouth all at once. Not that she's ever done that. Finn maybe but never her. The thought makes her smile as Cardi B starts in on her refrain and Rey's inner wild girl comes out. She's wiggling her backside in slow and steady pops as she bends her knees and then starts to bounce around again with her arms up over her head. Her over sized sweater shifts against her body, slipping further down her arms as she lowers them but continues to swing them to-and-fro. It's early and she doesn't have to work until later so there was no point in putting a bra on when she got up. Honestly she goes without more often then not, particularly when wearing thicker clothing like the grey sweater she's currently swimming in.

The song changes again and Robbie Williams hammers out a strong '_Hey pretty woman I wanna take you out_' which has Rey jumping around again. Her thighs move of their on volition as she pokes the pancake to check its progress. The motion is jarring against the full body swinging of her hips, rolling them as though she were on stage doing back up. She knows deep down she probably looks foolish as she gyrates and wiggles but there's something that feels so damn good about letting her body just _move_.

Bubbles rise on the pancakes surface and it's time to flip as she marvels at the golden brown glow from the cooked side and smiles triumphantly. It'll be nice to be able to give Ben something sweet to enjoy when he's back from his run and cleaned off.

As the music continues so do Rey's movements. She's wriggling and bopping along with the beat so viciously she barely notices the cool air nipping at her bare legs. Robbie belts out, '_I put my hands on your body, baby, work those hips_' and Rey grabs her pelvis rolling her thighs in the most seductive way she knows how. It might be a little silly but it makes her feel empowered even a little sexy as she starts to jump and shimmy her whole body again. It's when she turns, her arms above her head torquing her torso back and forth that she realizes she's no longer alone.

Ben is standing in the doorway with his hand on BB's collar his eyes wide and his face red as he watches her. Her movements stop suddenly causing her to stumble against the kitchen island and suddenly her throat is very dry. "Uh…" she starts but there's something in Ben's eyes that stills her.

He isn't moving, it barely looks like he's breathing but he looks almost, _hungry_. She watches his adams apple bob as he swallows hard and suddenly Rey is very aware of her current state of appearance. Her large sweater covers her short tight fitting yoga shorts making it look like she's not wearing anything beyond the baggy thick top. Her hair is a mess from being swung around, her top knot bun barely hanging on and she's pretty sure she has both chocolate and flour smeared across her cheeks. Still his gaze pins her as though she's the only thing he can see.

Warm deep pools of darkened caramel bore into her as he lets BB go and her canine friend dances around her feet happily. He's inspecting the ground for any lost pieces of food before he settles for licking at her hanging fingers. The song changes again, something by Pink maybe, but there's a softer male voice accompanying hers. It's slower this time and sweet but her mind is too lost on him to figure out the lyrics or the rhythm.

In a moment of dazed distraction she almost forgets about the pancakes, drawn back into herself by another warm embrace of BB's tongue. "Shit," she mutters, breaking their stare-down to flip the pancake onto the plate. It's dark but not burnt thank goodness as she turns to explain what she's up to. She doesn't get a chance though because he's there suddenly moving towards in a few short strides. He doesn't touch her at first but his eyes beg for it and she's pressed against the counter suddenly with no where to move as he looms over her.

Ben's eyes move as they take her in, shifting over her face, lingering a moment on her lips before they catch her gaze once more. She says his name but it comes out as more of a whisper swallowed up by a gasp as his fingers trace a line against her cheek. He smiles, the digit coated in flour that he wipes it away against his pants carelessly. Then his hands are on her biceps, gripping softly as he leans forward and she's sure he's going to kiss her. Her eyes close in anticipation, lips parted just slightly waiting for his mouth to find them but it doesn't come. Instead theres a soft heated press of a tongue against her cheek and he's licking her. At first it's confusing, and then it's almost intoxicating. His tongue is warm and thick as it presses against her flesh followed up by his mouth and a soft open kiss.

"Chocolate," his voice rumbles against her ear and her breath falls in heavy puffs. His hands are on her hips now and he's tugging her up so she hops and her backside finds the countertop. It does nothing to change their height difference but Ben then is parting her knees to make room for his tall form between them and it doesn't matter. She feels his hips brush the inside of her legs and he's everywhere. His thumbs rubbing softy against the curve of her ass as he draws back and looks at her a moment. Her cheeks are flushed, the heat creeping down her neck and across her collarbones. One shoulder is bare to him and suddenly he's dipping close and pressing his lips there.

Lashes flutter as his tongue darts out passed his lips to worship the skin beneath his mouth. He's kissing a line along in short sweet pecks, his nose rubbing softly against the juncture between shoulder and neck before his teeth scrape at her sensitive flesh. The gasp is involuntary but god she wants him to do _that_ again. Instead he's drawing away, mumbling, "Fuck I'm sorry." as he tries to put space between them. His eyes are wide and bright and full of something that belongs only to her. Without thinking she grabs his face and stops his retreat. His cheeks are warm and she can see his chest rising and falling in ragged breaths.

"Ben…" she says his name again only this time it sounds more sure, steady and she's pulling him back. Her fingers curl against his jawline as she arches forward and this time when their lips meet it's her kissing him. He's stiff and hesitant but his hands at her hips relax as they slide against her back slipping up beneath the thick fabric of her sweater. She's lost against him, her back arching, chest pressed to his as his lips swallow hers in greedy lapping motions. Her eyes are closed but she doesn't miss the breathy inhalation as he shifts his angle and delves further into her mouth. His tongue is a devilish warmth against hers as he coaxes it out. Gentle teasing presses turn heated and wanton as she adjusts her hands, finding his hips and pulling herself forward against them.

She wants to touch him everywhere, sliding over his high hipbones across his stomach and over the wonderful muscle definition of his abdominals and pecs. Her touch is light but he groans and she feels his lips press a little harder before slipping off her mouth and across her cheek. He's breathing her in as he kisses against her jaw, beneath her ear and down along her neck. All the while his curious touch is slipping higher until his large hands are pressed against her scapula and he has her sweater rucked up awkwardly.

"You smell - _fuck_…" He grounds out against her flesh as blunt nails bite into her back, "Like vanilla and chocolate."

There's a breathy giggle on her lips as she shudders beneath his attention, "Pancakes," she says by way of explanation. Her mind jumping from the empty hot pan to the warm open mouth kisses he's trailing across her neck. The wicked way in which his teeth scrape against her flesh and the growing pressure she feels pressed against her thigh that _definitely_ wasn't there a minute ago. Ben's touch is slow and deliberate, like he's taking his time to explore and relish every response yielded from her body.

When his mouth finds her lips again its slow and soft and perfect. His mouth, god how she's thought of his mouth and its here now, so warm and so full and… _good god_, his teeth nip at her lower lip and she can't help the breathy moan that slips from her. He drinks it in as thought desperate for her, his hands winding to her front, up and over strained abdominals until his thumb grazes the curve of her breast. He's gentle, rubbing the broad side of the digit along her side and back as he slips it higher until it meets the sensitive bud of her nipple.

He doesn't pinch or roll his fingers but instead allows them to slide against the raised flesh softly, like testing the strings on a guitar. She sings for him as he does it again, the hum in her throat a soft purr as he presses his forehead against hers. There's ghost of a smile on his lips as he nuzzles his nose across hers, "You're tits a perfect," he tells her in a voice that is far more throaty and gruff then it had been before.

The compliment is odd, making her giggle uncomfortably, "Ben Solo," she whispers, "Who knew you had such a mouth…" she teases. He seems to enjoy it rolling the pert nub of one between his fingers ever so lightly.

"You have no fucking idea," he tells her before kissing her again and she can't help the way she arches into his attention. Her hips slide forward, the swell of him rubbing against her leg as she does so. "The things I think about… what I want to do to you."

The confession is nearly too much. Rey is too lost in him to respond, she wants him to continue but is afraid of what his words might do to her if he does. He smells like the forest with the faint lingering of a body spray she's become very familiar with and it swims in her senses as his lips continue their dance against hers. The push and pull of him drag her to her limits as he edges her shirt up a little higher. She's torn between taking it off and stoping them there. She wants so much more of this but there's too much here to analyse. Will this make the next few weeks awkward? Should they talk about this?

_Stop!_

Suddenly it's too much, his tongue is in her mouth, his hands large and warm cradling her breast while devilishly dexterous fingers toy with her nipples slowly unraveling her resolve.

"Ben," she rasps, her lips moving against his as she's pushing his tongue out of her mouth with her own. He takes it as a battle for dominance, growling lightly against her lips as his tongue draws a line across the seam of them. "Ben," She urges a little firmer.

He pulls back dazed and drowning in her. His lips full and swollen as he smiles, his hands sliding down her side to rest at the curve of her hip. He clears his throat and mutters a shy, "Sorry." as his thumbs massage soft circles against her flesh. He kisses her nose, her cheek and then her forehead as he lets out a puff of air and draws in closer, resting his chin atop her crown. "You-," his breathing is ragged as he folds himself against her, "Its like I get high off of you."

The truth of it is dangerous when it's said out loud and he seems to be very aware of the gravity of his words. Rey can't analyze that right now, not with the way his chest heaves beneath her fingertips. "I should finish making the pancakes." she says idly.

Ben rasps a throaty laugh as he asks, "Are you going to keep dancing?"

She knows her cheeks are pink and so nuzzles closer against his chest. He sounds like he's teasing her but there's a hopeful tenor to his voice too that settles into her like liquid fire. "Have you never danced in the kitchen?" she asks as her lips press a soft kiss against his sternum.

There's a soft snort as Ben says rather sarcastically, "Oh yeah, Hux and I… all the time." His hands are in her hair, one cradled against the base of her skull as he pulls away and kisses her nose again. He slips a little, almost imperceptible at first but then he's falling backwards and Rey has to grasp at his arms to steady him. He doesn't say anything at first but his eyes are wide, his pupils blown as he blinks and stares off into space.

"Ben!" Rey calls sharply, her voice is soft limiting the panic. "Ben, what was that?"

His head shakes, a slight vibration more so then the full movement. He's blinking steadily as he comes back into focus and his smile returns. He doesn't say anything, his lips still as his tongue darts over them and she suddenly wants to kiss him again. Concern and arousal make strange bedfellows but he's shaking it off as though nothing has happened. "I should shower." he says softly.

"Are you ok?" She presses, her finger tips biting into his triceps as she holds him in place.

"What?" he tones quietly, "Oh, Mhmm, yeah," he tries but she can see the soft confusion that settles over his features and it's hard to push that aside. "I'm going to go get in the shower quickly, I expect dancing and pancakes when I get back." he tells her seriously, but his finger traces the curve of her nose and he's grinning like a teenager who's just asked out a girl and had her say yes, before he slips away. She watches carefully as his steps falter just slightly before he gains his footing and he's alright again.

She doesn't dwell on it long before slipping off the counter and watching him disappear into the bathroom. She has pancakes to make and music to boogie too. Part of her wonders if she can convince Ben to join her when he returns.

Which he doesn't do for quite some time. The pancakes are cooling and the syrup is getting warm as she sets the table and pours him a cup of coffee, black and strong just the way he likes it. When he does manage to extract himself from the bathroom he looks worn and a little _off_ wrapped in a towel as his hand slides along the wall almost as if for balance and he's gone into his room, out of sight. Part of her wants to go to him, to make sure he's ok and another foolish part tells her to leave him be, give him space. The two waring halves fill her mind with what ifs and worst case scenarios as she busies herself with the dishes but rational heads win out and she finds herself outside his door.

With a soft knock she waits, he's moving inside but stills at the sound of her. "Just a minute," he calls, his voice thick like molasses and when he opens the door his eyes look distant, his cheeks pale.

"You ok?" she pushes, leaning agains the doorframe, her fingers curled around the thick moulding. "You don't look too great."

There's a light hearted scoff and he's running his hand through damp hair. His towel has been traded for wide legged sweats and a fitted t-shirt that makes her want to run her hands all over his torso again. "Just a headache, it came on quickly," he tells her and she's not sure if she believes him or not.

His hand cups her face though she she can't help but lean into the touch, "I made coffee," she says a little softer then she intends, "The caffeine will help with the headache, it's a vasodilator…" why is she telling him this? But, he's smiling and she chases after the way his lips quirk like a puppy after a ball.

"You're cute." He tells her and he really seems to mean it. Deep hazel eyes adjust against a dilated pupils but he's watching her the way he does before he kisses her and she can already feel his lips. "Let me take you out."

"Right now?" The request catches her off guard.

He chuckles, "No, You have to work today don't you?" When she nods he smiles, "I'm going to go to a meeting while I'm in the city anyway, maybe catch a yoga class."

Meeting sits funny on the air, then she picks up on his meaning. A _meeting_. "I didn't realize you still went." She admits. His hand is in hers suddenly and their fingers are wound together. She watches as his pale fingers swallow up her tanned skin and he draws her knuckles to his lips.

"Addicts never become not addicts, we just become recovering addicts." He says smoothly as though he's talking about the choice between pie and cake. "Sobriety is work," he says with a squeeze. "I'll always struggle with it."

Rey nods, "How do you feel about it now?" She asks, part of her wants to know if it's easier being here. It's a selfish thought that she holds onto childishly. Han's words echoing in her minds about how it all works. Ben has to do it for Ben and no one else. That doesn't mean she can't hope to make his life a little better for him the way he has hers.

"Honestly," He says as he steps out of his room, walking with her back to the kitchen, "It's shaky." That hits her like a punch to the gut spreading worry and fear through her veins like acid, "There's a lot around it but I'm good."

They settle into the table and Ben forks a heap of pancakes onto his plate. He's usually a very clean eater, picky about his produce and the fuel he puts into his body. To see him gleefully grab at a stack of chocolate chip pancakes like this is amusing, "How long have you been sober." she asks in a small voice. She knows what Han has told her and the little bit Leia has let slip since Rey and Ben first met but the second hand information is tiring and unreliable. Now she wants it straight from the horses mouth.

He's watching her as he liberally smothers the fluffy carbs in syrup then stops to take a sip of his coffee, "I've been a Marine for…" a pause of contemplation, "Shit over ten years now so I've been sober…" He counts in his head as he skewers a piece of pancake, "Twelve years." He says and then recants, "Sorry eleven, I had a slip up in rehab it's easier then one would think to get drugs into those places."

There is so much she wants to ask him about his life before, about his choices but it feels nosy and rude. Ben eats his pancakes with renewed vigour, worshiping his cup of coffee as if it's the second coming while Rey picks away at her plate slowly.

"You can ask," he says, interrupting their silence, "Anything you might want to know, you have a right to. I've been living in your house for a bit now. You should know who's under your roof."

The candor is real and sits heavy against her chest but soon the questions come with tentative curiosity. He tells her his drug of choice was cocaine, however he dabbled heavily in benzo's and other script pills, uppers or downers it didn't matter. Alcohol was a big on for him too and _that_ had started young. He's really lucky to be alive by the way he tells it. They converse easily over the topic as they clean up the plates and Rey pops into the shower. She hollers her questions over the sound of the water cascading from the shower head and Ben sits on the floor of the bathroom while he answers. He's honest and raw with his offerings, handing her a towel before she steps out. He tells her a little about Bazine and what he remembers from their intense relationship.

It was fast and deep and terrifying the way he fell for her. The sort of love story that burns itself onto your flesh so you always remember it. He speaks of her with some trepidation, like holding something fragile you want always to cherish despite how badly it hurts you. It's odd to feel jealous of someone who's passed but Rey can't help but feel a little intimidated by the deep level in which this Bazine had known Ben. It was volatile and dangerous but from Ben's telling there was beauty in their relationship as well. He loved her, as much as he knew how to love anyone and the sadness from that realization scrapes against her insides because he sounds as though he doesn't think he could ever love anyone that way again.

Sometimes she asks questions but once he gets going she mostly just listens, letting him tell his story. It's like a damn has burst and he's letting it go, all of his sordid tale. He skirts away from the issues with his parents, keeping that subject at arms length and then he starts to ask her questions in return. It's a give and take in which she finds herself explaining her inheritance and the estranged grandfather she'd never met. He doesn't ask how much but she alludes to the grandiose nature of the sum easily enough.

She's dressed and coming down the stairs, fastening her earrings when he asks about Plutt. Her spine goes rigid and it suddenly feels like someone is slowly pouring ice cold water down her back. She wants to tell him, she does but it's hard to get the words out. So, she tells him pieces as though it had happened to someone else. The story of a girl who lost everything only to realize she had so much more to lose then she ever imagined.

It comes in bursts, like painful waves of nausea roiling through her body. It's hard to separate the person in her story from the person she knows in her soul. In the end, Ben's hand on her shoulder stops her.

"When you're ready to talk about it." He tells her softly ending the agony ebbing at her core. She releases a sigh she never knew she had been holding before throwing herself against Ben's hard yet welcoming form. "I told you, I want to know you but when you're ready to let me and that's only a small part of who you are" he chides softly into her hair. "I did however learn one important thing today."

She's nuzzling her cheek against his chest as she hums softly, his arms holding her tight against him, "Whats that?"

"You make amazing pancakes." It's the simplicity of the statement that makes her laugh as he moves in to brush a kiss against her crown. It's sweet and endearing as he holds there a moment before dipping lower, lingering over the shell of her ear, "And…" he breaths, his words like silk as he adds, "I am very much going to enjoy when I get to see _all_ of you."

That's two things she wants to point out but instead her breath hitches and she can feel the rumble of his chuckle against her cheek. She's not sure when he decided that being this forward was an asset but its rather exciting. The thrill of his words sets her nerves on fire as she hides away her flushed embarrassment against his soft cotton t-shirt. '_Thank you_' sits on her tongue but she doesn't know if she can manage the words. This strange power he has over her is wild but he's pushing forwards as though to save her from the embarrassment of having to answer, "We should head in soon," He says gruffly and she nods against him, "So, you'll let me take you out?" He asks again, their bodies slowly rocking together against the steady strum of electric guitar and smooth piano accompanying Chris Martin's easy voice.

She isn't sure which of them started the motion but its comfortable and easy as the sound of Coldplay's _Clocks_ shifts to something a little more fast paced. Ed Sheeran this time, something quick and easy to dance to as she pulls away. Her laugh is soft as it rings through the air, her hands grabbing for his as she pulls him forward in a sort of shimmy. She's moving her hips, as she raises their arms up over her head, hands clasped together. A wiggle and a pop and she's let him go, twirling around him, hands sliding against his backside. He watches her with interest as she jumps and bops along. Ben's hands find her hips and he holds her loosely as she twists and whirls. He's not so much dancing as he is following her movement and her hips swing back and forth. There are strong thighs at her backside that seem like they're moving a little, almost not at all but Ben's laughing and the sound is like music on the air. Dipping and jiving Rey lets her shoulders grind into Ben's chest a little as his hands slip away from her hips to slide down over her shoulders, around her like a harness.

"Come on Ben," she purrs as her hips continue to move and Ben's breathing hitches slightly, "Dance with me." Rey calls as he turns her around so she's facing him. That hungry look is back in his eyes as he watches her move, sliding a hand around her waist, he other finding hers as he starts to awkwardly swing them back and forth. His movements are disjointed and jostling but he's laughing and she sinks into that as he twirls her around and around. They break apart and she's shimmying her hips again while Ben does some strange waving motion with his hands, rolling his shoulders with the music as he does so.

His steps are off time and his limbs seem entirely too long for dancing, not coordinated and graceful but gangly and spastic. He doesn't seem to care though, as he watches her wiggle and soon her back is against him and his arms are caged around her body. They sway together like that until the music is interrupted by the chiming of her ring tone. Rey is laughing and breathless as he kisses her shoulder and she slips away to answer it.

It's Poe and Rey almost doesn't answer but she's reaching up onto the raised bar countertop to pluck her phone off the sound system all the same. Poe isn't one for phone conversations, Finn is the chatter. Poe is more a to the point and done sort of person so the fact that he's taking the time to call means Rey should likely give him her time.

His voice sounds better with the healing of his broken nose. There was talk of him needing surgery due to damage done to his septum but Poe isn't taking the threat seriously. After the usual necessary pleasantries Poe gets to the heart of the conversation. Finn's twenty-ninth. They need to get together and go over the when's, where's and how's of the party. Do they want public or private and how does Rey feel about… ? Poe is a mess with questions rushing hurriedly out of his mouth. Rey laughs and agrees to meet him after work.

She confirms with Ben first that he won't mind picking her up a bit later and then agrees to Poe picking her up after her last client. They don't do this often, just the two of them so it'll be nice to spend some time with just Poe. When the conversation ends Ben has her in his arms again. He's rocking against some unheard tune as his lips press against the arch of her ear.

"We should get going." he says and it takes all she has to unwind herself form his grasp, "Don't forget, your next night off I'm taking you out."

"I don't know that I agreed to that," she teases and he has her hand help tight within his again, pulling her back against his body. With her small form moulded against him he uses his considerable height to press his advantage. One hand on her back the over trails feather light across her cheek and through her hair as he dips his head within a breath of hers. His lips are quirked in a smile as his touch ghosts across her flesh and the kiss he presses there is feather light.

When he pulls back, his grin is roguish as he says, "No?" the short word a soft breathy answer to her teasing that causes her to lean into him just a fraction more. "I think you would be disappointed if you didn't." He tells her and then he's gone putting his shoes on with a knowing smirk.

To say he hasn't left her flustered would be a bold faced lie. Her cheeks are warm and very red she's sure as she goes to the closet to pick out a warmer jacket. The weather has shifted as it nears the end of November and soon the snow will be falling. Christmas will be on them before they know it and Rey finds the thought much less daunting this year then it has in the passed. She wonders if Ben will stay here or go home with Armitage or maybe stay over with his parents. Likely not the last but she can't help but hope he'll still be here. She steals his time in small bits locking their moments together away so she can pull them out later and enjoy their memories.

"So Poe picking you up from work?" Ben asks as he waits by the door for her. "Just text me when you guys are done but make sure her waits with you until I get there." She resists the urge to say '_yes dad_' because there's very real concern etched on his features as he twirls a key ring around his finger idly. It's a spare set of her car keys and the key to her house. Ben's own access into her private world, into her home. Somewhere buried deep within her warring emotions there's a small piece that hopes those keys remain in his possession for good. It hopes that this is more then just a friendly need to keep her safe.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

A girl can dream though, can't she?

* * *

**I had too much fun with the music here, sorry not sorry.**

**Soooo there's a very good chance that the rating of this story will go up within the next few chapters. My question to you all as fellow Reylo shippers is what do you want to see? Soft and sweet or steamy and maybe a little full of Ben's filthy mouth? Ben's getting more comfortable and for some reason I adore the idea of him having a bit of a naughty mouth on him but I don't want to push it too far. Orrrrrrr maybe I really do. What do you think friends? ****The next chapter will be Ben's POV too, it's not going to happen a lot but there are a few things I want to hash out from his side of things. Anyway, let me know your thoughts. Your reviews are brilliant, you're all amazing and I love, love, love all you have to share and say. Thanks for following thus far! xo**


	15. Chapter 15

Dropping Rey off at work is always an interesting event. Whoever is on desk always watches with idle curiosity as Rey slips from the passenger side door. Sometimes when coworkers are arriving at the same time they linger and make small talk but it's always the same sort of thing and it leaves him feeling like some strange animal in a zoo. It's not so much him, Ben has come to realize after only a few days. It's the fierce level of familial connection Rey has surrounded herself with.

She's like a glowing light wherever she goes, all smiles and happy greetings. She asks questions, wants to know how people are doing. She just… cares.

As a result her relationships foster a strong level of devotion and loyalty that makes Ben happy for her but also very wary. He's an unknown to them and Rey, well, she's this brilliant source of happiness that needs to be protected at all costs. She does well to hide her damage. The cracks in her amor flawlessly covered up by her overwhelming need to care for others effectively keeping them at an arms length while she showers them with love and devotion. The master of the emotional slight of hand but after a solid week of observation Ben is coming to realize Rey may a little more transparent then she likes to believe.

Poe and Finn are more obvious in their watchful eye but these women Rey works with, they're sweet and venomous in their greetings. Jannah in particular, bubbly and kind has made it very clear what Rey means to them leaving Ben feeling both glad and shaken at the same time.

This day is no different, not really. The city streets are as filled as they ever are around this time of day. Rey's shift starts a little later which works well for Ben. He's found there's a group who hold Narcotics Anonymous meetings a few streets over from where Rey works and on Tuesday's their meetings start at eleven thirty. It's perfect, he can drop Rey off around eleven and make his way over grabbing a coffee before he does. Coffee at NA meetings is notoriously horrible and despite the two cups he's already had, he finds it easier to sit through a meeting with something to occupy his hands.

Rey's talking about Finn's upcoming birthday with a vibrancy that he's never seen in another human being. Her light is like a bright flame that dances and flickers around those who surround her. Despite himself he finds he wants nothing more in the world but to protect that light and surround her with nothing but beauty. He likes to watch her, the way she talks about subjects with animated glee, her mouth spread in a smile that's almost too wide. Her teeth bright like something out of a toothpaste commercial. She makes him want to know things, random things so that he has something to say when she's off on one of her tangents about whatever topic has popped into her head.

When she's not talking, she's singing, loudly and off key. Her shoulders move in the carseat like she's dancing on a stage and every once and a while she'll turn to him, holding her hand out as though she has a microphone for him to pipe into. He's never chimed in, usually choosing the laugh softly if only to catch her mouth fall in that soft pout she often wears when playfully disappointed. Her music taste is wide and variant depending on her moods. When she's angry her inner emo child comes out, listening to bands who's lyrics are dark and aggressive. When she's sad its singers with soft acoustics and lyrics of pinning and loves lost. Usually though, it's stuff like this, something with a beat or a tune she recognizes.

They've listened to Oasis' Wonderwall four times now and Ben finds he doesn't even mind. He just listens to her voice as she croons over Liam Gallagher's 'and after all, you're my wonderwall'. What does that even mean anyway?

She's looking at him as she cries out "And maybeeeeee you're gonna be the one that saves meeeeee" her shoulders jarring, her eyes closed, lashes settled softly in a way that looks utterly angelic. Her hair is pulled back and away from her face in a half bun while the rest topples over her shoulders. Whatever a wonderwall is, Ben can't help but wonder if she might be his. Her approach to the song is like everything she does in life, vibrant, and full of gusto. She's laughing as she allows the song to change this time muttering a quiet, "sorry," as she rests her shoulders back against the carseat, smoothing out her already pristine black leggings.

In no time she's leaning forward again, hitting buttons as she skips from song to song, "What do you want to hear?" She asks him and Ben can't seem to think of a single thing. His mind reels on song titles and bands, his hands gripped tightly against the steering wheel because she has her hand on his knee and it feels warm and soft.

"I don't know," he finds himself muttering, pulling a song from the air, "Give me some Bohemian Rhapsody."

He must have said something right because Rey's eyes go wide as she digs through her console to pull out the small iPod she keeps her playlist on, "You are a genius," she's saying as she thumbs through the song titles. She's eyeing him sidelong as her finger hovers over the screen giving him a cat like grin, "You ready for this?" She asks, it's all he can do to nod as she hits the title and the car is filled with the melodic sounds of Queen. She's fiddling some with a knob and Ben realizes quickly she's turning the music up, "We listen to this one loud," she's telling him as her elbow falls to rest against the top of his car seat, her fingers toying idly with the hair at the base of his neck.

Fuck.

It should't be such a turn on, but it is. Her horribly off key singing as she emotes dramatically and those nimble little fingers delicately scraping against the flesh of his neck. He struggles to pay attention to the roads as they weave into the eclectic group of one way streets and tree lined boulevards that make up the cities more posh district. Rey is bouncing against her seat a little, her shoulders and head bopping around to Freddie Mercury and his iconic sound. She's a live wire of energy and joy and even like this, so unobtrusive and pure he rides her energy like a high. It's a dangerous thought that jolts through him like a tidal wave leaving him nervous and a little afraid.

When they eventually pull up in front of Rey's place of work she's belting out a series of variously pitched 'Galileo's' before huffing disappointedly, "We were just getting to the good part," She says softly and there's that pout, that god damn pout jutting out just asking to be kissed.

"There's always the drive home," He tells her, unsure what has driven him to say it but he hates to think of her being disappointed in anyway, shape, or form.

The smile she gives him is brilliant as she turns to unbuckle her seat belt. There's a moment's hesitation as though she's not sure whether she's missed something and god, he wants to kiss her. He won't though, not outside her place of work, not before they even have a chance to figure out what it is that's between them. He won't force her, he won't be that person in her life, just another one of them.

Still, she's hovering there like that, looking at him, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth as though she wants to say something. It's almost hard to speak as he clears his throat, "You have a good day, be safe ok?" she smiles and the world around them seems just a little brighter.

"Ok Dad," she chimes, swooping in to kiss the corner of his mouth, "You stay out of trouble," she mocks, "I'll text you when I'm with Finn ok?"

He nods and watches as she slips from the car, the fresh scent of coconut and vanilla dissipating as she enters the large glassy doorways of her workspace. Ben watches a minute as Jannah and another girl with a round bright face greet Rey happily. Jannah is laughing nodding towards him when Rey turns and adjusts her over sized purse on her shoulder. There's that smile again, the one he likes to pretend is reserved only for him as she waves. He waves back and sighs before pulling away slowly.

Coffee is a drive through experience, black and simple before he heads to the old brownstone that's been converted into a community centre. He has to park a few blocks away but the crisp air feels nice as he settles into a leisurely pace. One hand shoved into the pocket of his dark blue track jacket, the other clutching his coffee tightly. He doesn't normally go out in public so informally but yoga isn't something one practices in jeans and it's nice to be comfortable in these meetings.

He greets a few familiar faces as he climbs the stairs out front quickly. Early birds getting a smoke in before the meeting starts or just enjoying the sun on what promises to be a cool but lovely day. The room is already pretty full when he enters, a dining room and living room combo filled with chairs siting in rows. Their meeting director is at the front talking to a small group of young women as Ben passes. He slips through relatively unnoticed taking a seat at the back, crossing his legs as he settles in and takes a deep swig of his coffee.

The room smells like lavender and sage and a part of Ben wonders how he even knows that. People start to fill the seats around him giving nods in his direction and quiet hellos as the girls at the front take their seat and Beaumont takes his place at the front of the room. Ben likes Beaumont, he's a smart guy who runs a no bullshit meeting. He's kind and knowledgable and makes sure everyone gets a say if they need it. He and Ben were actually in rehab together, but Beaumont's had some set backs which makes him more tolerant then most when it comes to people's slip ups.

"Hey everyone," Beaumont calls, and the meeting starts. There are a few new faces and a lot of older ones. People check in, share their stories and clap for those brave enough to do so. Ben has never been one to talk much in these settings, he comes because seeing he's not alone is a comfort. When he was younger, angrier, more intense he would share, more scream and rant about his life and the foolish things he'd done. It was hard back then because his time wasn't his own. He could only attend meetings when off duty and chose only to go if he was home after deployment. His main focus was his job, the marines gave him a purpose and a sense of belonging that he hadn't expected to find. Not a screw up like him. His approach however was horribly unhealthy as someone later pointed out to him. It was one particular stint home after a longer tour that had been a little more intense then originally expected.

Jedha had been an experience he never wanted to relive. The fall out from their presence there was catastrophic and had shaken him to his core. The memories were so vicious he had to push a lot of it out of his mind or shove them down deep. It was horribly unhealthy and as a result when Ben returned home from that tour he sought out meetings regularly. That was the closest he'd ever come to a relapse. It wasn't long after he sought out a sponsor and was introduced to Gwen Phasma. The same Gwen Phasma who Armitage happened to now be dating. She had been his saving grace. He would call her at any hour and she would answer. She talked him down off more ledges then he could count and was rational in a way that most people just didn't get. He'd been tempted to reach out to her again until Huxley mentioned they were dating. The few times she'd been by the apartment were awkward but he wasn't sure how much either of them wanted Hux to know about it. Ben wasn't really worried about himself, he was worried about but her anonymity in all of this.

As the meeting goes on they move into celebrations. A few of their members were getting their chips today which always means cake. Beaumont doesn't say much once the meetings are underway. His job isn't to lead the conversation but to create an environment where they all can feel safe enough to share. It's their job to carry on the conversation and support.

As their time comes to a close though, Beaumont is to his feet, rubbing his hands together as he grins at the group, "Awesome, thanks for sharing everyone, Mona, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, if you need anything let us know, ok?" A short woman at the back with frizzy black hair and large glasses sniffles into a handkerchief as the group murmurs their condolences and Beaumont takes centre stage again. "Before we wrap this up, is there anyone else who has anything they want to share with us today? Anything at all, triumph or set back, concern or random thought. Nothing is too small here friends."

Ben isn't sure what he's doing but suddenly he's on his feet, his coffeecup discarded on the floor next to his chair. He pushes his hands in his pockets, his fingers idling against the area where the material comes together. "Hey, uh… My names Ben and I'm an addict." he says staring at the floor. His feet look huge in his black sneakers sticking out from beneath the hem of his pants. Why does he have to be so freakishly long and awkward?

The room choruses "Hi Ben," and there's suddenly sharp invisible fingers creeping along his spine.

His fathers words echo in his head, words from when he was a teenage telling him he was a disappointment and how much he'd hurt his mother. The doctor who told him he might never be allowed to fly again chimes in afterwards followed by Baz and her teasing way of telling him they would be fuck ups together. She was always so damn good at building him up only to tear him down slowly and painfully. The quiet spills over him as all eyes in the room watch, waiting for him to say something else. To share his story.

He exhales slowly, then jumps, "I'm not good at this," he tells them, "I've been sober for eleven years now, it's been… hard." There's a mumble of understanding as well as a sharp clap from someone to his left, "I work in a high stress environment which you would think would be a trigger but really it's one thing that's keeping me steady. Problem is I've been told recently due to medical complications I likely won't be allowed to continue." Is that really the heart of his problem? Sure it's important but it's not what scares him the most is it?

"I don't know why i'm telling you this, maybe because it brought me to someone. There's… a someone." He's never felt so inarticulate in his life. It's strange talking about her without talking about her but he doesn't want to share too much. He wants to keep the idea of her safe and to himself but she's the reason for him standing here apparently wanting to share.

"Is she a bad influence on your sobriety?" a young woman with braided pigtails asks.

"No!" Ben responds sharply, "No, not at all, I don't think? No…" he can't help it, he's running a hand through his hair as he searches for the right words, "No, she's amazing, I'm the problem. She's had this insanely rough life and she's so… amazing." Way to use your vocabulary Solo, his mind chides, "She's going through some things and I've been helping her. It's nice…" he's not about to tell them he hasn't been in a relationship since his teenage girlfriend OD'd and left him more fucked up then words can express. No. Keep it loose, keep it vague.

"Do you find that stressful?" someone else asks, their voice full of calm understanding.

Ben has to think a moment, sure it's stressful but it's so much more then that. "No more then the idea that I may be unable to do my job," he says honestly, "I guess the problem is I'm worried I might be using her."

Its Beaumont this time who pipes up, he's sitting down again, leaning forward with his forearms perched on his knees watching Ben with intense curiosity. He knows, He knows more then anyone else what Rey might mean to Ben and that thought makes him feel incredibly naked. "How so?"

"She… she makes me feel high when I'm with her." When he finally admits it, Ben feels a burning in his chest as though he's betrayed her in some way, "I chase after this feeling like I need it to live. It swallows me whole and I'm drowning in it but I feel like it's everything I need in life."

There's an older woman at the front of the group. Ben does't know her name but he knows she's got five kids and fifteen grandkids because she talks about them constantly. She's sweet, witty and has lived a life most would think straight out of a novel. "Oh hunny," she says in her soft accented way. Her eyes are large and luminous beneath her thick framed glasses and the smile she gives him is one of understanding, as though to say everything would be ok in the end, "You love this girl?"

The word pierces through him like a fiery arrow, it's not possible to feel like that with someone you only met a little over a month and a half ago, "Uh… no?" Ben says with less conviction then intended, "We haven't known each other that long." He offers by way of explanation, "She's just…"

"Amazing." the older woman finishes for him. "You think about her all the time, you wonder what she's doing." She's not asking, she's listing off symptoms, "She makes you smile, makes you worry, makes you want to give her everything, to be a better man for her." This creepy woman is looking at him now as though she can see the depths of his soul but she smiles warmly, "Hunny, sounds like you're falling in love."

Another woman nods, "Does she know? Not about your feelings but about… you?" she asks, half turned in her seat.

Ben's head bobs dumbly, "Yes,"

"Trick is," a man near him says, "Sure you might do anything to be near her, to see her but what if she looked at you tomorrow and asked to never see you again?"

The idea hits him in the gut like a canon ball. It hurts, the idea of never seeing her again the thought of never hearing her laugh or watching her sing horrible car karaoke. "If she…" he starts, then pauses a moment. He can see what the man is getting at, "If she didn't want to see me ever again? I would walk away. I'd never do anything to hurt her…" the truth of it erupts around him like fireworks. "It would kill me but… no I'd have to stay away or I'd want to at the very least."

The man, an older gentleman with a broom style moustache and bushy eyebrows laughs loudly, his belly bobbing as he does, "There in lies the rub kid," he says boisterously, "addiction makes us go after whatever it is with no thought for anyone but ourselves and that high. If you can put her first beyond your own needs, that's not addiction my friend, that's affection."

Suddenly Ben feels rather stupid standing here baring his soul over something like this. His mind is reeling as the idea of love bumps and wanders through his consciousness. He can't love her, love her surely. He hasn't known her long enough, he doesn't even know if he's capable of having such a feeling for anyone again. This isn't like Baz and the intense obsessive need he felt for her. It's warm and soft and makes him feel good, high sure but also… safe. It's not the same at all.

"What about that job though?" The older woman with the knowing eyes asks, "You going to be ok there? If you can't go back I mean?"

Ben looks at her, then to Beaumont and then back to the woman. "I… don't know honestly." he tells her.

She smiles sadly at him as she raises to her feet, "Darlin, you gonna be ok you know that?" As she approaches him he can smell cheery and mint mingled on her skin, "I'm gonna hug you now ok?" Ben doesn't have time to agree but her arms are around him and she's hugging him the way a grandparent might a troubled grandchild. It's awkward and she doesn't seem to care, she simply gives him a squeeze and a pat on the shoulder, "Jobs come and go hunny, but you better tell that girl how you feel about her," she's teasing him and it's… nice.

He mutters a thanks and then takes his seat as the crowd claps for him. Beaumont is back on his feet guiding the meeting to a close but his eyes are fixated on Ben. When people are up and getting ready to leave Ben picks his garbage up off the floor and heads to deposit it in the trash. "Hey, Ben can I have a minute?" Beaumont's voice calls as Ben begins his trek towards the open front door. He stops and nods, a rock against a tide of people who wander passed some pressing a hand to his shoulder in a show of appreciation but it causes Ben to tense. He's suddenly very aware of the fact that he never wants to come to this particular group ever again. He feels silly and dumb but the older woman smiles at him, a hand on his bum as she passes, patting it softly.

"You're a good boy." she tells him before waving to Beaumont, slipping off with promises of seeing everyone next week.

"She's a pistol." Beaumont says in a friendly way as he approaches Ben behind the throng of meeting goers. When they're the only two left, Beaumont sighs and says, "You ok Solo?"

There's so much there in that question that Ben isn't entirely sure how to respond. "Sure, yeah, I'm ok." he says easily enough but Beaumont's gaze scrutinizes him carefully.

"You been with anyone since Baz?" forward little shit, Beaumont's brazen question draws Ben's attention sharply. "More then just physically I mean. You've been gone away so much, you've taken up so many extra tours…"

The sudden familiarity is off putting, "How do you know that?" Ben asks sharply.

Beaumont doesn't even pretend, he just shrugs his shoulder, "I keep in contact with your mom, she helped me out a lot when I came out of rehab the second time. I struggled a lot, your mom, god Ben, she was amazing."

There's a pang of jealousy that wiggles into Ben's stomach as Beaumont talks but Ben pushes it down ignoring the dirty way it makes him feel. Beau had been good to him, a real friend when Ben had needed it most. If he got the help he needed from Leia then Ben could be happy for him, he would be happy for him. "I… didn't know." Ben admits, which makes Beaumont laugh.

"How could you, you dropped off the face of the earth man, you were gone. Now here you are in weekly meetings hung up on a girl and I just… I don't know, I'm worried about you. Does Leia know?"

"Does Leia know what?" Ben asks cautiously.

"About the girl." Beaumont clarifies easily.

The chuckle that falls from Ben's lips is not necessarily bitter but it's biting no less, "Oh she knows." he tells his old friend, "She knows her well actually, both her and my father. I guess she use to work for Han years ago."

Beaumont blinks, his blue eyes dark obscured by his shaggy fringe, "Not.. Rey?"

Of course he would know her, everyone in his life is somehow inexplicably connected, "Yes." He doesn't want to get into it, he doesn't want to share his feelings for her with Beau before he has a chance to figure them out on his own. It's not love. It can't be love. It's something like infatuation, like hunger even though that makes him feel more like an animal then a human male. "Look I should get going, I want to catch a yoga class and I have some paperwork to get in order for work."

"Oh… sure yeah," Beaumont says, he's reaching for a pen that he's kept tucked behind his ear. They're large like Ben's. It's one of the first things they'd bonded over other then their mutual love of Benzo's. He's scribbling something down on the back of a piece of paper and handing it to Ben, "Let's connect sometime. It would be nice to hear how you've been."

Ben nods as he takes the offering, tucking it away in his wallet for safe keeping. He wishes Beau a good day and slips out the door and down the steps of the brownstone left to dwell on the things that were said during this last meeting. Checking his watch he sighs, no time to stop home first, he'll just go straight to Luke's studio and then head to his condo in hopes that Huxley won't be working at home for the day. Last time he had stopped home he walked in on Huxley's pale ass bobbing up and down on the couch as Gwen's long alabaster legs draped over the back like that of an oversized spider. That was an image he wouldn't be shaking any time soon. Maybe he should text first. An odd thought as he owns the damn place but still it feels less like his place now more like Armitage's. His home, the place he's most comfortable, the place he wants to be, that's Rey's house. He pushes that thought away to be dissected at a later date.

Once back to Rey's car he sees his phone reads two missed messages, one is from Rey requesting taco's for supper. The other is from his father asking Ben to call him when he has a chance. He only responds to Rey telling her he'll pick up the ingredients before he collects her after her coffee date with Poe. His father can wait.

It's been a while since Ben has seen Luke. The last few classes he's attended were taught by someone else. It's part of the reason he'd chosen them, to avoid a strained conversation with his overbearing Uncle. Today he wouldn't be so lucky. As he unrolls his mat and settles into a cross legged position at the back of the room Luke enters. Ben was pretty sure this class was suppose to be lead by a young woman named Asoka but here Luke is in all his grumpy glory. Maybe Ben can get through the class flying under radar, maybe Luke won't notice him. Fat chance as his uncles piercing blue stare falls upon him leaving Ben to feel bare and suddenly very vulnerable. He really should have gone to another yoga studio…

First he was called out for his feelings in NA and now his uncle is going to make things awkward. To Ben's surprise though Luke settles into class smoothly. He explains that Asoka is out ill and that he's happy to to be there sharing in this experience with them. The flowery spiritual act was always an odd one when it came to Luke who Ben has seen fly into fits of rage on more then one occasion. Maybe Luke's changed. Then again, maybe not.

Turns out Luke puts on a damn good yoga class though. He has them transitioning positions in a way that make Ben feel like a novice. It's all things he's more then capable of doing, positions he knows how to hold but the execution and the pace is deep and visceral. Ben's body burns in such a delicious way he almost contemplates taking another one of Luke's classes. Almost. It's always amazed him how Luke could get himself into some of these positions. There's a care in which he moves that Ben has rarely seen in another instructor. Odd too as Luke is not the cut image of a modern day fitness buff. He's a bit ponchy, a fan of gluten and lover of red wine. Still, he's more flexible then even Ben who fancies himself rather fit.

After a particularly deep savasana Ben feels strangely alive. He's almost forgotten his uncle as he hurries to roll up his yoga mat and head towards the door. Luke is pinned by a student with curly brown hair who stands like a dollar sign and Ben is sure he's in the clear. He's moving quickly but damnit not quickly enough because suddenly Luke is blocking his path and Ben just knows this is going to be awkward.

* * *

_Hmmm I feel like I always sit down with one intention and then something completely separate happens. I didn't expect the NA meeting to be such a huge part in this but then... well it happened. Full Disclosure. I have no idea if what I wrote was accurate in the slightest so bare with me. I know muscles and my only experience with addiction is having dated an addict which is very different from being one. This was only going to be one chapter buuuuuut now I'm obviously going to have to follow it up with another le sigh... haha let me know what you think lovelies. xo_


	16. Chapter 16

_Fair warning this Chapter is a bit of a monster_

* * *

"Well this is a surprise," Luke says softly, there's no edge to his words like Ben had been expecting, just a soft appraisal as Luke cocks his head to the side. He looks like an over sized owl, his eyes wide and blue beneath a shaggy mass of greying hair. The beard is impressive too, not well kept and neat like Ben has been use to in the past but a sort of mountain main meets dog that's afraid of the groomer. "Leia said you'd been around more, it's nice to see."

Now that throws Ben off. "I was told this was a good class." Ben offers in a way that has Luke narrowing his eyes. He's appraising his nephew quietly after years of avoidance. This conversation is one that is long over due but Ben has no idea where he's suppose to start.

"I'm sure it helps that I tend to teach morning classes," He rebuffs lightly coming across almost friendly as he treats Ben to a soft smile. Ben isn't sure what he's suppose to say or do. Luke is everywhere, his presence over baring despite the several inches Ben towers over him. He's always been this way, larger then life but not in a way that inflates his ego, people are just drawn to Luke.

Class goers mill about, talking amongst themselves as Ben and Luke stand there awkwardly, frozen within a time where they almost use to get along. Luke nods to a few of his students as they pass, a soft inclination of a bow as they return the gesture and Ben is left to adjust his yoga mat beneath his arm. When the room is empty, filled with nothing more then the aching silence of two family members who have no idea how to communicate Luke gives Ben a soft pat on the shoulder, "I'm glad you came kid." he says. His touch lingering just a little longer then may be necessary. It leaves Ben to wonder, is it sadness or remorse that that drives Luke now?

"Leia also tells me you're staying with Rey."

Ben sighs, there it is. It's a little bitter sweet, everyone so concerned about her and not him. He's happy that she has their love, their devotion and care he really really is, it's just… At some point it would be nice to feel like his family might one day view him with the same regard. He just nods, not trusting his words and unsure whether or not he might provoke Luke in some way. For whatever reason Ben always seems to say the wrong thing around him. Like Luke is simply primed to react to whatever it is that falls from Ben's lips.

"I'm glad," Luke follows up with a tight grin, "You need a light like hers in your life."

_Wait what?_

"Ive been so worried about you, your decision to go into the marines was well founded and the structure exactly what you needed but… you took to it like an addict," Ben's looking to the floor but he can see Luke watching him. "You hide from your pain Ben, you need to experience it and move through it."

"That's a dangerous process," Ben laughs bitterly, looking to his uncle he catches the sad smile etched onto Luke's features. His face is worn, lined from years of a battle hard fought. Luke has always had a crusade of some kind or another. He served when he was younger, it's how Luke and Han had met. They were fast friends and while Han had stayed, rising up the ranks, Luke got out the first chance he had been given. Ben had always wondered if Luke had been too weak for something like military life but he was quickly learning that Luke was too smart for it. He was bitter at first which may have been the reason for all the fighting, he hated that Ben seemed to be wasting his life away on substances that were rotting out his insides.

They fought for freedom and Ben was spitting in their face by putting shit up his nose. This Luke however, his back is straighter, his posture sure, not rigid like it had been when he'd come home but confident. Gone is the bristling agitation and quick need to remark. Luke has not only acclimated back into civilian life but he's taken his experiences and put them into something positive. His battle for peace is on a different front now.

"You don't see how far you've come in all this. You look at your accomplishments and take for granted how difficult it actually is for someone to stay sober for as long as you have." Luke is looking at him now, imploring Ben to see the truth in this. "You've lived so much of your life in the darkness Ben, you don't realize how much light you have to offer and how much you deserve to live in that."

At this point Ben is not entirely sure how he's suppose to react. Either his uncle has suffered through one hell of a midlife crisis or he's been body swapped because this just doesn't make much sense. Luke is just smiling at him, he's not raising his voice. The last time they'd been face to face Luke had taken a swing at him resulting in a rather dramatic family kerfuffle. That isn't to say that Ben hadn't deserved it, he definitely did but the man in front of him is not that same man. Luke looks like he wants to hug Ben but is choosing the route of appreciating personal space.

There's a soft chuckle from Luke and he's rubbing at the back of his neck nervously, "Look kid, I know this is weird." _That would be putting it mildly_, "I just don't have it in me to be angry anymore. I wasn't what you needed me to be and that's on me. I was the adult, you were the kid."

Luke's words fall like steady rain drops on a tin roof vibrating through Ben's mind in a melody of familial warmth, "I was kind of a fuck up." Ben admits hollowly.

"We all failed you kid, everyone made mistakes there. Don't hold on to too much of it, specially that Chewie bullshit. That was Han's emotional reaction. He needed someone to blame." When Ben doesn't respond Luke reaches out placing a hand on Ben's shoulder, "Accidents happen, that one had nothing to do with you,"

Ben scoffs lightly, "Tell that to Han," he doesn't mean for his words to sound as venomous as they do. Chewie is the one thing that Ben has tried his hardest not to think about. His uncle had been a power house of a man and one of the few people in his life who didn't holler or scold him when he got into trouble. After he'd stolen Han's bike the first time Han had lost his mind but Chewie had stepped in afterwards and sat with Ben while he cried and screamed. He was calm and patient and loving, oh so loving. Chewie taught Ben how to take apart a car engine, clean it up and put it back together. He was a marvel with it came to listening to what the machine needed and not just what looked broken. Everything Ben knew about cars to this day was the result of Chewie's teaching. He taught Ben how to talk to women too, not in a '_hey ladies_' kind of way but the respectful kind that made women take notice. Ben had gotten many numbers thanks to Chewie's debonair approach. He was tall, a little hairier then most, and as thick as a fridge but Chewie had game. It didn't stop there either, Chewie taught Ben a lot of important things, like how to be a graceful winner and an even better loser. He taught Ben how to grill a steak and make a camp fire. Chewie had been there when Ben rode his first bike, when he learned how to swim. Most importantly Chewie had taught Ben how to be a man and what that _really_ meant. Not that foolish men don't cry stuff. Ben learned how to put others first and how to be accountable for his actions. Chewie taught him to stick to his guns and that it was ok to cry sometimes.

It was hard coming out of rehab, there was a lot of water under that particular bridge when it came to his parents but Chewie was always there. He was disappointed, he was hurt but he didn't treat Ben any differently. He sat him down and talked to him about how his actions had affected everyone. It seemed monotonous at the time, Ben had said he apologies and his family had had their piece, it had all been a part of the process. For some reason though it didn't quite sink in until Chewie sat him down and they really hashed it out. Even now, years and years after the fact Ben is only truly grasping the importance of that one conversation in his life.

His name wasn't actually Chewie but Charles always seemed like such a strange name for a man of Chewie's stature. Not that Chewie made much sense either. They use to joke around about the nickname a lot. It had many origin stories, most made up over nights of drinking whisky in Han's home workshop. Han and Chewie were inseparable to the point that Leia often joked that Chewie was Han's true partner in life, she just got Han on weekends.

The world around Ben spins as his mind is filled with Chewie's booming laugh and the warmth of his hugs. No one on earth could hug the way Chewie hugged and it always, always made you feel better when you were done.

There's something warm and wet against Ben's cheek suddenly. It takes him a moment to register but the look in Luke's eyes confirms, Ben _is_ crying. It comes from nowhere, or maybe it comes from everywhere. He hasn't thought about Chewie in years and the realization feels almost like a betrayal of the man who he had grown up knowing as a second father. "Shit…" Ben mutters as he scrubs his hands against his cheeks. Both are wet now as slow streams of salty tears leak from the corner of his eyes. "I don't now where that came from." he says softly. His voice craggy as he clears his throat and forces a smile.

"The hole that man left was bigger then he was and that's saying something." Luke says knowingly.

"Dad's never forgiven me for that," Ben replies, not lost on him is the way '_Dad_' sounds as it falls from his lips and Luke's hand still on his shoulder squeezes warmly.

"Han's an idiot sometimes, there's nothing to forgive, you didn't do anything. You were what Nineteen? Twenty? what were you suppose to do?" Luke's lips are pursed together, "Ben you've done a lot of shitty things, I won't argue that but Chewie's death, that's not your cross to bare."

Ben's eyes are wide, the weight in his chest shifting like rubble cleared off a mountain path. He can breath but he can't stop crying. It's one of those moments where rationally you know the truth of a situation but it isn't until someone says it out loud that you can really allow yourself to feel it. Ben had spent years going over and over the events that lead up to Chewie's accident in his head. The detail in which he can recall the situation is disturbing and unhealthy. They'd been working on Chewie's bike shortly after Ben had gotten out of Rehab. Chewie had always been a fan of choppers, they were more comfortable for someone of Chewie's size but Han had convinced him to try a Ducati. As predicted the first thing to go had been the suspension. Chewie had been hollering at Han that he was too big for sport bikes no matter how well they were built when Ben came across the beast. She was in good condition, pristine really as Chewie had barely had the chance to ride the damn thing.

They worked on it together after that, using it as a pet project to occupy Ben's mind during his fresh start post rehab. He'd been encouraged to find a sponsor and attend meetings but instead he worshipped at the alter of twin cylinder engines and traction control. Chewie was always there, explaining the whys and the hows. He'd let Ben talk, or not whatever Ben needed and it wasn't until Ben was older that he appreciated what it was Chewie had been doing. He'd given Ben an opportunity to work out his trauma without feeling forced to do so. It was one of the greatest things to happen to Ben since his father had decided to retire from the military. Han kept his distance then, allowing Chewie to help Ben through the loss of Baz and his newly blossomed sobriety.

They traded out parts, improved on her handling and when the time had come Chewie had even let Ben pick out her paint job. That was one thing about the over sized giant of a man, he was disturbingly good with a spray gun. They hydro dipped some pieces and Chewie finished it off with some fine detailing. When she was completely finished, Ben was promised her first real cruise. Chewie had decided rather last minute though he wanted to take it out for a spin to see how she ran before he put Ben in her saddle and that was when it happened. Chewie lost control of the bike. At first they thought it had been the result of a faulty part, maybe something loose or not connected properly, it was hard to tell as the bike had been totalled. Chewie survived the crash but was put in critical care surviving three days in a coma before being declared brain dead and Chewie's wife was forced to make the call on whether or not to pull the plug.

Speculations rolled in like heavy waves crashing against Ben and his shaky hold on reality. Had he done something? Had he made a mistake? All eyes had focused on him and how he likely screwed this up like he did everything else in his life and it wasn't long after that everything blew up.

The fight was messy and vicious, Leia, Han, and Luke were all involved and no one was on Ben's side. Han was furious, Luke a mess and Leia, she was simply heart broken. She hadn't been one to throw the stones but was complicit in that she didn't stop it from happening. She hadn't protect Ben, her only son from his fathers horrible words or her brothers boiling anger. That was when Luke had taken the swing at Ben, the punch landed with a resounding thud against Ben's jaw and it had taken everything in him not to put his uncle on the ground. It was that moment Ben made the decision to join the marines. He applied and was gone within weeks. No answers, no conversations just gone. There had been no one around to witness the accident, a truck driver had found Chewie long after the fact and called for help but it was too late. That had been what killed Han, the idea that Chewie had been out in the cold, broken and hurt for who knows how long before anyone had found him. The idea that his best friend left the conscious world alone. They'd shared too much together for it to happen that way and Ben always wondered if his father maybe thought that he and Chewie would go out together in a blaze of glory. He hadn't been allowed a good death. Whatever that had meant. No death in Ben's eyes was good unless it was quiet and still at the end of a long lived and full life.

Still, the loss of Chewie had left an imprint on their family that changed it's shape and function forever. "You know, I haven't thought about him in a long time," Ben admits out loud and Luke just casts him a sad sort of smile making a soft noise of understanding as he does so.

One minute they're swallowed by the easy quiet, the next Luke has Ben wrapped in his arms. Ben's yoga mat is on the floor slowly unrolling itself. It's awkward, sort of like a mouse hugging a gorilla. Luke's head comes up to Ben's shoulder but the fierceness of the hug is enough to knock Ben over. His uncle is much stronger then his body implies and after a moment or two Ben finds himself returning the embrace. He's bent over Luke, his head on Luke shoulder as he cries softly.

"You know, I'm proud of you kid," Luke tells him carefully and Ben finds himself ruminating on the last time he's heard his uncle say those words. Luke has always had high expectations and Ben has always been trouble. It's a bad combination all around. Leia's excuse had always been that Luke never had kids of his own so he never really understood them. Ben just needed to be patient. He had been too young to understand that then, now, it seems more like half assed excuses because this man, this Luke… Ben is pretty sure he would have been patient.

"Thanks," Ben says with a soft exhale. He's holding onto Luke a little tighter before he lets go and takes a step back. His eyes feel hot and puffy now as he dabs at the corners with the heel of his palms. "It really means a lot, even now. Specially now."

Luke gives him a crooked sort of grin, as he carefully dabs at his own eyes. Ben isn't sure he's ever seen his uncle cry before but the sight is oddly endearing. "Come to a class sometime, or more classes," Luke starts, "Or better yet come in and we can have tea, or coffee or… well not wine."

Ben laughs, "You can have wine, I'll drag Rey down for a visit once Novembers done so you won't have to drink alone. She's doing this dry November thing. I'm worried it's going to kill her."

"Dry November?" Luke's laugh is loud and bright. This, like every other aspect of his personality is new and vibrant and awe inspiring. "Surely she hasn't given up wine too?"

Ben nods as Luke lets out a sharp impressed whistle, "Damn. Ok." Luke chuckles this time, even still the sound is lighter, more genuine some how, "My point is, don't be a stranger. Bring Rey or come on your own, whatever you want but I'd like a chance to get to know the man you've become. If you'll let me."

"I'd like that," Ben says with a nod. He recovers his yoga mat quickly checking the time on the clock hanging just beyond the doorway, "Shit, I have to get going, I have paperwork I need to get in by three." It's odd but he really hates to end this conversation so short. "I take Rey in for work almost every day, we'll connect soon. I'll absolutely be back for one of your classes though, I don't think I've had a work over like that in a while."

There's a twinkle in Luke's eye that Ben only partially recognizes from memories of being very young and terrorizing his mother with his uncle and his father. Small things bleed through like that from time to time adding a splash of color to Ben's otherwise grey memories from childhood. "No ones got moves like this old man," Luke jokes and Ben does nothing to suppress the groan that spills out of him. "Asoka puts on a good class, I just find these new teachers don't want to challenge people."

"Or people don't want to be challenged," Ben muses.

Luke makes a face as though considering the merit of Ben's statement, "Touché young padawan," he says taking Ben aback.

Luke use to call him that when he was a kid, the affection there sends a thrill of warmth through him that bubbles over into a laugh. "God, I haven't been called that in forever,"

"I haven't called you that in forever," Luke counters.

"Touché," Ben replies, "Anyway, I'll see you soon," he's about to leave when he stops, turning to observe his uncle Luke who hasn't motioned to move at all. There's a moment, just a breath when Ben hesitates but it's fleeting and he pulls Luke in for an awkward one armed hug, "Thank you," he whispers, his cheek against Luke's head in a strained display of affection which Luke is all too happy to return.

Leaving the studio has Ben feeling lighter then he has in a long time. His mind is reeling with memories flooding from deep in his past that for once don't threaten to suffocate him. It leaves him vibrating and excited about life, feeling good about work and about his family and about Rey. God, he wants nothing more then to call her right now and tell her about what just happened. He wants to tell her about Chewie and the behemoth of a man who helped him find himself. He wants to tell her…

No, it's not love, it _can't_ be love.

The afternoon has warmed up considerably, the perfect time to take one of his bikes out for what could be his last ride for the season. It won't be long before he has to roll them into storage and let them sit for the winter. Snow and ice are poor driving companions but on a bike they're lethal. Thinking about Chewie has him thinking about the open road and not in the terrifying way it had in the beginning. Ben knew Chewie would hate it if he never stepped foot on a bike again. No, Chewie would want him to embrace the freedom and lean into it. Accidents happen and Ben has seen his fair share of horrible things. Right now he needs the open air, the speed and the hum of the engine.

Alright, home, shower, paperwork, quick rip on his bike, groceries, Rey, and tacos.

Only, that of course isn't how things go down. Ben is just getting out of the shower, his apartment blissfully empty when his phone goes off. Clad in nothing more then a towel he ventures into the kitchen to retrieve the device and answers without thinking, "Hello?"

For some reason he assumed it would be Rey calling him on her lunch. It would't be the first time she'd done so and truthfully part of him sort of hoped that would be the case.

But no, it can't be love.

"Hello?" he says again holding the phone away from his ear just a little as he finishes towel drying his shaggy wet mane.

The voice on the other end is decidedly very male and stills his steps as he approaches the fridge, "Hey kid, you avoiding me?" his father's gravelly voice calls from the other end.

Ben immediately goes into panic mode, he doesn't like dealing with Han unless he's mentally prepared and he is without a doubt not prepared for this conversation. "No, no," He lies less convincingly, "I went to a meeting today and then yoga."

"Your still going to those, good… good." Han says absently as though Ben was talking about going down to the farmers market instead of the grocery store. He clears his throat and says, "Yeah, Luke said he was talking to you."

That couldn't have been more then an hour ago, either Luke also turned into huge gossip during his personal transformation or Han just has very odd timing. "Yeah, we talked," Ben replies cryptically.

"Good," is all Han says and Ben finds himself wondering if there was ever a purpose to this call. Radio silence falls between them before Han finally says, "Look, I wanted to talk to you about the car."

"She ready?" Ben asks, leaning against the counter, his legs crossed at the ankles.

"Yeah, yeah she's ready. We got the tires in this morning finally. Fett tried to soak me on them but I got him down to a reasonable price." What Han considers reasonable most would consider cheap for the item in question. Han makes it a point to never pay full price for anything, it's almost as though he thrives on a good haggle. Ben's seen him sweet talk his way out of a great many financial hang ups. The thing is though he's always more then generous when it really counts, "Finn put them on just after lunch." Han seems to laugh on the other end of the phone, "He won't let anyone touch the damn thing. You going to let him take her for a spin?"

Are they… having a normal conversation?

Han's talking about cars which means he's in his element. The only thing he knows better then cars is flying and so the easy dialogue that flows from his father is not necessarily shocking it's just foreign to Ben, "Yeah, He's welcome to."

"I'm going to tell him you said no," and there it is, Han stirring the pot. He can hear the breathy laugh in his father voice as he clarifies, "the kids close to blowing a gasket, I have to fuck with him a little. I'll be sure to tell him you said yes after."

Thank god, the last thing Ben needs is Rey's best friend thinking he's some sort of prick. Sure the Shelby is his baby but how can he deny someone who is as passionate about her as he is. "Ok, I'd appreciate you not throw me under the bus with Rey's friends," Ben quips sarcastically.

"Give em a break kid," Han fires back, "Rey's like Finn's little sister. I don't know how or why but those two are as thick as thieves." There's that familial connection again, the way Rey draws people in and connects to them like a big bright ball of velcro. "Well I do know why, Finn was a foster kid and he is foster family wasn't so nice. He never had it like she did but he gets it."

It makes sense but that doesn't mean Ben has to roll over and take the verbal put downs and scrutinizing glares from Rey's friend just because. He's also not sure what he's meant to do with this information. It wasn't as though Finn had volunteered it up himself. How would he react if he knew that Ben now knew about his hardships as a teenager?

"Was that it?" Ben asks softly, "my cars ready to be picked up?"

Han is quiet a moment, "Well… no," he offers, "no, if I'm being honest here, I was hoping I could convince you to meet me for a beer."

Ben levels the heavy sigh thats building up within, biting his lip. His father of all people should know he doesn't drink, "I don't…" he starts, "No, thanks dad, I can't." He also doesn't have it in him to get into the concept of sobriety with his father who made him go to rehab in the first place.

"Shit, Ben," does Han sound… remorseful? "I'm so sorry, shit that was. Fuck," Han is floundering and it's strange to hear, "I just meant I'd like to sit down with you. We could get coffee, churros, ice-cream I don't care."

The, "Why?" That slips from Ben's mouth is far more biting then he intends but the sentiment is there. Why on earth would his father have any desire to sit and have a coffee with him?

"Look, I'm trying here, meet me half way?" Han sounds almost sorry, his voice soft with the faintest note of pleading edged into it. "I know you have time, Poe told me he was meeting Rey after work so you won't have to pick her up for a bit."

Why would Poe…? Right Finn's birthday. "Fine," Ben agrees before he can talk himself out of it. "There's a gelato place a few blocks over from my place, meet me there?"

He's pretty sure his father has never stepped foot into the place before but Han seems unfazed when he asks, "What's it called?"

Ben gives him the name, they settle on a time and say their goodbyes peacefully. Han was eager to meet which leaves Ben feeling strange inside but Ben still needs to get his paperwork settled and sent away.

After grabbing some clean clothes and settling into his computer to fill out and fire off the document's Ren had sent him to complete. Ben finds he has more time to kill then he realized he would need. It's a nice day so he opts for walking to Bormea Cafe just a few blocks over and is surprised when he finds his father is already there and waiting for him.

The scene is almost comical, Han Solo sitting in a room filled with hipsters and pretentious foodies savouring the taste of their imported coffees, gluten free baked goods and fancy gelato's. Ben picked the place on whim, it was partially a joke but also maybe a little bit of Rey rubbing off on him. For whatever reason he found himself craving the taste of rich vanilla bean gelato. Han looks uncomfortable, eyeing up a pair of young twenty somethings sharing headphones as they enjoy their frozen treat. The male of the pair has spacers in his ears and his nose pierced on the left with a tight gold hoop, the female her has septum pierced with an ornate jeweled ring and thick long dreadlocks pulled back in a tie-dye headband. Ben can't help but laugh as he takes the seat opposite his father who is nursing a cup of black coffee.

"Icecream huh?" he says ironically, catching the pointed gaze of a few of the shops patrons.

"Careful, it's gelato," Ben corrects as he shrugs out of his worn brown leather jacket. He'd left it at his condo and wanted to be sure he took it when him when he returned home to Rey's.

_Home._

Han grumbles to himself as he takes a long sip of his coffee, "Whatever the hell that is," he says, "This some weird I didn't take you for ice-cream, er " Han looks around him before he says, "_gelato_," in a tone thats more mocking then kind, "When you were a kid thing?"

Ben can't help but narrow his eyes, well this is getting off on a good foot. "No," he says slowly, crossing his arms against his chest, "I've had more coffee then I can tolerate today and I was craving something sweet. Besides, when was the last time you did anything outside of your comfort zone?"

Han doesn't answer, he just levels Ben with an even gaze before he asks, "If it's not ice-cream then what then hell is it?"

Some things never change it seems, Han is still an expert at avoidance, it's no wonder Ben's gotten so good at it over the years, he was primed from a young age. "It's… similar," Ben explains, "It's more milk and less cream and it's churned at a much slower rate meaning it's denser with a thicker flavour then ice-cream." Han looks like he wants to say something snarky when Ben cuts him off, "I first tried it when I was in Kashyyyk, they have this amazing cafe near the downtown core Malla took me."

Now that catches Han off guard. He looks at Ben curiously as though trying to read something written in small print stamped on Ben's forehead, "Malla? Chewie's Malla?" When Ben nods Han presses on, "When did you go see her?"

Ben has to think a moment, time blends together after a while, he's been so many places and seen so many things it almost seems like a life time ago, "The first time I was there on a training run. Their airforce leaves a lot to be desired, but they have some of the best airspace for running drills. I didn't get a lot of down time but there was one day I got off early. I ran into her at a market and we got dinner."

"You've been there more then once?"

Wetting his lips Ben unfolds his arms as he nods, "Yeah, maybe two or three other times, not recently thought. We went to help when they had that flood what, two years ago?"

"Five," Han corrects.

"Right five years ago, Lumpy is in university now, I guess he'd be graduating this year? Oh and he hates being called Lumpy now."

Han looks utterly flabbergasted and it gives Ben a sort of a funny feeling inside. He can't tell if his father is more impressed or shocked and oddly enough Ben isn't sure which he would prefer. "Shit…" Han mutters and all Ben can do is nod at the sentiment.

After a minute or two of awkward silence Ben finds himself sliding to his feet, "Have you checked out the flavours yet? Do you know what you want?"

Han looks as though Ben's just given him the choice between earwigs and toads, "Uh, no I just grabbed a coffee. I don't…"

"Come on_ General_, you're here might as well try it." Ben baits before walking over towards the glass display case that houses all the varieties of gelato colours and flavours. To his surprise Han joins him and they stand side by side stiffly. All the tabs indicating the flavours are hand written in a swooping cursive giving each taste its on character. "They make it all right here," Ben finds himself explaining to his father who does nothing more then grunt to indicate he's heard him.

It's not worth the stress of trying to figure him out. It's been a good day, NA was strange but enlightening. Yoga left him feeling the best he's ever felt after a class and Luke, well that had been unexpected but very welcome. He'd gotten his paperwork off in time and after all was said and done he was going to spend the evening eating tacos enjoying the company of the girl he… likes very much.

Because it's absolutely_ unequivocally_, not love.

His father can't ruin this day for him Ben won't let him. He refuses, he absolutely… "What kind would you suggest?" Han's voice shatters Ben's inner monologue. It's quiet and contemplative as he stands with his hands framing his hips, his leather jacket open and comfortable. "What's your favorite?"

Ben isn't sure how to react or respond at first, he just sort of looks at Han cautiously weighing his response on his tongue. "Don't look at me like that," Han barks, "I'm trying here kid, what would you suggest?"

"Uh… well." Words fail him, "I usually get the vanilla bean,"

"Pretty plain," Han comments, "Not big on trying fancy new flavors?" is Han… teasing him?

What is happening with this day? Ben suddenly feels like he might still be dreaming because there's no way this is happening. The last conversation he had with just his father had resulted in a rather vicious blow out that ended one of the best worst dates Ben's ever had. Before that they were at each others throats so bad he made sure to call on holidays when he knew his parents weren't around so he could just leave a message and avoid a conversation. The two Solo men have been circling one another in orbits that would make pluto jealous and now in this very moment his father is… teasing him?

"What are you suggesting?" Ben asks carefully as a young woman saunters over from out back.

"So sorry," she chimes happily, her apron is covered in strawberry juice or maybe it's raspberry. It's a berry of some kind and it's splattered all over her. Her hair is cut short, shaved off some along the bottom and left with a bit of length on top which she has pulled back in a strange nub of a bun. Her glasses, perched crookedly on her nose make her green eyes sharp and bright under the luminous lighting, "I was just juicing some pomegranates," She informs them, "It is just as difficult as it sounds." there's a smile in her voice that's friendly and sweet as she turns to Han, wiping her hands on her apron. "You're new here."

Han is smiling roguishly, give him a pretty face and on goes the Solo charm, "My son brought me in, we're feeling _adventurous_," he tells her and Ben isn't sure he likes the direction this is taking. "What's the green stuff?" he points at the minty green substance that looks almost like mashed potatoes.

"Pistachio," the young girl informs him happily, "It's good but…" she places a finger on her chin as she narrows her eyes and observes Han carefully, "I think you're more of a amaretto and cherry kind of guy."

Now Han looks impressed, "That's a flavour?" he asks incredulously causing the young woman to laugh.

"You bet, I made it this morning too so it's nice and fresh. The cherries are from Naboo so they're local. I try and keep a lot of my produce as local as possible."

Ben starts to say something but his father cuts him off with a finger pointed in his direction, "You are trying something new," It comes across as an order but there's a soft joking undertone that Ben almost misses. It's almost like being out with Rey only his father isn't as sweet or as attractive. It's less comfortable with Han too but Ben finds that he can almost relax into it if he would only allow himself to. "What's that back there?" he changes focus quickly pointing to a series of towering treys lined with various sweets and treats.

Their server casts a curious look over her shoulder, giving them a better look at her profile. Her nose is small and rounded accentuating the plump nature of her cheeks. "Cheesecake," she says with a point, "Brownies, butter tarts," she points to a new trey as she lists off each sweet individually, "These are gluten free cupcakes, on the end, I think there's one snickerdoodle left."

"Did you just say snickerdoodle?" Han asks, his eyebrows raised into his hair line.

"It's a type of cookie dad," Ben finds himself saying as the young woman turns back to them with a grin, "Cinnamon and sugar right?"

"You got it," she chirps, "They're a big hit this time of year, they go really well with coffee."

Han looks like he might be deep in thought, maybe he's impressed, if nothing else he's absolutely flirting a little, "Well I gotta try that then annnnd I guess the cherry amaretto," He turns to Ben with a grin as he says, "_gelato_," slow and carefully.

"Lovely!" their patron cries as she busies herself retrieving the baked good and a plate to rest it on. She sets the dish on the counter and then goes to change her gloves as she opens the ice-cream display carfully and then turns to Ben, "What about you, vanilla bean?"

Ben doesn't have a chance to reply before Han is jumping in, "No, something different for him today," he says with a wink. "Comfort zone Benjamin, comfort zone," he chides and it's all Ben can do to suppress a groan.

"Hazelnut chocolate is good, there's pear and strawberry cheesecake annnnnd salted caramel is popular one," She's listing off flavours with ease as she points to each despite their fancy little tags written in what Ben is sure is her own hand writing.

It's a little flustering standing there while his father sweet blocks his favourite gelato flavor, "Strawberry cheesecake I guess." Ben finally says and his father slaps him on the shoulder, hard enough that it makes a loud thud. Ben isn't entirely sure he's been able to figure out what's happening. He's beginning to worry someone is dead or dying because his fathers actions are making no sense. Maybe he has cancer, a brain tumour maybe? Something needs to account for this strange display of almost fatherly affection.

When their gelato has been scooped and Ben has paid for both despite his fathers grumblings, they find themselves back at their table and Han is breaking off pieces of his cookie. He eyes the small piece of pastry closely, sniffs it and the pops it in his mouth. After a bit of mastication Han swallows and grins, "That's damn good," he says as though he were expecting it to be anything but. "Girl knows her stuff."

"I'm pretty sure she's the owner," Ben explains as he pokes at his gelato carefully. It's an odd shade of pink that makes him think of the laundry he had folded the night before and a pair of Rey's delicates that he was positive when worn would leave very little to the imagination while leaving everything to his at this very moment. He can feel his cheeks flush as Han watches him carefully, dunking his cookie now in what's left of his coffee.

"Smart kid, she don't look like she's much older then Rey," Han muses.

"I think Rey may know her actually," Ben says before taking a bite of his gelato. The flavour is unexpected and delightful. The tart of the strawberries dulls the sweet of the cheesecake in a way that makes the taste vibrant and yet understated. It's not artificial strawberry like one would expect from store bought ice-cream but the tangy sweet of something freshly picked. Suddenly Ben feels like a fool for fighting Han's whole try something new angle because this is really quite good.

"Wouldn't surprise me the kid knows everyone." Han comments offhandedly as he begins to pick at his own frozen treat, "Damn, this is good!" he mumbles over his spoon, "I'll have to take your mother here, earn me some brownie points." he jokes and again Ben is struck with the oddity of this situation.

They take their time making small talk over their gelato. Han talks mostly about the shelby and how impressed he is with the work Ben's done to her. He point blank refuses to take Ben's money for the repairs, something about making up for lost time or something, his words are lost on a mouthful of gelato. As their bowls slowly empty and their bellies fill the conversation takes a soft lull and Ben can't help but notice the way Han seems to be mulling over something mentally. There's a moment where he thinks he can predict whats coming next, a warning about Rey or something about not hurting her but instead Han says, "Look, I… I'm sorry."

Ben nearly drops his spoon, his eyes are wide and this time he's _really_ not sure what to say. Han looks almost contrite as he stares at his bowl, "Luke called me today," so Luke _is_ a gossip… interesting, "He told me you showed up at his yoga class and that you guys talked." Han explains. "I'm not going to lie it's been a while since I've had my ear chewed off by that scruffy little nerf herder but apparently I needed it."

_Not_ a gossip then but an uncle looking out for his nephew. That's a new sensation. Still Ben can't find it in him to respond, he just watches his father as he scrambles over the words and losses himself in his meaning. It's foreign territory for both of them, a fact that is not lost of either Solo. "I was angry," Han starts and Ben has to wonder where exactly this is heading, "I was angry at you for a lot of things but Ben, I was angry with myself for a lot of things too. I was pissed off that I couldn't help you, that I wasn't there. We love you so much, your mother and I and well I didn't respond the best."

The only thing Ben can this to say in response is the same thing he feels like he's been repeating all day, "Well I was a shit too."

Han's laugh is loud and oddly sad as he nods in agreement, "Yeah… yeah I won't argue that part but I guess the reality is I was kind of a shit too. I was a shit parent when you needed me to be there."

The admission is jarring, like someone has lit him on fire and thrown him in a snowbank at the same time. It's this strange motley crew of emotions that only half make sense because this is all he's ever wanted to hear from his father and yet it's almost too little too late. Or is it? There's a choice to be made here to rise above or allow the past to swallow him whole. Han seem's incredibly remorseful and almost a little afraid. He can't make eye contact, or maybe he just doesn't want to. Either way he's staring at the table as if it's going to tell him everything will be ok. Is that what he's hoping Ben will do?

Ben simply purses his lips. His phone goes off in his pocket and without thinking he reaches for it. Han looks dejected as Ben pulls out the small electronic device and checks, the screen. "It's Rey," Ben finds himself explaining and Han smiles, "She and Poe went to Juniors for coffee?"

Han nods his understanding, "Akbar's kid, you remember?"

Ben honestly doesn't but that doesn't mean much, there are large gaps of memory from his younger years that are nothing more then a flash of images and strange emotions or sounds tied into them. One face in a sea won't register but he remembers every man he's ever trained with, "She's just letting me know she's ok," he can't even hide the grin that's burst across his lips pulling his mouth so wide it almost hurts.

But… no it's not…

"You care about her," Han says, it's not a question though he may have meant it to be, Ben isn't sure. It sounds like a statement, like he's saying '_your eyes are haze_l'. All Ben can do is nod as he tucks his phone into his jacket trying to chase away the grin that paints his affection across his face in bright blinding colors.

"So do you," Ben counters but it's weak and pointless. Han has seen through him, he's reading Ben like a book and it's uncomfortable the way his father watches as if he sees things that Ben has yet to see himself.

There's a sharp intake of breath from his father as he devours the last bit of his gelato and sits, allowing the flavour to melt over his tongue. Ben's glad for the reprieve but he's sure his father isn't pondering the different notes of flavour. No, Han is looking for the truth of the matter, the truth that Ben isn't sure even he himself knows yet, "I love that kid, I'd do anything for her," Han says confidently, "That's not to say I don't love you too, I do, I need you to know that." he's scrambling, trying to be a father when he's missed out on years of experience, "I worry about her," Ben nods as his father pins him beneath an intense gaze he isn't quite sure he's seen before. There's an emotion there that is hard to read it almost looks like sadness but there's a joy rolled into it. A sort of hope maybe? Maybe not.

"I worry about both of you, Ben I'll worry about you the rest of your life that's what it means to be a parent so don't even start to argue with me." He wasn't going to but it's nice to hear, "If you thought you might hurt her… would you walk away?"

It's a similar question to one he's already been asked today and the answer as such is the same, "Absolutely."

"Could you walk away?" Han asks.

That's the real question and Ben doesn't know how to answer that. He can't give definitives because he doesn't know. He likes to think he could, that his need for the joy she brings him wouldn't over shadow her need for protection, security and peace of mind. "I…" He starts and then stumbles on the answer, "I would like to think I would," Ben answers honestly.

Han makes a noise that sounds almost like a grunt of understanding before he asks, "Do you love her?"

There's that question again. Everyone seems to want to put this label on his feelings for her like it's something so easy to do. Does he care about her? Of course he does.

Does he think about her a lot? Yes.

Would he give anything to keep her safe? Without a doubt.

Does he love her? …

"It's a complicated question I know, but It'll tell you Ben when you know you know. I knew I loved your mom within a week of meeting her. She was hollering in my face about some bone headed thing I'd convinced Luke to join me and Chewie on and she was pissed. I'd never had a woman speak to me like that but here was this little thing no bigger then a minute jabbing her finger against my chest and telling me where to go and how fast. It was nuts." His father smiles fondly as he reminisces. "I knew before I knew, if you know what I mean."

Unfortunately for Ben, he thinks he does.

"I'm not one to go on about soul mates and all that other bullshit but I'll tell you one thing, Your mother and I, we may fight but I'll never love another living soul like I love her. It was terrifying and fast and I felt like I was drowning in her but I knew I loved her and I wasn't going to be with anyone else so long as I lived." Han throws a pointed finger in Ben's direction for good measure, "_Don't_ you tell her I said that or I'll deny it up and down."

Ben puts his hands up in defence. He could't imagine ever having_ that_ conversation with his mother. His father wouldn't be the only one on the hook for that one. Ben thinks a moment, a long hard moment. His father is watching him with the eye on a man who knows what he's talking about, the real question is how much does Ben trust him?

These are the moments Ben wishes Chewie was around for. These no bullshit tell it like it is emotional moments that Ben struggles with so desperately. He's suddenly fifteen again and this time instead of being drunk off his fathers corellian whisky he's looking for advice about women. He missed all this stuff, the emotional heart to hearts and the desperate need to understand the opposite sex. At fifteen Ben was making pipes out of pop cans and smoking more pot then his brain had any capability to process. At fifteen he was teetering towards harder substances and didn't care so much about girls. He doesn't even really remember his first time, all he knows is it was him and two girls in his bed during one of his mothers fancy galas. They'd gotten high on molly's and spent the evening just touching and fucking. It was weird to feel so close to someone he barely knew and he'd been under the impression that drugs like that were suppose to make it difficult to maintain any sort of erection. One of the girls who had been a number of years older had provided the drugs and all he really remembers was a painful erection and feeling more stimulated then he's ever felt in his life. He'd later found out one of them had slipped him a viagra at some point and thus began his foray into the world of sex drugs and more drugs.

Strange that his fifteen year old experience was so hard and fast and lacking any of the normal nuances that most teenagers experience. He didn't have time to feel inadequate or unprepared because his body was on high alert and everything felt so_ good_. Now on the other hand as an adult he has no real litmus test for his affection. Sure, he's been with women since. People he's seen for a few weeks at a time or the odd one afternoon stand he may have met while out on a run but none of those meant anything, not really. It was a way to blow off steam.

They chat a while longer and as Ben warms up to the idea of Han being a father figure in his life, he allows more information to slip out piece by piece. Han takes it all in stride as they speak in vague outlines of the truth. Ben talks about Baz a little and how that left him unsure and lost. His father explains that a lot of their fighting had been over Bazine despite the fact that Ben doesn't remember that part. He only remembers the screaming and hollering and how every fight pushed him further into her arms. Han explains some of his relationship with Leia and tells Ben about his first love, a woman named Kira who struggled quite a bit in life. He and Kira were foster kids together. Ben had never known his father had been in the system but he finds it helps him understand his dedication to Rey a little better. Kira was like Bazine, lost and angry and desperate for more in life with no idea how to get it by legal or safe means. Kira didn't OD but she did fall in with a bad crowd which inevitably got her killed.

The way Han speaks is candid and pure, a side of his father Ben has never seen before. Ben asks questions and waits patiently for the answers. He does this while answering Han's questions with an odd sort of vagueness that Ben isn't even sure is warranted now.

"If you love her Ben, know that I'm ok with it, I just want the two of you to be happy." Han says finally after forty-five minutes of their oddly sentimental heart to heart. His phone chimes and he knows it's Rey. After checking his phone he see's his father watching him again, a soft knowing on his face that makes him look a little older, maybe even a little wiser though Ben will never tell Han that. "There aren't many like her in the world Ben, if she's your one you hold onto her with everything you have because that kid… she's got something special and you deserve a little of that in your life."

Ben's on his feet nodding as Han wanders up to the counter determined to bring home a piece of cheesecake for Leia. They don't hug, they aren't there yet and that's ok. Knowing his father a little better then he did before Ben feels more comfortable in their relationship which is a miracle in and of itself. "Hey dad," Ben calls as he throws his coat on over his long limbs. Han turns with an awkward grin as Ben says, "Thanks."

As he leaves Ben can't help but think about Rey, she's always there in the back of his mind like a record that plays nothing but her name on repeat for hours at a time. He has to get back to the apartment, grab his things and then head off and get the ingredients for tacos before going to pick Rey up at Junior's. She and Poe are wrapping up their party planning which means she'll be hungry and Ben can't wait to see how many taco's she can manage to inhale. It brings him more joy then makes sense to think about how eagerly she'll go after the little meat wrappings. Rey approaches every meal as though it's her last on earth, savouring and enjoying every last mouthful. She's adorable, she's sweet. She's the first person he thinks of when there's new information to be shared. Her name sparks a heat within his chest whenever he see's it flash on his phone.

But no, but maybe it might be…

Suddenly the idea of groceries isn't at all that important and Ben find's himself heading towards the address Rey provided instead. It's a small cafe not far from Luke's studio which Ben has never laid eyes on before. The place it lined with large bay windows that give passersby a birds eye view of everything happening inside. Rey and Poe are sitting at a table near the back and they're talking animatedly. Poe is leaning forward with his elbow on the table looking at Rey with eyes that strike Ben as a little too interested. A little too dark. He's not sure what comes over him but instead of waiting in the car Ben finds himself walking up the sidewalk towards the cafe's entrance. A young man with oddly bright eyes greets him from behind the counter telling him to take a seat anyway but Ben can't respond. He's too singularly focused. Poe see's him before she does, her back is to him as he approaches. He can see Poe nod in his direction as Rey turns in her seat, her mouth spread in a broad grin that highlights every one of her perfectly white teeth.

His name is on her lips as his heart beat hammers in his ears. She's shifting back some to make room for him, or maybe to stand he can't be sure but when he finds himself standing in front of her all he can see is Rey. She's bright and glittery like a sunrise and all he wants to do is capture it and treasure it always. He can hear her asking what he's doing and truthfully he has no idea so he doesn't answer. Instead he holds his hand out and without thinking she seems to take it. He's pulling her to her feet in front of him and his heart beat is so frantic now the world spinning a little. His vision tunnels and all he can see is her and no… no it can't be… its not possible but it _might_ be…

Poe hasn't said a word and the way Rey is looking at him now gives him courage. His hands cup her face, finger tips sliding over her cheeks to get lost in her hair and before he can stop himself. Before his rational brain wins out because they're in public and she might not want this and her lips are right there and she smells so damn _good_. He leans forward, almost too quickly, his lips pressed against hers and its warm and its soft and it's everything he's ever wanted in this life. He can feel her gasp before she relaxes into the kiss and suddenly she's pushing up on her toes, her lips a solid line against his. Her hands are scrambling to find a place to land and all he can do is angle his head and deepen their embrace. He's not sure how much time passes, a few seconds, maybe a minute, maybe an hour. It's everything and it's pulling him under.

But it can't… it shouldn't…

And god damn it _is_.

When they finally pull away, Rey is flushed and breathy, her eyes glittering with something that looks a little like need and he doesn't know if he can dwell on that thought and stay sane. "Hi…" She says softly and it's all he can do to smile, his forehead pressed against hers as his fingers tips slip through her hair and down her neck to cup the smooth column of muscle lightly.

"Hey," he responds as he rubs his nose across hers gently. He wants to devour her right here and now. He wants to press her against the table Poe's sitting at and taste every inch of her. To brand her flesh with his touch and discover every last piece of her that makes her shriek with delight. He wants to hold her tight and never let her go because any space between them is too much.

It's not addiction, it's not even necessarily lust though there's a component of that too.

It's deep and its all consuming and it most definitely is love and this time Ben know's it's the real thing because she's Rey and she's perfect and more then anything else he wants her to be his.

* * *

_I hope that didn't seem too rushed or weird. I wasn't sure I wanted to take it in that direction despite the tugging and pulling I was getting in my gut. Anyway, that happened. A bit more explanation into Ben's back story. I didn't want to make Chewie's death anything too huge but it needed to come from a place where Han would blame Ben in some way. I loved this image of Chewie so much it almost killed me a little to write him as deceased._  
_Your reviews have been amazing, truly. I can't get over the positive feedback from this little story that has sort of spiralled. It was suppose to be an exercise in controlling my word count and essentially that went to pot particularly with this last chapter. It's scary times people and my place of work made the preemptive decision to close due to how closely we work with the public. It's not easy and it kills me, I love my job so much. As a result I need to fill my time so I'll be writing when my child isn't demanding whatever is left of my sanity. I just want to say to anyone who's made the comment about this story being a positive for them, thank you. I appreciate it beyond measure and I'm so happy that this story brings you as much joy as it does me. Everyone really has been so kind and I just wanted you all to know you're amazing and your words mean a lot. So, stay safe everyone. XO_


	17. Chapter 17

Sitting with Poe is nothing like sitting with Finn. How the two even managed to find middle ground between them is strange and mildly awe inspiring. Poe is serious and argumentative but sweet in a way that reminds Rey of what she often felt having an older brother might be like. He teases a lot too, sarcastic and oddly endearing but so much more then just that. Finn has always been filled with unbridled enthusiasm and joy, like he's seeing or experiencing things for the first time. Poe has a more subdued approach, he watches and waits before he responds to most things and is so dry in his humour it's almost hard to catch.

Poe is who she talks to about novels and food and life advice. He's the solid strength behind all decisions and the rational head when Rey starts to bubble over with unconfined joy. She often feels bad for Poe because being around her and Finn together can be kind of like trying to take care of two hyper active puppies. Sure, they're cute and mean well but if you leave them alone for any length of time it's bad news. They're also endlessly tiring when left to randomly wander without parameters. Finn is encouragement and bad ideas which lead to funny life stories and insides jokes. Poe is level headed and no you don't need an actual carnival style popcorn maker in your house your microwave will do.

Rational and reliable is Poe's life motto, until it comes to Finn. When Finn is concerned Poe would pluck the moon straight out of the sky and hand it to him on a cord wound of silver. Finn would have a popcorn maker in his house. Hell, Finn would have fifteen if he wanted them, because Poe is utterly weak when it comes to his partners whims.

That is why this party is so important. Finn has a huge hang up over turning thirty which is funny considering Poe is… well north of thirty. Still Poe is determined that Finn's twenty-ninth birthday be huge. Not a _spectacle_ but maybe a spectacle at the same time. Rey has talked him out of the acrobats reminding Poe that Finn hates clowns and where would they have it?

That was really the big question, where would they have this shindig? Rey was more then happy to offer up her home but that would leave party goers with one of two options, don't drink so you can drive home or be prepared to stay the night. An intimate gathering would be fine in Rey's private sanctuary but Poe's idea for the evening is something a little more grand in nature. Rey suggested asking Han and Leia to host but Poe mumbles something about '_enough on their plate_' cryptically which Rey tucks away in the back of her mind under '_information to look into later_.'

They could rent a hall, look into reserving a restaurant? Rey has also suggested a paint night, bowling and axe throwing, all of which Poe has turned down. He's a buzz with energy that's foreign and unrestrained as he stresses and frets about how to make this birthday an important one. Rey doesn't think much of it at first but as the time slips on Poe is acting a little less Poe like and a little too neurotic for her taste.

Junior has come by with coffee which Rey effectively removes from Poe's vicinity encouraging a nice relaxing cup of oolong instead. Poe doesn't even argue when Junior brings back two steaming cups of herbal tea and a pair of fresh biscuits on the house. Rey thanks Junior as he slips off to take another order and then fixes Poe with a narrow and appraising stare.

"Spit it out," she demands, carding her fingers together to rest her palms against the table.

Poe looks shaken, almost nervous as he runs his fingers through his hair. It's an action that brings another face to mind, one of longer features, fuller mouth and honeyed whisky eyes that make her melt a little inside. "What?" Poe asks absently, fidgeting in his seat some, resting his back against his chair as folds his arms across his chest. He's chewing on his lower lip when he says, "Moons of Endor, think we could swing that?"

Moons of Endor, that's a swanky place, one Ben had wanted to take Rey on their first would be date. Rey isn't sure theres a likelihood they'd be able to get it with such short notice. Then it hits her, "Lando!"

Poe scrunches his nose a little his dark eyes slightly hooded from exhaustion as he levels Rey with a confused sort of gaze, "Calrissian? What's he got to do with any of this?"

"I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner, Bespin's Finest, I bet we could rent that easily enough and I think Han said something about Lando investing in a microbrewery. Maybe we could get a good cost on some of those weird AP ales that Finn enjoys so much."

Poe chuckles softly, "It's IPA," he corrects as he seems to weigh the merit of the suggestion. "Lando does have good taste…" Poe muses.

It's Rey's turn to chuckle, "In most things, whats with those capes though?"

"They make him look refined," Poe says dramatically making Rey snicker harder, "Do you think he'd go for it?"

Rey shrugs, reaching for her phone, "I'll ask Han what he thinks," she says softly but instead of Han she finds herself texting Ben. Nothing important just telling him where she is and how it's going. She doesn't have an exact time line but promises to text him in a little bit when she has a better idea. After firing off that message she thumbs through her contacts to find Han. That text message is a little less personal and a little more inquisitive. She outlines her loosely formed plan asking if Han thinks Lando would go for it. Now they wait for the response.

"So… seriously Poe whats going on you seem really hung up on this party. You just need to serve Finn cake and tell him he's pretty and he'll love you forever. You know that." Poe however, doesn't respond how Rey had expected. Instead of a chuckle Poe looks thoroughly wrecked. He looks like a man who's over thought something so many times it doesn't even sound the same anymore as it flutters through his mind anymore. "You can tell me, are you ok?"

Poe's smile is soft and cautious as he says, "You have to keep this between you and I. You cannot breath a word to anyone." he sounds serious as he rests his fists agains the table a few inches away from Rey's cup of cooling oolong. When Rey nods her acceptance of this fact Poe continues. He looks nervous even now, his eyes a light with child like mischief as he takes a breath and says, "I'm going to ask him."

Rey waits for the other shoe to drop. There are many things in which Poe might ask Finn but there's only one question that could make Poe a bumbling mess like this. "You are?" Rey chirps happily as the realization dawns on her.

Poe is nodding his head slowly as though he can't believe it himself. "I am. It's time. As far as I'm concerned it's also long over due. That's why this has to be perfect, everything needs to be just right."

"So, wait…" Rey stops a moment to think on the gravity of this situation, "I'm helping you to plan his birthday party annnnnd essentially your proposal?" She's practically giddy at the prospect.

"Well no, the proposal I have planned, you're just helping me plan the party." When Poe notices Rey looks a little crest fallen he gives her a sympathetic pout, "Oh Peanut," he chides softly, "Ive thought about how I want to do this for years now, but the setting has to be right, that's where you come in."

After a moment or two Rey slowly accepts Poe's reasoning, "As long as you're not going to put it in his cake or dessert or something he'd likely inhale it." she jokes and Poe smiles.

"Yeah, the two of you have that in common," he teases, relaxing some as he reaches for his cup of tea. He seems to have forgotten it's not coffee because when Poe takes a drink the taste seems to stun him a little. There's a pensive look on his face as though he's trying to process what's just happened, "This is quite good," he offers with a kindly furrowed brow. As though tea could never really be that tasty.

They fall into a smooth sort of conversation talking about possible music choices and drink selections. There's a sweet sort of nostalgia to the way Poe approaches this party concept, as though he wants to remind Finn of all the reasons that Poe loves him. For which Rey knows there are many. It's sweet to watch her friend so utterly smitten, even sweeter knowing the person he's smitten by is someone who deserves to be loved just like this.

Rey has been there since the beginning of their relationship so she knows it hasn't been necessarily easy but Poe and Finn have this way about them that makes it look like falling in love with your best friend is the simplest and most natural thing in the world. They aren't huge into public displays or grand gestures. Romance for them is Poe picking up a pizza on his way home when he knows Finn has had a bad day when Poe has sworn off gluten for the fifteen millionth time. They live together and work together, not an easy feat to accomplish in life as most would tire of one another very quickly. Rey's seen it though, the look Poe gets when Finn enters a room. Or, the way Finn's cheeks darken just a little when he talks about Poe. They just get one another and Rey hopes that that never changes for them.

"Any word from Han?" Poe asks as he rests his elbows on the table. He's leaning forward slightly inclined towards her as she checks her phone. When she shakes her head and tucks the small electronic device away she finds herself leaning in toward Poe in a mirror of his own position.

"So, did you get him a ring? or like is that a thing? do guys do that?" It feels like something she should know but she doesn't. She isn't even sure she's seen Finn wear jewelry before. Not even a watch or a chain. She suppose's it has something to do with their line of work. Jewelry would make it easy for body parts to get trapped or pinched or worse. Truthfully it's only in the last few years Rey's even noticed Han wearing a wedding band. It oddly enough coincided with the time frame in which he decided he would no longer be working in the _pit _(what the mechanics fondly called their shop).

Poe grins sheepishly, "I wasn't going to but I did, did you, do you want to see it?" he offers and Rey can't suppress the giddy grin that spreads across her face. She loves love. An odd sentiment all things considered but happily ever afters, while never a concept she saw as a reality in her own life are something she's always hoped for for others. "I picked it up just before I picked you up, I had it custom made."

Even better. Rey can't believe how lucky Finn is to have found someone who cares this much. It makes her happy beyond comprehension to think of her two dearest friends living out the rest of their lives in happily wedded bliss. There's a dark pang of something else buried beneath it though, it almost slips into her smile be she holds it down trying to suffocate the dark surge of envy that wells within. While she never dreamed she would find such a happily ever after, that doesn't mean she hasn't thought about it. The white dress, the big ceremony, all of her friends and family around to celebrate with her. It's her truest darkest secret. The one thing she's afraid to admit to herself and will never say aloud. To admit it to the world puts expectation on it and thoughts like that are better left right where they are, buried deep and hidden so not to be disturbed or worse inflated. When given life, those ideas sink their claws in deep and if left alone, if left with hope, they can tear you apart from the insides.

No, she'll never admit that she hopes some day someone will look at her the way Poe looks at Finn, to love her the way Finn loves Poe. She'll never breathe a word of how she hopes some day someone will care enough to say those three little words that will shape her future in granite. All she's ever wanted was to know love, to be loved and she can't remember the last time she's truly felt it. Sure her friends care about her, they may even love her but is it really the same thing? Maybe it is and Rey is just simply too broken to see it. Maybe. Or maybe not.

Then there's Ben, who maybe kind of looks at her that way? Or maybe she's just projecting. This is the danger in hoping, your rational brain gets swept up in irrational thoughts and you lose yourself in _what ifs_ and _maybes_. His presence has been solid though and if she's being honest she rather likes the idea of him being around. She's never had someone to share in the little things with, not in the way she does with Ben. She's never had anyone touch her the way Ben does either. Sure she's had plenty of experience in the horizontal pelvic tango department but she's learning that there's a difference between a touch to entice and a touch to need. Ben's never feels like he's touching her to get something out of it. It's never a means to an end, the end being her clothes off and him buried between her legs. No, he touches her as though his one goal is her joy, her pleasure. His touch is like fresh air in her lungs and warm and cold fingers stroking down her spin from the inside. He's never given her any indication to think or dream that he would go further then she allowed. Snap always pushed and tried to talk her into things. _'Come on babe, give me something to remember you by while I'm out there in the air'_

Arrogant fly boy indeed. Poe had been mortified when he found out about Snap's actions but by that point it was too late. Rey felt a connection to the asshole that made her feel like he was all she deserved. Now there's Ben. Ben who's touch is gentle, building into a question before it burns her flesh, searing her with his intent. Ben with his kisses that are sweet and sure, his lips that devour softly and make her feel things she's never felt before. Like he would take his time and know her in every way instead of forcing himself inside and leaving the bed cold when he was done. No, Rey is sure Ben would hold her afterwards. He would stay, wind his arms around her and pin her to his chest so she knew without a doubt she was cared for.

There, that spark of hope, that was the danger. It lit a fire through her bones that left her wanting so much more then she was sure Ben was prepared to give her. She was lucky to have what he offered her already. She could be content with that and only that, couldn't she?

The more she thought about it the more she was sure that could never be the case. The more she thought of Ben the more she wanted, the more she needed. Even the way he spoke to her, kind and sweet but then there was that edge of a man who knew exactly what he wanted. His words flood her mind as she thinks back to that morning and the way he'd touched her, the things he'd said. He'd been so forward, his words so sinfully delicious that they startled her, frightening her just a little. Not because she didn't want him to want her but because she wanted so much more then just one night of what she was sure would be utterly mind blowing sex.

Snap's approach had always been a means of release, no regard for her pleasure, she can't even remember the last time she's had someone else bring her to the precipice of release. Snap was selfish and somehow he made her feel like she was the lucky one, that he'd allowed her a small piece of his time. He was a sloppy lover with no real skill beyond stick it in and move. Ben, Ben on the other hand. The way he touched her, the way he breathed her in. She was sure Ben would not treat intimacy in the same way.

Poe is looking at her expectantly and she's strangely aware of the fact that she's zoned out. Still she can feel her lips drawn in a smile, her cheeks almost sore from the way her grin spreads wide across her face. Poe shifts between concern and amusement as he says, "So… where'd you go?"

Rey can feel the blush as it creeps into her cheeks, burning down her neck and along her spine. She can feel the heat as it pools in her belly filling her with a need to be touched. Not just touched but explored and savoured.

"Sorry," she mutters as she clears her throat, trying to hide the blatant need thats clawed its way into her voice, "You were going to show me Finns ring?"

Amusement melds into curiosity as Poe fixes her with an questioning grin, "Oh I will but first I think you need to explain this," He gestures towards Ray with a wagging finger indicating anything and everything as if he can see the way Ben has branded her. As if the trail of kisses he left across her flesh this morning were bright and hot and obvious. She knew it wasn't possible for there to be any trace of them left. Ben had been so careful as he moved against her with his mouth imprinting on her in a way that's been be able to feel for the rest of the day.

"Explain what?" Rey asks curiously, scrambling to pick up her tea. She nurses it within her palms, savouring the taste as Poe watches. His eyes are too dark, too knowing and she won't be able to hide it from him for much longer at the rate that she's going. She's spiralling, torn between needing to tell him everything and knowing he won't want any of the details so long as it's Ben she's talking about. "Where's the ring Poe?"

Poe grins, "In my pocket Rey," He tells her in the same tone, teasing her in the way an older brother would. An older brother however would not be seeking the information that Poe is currently trying to glean from Rey's very nervous and very flushed face. "I'll show you but I want to know what this grinning thing is about. It's not…Snap right?" the face he makes tells Rey all she needs to know about Poe's opinion on that front. "I told him to back off…no." There's a pause before Poe says with slow deliberation, "Ben…?"

Rey doesn't want to nod, she doesn't want to move. She can't let him know, he doesn't want to know so why is he asking. Poe has made his feelings about Ben very clear from the start but Rey can't help how she feels, the attraction is almost primal but the emotional connection is something otherworldly. "Look, I know you don't like him, I know there's a lot of stuff there but…"

"No no," Poe interrupts, inclining his head, his brows raised as he nods towards something behind her, "Ben." he says a little more firmly and Rey has to turn to catch his meaning.

There standing in the door way is Ben. His hair looks mussed as though he's run his fingers through it one too many times. It arcs back away from his forehead and curls lightly around his ears which Rey knows are just a little larger then average but they seem to suit him so well. He's walking towards them with a look on his face that's reminiscent of the one he gave her this morning. He's dressed less casually now, dark fitted jeans that grip his thighs and backside, a dark grey henley and his worn brown leather jacket. She has to turn to get a better look at him as his feet stop before their table and she shifts a little to make room for him. He's quiet and oh so serious but there's a fire in his eyes that threatens to burn her to the ground. When he holds out his hand she takes it without forethought and he's there and he's touching her and it doesn't matter that its in public because she could melt into the warmth of his hands alone.

When he kisses her it's not soft but it _is_. It happens quickly, causing her to gasp as he leans into her shock and deepens their connection. She finds herself pushing up on her tip toes to change the angle, to gain some modicum of control when all she wants to do is surrender to him. Her hands move with no real idea where they should rest. Finally she's grabbing at his upper arms, squeezing his biceps beneath her fingers and as quickly as it started Ben is drawing back. He rocks his forehead against hers in a motion that she has come to expect from Ben. It's sweet causing their noses to bump together gently, "Hi," She breathes out softly.

"Hey," he returns, his voice thick with something that sounds unmistakably like desire. He's nuzzling their noses together as he smiles and it looks almost as though there's something he might want to say. That look in his eyes is back and bright, lit like twin amber flames.

"Ahh, Ben," Poe says knowingly, his eyes filled with understanding as Ben pulls her against his body and buries his nose into her hair. She feels him all around her and its warm and wonderful and so perfect she almost forgets they're in public. "Ahhh Hetero love." Poe jokes, "Not going to lie that was hot. Even got me a little turned on." He looks down at his pants pushing back from the table just a little. "Yeah, look at that, hello down there."

Rey groans and Ben makes a noise that might be considered a growl, it's deep and rumbly and Rey's pretty sure she feels his arms tighten just a fraction around her. It's not all together unpleasant if not a little unnecessary. She nuzzles her face against his chest holding on a moment longer as she mutters, "Shut it Poe." before pulling back from Ben's warm and steady firmness. "What are you doing here so early?" she wonders aloud, careful not to sound disappointed by his sudden presence because honestly, she's not.

Ben and Poe seem to be locked in some sort of male stare down which is foolish because Poe isn't interested in women. At least she's pretty sure he isn't. Poe's sexuality has never been a topic of conversation. There's never been any need to understand it really because he's quite simply Finnsexual and that's all that's ever mattered. After a moment or two Ben is the first to drop the stare down, resigning to catch Rey with a heated grin, "Just… had to see you," he tells her with an air of embarrassment which is both utterly endearing and totally unexpected. "I have to run back the apartment and get a few things and then hit the market before we head home. Do you want anything else?" Rey is careful not to get too excited by the fact that his apartment is '_the_' apartment and her home is simply _home_. Idly she wonders if her bed might become simply _their_ bed, The thought makes her blush which only makes Ben's smile widen.

"Uhmmm a treat?" she hedges and leans back using Ben's body as a centre of gravity. She's flirting shamelessly and she doesn't even care because when Ben looks at her like _that_. Like he's about to push her down and run his tongue over every inch of flesh he can find, rational thought seems a pointless folly.

Ben laughs and Rey can feel it vibrating through her, "Naturally," he says like its the most obvious thing in the world. "Dad and I went to Bormea Cafe today," Ben starts but Rey cuts him off.

"Oh was Ash working? How is she?" Rey asks exuberantly, "Do you think gelato would last the drive up the mountain?"

"You were with Han?" Poe asks over Rey, his tone a little harsher then she would have liked, like there's something he's not telling her. Something they should all know.

Ben smiles at Rey, "Likely not," he tells her sadly before he looks over her head towards Poe who is sitting still as the grave at their table with his oolong getting cold. "Yeah, we had gelato,"

Poe balks, "Han had gelato?"

"Yeah and coffee, we had…" Ben's voice dies off as he loses himself in thought, "It was good." he finishes, a little unsure but still very ok, the ghost of a smile present as he turns a, "Why?" towards Poe.

"Did he tell you about Fett?" Poe asks quickly, a little bitterly as though Rey weren't there at all.

It's like watching two male gorillas beating on their chests trying to out do the other. Foolish and pointless but it's better then fighting, "Said he got my tires, Finn put them on this afternoon." Poe makes a face that doesn't sit well with Rey. Apparently it doesn't sit well wit Ben either because he's firing off a quick, "What, what didn't he tell me?"

Rey watches as Poe's expression softens some, he's looking at her with something akin to sadness washing over his features, "Fett is trying to extort Han. Apparently he knows Plutt and Plutts been asking a lot of questions."

Ben tenses beneath Rey's hold as she says, "He already knows where I work, what more could he want?"

"I don't know," Poe says softly, "Lots I'm sure but Han's been dealing with that."

"What a fucking mess," Ben grumbles, "Huxley wasn't home but I'll reach out to him later and see if he's been able to pull anything up." Rey nods as Ben pulls away, "Aways keeping secrets my old man." Ben states with an underlying tone of his own bitterness.

Poe cuts him a pointed stare, "He's trying his best man, back down a bit. He's worried you got enough on your plate." Poe's words are harsh but truthful, "He actually gives a shit, you're lucky even if you can't see it passed the nose on your face."

Anger flashes across Ben's features, then annoyance, then something like understanding and hurt. He doesn't respond to Poe, just looks down at Rey with a soft smile, "I'm going to go grab some things, I'll be back ok?" He's tilting her chin up with one hooked index finger, his lips descending upon hers softly. The kiss is brief but warm and filled with promises of things that may only be in Rey's imagination but they make her toes curl all the same. "You take care of her," Ben says as he points to Poe and pulls away oh so slowly.

She hates this feeling, that chill that slips in when his body separates from hers. He's like a walking furnace that also happens to be exceptionally good at kissing. There's barely a foot between them, their fingers still linked as Ben turns back on her without warning to swallow her lips in one more kiss as if he simply hasn't had enough. It's dizzying the effect he has on her but pleasant the way her body tingles after he's gone.

Settling back in to her seat across from Poe she is not immune to the incredulous look he's giving her. His eyebrows are raised into his hair line, lips quirked in a half smile as he slides his arms across his chest. "So… Ben…" He says knowingly and it's all Rey can do to keep the broad grin off her face.

Her finger tips linger on her bottom lip a moment, the feel of him lingering and oh so sweet, like strawberries and something rich. "You don't get to judge," Rey comments softly, "Show me the damn ring,"

Poe chuckles shaking his head slowly, "Ohhhh no no, we're hashing this one out." he says evenly, his words soft but his posture a little uneasy. He's a mix of emotions Rey just can't figure out which ones. "That was… intense." The lilt in Poe's voice denotes his curiosity but he leaves that commentary at a minimum, encouraging Rey to share what feels too private to expose. Ben sort of did that for them though, not that she was complaining, it was delightful to be kissed in such a way almost as though he was claiming her in the eyes of the public.

"Mmmm," Rey answers, finally allowing her finger tips to drop to the table. The smile is still there, stretching her mouth wide, painfully so. When her work day began she'd been excited about tacos and now? Now she's excited about everything that might come after.

"Are you two hooking up?" Poe asks a little more seriously, as though he might start to point out all of the ways in which that could blow up in her face.

"No," Rey responds almost dreamily. She's reaching for a biscuit to give her hands something to do. She's restless and Poe's watching her and it all seems so real and raw and will he even understand? "No we haven't," she can't admit it, she can't say _it_. She's such a child but admitting they haven't slept together when it's now all she can think about is like standing next to a fire with a handful of fireworks and hoping for the best. "He's been a perfect gentleman Poe. You can report that back to the powers that be."

Poe makes a noise that sounds half scoff half flustered intake of air, "He's suppose to be helping you, watching out for you,"

"And he is," Rey counters, he watched her dancing this morning and he helped her get rather hot and bothered adding some scandalous images to her mental file of self assisted materials. "Ben's actually not a bad guy, he just doesn't warm up easily,"

Rey doesn't miss the way Poe mutters, "_Seems to have warmed up to you just fine_," under his breath casting his gaze to the floor in order to avoid Rey's agitated glare. "I'm just worried about you,"

"Ben is not what you need to be worried about," She knows it doesn't matter how many times she says it, Poe simply isn't going to stop worrying. He's concerned which she adores him for but sometimes being treated as the kid sister all the time gets really old. She's a grown woman, she has _needs_ god damnit. She wants great sex and an orgasm thats going to leave her boneless, breathless and sore. It's tempting to tell Poe just that but not with look he's giving her. She's can see he's actually quite concerned and it kills her to think Ben makes him feel like Rey isn't safe.

"Look, I'm not worried about him putting his hands on you…" he pauses as he rethinks his wording. Ben has _obviously_ already had his hands on Rey, "I should say, I'm not worried his anger would ever touch you. He's a totally different person when he's with you. I see that, I get that." albeit begrudging Rey is sure. "I'm just concerned about where this goes."

"What do you mean?" Rey asks softly, almost as though she's been scolded.

Poe lets out a rough sigh, "You're getting attached," it sounds like an accusation but Rey soon sees it for the warning it is, "What's going to happen when he goes back to his marines? What are you going to do then?" Rey doesn't like thinking about that. Armitage has already made the same point and it left her feeling unsettled and anxious. She'd thought at the time that those feelings were attributed to the other circumstances surrounding her but hearing Poe say it out loud? Having someone else draw attention to their inevitable predicament? It makes Rey feel wrong inside. Like pouring cold water over burning coals, filling her head with steam and fear.

"I…" She begins, but her words fall away, swooped up by the chatter of the cafe patrons around them.

"You…" Poe challenges, he's being cold and he knows it. He maybe sorry for it but he's playing the voice of reason. Rey hates when he does this because more often then not he's usually right. "You… you're falling Rey." His words are lost on her a moment as she blinks wide eyed and strange at her roguishly handsome companion. His dark eyes are soft, like pools of dark cocoa. He doesn't want to be saying these things. He doesn't even want to be having this conversation but Poe is older and wiser and he's seen her through so much worse. "For him Peanut. You're falling for _him_."

She's… no she's not. "Don't be an idiot," she tells him softly, "I can't be falling for him." she wants to tell him that _that_ part of her has never worked properly, that she doesn't know how to love anyone but those words fall short on her tongue leaving a bitter taste in their wake. "Poe, I've never, you know me."

"Snap?" Poe offers.

"What about him?" Rey isn't making the correlation. Is Snap suppose to mean something? "I can be disappointed I've been stood up, that doesn't mean I'm falling for someone."

Poe makes a noise that reeks of disbelief before saying, "Regardless,"

But no, no Poe opened that door, Rey wants to walk through it, "No, not regardless. Snap was some play boy who was very good at mind games. I never knew where I stood. If it was just a fuck that's fine, I was ok with that but the dates and the dinners and the ghosting. That was bullshit so yeah I got upset. I liked him sure but I was _not_ falling for Snap. I think I'd know if I was falling for someone."

The look Poe gives her is sad and almost pitying, "Sweetheart, I don't think you would." His words sting but they ring of truth. She's never known _love_, just a pelvic connection. She loves Poe. She loves Finn, and Jannah, and Han, and Leia… She knows she loves them but thats not being in love. She isn't really sure what that's suppose to_ feel_ like.

"I haven't known Ben long enough," she scrambles, "You don't fall for someone that quick, it's just a hormones that your body produces making you think you're all twitterpated."

Poe laughs jovially as he rubs his hand along the back of his neck, "Alright there Friend Owl," he teases lightly, "I'm just saying. I've never seen you this gone on a guy. Leave room for the possibility that there is something more then puppy love happening. What if its real? What if it's _real_ and he leaves?"

Words fail her because truthfully she doesn't know. Poe has his finger pointed in her direction, his mouth parted as if to say '_ahhh gotcha there_,' because he does and she knows it. "All I'm saying is, have the conversation because sex with feelings is not the same as sex with lust, or sex with friendship. It's not like having a cupcake and just adding sprinkles. It's more like trying to change the flavour of the cupcake half way through baking," his stomach grumbles and Poe scrunches his nose, "Now I want cupcakes."

Rey doesn't want to talk about this anymore, she doesn't want to think about it either. She was happy to think her evening may have consisted of teenager style making out, heavy petting and the possibility of one of the best orgasms she's ever had in her life. She's built Ben up to be some wanton sex God but with a mouth like that, with the way he talks when he's the slightest bit aroused… It would be shocking if his mouth was writing checks his dick couldn't cash. Now the thought of it leaves her feeling hallow. Gone is the warmth that had burbled up within her belly. She wants to punch Poe for ruining this for her but she can't get passed the fact that he was simply speaking out of a need to protect her heart.

"Are you going to show me the ring or not?" She almost bark causing Poe to look unabashedly taken aback. Guilt floods through her instantly, her face softening as she takes a moment to compose herself. Her lips pressed between her teeth, she pinches at the flesh harshly trying to contain the moisture that builds up at the corners of her eyes. "Sorry," the word falls breathlessly from her lips and she finds it hard to look Poe in the eye.

Instead of scolding her or giving her grief Poe simply digs around in the pocket of his black sports coat. When he pulls out the small black box Rey's heart swells a little in her chest. Poe looks happy, more then happy really. He's elated and glowing with a vibrancy that one gets when they love someone so entirely. "I had them make it out of a bumper," Poe explains as he rests his elbow against the table and presents the box. While it sounds a little funny to Rey she's sure it makes perfect sense to Poe and it isn't long before he's explaining. "Our first job together, like the very first project we worked on."

Rey can't help but say, "I wouldn't think you work on many together, you being in the aero pit and all."

Poe chuckles, "Yeah, you're right there but Finn asked for help on something, it was before we started dating, you might not even have started yet. It was this old beat up caddie that Han was nuts over. Everyone was on lunch and Finn was trying to get the bumper off. She was rusted to shit but my god she was glorious." Poe smiles as he follows the memories fondly, "He was huffing on the thing when I came through looking for Han and at first I just watched him. It was comical to see him struggle but then it was just sad. Long and short we busted up the bumper real bad. Han chewed us both out and we put it on the wall in the shop as a reminder."

"So… you had it made into a ring?" It still sounds a little odd to Rey but then again she's not the one who's head over heels.

With a half shrug of sorts Poe edges the box towards Rey encouraging her to take it, "Just look," He tells her, urging her to open the box and see for herself. The hinge is sticky and new, it hitches as she opens it wide and the light over head catches the ring in question. It's black around the edges, "Tungsten," Poe explains with a nod, but the centre is vibrant and silver, like the polished chrome of an old car. "The band itself is tungsten but the overlay is meted down from a piece of the bumper. Han thought it was a good idea."

Rey chuckles softly as she turns the box around and around in her hand. "He would," she comments lightly as she examines the ring closely. Along the inside are the words '_all in_' simple and to the point but full of meaning for both Finn and Poe she's sure.

When she hands the box back with a resounding click Poe stuffs it conspiratorially back into his pocket. He pats it flat as he settles her with sad sort of grin as he says, "You deserve it too you know."

She's never said it out loud before but somehow hearing Poe confirm it makes Rey a little uneasy, "I don't know if thats my life Poe," she says softly. In her pocket her phone chimes and her heart beat skips in the hope of seeing Ben's name light up across its screen. No such luck. It is however Han, "Good news, Bespin's Finest is ours we just need a date?" Her phone chimes again and another message slides up beneath the last, Han again, "Han says leave the alcohol and refreshments to him and Leia, they have a caterer they use and we just need to take care of entertainment and guest list." Rey makes a huh noise as she looks up at Poe, "That was easy."

And yet Poe looks unbelievably nervous, "I'm doing this."

"You're doing this," Rey confirms, "I need to see someone prove that Happily Ever After is really a thing in this world Poe. No pressure or anything but well, you got this."

Poe gives a sharp nod, affirming, "I got this," and Rey can't help but reach out and squeeze his hand. Moments pass when all the do is smile at one another, it's awkward and a little goofy but the excitement is too much to contain.

"Ouuuu I'm so excited! I better get to be a best man!" she declares, happily rubbing her hands together.

When Poe laughs this time there's a relaxed nature to it that Rey is more then happy to see again, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

The evening sky has gotten dark making it harder to see the outside world through the glow of the indoors. A car's headlights flicker off on the other side of the window and Rey can see Ben sitting in drivers seat of her Honda, her Hulk bobblehead wobbling on the dash as Ben gives it a sharp tap and a smile. "Rides here," Poe says almost sadly, "Just remember what I said please," He's drawing up to his feet as Rey follows suit and he helps her into her jacket.

"Ok _Dad_," she mocks before adding with a grin, "Will you and Poe adopt me when you're married?"

"We couldn't afford the cost to feed you," Poe jokes which earns him a swat as Rey's knuckles collied with his upper arm. "Come on, don't want to keep prince charming wad-ohhhh shit" Rey is adjusting her collar wrapping her cream and blue coloured blanket scarf around her neck so she doesn't see what catches Poe's eye. "Is that Snap? thaaaaat's Snap."

"What? where?" As Rey looks out the window she see's the outline of Snap Wexley as he makes his way towards Rey's car. Silver Honda's are a dime a dozen but Rey's pretty sure hers is the only one with a hand made Scandinavian Gnome sitting on the dash. It's bright blue hat stitched with stars makes it eye catching for sure and Snap is headed right for Ben.

"Shiiiit, shit, Fuck." Poe is muttering to himself, pushing passed Rey, "He wasn't happy when I told him to leave you alone. Shit Ben is going to flatten him."

"Maybe it'll be fine," Rey finds herself musing but she's not sure if she believes it for an instance. She half wonders if she should't stay out of sight her presence will surely only make the situation worse.

"Rey come on! I'm worried Ben's going to kill him if Snap tries to start something!" Poe has her by the hand and is pulling her forward now. Surely this won't be that big of a deal, Ben doesn't even know who Snap is. Snap doesn't know who Ben is but Snap's steps seem a little stilted and if He's been drinking.

"Fuck." Rey utters throwing a few bills down on the table. They thank Junior quickly and Poe is pulling Rey out the door.

Why can't things ever be easy?

* * *

_Am I addicted to drama? I may be addicted to drama... The poor babies, will they ever catch a break? Yes, yes they will because this is a Happily Ever After kind of story damnit! Just with drama until that point. There's some sweet happy comforting times a head though friends and some sexy times too. Oh and more drama but Poe's gonna propose! _  
_Thanks again for all the lovely feed back, I love the honesty and yes I really could use a beta reader, I never really thought about it because I didn't think this story would take on such a life of its own. It was meant to be an exercise in controlling my words which as I've stated Im failing miserably at but now it's a little bit more then that. Thank you for sticking with me through the typos and mistakes darlings. Your thoughts and comments mean the world to me. xo_


	18. Chapter 18

In retrospect Snap Wexley is not what one might consider a great guy. Maybe to some, he's good, or passably pleasant but he's a flawed man who makes many, many stupid decisions. Like this one for instance. He's marching over to Rey's car like a man with a purpose, a man with something to get off his chest. Whether or not he knows it's not Rey in the driver's seat will remain a mystery because Snap has never been the most observant human being.

The evening air is chilly as Poe pulls Rey through the door of Ackbar's. He hasn't bothered to zip up his coat but Rey finds herself eternally grateful for the fact that she has. Her fingertips sting with the cold November air and she has to pull her hand free from Poe's to shove them in her pockets. This is the absolute last thing she wants to be doing right now. Snap is a fool and a mean drunk if he has in fact been drinking so the thought of facing him leaves her more then a little nervous.

His aggression never really scared her, not the way Ben's has. Snap is more like a little boy who doesn't get his way than a man on a mission to punish. That doesn't mean she likes putting up with it, it just means that she doesn't worry he'll cause any major harm. Ben on the other hand. While his temper has definitely toned down, Rey isn't entirely convinced he would keep his cool if provoked.

"Snap! Hey buddy, what are you doing?" Poe calls out before Snap has the chance to really close in Rey's car. She can see Ben's head turn in their direction and she can't help but hope he'll stay where he is.

Snap's voice sounds off as he calls out, "Dameron?" and Rey can see he's squinting as he peers towards them. It's exactly the prompt he needs to alter his track as Snap's feet begin to take him in their direction, "Rey?"

Her name sounds wrong coming from his mouth, there's a hope there that's unwarranted and makes her skin crawl. "Hey, Snap," she offers lamely but Poe has his body positioned between her and the now obviously drunk Wexley as he approaches.

"What-er you two doing?" he calls as he lumbers forward, "How come you won't answer my texts?"

Rey wants to tell him he's an egotistical jackass but Poe speaks before she has a chance to, "I told you to leave her alone buddy," Poe warns softly but Snap is in front of them now and he's hovering over Poe his dark eyes menacingly agitated. "You been drinking?" rhetorical question, the answerably now is obvious, "Where's Ello? Wes? Deckard?"

"Back at Corinna's," He answers, his tongue drawing over his lower lip as he seems to size Rey up over Poe's shoulder. Corinna's is a bar that a lot of pilots tend to flock to. Corinna herself was once military and has always had a no bullshit attitude with a love for a good rowdy story. It's like coming home for a lot of them but with more alcohol and less common sense. Han hates it there.

"Annnnnd why aren't you with them?" Poe asks casually, his tone easy but he's reaching out behind him, his palm bumping into Rey's thigh as he motions to hold her back.

Snap's eyes go wide, he's scrubbing his hand over his round cheeks and well-tailored facial hair as if he's trying to gain some piece of common sense, "Is that what this is then?" he asks almost incoherently. He's gesturing between Rey and Poe as if there's something to see as if he knows a secret they haven't been let in on.

Poe cocks his head but Rey can see the way Snap's brain tumbles from irrational thought to irrational thought like a Plinko chip bouncing around until it falls into one of many incredibly wrong possibilities. "He thinks we're together," Rey whispers causing Poe to snap back and look at her.

"What?" he cries, but they both know it's ludicrous. They both know what Poe has hidden in his pocket waiting for the right moment. "Oh no no, buddy, no." Poe chides but Snap is taking a few steps further, there's barely a foot between him and Poe now and Rey can smell the alcohol off of him, pungent and suffocating. "No, Rey and I are just friends."

"Where's Finn then?" Snap asks and it's a valid question. Rey and Poe are seldom together without Finn but it's hard to plan a birthday party for someone when they're sitting right across from you. The truth wouldn't matter even if Snap could see it spelled out in front of him. He's not thinking clearly and has been coming up with his own conclusions this whole time. People are dangerous when they're like this, singularly focused and fuelled by drink.

Somewhere in the background a car door slams and Rey can see Ben stalking towards them. His long legs pull him casually in their direction as he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his soft leather jacket. He doesn't say anything but when her eyes meet his she knows he's picked up on her apprehension. Something in his posture changes, his feet carrying him a little quicker, with a little more intent until he finds himself wound passed Snap and at Poe's side. His hand slides through the loop of Rey's arms, the warmth of it a comfort at her back, "You ok?" he asks softly and Rey doesn't know if she should nod or shake her head because honestly this situation is stupid and unnecessary and she just wants to go home. When she doesn't answer Ben's eyes narrow glancing to Poe who looks visibly tense and then Snap who's mouth has fallen open and is gaping like a fish.

"This guy then?" Snap snaps and Rey can see the way Ben's jaw tightens. "Really?"

"Who are you?" Ben asks with the air of someone tired of the situation already.

Snap simply turns on Ben, "Who the fuck are you?" he bites and she can hear as Poe lets out a groan of nervous frustration.

Ben however is completely unfazed as he offers Snap his name, just his first name because fuck him, he doesn't need to know any more than that. Ben's hand is rubbing soft comforting circles around her back when he asks, "And, now you know my name, who are you?"

The look on Snap's face would be comical if it weren't for the fact that Rey knows how mouthy he can get when he's been drinking. "Snap Wexley," He offers with a confidence that seems a little out of place because Ben's eyebrows are now raised and he looks a little like he's going to laugh.

"This, this is Snap?" Ben asks with a grin, he's looking at Rey as though he can't quite figure it out. "This guy ghosted you?" The tone in his voice speaks volumes for his opinion on the matter. In Ben's eyes Rey is the catch and Snap is lucky to have been allowed to even know her. Maybe he's trying to make her feel better, maybe he thinks it's true but Snap doesn't seem to think it's funny at all.

"I'm a busy man," Snap offers as though he's trying to explain himself but no one buys it. Ben simply shakes his head as he extracts himself from Rey's side.

Poe is watching cautiously as Ben slips his hands back into his pockets and uses his body as a blockade effectively stopping Snap from getting anywhere near Rey. "Look, guy," Ben says easily, "I don't care how busy you are, you don't have a girl like Rey take interest and then just fuck off. Someone else is going to scoop her up, you had to know that."

Snap looks like he wants to say something, he's working his lips together agitatedly before scrunching his nose, "Fuck this," he cries, "You want her, have her. I've got no patience for a woman who doesn't respect my time."

Anger boils up from within and before Rey has time to think she's pushing passed Poe, the easier of her two sentinels, "Excuse me?" she barks and Poe is groaning again, his hand on Rey's shoulder, "No, fuck this, seriously? You want to play that card?" Warmth floods her body like a steady tap filling a bathtub. Months and months worth of unanswered texts and broken plans line her mind, "I don't respect your time? really?" her laugh is bitter and cold but she presses on before he has the chance to respond, "Do you even know how many times you've texted me after the fact to tell me you can't make it? Let me fill you in it's over ten at this point and you know what? That's just rude!"

"Ok Peanut, you've said your piece," Poe chides giving Rey's shoulder a light tug.

No, this is it, this is her catharsis, she's been owed this and goddammit she's taking it, "I've given you my time, more then you deserve. You think because you fly that makes you some kind of god? Guess what it doesn't." Snap looks like he's been visibly struck which only eggs her on, "I've changed my work schedule, I've made myself pretty, I've cooked god damn beautiful meals and you? You just fuck off like my time means jack shit to you."

"I'm a pilot Rey, I fly private, I have to be able to go at the drop of a hat. I don't expect someone who just touches people for a living to get that."

"Ohhhh fuck no," Poe mumbles and Rey can feel his grip on her shoulder tighten, "Snap, maybe not the wisest there friend."

There's always a moment where anger turns to rage. A tipping point if you will where a reasonable person goes from rational to irrational. Rey has always prided herself on her ability to stay rather impartial to things. She doesn't usually let her temper get the best of her despite how high her emotions may run. She's levelheaded, she's logical, she's also damn proud of her chosen vocation in life so when someone belittles the one thing she's most passionate about? Well, that's an area that causes Rey the balanced and enlightened human being to become a little… unbalanced.

"Excuse me," she seethes and Poe is looking to Ben as though asking for help. "Are you fucking kidding me? You arrogant fuckwit! You think because some asshole with a lot of money has hired you to be his own personal air-cabbie that means your time is more important than mine?" Ben makes a noise that sounds like a stifled laugh as Poe's grip on her shoulder disappears, "I make people feel better, I make people happy, I help them heal and you with your belittling condescension can't take that away from me. I won't let you."

"You're essentially a whore without the perks," Snap says viscously and this time it's Ben who reacts.

"You owe the lady an apology," he demands, "That was uncalled for even if you are piss drunk." Still his hands remain in his pockets, his shoulders set in a firm line but that anger? That rage? It's blissfully absent. Poe has allowed himself to relax some as he lets Ben take the forefront on this one. Rey wants to put her hands around Snap's throat and squeeze the life right out of him. Her heartbeat hammers in her mind making her dizzy and giving her a headache. His words shouldn't affect her like this but it's so tiring having to defend your profession when people simply can't pull their heads out of their own asses. Truthfully its one in twenty who make snide comments but after years of training and experience it's no less biting to have someone treat you like all you do is rub lotion on people's skin. Especially if that person happens to be Snap Wexley.

"Fuck you," Snap bites but Ben has himself drawn just a little taller, his posture just a little stiffer.

"No," he says evenly but then there's a pause. Ben looks like he wants to say a great many things. His pupils dilate and Rey can see the muscles of his arms shift beneath the light leather of his jacket. For a split second she's worried he's going to explode and then? Then he smiles. "I should thank you really, your fuck up allowed me to get to know Rey," ohhhh this wasn't going to go well. Rey suddenly wishes Ben would shut up but no, of course he keeps talking, "You fucked up, live with it. She deserves better than some drunk pilot who can't stick to his word."

If Ben's goal was to provoke Snap it was working. Rey watches as Snap clenches and unclenches his fists. He's staring a hole in Ben that could cut diamond as though mulling over exactly what he wants to say. As though he's looking for the words that will hurt the most before settling on, "Fuck it, man, you can have her she's a piss poor lay anyway."

Rey's so angry she can't form the words as Poe whispers, "Just ignore him."

Ben on the other hand just smirks, "I doubt that was her there friend," he quips lightly, "It's been my experience women exceed expectations when given the proper equipment to work with. Maybe you better take a long look in the mirror before you start throwing those stones."

At that moment two things happen. The first; Rey steps forward pushing Ben back a little to stop him from making the situation any worse. They just need to let Snap go so they can move on with their evening. The second; Snap rears his fist back and takes a swing at Ben. The problem is, with Rey now in front of Ben, it's Rey who takes the brunt of the impact.

Snap's the kind of guy who looks like a giant teddy bear but people often underestimate his ability to hold his own. He'd been captain of the wrestling team in high school and plays pick up football on weekends when he's home. Sure he enjoys food a little more than the average bear but when Snap throws a punch he's capable of putting some power behind it. Against an opponent like Ben? He definitely isn't about to hold back either.

It happens quickly, so fast Rey barely has time to register whats happened. Her body collides with Ben's whose arms are around her instantly holding her stable. Her cheek burns, and throbs and her teeth feel like she's just licked a nine-volt battery. Everyone's moving around her and all she can do is blink. Ben's hands have her, large and warm against her shoulders now and he's peering down at her his features etched with concern. Poe is somewhere offside and he's yelling, _really_ yelling but Rey can't make him out because all she can hear is this strange shrill ringing and is her nose bleeding?

Ben's mouth is moving but no sound hits her ears. She tries to read his lips but they're his lips, full and soft and so incredibly kissable that all she can do is giggle softly. With a shaky hand she tries to touch them but Ben is frowning and he's trying to hold her fingers halting their search. The lights around them twinkle in strange patterns, bright yellows and blues that glitter and sparkle but still where is that ringing sound coming from?

Ben's hands are touching her face now, his fingertips light as they brush against her cheek. It's sweet but dear god it hurts. Rey wiggles her eyebrows and stretches her face but the motion aches and her skin feels tight against the movement.

Snap is gone, or he's leaving she can't quite tell but Poe is still there and he's yelling at Ben. At least it sounds like he's yelling because all she can hear is the buzz of his voice over the shrill ringing but he doesn't sound happy.

It takes a moment or two before the world starts to come back into focus. Her hearing comes and goes, words getting softer and louder as though listening to them talk from a wide but empty hallway. "Why'd you egg him on like that?" Poe cries and he's pushing Ben away. Ben who is warm, Ben who is firm, Ben who makes her feel better.

"How could you ever encourage her to date him?" Ben bites back but he doesn't respond physically. Up close Rey can see his shoulders tighten, his need to respond nearly visceral. When Poe pushes Ben again he straightens up and he's not right there anymore. Rey whimpers at the loss of him as he turns his attention on Poe, "I really suggest you not do that," Ben says with an even stillness that is eerily calm. "For her sake I'm trying _really_ hard not to react but if you don't get out of my face…"

"You'll what, hit me?" Poe barks.

Ben takes one level breath and then another before he responds, his words careful and dry, "You want to talk about hitting people? Really?" Poe doesn't respond which is probably for the best, "I need to get her home." Ben says softly and his fingers are back, tracing the line of her jaw that is desperately sore and starting to feel swollen.

"Her home," Poe says petulantly.

"What?"

"Her home, not your home, hers." Poe clarifies.

With narrowed eyes Ben picks through Poe's meaning, "Why would I take her to my… oh I see. What is this, are you afraid I'm going to take her from you? That you'll lose her to _someone_ like me?"

Rey's knees start to buckle as she wavers slightly and Poe says, "I'm worried you're going to destroy her." Not hurt, not leave, _destroy._ The implications are real and heavy and they hurt her ears though that may also be that godawful ringing that's only now starting to die down in pitch.

"You can't treat her like a child," Ben says softly, "She deserves a little more credit then you give her. She's stronger than that."

Her boys, they're fighting again, her boys that care, her boys that love her. Rey giggles as she sways some and Ben's body becomes a wall or warmth holding her steady. Her thoughts are stunted and come together in pieces as though rolled in flour and incapable of finding a connection. "You don't know her," Poe tells Ben and Rey wants to argue that maybe he does, "What is she to you? some challenge until you can get deployed again? See if you can make her fall for you and then leave, game over?"

Poe needs to shut up, she can't hear this anymore and her head hurts to bad she could cry. Is it the pain though? Is that all that is? Everyone seems to have such a better grasp on what's going on than she does, everyone seems to know better. It's hard to trust your own feelings when your friends are constantly second-guessing or putting little pieces of doubt into your mind. Ben doesn't argue though, he doesn't say anything he just stares at Poe as though he wants nothing more then to punch him square in the nose. Probably for the best he doesn't, Poe has managed to avoid surgery once another strike to the face and he might not be so lucky.

"Have a good night Dameron," Ben finally says darkly and his hand is at Rey's elbow gently as he leads her towards her car. Once he has her settled Ben climbs inside and sits. The air is cool but it warms quickly as Ben starts the Honda. His hand lingers on the keys a moment longer, the other hand grasping the steering wheel a little tighter and Rey just sits in the silence of it. Ben hadn't argued with Poe, he hadn't told Poe he was wrong he just stood there. She'd been so sure that her friends didn't know what they were talking about that Ben would never be that person but how well did she really know him? Didn't he tell her that he liked her?

"Rey…" he starts, the way he says her name is like a plea, so soft almost questioning but she doesn't have the heart to hear it.

"I want to go home," she mumbles, her voice coming out weakened and defeated as she presses the warmth of her tender cheek against the cool glass of the passenger side window. The cold feels marvelous dulling the bite of the impact just enough that she can relax just a little.

Ben doesn't try again, he simply pulls away and leads the car out of the city. He has the music on low but she can hear he's been listening to Queen. Track after track passes but all Rey can think about is how this will all end. Ben has a meeting coming up soon, he's got a job he has to get back to. He'll be deployed again and it'll be like he was never there. Only he was there, he _is_ there. He's there for idle conversation over supper, he's there to bring wood in for a fire, he's there to laugh at her bad jokes. He's there to be present in the silence as they sit comfortably in one another's company or help her when she decides at ten in the evening that she wants to make a cake. Ben is there and he's so much more than just the guy who keeps an eye on her. He's the smile in the morning that tells her she's beautiful or the sweet, 'good night' that makes her wonder how she ever lived without it before.

For nearly her entire life Rey has felt as though she was existing with pieces of herself missing. Pieces that Ben seems to have found and picked up and cherished, slowly putting them back piece by painstaking piece. Was she really just a game? Something to pass the time? Could he really be that callous?

As the scenery changes and the window warms beneath her cheek her mind shifts and rational focus takes a hold. The dizzying feeling of possible concussion slips away leaving Rey feeling cold, sore and a little empty. She was sure Ben was so much more then what the others saw of him. Wasn't he? Or was she so broken she projected her deep-seated need for love onto the first set of pretty eyes who'd been nice to her? This was the problem with hope, it snuck in when you least expected it and inflated the irrational. Rey knows she's a good person, she knows there are likable things about her but maybe just not loveable. Maybe not the forever kind.

When Ben pulls into the driveway the silence is deafening. Her body aches in a way that feels sharp and cutting. Ben busies himself with a few bags from the trunk while Rey fishes out her keys and makes to unlock the door. BB is dancing on the other side and bolts out into the wilderness the minute there's enough space for him to move. The evening sky is dark and bright, the moon nearly full, the stars glimmering but the air is still and dead. _Storms coming_ she thinks as she takes a soft sniff at the air. There's a light breeze that kisses her face making the burn of Snaps' touch feel lessened. BB is off doing his business as Ben slips behind her and into the house. "I'll get things ready for tacos," he tells her softly but she wants to tell him not to bother. She isn't in the mood, she doesn't know if she could eat if she tried at this point. Instead she nods and once he's inside, the porch light on for comfort Rey closes the door shutting out the sounds of his movements.

Just a little space, that's all she needs, time to process, to get things in order. She's allowed herself to get to close to the man she has been warned about. She's gotten attached which she knows she shouldn't. His presence promises to be her undoing but she doesn't know at this point if she could do without it. While she waits for her faithful canine to finish his business she finds an Adirondack chair and perches on the edge of it, her hands buried deep within her pockets. BB is kicking at leaves which means he's nearly done but Rey isn't sure she's ready to go inside just yet.

When BB emerges from the woods with a rather large tree branch in his mouth she can't help but smile. It's unfortunate really that the motion causes her such discomfort but honestly Rey doesn't know that she'll be doing much more of that tonight. As he approaches, his hips swinging, tail lifted behind him Rey meets his soft head with the palm of her hand. He's her savior in moments like this. His nose nudges her wrist begging for her attention but it's more than that. He's showing her he's there, that he'll be there as he slumps down to sit on his hips at her feet, pressed hard against her legs. Petting him has always been soothing, his long fur soft and warm beneath her fingers as she scratches down his chest and presses her cheek, the not sore one, against the top of his head. For a minute she feels the warm bite of emotion creeping into her throat, that telltale sign that tears will follow if she's unable to get herself under control. It's almost painful the way it claws at her throat begging to be released. She presses her cheek harder against BB's head and takes in a slow and shaky breath before the first tear falls. It's one is joined by another and then another as she wraps her arms around BB and lets herself weep.

It's unclear how long she sits there for, her eyes puffy and hot from crying but eventually Ben comes out onto the porch. The smell of seasoned beef wafts from the open doorway as Ben stands there staring at her back. She can't look at him now, she doesn't have the strength and it's undetermined whether or not he deserves her tears. She wants to think that he does but how would she know? This thing between them has been defined and analyzed by everyone else, but not by them. So, he's said a few pretty words? So he's kissed her like she's life itself? Maybe he's just really good at manipulating the facts. Addicts are good at that after all aren't they? The minute she thinks it she feels horrible and Ben's voice is there asking her if she needs anything, an ice pack? a cupcake? he'd even gone back to Bormea and picked up a few slices of cheesecake and some brownies.

Why was this so confusing? Surely she wasn't making this all up in her head? The way picked up on her needs, the things that make her happy. She could just ask him, wouldn't that be easier?

Instead she tells him she's ok, that she'll be in in a moment and when the door clicks shut she lets out the heavy rasping breath she'd been holding in. It takes a few minutes to compose herself but soon enough she's scrubbing at her cheeks, lightly, well one cheek really the other is far too tender to touch and she's calling BB inside with her.

The house is filled with the scent of taco seasoning and the sound of James Arthur who has been Rey's most recent vocal obsession. Ben has his back to the door cutting up what look to be orange peppers so he doesn't seem to notice Rey as she slips through the doorway. The scene before her is too much, too endearing. Here is this beautiful man making her one of her favorite meals, he's picked up her favorite treats and he's put on her favorite songs. She can't be here, she can't do this. Her heart aches within her chest as she slips off her shoes and quietly makes her way to the stairs that lead to her bedroom loft. She's almost made it too when one of the stairs creaks beneath her feet. Ben's eyes find her in an instant, taking in her wrecked state of being. Part of her wants to throw herself into his arms and beg for the comfort her soul so desperately needs. Another part of her wants to pretend this isn't happening and disappear into her bedroom and just go to bed. But, Ben doesn't say anything he just watches her. Setting the knife down he wipes his hands on a towel hanging over the handle on the stove door.

When he moves, it's not smooth or calculated like his steps usually are, he's hesitant and questioning. "Tacos will be ready in about ten minutes," he says but he sounds more like a child and less like fierce marine that she knows him to be, "Hope you're hungry," he adds and she feels it again, that clawing burn that rips into her throat making her want to cry all over again. She knows if she opens her mouth, if she dares to try and speak he'll catch it. He'll see the cracks and she doesn't think she could bear that right now. She doesn't want pity, she doesn't want him to think he can't leave if he needs to if he _wants_ to. Instead she just shakes her head and slips up the stairs with BB at her heels.

She can hear him downstairs as he continues to cook. He packs away the cut up veggies and drains the beef before placing it too in a Tupperware container to store it in the fridge. He's cleaning up when Rey locks herself in the bathroom and the pain of it overtakes her. She can't look herself in the mirror, she's too afraid of what she'll see so instead she shuts the door and slides down against it, resting her head on the hollow wood. She stays there a while before she draws herself a bath and slips inside. The warm water feels like a balm against her emotionally weary body. She soaks until her body prunes and then hops in the shower to rinse off and wash her hair. When she's ready to get out, a towel wrapped around her torso she swipes at the fog on her mirror. She's still not ready for the image that stares back at her. Despite all the water and the soap her eyes are still bloodshot and puffy. Her right cheek a mottled bruise of deep purples and reds that creep up into her eye socket and tuck around her nose. There's no way she'll be able to cover this up properly and so texts Amilyn with some story about a migraine and tells her she won't be into work the following day. She has two days off after the fact and surly to god after a couple of icepacks and some light flushing massage she should be able to bring the bruising down substantially. At least to the point that concealer won't make it look like she's trying to hide something.

After brushing her teeth and combing out her hair Rey makes her way back into her bedroom. The downside to a loft-style room is it's hard to ignore the rest of the house. Rey can hear Ben as he busies himself with the fire, bringing logs in from outside, and idly tidying up before he throws a load of laundry in the wash. She can't see him and he can't see her thankful so she crawls in bed on quiet footing and tries to fall asleep.

Her slumber is broken and filled with panic. Her sheets are a mess and her body coated in sweat when she wakes up for the fourth time. It's around three am and the house is eerily quiet. BB is laying at her side snoring away. He hasn't left her since she ascended the stairs in the first place. BB always seems to have a way of knowing what she needs when she needs it. He's always there, always present and warm and just for her, the one true love she's known in her lifetime.

As she lays in bed her mind begins to spin. Questions spill in with half-formed thoughts that make no sense and have no business filling up her mind. Snap and his foolishness, Poe and his accusations, Ben and his silence. How could she have done it again? How could she have allowed herself to become attached to someone who clearly doesn't want her as much as she wants them?

Sleep addled thoughts that make no sense keep her awake. Half-formed ideas that seem wise until she really hashes them out and suddenly she just feels desperate and stupid. She could show him maybe, show him she wants him to stay. Maybe if she gave him a reason, a reason to want her, a reason to be with her they could make it work even if he was deployed. She feels drunk, almost delirious as these thoughts tumble through her mind

It's unclear at which point these thoughts began to take on a life of their own but Rey soon finds herself outside Ben's doorway. He's asleep and the door is open, the light from the moon spilling in through the hallway window illuminating his sleeping form. He's much less graceful when he's unconscious, laying on his back wearing nothing more than a pair of sleep pants, a hand pressed over his chest. He has his head back against her crisp linens, his dark hair spread out around him, his mouth open just slightly. He snores, but not in the way that would be bothersome, its the soft inhalation of air that's both endearing and sweet. Rey traces the line of his lips, full and welcoming as she slips inside the threshold. In her head this is a good idea. In her head this makes sense.

When her knees find the bed which admittedly may be a little too small for a man the size of Ben Solo she expects him to stir. Her weight a divot in the mattress as she creeps up alongside him. His sheets have been pushed away leaving him bare but for his feet where the blankets hang and for a minute Rey wonders if she's going to lose her nerve.

Cupcakes and sprinkles dance through her mind as she reaches out for him, palming him through the front of his sleep pants. She keeps her touch light, softly stroking, almost encouraging as if to coax some life out of his sleeping form. He doesn't wake but shifts, turning his head away, his hand rubbing at his chest. It feels almost wrong to be approaching it in this way but she has to show him she's worth sticking around for. Most men would kill to have a woman wake them up like this wouldn't they?

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows this is one of the stupidest things she could possibly do. Rationally she should leave, go back to her bed and have a civil and frank conversation with him in the morning. Rationally that makes sense. Rey is a rational person so why is she acting so irrationally?

Maybe it's the need to prove her friends wrong. Maybe it's the sexual frustration from being so keyed up for so long. It's hard to say but this absolutely is not a good idea.

Why then can't she stop herself?

Growing a little braver Rey allows her fingers to press just a little firmer, encouraged by the stiffening she starts to feel beneath her hand. She's always been told she's good at this. Then again maybe that's just something men say when they're hoping to get a little more attention. Ben's body though, it's reacting to her touch like he's enjoying it. But isn't this wrong? Is she taking advantage of his kindness? What happens if he's not actually interested in her at all?

No, not with the way he'd kissed her, not with the things he's said. He may not want her the way she wants him but he's definitely interested in something a little more physical. Maybe he just wants a fuck, maybe he's really good at the long game and he's just in this for as much pussy as he can get.

That thought makes her insides ache but if she can just have a piece of that then maybe it'll be enough.

None of this makes any sense. She should leave.

Then he moans and the sound of it seeps into her bones. He sounds so perfect, so breathy but deep as the sheer size of him starts to fill her hand. The outline of him is impressive as she tucks her fingers into the waist of his pants and tugs just a little. It's not enough to completely expose him but it's enough to free the head of his cock. It's half-hard and waiting against his public bone nestled in a thatch of dark coarse curls. Her mind screams at her to abort, this isn't right. Just talk to him. But she needs to prove to him, he needs to see that she can be that girl. The girl, his girl.

Wetting her lips she leans forward and softly allows her tongue to graze the underside. His body shudders at the sensation but she can't stop now. No, finding her courage through his body's response she tugs a little lower until the elastic edge of his pants leaves him exposed completely. That wakes him.

She has her hand cupping the weight of his balls while she works his shaft lightly with the other. Her mouth is stretched wide over the girth of him as she hallows her cheeks and he groans. Sleepy and confused Ben's eyes open and it takes him a few minutes to really grasp what is happening but when he does his body goes rigid.

"Fuck," he groans out as Rey adjusts her jaw and allows her tongue to wriggle against him. Her lips meet her hand as she works them in tandem and Ben's hand is on her shoulder, "Rey - Fuck - Rey what are you? Rey -" still she continues using her tongue to swirl around the tip before she descends on him again, "Re- nggghh - Rey stop." It comes first as a plea, but then a demand and his fingertips feel like they could bruise. "I don't want - " And there it is.

Scandalized Rey pulls away, watching as Ben scrambles to pull himself back into his pants and force himself into a seated position. "Fuck," She sobs as rational thinking settles in around her and the reality of her actions take form before her very eyes.

"Rey, what are you doing?" Ben asks, his voice husky but firm as he reaches out for her but she pulls away as if his touch burns.

Her hands tremble as she wipes the saliva off her chin and holds her hand against her mouth in shock. She's a fool. She's such a god damn fool and her heart aches with the regret of it. It's dark but she can see Ben staring at her wide-eyed and looking for answers. He deserves answers but all she can do is cry. "I-I" she stammers but words seem pointless, "I'm sorry," she offers but it sounds lame even to her as she pushes back and off the bed. Her feet slip from beneath her and her backside hits the floor, hard leaving her to whimper. It's embarrassing, she's so stupid. _Why, why, why_ hammers through her head as she scrambles to her feet and down the hallway.

Ben doesn't come after her and she's not sure if that's a blessing or if it makes the situation worse but when she crawls back into bed her body feels like an empty void. There's nothing left to feel, the shame is gone, the fear is gone but so is everything else.

Sleep comes with the assistance of a pill and when she awakens the next morning that black void is there to greet her. She gets up, goes to the bathroom and can see as she makes her way back to her bed Ben has left a cup of coffee on the counter for her. He however is nowhere to be found. She can't do this today, her face is sore, her mind is a mess and everything in her feels dark and heavy. She can hear BB outside barking after squirrels as they taunt and tease him so Ben must be outside. Good. She doesn't think she can face him anyway. Not after last night, not after this morning. Instead Rey crawls under the covers and lets sleep overtake her. It comes easier this time, swallowing her up in its dark cool embrace.

* * *

_I'll be honest guys, I struggled with this one a bit. I didn't want to leave it on a depressing note but adding more would leave the chapter too long so this one is coming to you all as a twofer. I wrote this a few different ways and still always came back to the idea of her waking him up like that. It seemed childish and cheap until I wrote it the third time and really kind of got into that headspace. Without getting into the dark and dirty of it all, I wrote from a place of understanding so I hope you get it. You may not like it but I hope you can understand. Anyway, the next chapter will be up very shortly after this one because like I said I hadn't wanted to end it on a negative but the Snap scene flew out of my hands. It's on my list of plot pieces but it was meant to be quick, then Rey wanted to get some shit off her chest and who am I to stop a good rant. Love you all! xo_


	19. Chapter 19

It's days before Rey manages to drag herself out of bed. Ben has been there, he's come and left food at her beside which she picks at half-heartedly but he's never there when she wakes. Still that dark heavy feeling settles into her skin like an old friend who's come home to visit. She knows it well, her blanket of safety that she's used to winding around herself whenever she's afraid of getting hurt. Normally it was used as a defence mechanism when dealing with her uncle and his harsh words or the kids in school who would tease her about being poor or unloved. It's a blanket of night that blackens out the existence of things like hope and want and joy because sometimes there's no room for that when all you're trying to do is survive.

Ben doesn't scare her, not in the way she knows he should. He's soft and kind and warm and she's so broken it makes her heartache. He needs more than a woman who doesn't know how to love or be loved. It doesn't really matter though because she's pretty positive he doesn't feel the same way she does at this point.

Later in the afternoon she can hear him on the phone. It's hard not to listen in because he's right there but maybe he thinks she's asleep. She's been quiet after all, she_ knows_ how to be quite. He's talking to someone about work it sounds like. Or maybe it's his father she can't tell but he's not happy, he sounds nervous almost and that doesn't sit well. For the first time in days the flicker of something flutters through her lungs dousing her in warm water. She wants to reach out to him, to hold him but she'll never touch him again.

His words echo in her head,_ "I don't want…"_

The bruising in her face has come down some and the swelling is almost gone. It only aches a little when she touches it now and she tries hard to keep her hands away. The hours tick by and her phone goes off. Once, twice, three times and she knows messages are waiting for her. Messages from the last few days she just doesn't have it in her to check them.

At one point Ben heads in town. There's a note on the counter explaining he's gone in to get a few groceries and he's taken BB with him. The house is eerily quiet but it's comforting in a way that might even be a little unhealthy. The sun is high in the sky, the air cool and still. It hasn't broken yet, a sign of a storm coming the way the quiet swallows the world around her. The mountain will get it first if the clouds rolling in is any indication. They're heavy and almost black and the air tastes like rain. Maybe snow but it's not quite cold enough yet, not even at this altitude but soon, the world will be covered in a blanket of white. Soon the snow will fly and the world will be still and sleep until spring. Winter has always been Rey's favorite. She loves the way the world looks covered in white. All fresh and ready for new beginnings. She takes a quick walk around the property stretching her legs some after days spent in bed. Down along the path that Ben runs on a nearly daily basis her feet take her through heavy pine trees towards the sound of rushing water. She didn't bother grabbing a jacket but the tree cover protects her against the bite of the wind. Still she pulls her knit cardigan closer to her body folding her arms against her chest.

The river is high and quick, the water lapping at the bank as it surges downhill through rocky peaks and valleys. The sun makes the water twinkle as it bursts through the cloud cover and then disappears swallowed up by the impending darkness. The air is heavy and thick by the time she makes her way back home. She hopes Ben hasn't come back yet, preys she won't get trapped in that awkward conversation. Thankfully the house is still empty when she returns. There's still cheesecake in the fridge, Ben hasn't touched it. Part of her wants to indulge but another part, the part she should have listened too those few nights ago tells her something light would be better. She makes herself a grilled cheese sandwich with the fancy cheeses Ben picked up from the market. She'd mocked him a first but now they've become a staple in their… her home.

After a quick moment as a poor woman's Martha Stewart, Rey tidies up and leaves the pans in the drying rack. The only sign she's ventured down from her blanketed kingdom. She grabs a book off one of the shelves in her sun porch before treading back upstairs and making herself comfortable in her quiet hideaway. The rain starts not long after. The skylight in her bedroom littered with raindrops as they cascade to the earth. It's slow and steady at first but then the wind picks up and Rey can't help but hope that Ben gets back soon. Wind and rain on the mountain road are never a good combination and she needs him to be safe.

She falls asleep in her reading chair tucked away at the back of her room but awoken by the sound of Ben's voice. He's on the phone again talking to Hux this time if the cadence of his voice is any indication. He mentions someone named Ren and talks about his meeting again, the one that's coming up soon. Next week maybe? And then he's asking about Plutt. There's silence for some time and Rey wonders if he's gotten off the phone but then there's the soft sound of _'uh-huh'_ and _'yeah'_ and she knows he's listening to whatever it is Armitage has to say.  
"So, do we think it'll work?" Ben asks and Rey finds herself listening a little more intently. The silence that follows is painful but Ben is calm and that's a good sign. He doesn't say much from then on, he just listens to Hux on the other end of the line before that part of the conversation ends. After that, she hears Ben say, "I don't know man, I haven't seen her in close to three days… no I didn't do anything… no I'm quite sure."

There's that kick of pain again, the tremor of warmth as it flickers to life filling the void of darkness with deep-rooted suffering that makes her skin itch.

"I'm not calling Finn" Ben says before a sigh of frustration rolls through him, "Alright fuck it give me his number. No, no give me his number Huxley." There's a pause before Ben mumbles something that sounds an awful lot like,_ 'you're such a tawt'_ before since swallows the house.

To her surprise Ben calls Finn. There's no answer but the message he leaves on Finn's voice mail is awkward and sad. Still Rey doesn't have it in her to leave her room. The thought of looking him in the eye is viscerally painful. She can't handle the idea of rejection or the confusion she might see there.

After what feels like hours of listening to him mulling about and the rain hammering against the windows things finally go silent. When she makes her way over to her bed she can Ben sitting in the armchair by the hallway, his legs crossed and a book in his hand. It's the one spot in the house that affords any line of sight into her loft sanctuary but it's also one of the comfiest chairs in the house. Rey tries not to dwell on either fact too deeply as she lays down and just watches him. She's not sure if he's reading, he hasn't turned the page in what feels like forever. Instead he takes a steady deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair. She closes her eyes before he can notice her and when sleep swallows her consciousness it brings with it images of beautiful hazel eyes flecked with gold.

She can't escape him even in her sleep. He's there with that mouth, those lips and those comforting hazel eyes. He smiles at her, he takes her hand and just as he's about to kiss her his image morphs into something twisted and grotesque. Ben's hands are now Plutt's as he sneers at her as though she were the vilest thing he's ever experienced.

When he speaks it's Be's voice she hears, uttering things about being unloveable, about not being enough, _neve_r being enough. Worthless. Useless. Pathetic. Good for one thing and one thing only. A whore like her mother, the reason her grandfather disowned his only son. _Useless. Useless. Useless._ His hands clap in front of her face loud and booming causing her to shrink away. A car flipping on its side, a woman's scream. A man's feet as she stands on them laughing while he twirls her around. The smell of chocolate chips melted into pancakes and the sound of her mother's laugh. She can hear it as it echoes through her mind but then the sound of it is gone leaving the imprint of its echo. It's a thought, a feeling but even that's slipping away from her. It's one of the few memories she has left of her parents and it's slipping away.

She can't lose it, she won't. She's running down a dark corridor and lightning flashes all around her. Thunder rumbles turning into the vicious booming laugh of a man who's one joy in life has been her torture and humiliation. He holds her down, wrenches her arm behind her back and all she can hear is the disgusting grinding snap of bones breaking. He's dislocated her shoulder by doing this. Broken her wrist once too but this time it's everything in her body snapping and popping at once. He has her laid out as faceless men approach stroking themselves like animals. She can't see their erections, just the hazy outline, something rudimentary and crude as they approach her one by one with the intent to brand and claim. Her body is sticky and broken and that booming doesn't stop. A soft voice sings '_you are my sunshine_' and for one pure moment she feels important before her body feels like it's being violated.

Only good for one thing. Wanted for nothing more than the parcel between her legs. No one will love you, broken little gingerbread girl. The buttons on her dress are torn and she's fourteen again. The boys in school tell her they've heard she'll blow them if they buy her something nice. _Something pretty_. Rey's never even seen a penis before let alone touched one. They grope and pull and tell her she's not worth more than a hole to stick their dicks. No one will want her. _Unloved, unloved, unloved_.

The booming continues as lightning streaks across the darkened sky void of clouds or stars. It's blackness like she feels sometimes when she's alone. Spiraling darkness that feeds on joy and happiness. Ben's eyes watch her, pity her. His voice tells her he wants to know her, to know all of her then it laughs and he's walking away. Girls with low self-esteem are so easy to manipulate. It's not said but it's felt. Girls who crave love are easy targets. Never trust a pair of pretty eyes. A hand on her mouth leading her around, suffocating her scream as fingertips dig into her cheeks

Boom, Boom, Boom. The world around her splits open and she's awake. Her throat is raw and her body is coated in sweat. Her bedroom bleeds into focus. Someone sitting across from her, her bed dipping beneath the weight of another body. Panic settles in and she lashes out, she trashes and scratches and punches until her fists collide with something warm and solid and unyielding. There's a voice whispering softly that it's going to be ok. She's ok and another clap of thunder rumbles through the sky. Her body trembles as arms wind around her pulling her against a body she knows. The scent of him is there, sandalwood and bergamot and something like cinnamon.

He cradles her softly against him holding her uninjured cheek to his chest as he whispers soft reassurances in her ear. She clings to him without thought, his forearms firm beneath her fingers as she gropes and claws to keep him closer.

When he starts to rock her gently her body looses a sigh. Her eyes are wide and vacant her mind tumbling from one incoherent thought to the next. For a moment she wants to push him away but its fleeting swallowed up by a need to hold him so close their skin might meld together.

_I don't want, I don't want, I don't want_, echoes within her mind but it's contradictory to the way he's holding her, the way he's cradling her close. Maybe he's just being kind, maybe he's just fucking with her. _I want to know more of you then I have any right to_.

She collects his words like pieces of beach glass trying to make something beautiful out of something so worn away by time and rough handling. When the tears come it's in violent sobs and gasps for air. A delayed response to stress that has her hyperventilating and shaking so hard her teeth chatter. Her hands tremble as they cling to him and still he whispers words so soft and tender and sweet that she buries them into her heart so she can treasure them always. Even if it's not real, even if he doesn't want, for now she allows herself to feel the warmth of being loved. Because_ that_ is what this feels like.

As he cradles her into his lap, his fingers lose themselves in her hair and he's massaging at her scalp. Soft rotating circles around the base of her neck. She can feel his cheek against the top of her head as he whispers sweet nothings and kisses her crown. She wants this, she wants it so badly that it hurts to breathe. And, while it's nice in the heat of panic endure mania when the fog of her anxiety starts to lift and reality settles in Rey fears the pattern is destined to repeat itself.

She bounces back and forth between rational thought and irrational fear. Still, that woman's voice in her ear sings '_you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey_' and there's meaning there she just can't glean what it is. Plutt's meaty hands threaten to pull her back in and Rey's shaking her feet as though to scramble away.

"Don't leave," she mumbles almost incoherently, a pattern of words falling out of her mouth no more than a squeak, "Don't leave, don't leave."

"Shhhh," he soothes, his hands like dinner plates petting and stroking her hair, "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

But the promise of it does little stop the emotion overflow. If anything it makes it worse. Picking up on her building panic Ben shushes her again and then there's the odd sensation of a finger stroking down the bridge of her nose. Once, twice, three times. Soft and comforting as a voice Ben's voice sings softly, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," It's so simple. It's so pure lulling her mind softly out of its fear and anxiety wrecked state.

He sings softly, his voice smooth and relaxed and only for her as he continues to rock her gently. When the tremors stop and there are no more tears to cry, Ben still sings. He repeats the song over and over humming it between rounds as his finger continues to stroke down Rey's nose. It works almost like a sedative. spinning mind slowing, rocking gently against the tenor of his voice. When she finally has the strength to pull away her face feels sticky and hot. There's a wet spot on the front of Ben's sky blue t-shirt but he doesn't seem to care at all. The concern etched on his features is enough to warm her quaking heart through the darkness.

Still he holds her, his hands never leaving her body despite the space she's trying to put between them. He's uneasy, confused, almost fearful as she pulls away as though the distance troubles him in some way. He looks like he wants to speak but Rey looks away almost too quickly. Her bruised cheek stings as she raises her fingers to slowly stroke the outskirts of the discoloration and Ben's hands are there instantly. Soft and soothing, "No, no don't do that," falls from his lips and she's pulling away from him.

"Don't," She mutters, half a sob still rattling in her throat, "You don't have to pretend," She tells him almost venomously and Ben suddenly looks as if he's been slapped.

"What are you talking about?" he asks softly, his voice barely over a whisper as the windows rattle against the wind. Overhead lightning streaks across the sky lighting up her skylight and the floor beneath. The thunder that follows is deep and would be awe-inspiring if it didn't make her jump so much. His hands cup her cheeks oh so lightly, a crooked finger pulling her gaze away from the floor and up towards him. Ben almost looks younger like this, cast in shadow, worry pulling at his features. He offers her a sad sort of smile but his eyes, are filled with a question that seems irrelevant. "Rey," he urges but her name on his lips makes her stomach roil.

"I appreciate the kindness, I do but I'm not as fragile as all this implies," she mumbles as she slips back away from him ignoring his defeated look as she presses back against her headboard.

Ben cocks his head as he shifts around on the bed to face her. His hands seem to fidget as though he has no idea what to do with them, "I never… I didn't…" the answer is lost to him as he tries to find the strength of conviction to continue. "I was - _am_ concerned about you," The air around them is thick with the words he isn't saying. There's something there at the edge of his presence that Rey can see but can't quite hear. It's mind-numbing and hard to wrap her head around and truthfully she doesn't have it in her to do this anymore.

"Thank you," she says softly, wrapping her arms around her tented knees, "I'll be -" she starts but Ben cuts her off.

Her name is sharp on his tongue almost scolding as though he's tired, or maybe frustrated. "Rey stop it," he demands and she flinches. The tone in his voice is harsher then she had been expecting but not dangerous. Her mind is still sensitive to the whirling emotions that surround them but it's too thick, too heavy for her to decipher, "You haven't spoken to me in three days."

The pain in his voice is unmistakable. He's rigid, holding himself back, as though he's afraid he's going to scare her. He's so careful in his movements, so easy with tone but there's an energy vibrating off of him as though he simply needs something more than the release he's allowing himself.

Rey scoffs at first but Ben pushes, he's closer but not touching her. He's giving her space because she needs space. Outside there' s a loud cracking noise and the sky lights up like stadium at a ball game. Something has been hit and relatively close by too. It's not uncommon this high up but it's never been a danger. Still Rey shrinks, pulling in around herself. "Can you blame me?" she moans, "I'm so embarrassed."

Ben scrunches his nose as he runs a hand through his thick hair a few times. It looks a little greasy in the dim light as though he hasn't been able to stop touching it. "Embarrassed?" he asks as though he hadn't been present for Rey's single most mortifying bad decision of the calendar year. Worse than when she thought maybe she'd try not wearing underwear because everyone else was doing it and managed to find the one pair of leggings in her closet with a hole starting in the ass.

"Obviously," she mutters, petulant and sullen like a child. When Ben has the audacity to look confused Rey groans again, "Please don't make me say it."

He's going to make her say it. He's absolutely going to torture her like this. Rey never thought Ben would be cruel but this seems an odd approach to making someone feel better. "Are you - Are you talking about the other night?"

Rey's eyes go wide as she nods softly, but Ben still doesn't seem to get it. "What else would I be talking about?" she asks softly but Ben is still oddly pensive. When he smiles, it's curiously shy as though he knows something she doesn't, "Ben I can't do this. I feel like I've been drug through a woodchipper. My head hurts, my anxiety is through the roof and I'm fucking embarrassed ok. I thought there was a chance you might - but I must have misread the signs or whatever because you don't…"

When she looks at him this time, she sees his Adam's apple bob as he takes a deliberate almost nervous-looking swallow. "I don't what Rey?" his voice is deeper this time, filed with a husky tone that despite her desperate state warms something deep in her belly.

"This is what I mean," she half sobs, "You say things like that and it makes me feel like you're flirting with me, or maybe you want something from me."

"I do want something from you," He says earnestly and she can feel the heat from her belly flush to her cheeks.

"Not the same thing I want from you," she says sadly and Ben's wetting his lips now as he edges closer. She's pinned against her headboard with nowhere to escape to as Ben pulls himself closer. His hip edging the side of her foot as he holds himself up against her mattress, leaning against his outstretched hand.

"What do you want from me Rey." He asks and her name on his lips like that is like cotton candy and fresh lemonade. It's so sweet and so bad for you that you can't help but want more. When she doesn't answer right away he sits up a little and his warm hand smoothes itself against her ankle beneath her sleep pants. It's not one of those things that oozes sexy but there's something about the way he swirls his fingertips that softens something within her. "Tell me what you want from me Rey," he nearly begs her even though she doesn't want to tell him, doesn't want to say it out loud, to admit it to a soul. She feels the threads of the truth as they start to unravel her.

It's like a bandaid, she needs to rip it off, get it over with. Once it's out in the open, once she lets go of that glimmer of hope she can settle back into normality. _Like a bandaid_. But still the words lie trapped within her throat.

Ben says her name again but this time there's something behind it. Something that wasn't there before, a need that comes from the deeper more carnal parts of one's self. The sound sends a shiver through her, her skin erupting in gooseflesh as she presses her nose against her knees and hides her face.

With delicate slowness she can feel Ben's questioning touch as he pulls her apart. Unwrapping her like a present that he's desperate to get to the center of. He's right there and his hand is cupping her cheek and his eyes are begging for her answer. It's all she can do to choke back the soft sob of "Everything," as he falls from her lips.

The answer is vague but filled with weight as Ben licks at his lips and shakes his head softly. She can see the way his hair shifts against the movement messing up the smooth arc he's pulled out of his vision. "You need to be more specific," he tells her and she's pretty sure he's fucking with her at this point. No person could be this clueless, "Rey I need you to tell me,"

She can't help the way her body leans into his touch and she hates herself for it as she mutters, "I've fucking ruined everything, I always ruining everything," and Ben's thumb swipes at a tear as it falls over her cheek.

"No, no, no, no," he whispers. He's so close all she can focus on is his mouth and those lips. Always those Lips. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise but Rey," he sounds desperate now, "Rey I need you to tell me what you want. If this is just some physical thing I need you to tell me."

"Is that what it is to you?" She counters and her words are a little harsher then she intended, almost challenging him for some pointless reason. She's defensive and lashing out, collecting up all of the pieces of herself he might hurt or throw away so that she can put them back together again when all is is done.

Ben's response however is quick, "No! Fuck - Jesus…" he huffs and his eyes search the darkness for an answer or assistance, "That's the thing. I need to know because… Because I don't want to just fuck you and then have that be all."

"You - You stopped me though."

Ben groans and it's a medley of his pent up frustration and irritation at his stupidity, "It was jarring. Waking up and you were there and that perfect little mouth." His thumb drags a line across the swell of her lower like and she watches as he shifts on the bed as though uncomfortable thinking of the memory, "Any man would be happy to wake up to that," He assures her, "I just didn't want that to be how that happened." He pauses, "Am I wrong? I felt like there was - there is something more… here," he gestures between them, "Something more than just a physical need. I mean I told you I liked you…" But the words sound juvenile even before they have a chance to fall from his lips

Suddenly Ben's on his feet and he's scrubbing at his face, "I mean," he huffs, "Fuck I mean I want you, fuck I want you so bad. You have no idea…" another pause and he looks utterly mortified, "You have no idea the things I've thought about doing to you."

The darkness in her shifts and she's standing on the edge of something bigger than herself listening to Ben says all the right words. And he's there, he's right there and she almost feels like if she were to let go he would catch her. "What…" She whispers almost breathlessly. After nights of second-guessing and self-doubt she needs to hear it. She needs the truth of it, her body - her soul craves it.

Ben looks like a man who's been starved the one thing he truly wants. He's pacing lightly his hands on his hips before he stops at the edge of her bed and looks down at her. "I want…" he sighs, "I want to take you out, to show you how you deserve to be treated. I want to make you see how beautiful and how incredible you are. I want an opportunity to flirt and touch and kiss like two people who just met and have none of this bullshit hanging over them." His posture shifts, his voice gravelly as he stoops down and moves towards her on the bed. "I want," he growls, and she's reaching out for him, her fingertips trailing over a stubbled cheek, "I've thought about spreading you out so I can taste every last inch of you.

Rey inhales sharply, a breathy gasp that eggs Ben on, "I've thought about the hours I would spend worshiping your cunt. I've wondered what your thighs would feel like squeezing against my head while I tasted you."

Rey can feel it, the ghost of his touch as the words fall from his lips, "Do you want to know what else I've thought about?" She nods and he grins, wide and wicked and filled with promises, "I thought about fucking until you called my name until your legs are week and your body can't take anymore. I've thought about all the ways I could fuck you, against the counter in the kitchen, in the shower. Fuck I've thought about taking you back to that park and wandering off the trail just so I could fuck you in the woods."

Her thumb trails over his lip and he smiles pressing a soft kiss atop its tip. "This is all so fucked because I want so much time with you it's too much and it's overwhelming because…" She can hear her heartbeat hammering in her chest as he scrambles for the words, the right words because there is no room now for miscommunication. "I don't want to go back. I think I'd be happy if I were done. If they told me that I was being discharged because honestly you make me feel like the Marines is just a means of running away."

"Ben," She almost warns him because his words are getting dangerously close to being far too real.

"I want to know what a normal life looks like Rey, with someone who cares about me and makes me feel like life is a gift," The vulnerability in his voice is raw and it makes Rey's head spin because he's here and he's perfect and she wants all of this to be true. " I want a life and a possibility of more. I'm not saying kids and marriage and all of that but I'm not not saying it either. Fuck I would be happy with you and BB and a bunch of other dogs running around because you… you are like this bright light after a very long time spent in the darkness."

"Ben…" Rey says again, a little louder, a little firmer this time and it shakes him out of his reverie."

"What?"

"Kiss me?" she asks, and her voice is a little smaller then she intended, a little softer. His touch is hesitant but warm as he cups her cheek with his hand and lowers himself against her. His lips are tentative at first, questioning and light before Rey throws herself into it nearly knocking Ben off the bed.

He rights himself easily enough and he's back to kissing her. The darkness within her growls with irritation and a need to suppress but Ben's touch is like a fire lit beneath the surface of her skin. Her mind is still an addled mess and the anxiety is still there waiting but Ben makes everything a little more ok. In the distance there's a loud bang and a crash and a pop and the light from the lightning is vibrant as it arcs across the sky. Rey shifts a little closer and Ben winds his arms around her. When he breaks the kiss he shifts against his sheets so that he's laying on his back and she's laying alongside him. He has his arm wrapped around her as he draws her head against his chest and busies himself with stroking her hair. His breathing steadies as she nuzzles against him and they fall into a steady rhythm of touching and petting. It's innocent and sweet with none of the fire in Ben's precious words because with this comes the promise of so many more opportunities.

"You'll stay?" she asks softly.

"Of course, Ben replies easily, humming softly to himself as he twirls stray pieces of her hair around his fingers.

"I mean right here…" She means her bed, with her. She means not in that small spare bedroom with a bed that barely contains his oversized body. "I understand if you'd prefer to stay in the spare room," she begins to ramble but Ben presses his lips to the top of her head as he shushed her softly.

"There's nowhere else I would rather be," he tells her earnestly.

Rey giggles to herself as she nuzzles her nose against the side of Ben's pectoral muscle, "Sooo." she says childishly with a sweetness that's almost kittenish, "Are you… like gonna be my boyfriend?"

The rumble of Ben's laugh feels wonderful beneath her cheek as he says, "I haven't been someone's boyfriend since I was eighteen." It's a thought he'd rather not dwell on right now so he continues lightly, "You asking me to go steady?" he teases.

"Guess I am, are you going to give me your varsity jacket to wear or like make me a mix cd or something?"

"Because I was a varsity kid," Ben chuckles, "Would you settle for me just being here?"

Rey nods against him and he's humming again that same song and she can hear it in her head, that woman's voice as it sings to her from a different time. "Hey Ben?"

"Mmm?" He responds, this time with a little less enthusiasm because his breathing slows and sleep settles around him like a dusting of freshly fallen snow.

"Why You are my sunshine?" She tries to sound a little stronger but that woman's voice, her mother's voice it calls to something deep inside her, something she'd forgotten even existed.

His answer comes easy and slow, lips moving against her forehead as he peppers it with kisses, "My mom use to sing it to me when I was a kid," he tells her softly, "And… at the risk of sounding unbelievably cheesy... like I said, you're like this bright ray of light, like the sun after too much rain."

"Rains pretty too."

"It is," Ben agrees, "But it makes the sunlight that much brighter… I guess it just makes me think of you."

"My mom use to sing it to me," she tells him and she's not sure why. It's like a confession when there's nothing to confess. Maybe she's just sharing something for the sake of sharing it but as Ben dozes off he continues to hum and the sound wraps itself around Rey and pulls her into her own fit of exhausted slumber. This time, when she dreams of those whiskey-colored eyes they're Ben's and only Ben's as he holds her close and tells her he loves her. It's too soon for revelations of that nature but still, when that hope begins to flare up again she's not afraid of it this time. She lets it wind around her like a cat, comforting and warm. It's not easy but its a start and she can't wait for all the other opportunities they will have because she is not letting him go.

* * *

THERE FINALLY hahaha happy times ahead! That does NOT mean the end of the drama buuuuuut it DOES mean the beginning of adorably cute togethery-ness and deliciously good times ahead! My original timeline had this happening over a longer period but I feeeeeelt like the whole connection thing needed to be played upon. We have Finn's birthday annnnnnd Christmas coming up which I'm super pumped to write, I won't tell you why though, its a surprise hehehe.  
Anyway folks, thanks for all the love and support and sweet words of encouragement. It's like cotton candy and lemonade xo


	20. Chapter 20

'Falling asleep with Ben is… an experience. His body is large and warm like a giant furnace that wraps itself around her. In all honesty she's not used to sharing a bed with another human being. Snap never really stayed the night and her spare room makes sleepovers a more solo experience. Sure she's passed out drunk a few times and curled up with Jannah or Rose but beyond that slumber has always been an entirely solitary experience.

Now, her bed is consumed by this bear-like man who's all soft skin and sharp edges. She's not entirely sure what she expected really, she'd never thought about this part of things. Ben's always either serious and calm or a wild torrent of pent up energy. He's complex and deep and yet so incredibly simple she's shocked she hadn't noticed it before. She's always sort of watched him, like when he's reading the ingredients on a cereal box or waiting for BB to come in from his nightly business. Ben always looks so still, like a tree firmly rooted and sure of himself and his path. His smiles are rare and precious, his eyes set like granite beneath flame. He's more the Marine he talks about then the colossal screw up she's heard so much about.

So when he sleeps, Rey imaged more of a still as the grave type slumber, not this. Ben is a wiggler. He moves and shifts like he's running a marathon and where Rey would normally be epically annoyed at being woken up several times by an arm around her waist or a nose nuzzled against her shoulder she finds it all too endearing to complain. Sure she's going to be tired but the pay off is a warm body, Ben's warm body pressed against her. It's his leg wound around her hip or his massive paw holding her belly. He mumbles and he moans and he smacks his lips a little but all of it makes him just a little softer in her eyes. This large, very large man reduced to a mewling kitten as he sleeps.

Truth be told it's nice to feel wanted like this like her very existence is like breath in his lungs. It puts to rest a lot of the niggling insecurities that worm their way into her mind when she finds herself awake before him. That and well, the very obvious state of his desire pressed firmly against her hip.

He'd been wearing pajama pants and a simple white v-neck t-shirt when he came to her that night. He had looked tired and worried and when he took her in his arms her world shifted a little on its axis. Now, she can't imagine an evening without this, without the firm plains of his body pressed along her back, or under her. Carefully she tries to shift, her hips wriggling probably not the best under their current circumstances but Ben hmmm's in her ear as she tries to roll. She can feel his nose at her shoulder as he sleepy presses kisses against her skin, working the fabric of her t-shirt aside to allow better access. His kisses are lazy and sweet, sweeping up along her neck as they grow bolder. A hot pressing of his open mouth as his tongue darts across her flesh like fairies wings before he buries his nose in her hair.

"Mmmm, yousmell good," he mumbles against her as his hand rubs softly at her tummy. Her whole body flushes hot as his thumb hooks into the waistband of her sleep pants. It's a little strange to be held like this with no push to go further. Ben's hand rests calmly as though just needing a place to stay. He doesn't tickle or wander, simply pulls her body closer so that her hips fold into the small space allowed at his front.

It's hard to suppress the childish giggle as she feels every angle of him press just a little tighter. Ben's meets it with his own breathy chuckle as he slurs a soft, "Sssssorry," into her ear quickly adjusting himself so it's more of a long line and less of a poke. With his erection safely stored against the waistband of his sleep pants Ben makes short work of pawing her closer. There can't possibly be any space left between them but Rey can't find it in her to protest.

His hands trail her body, soft and lingering as he breathes contentedly into her hair. Moments pass where all she can do is close her eyes and take in every delectable minute of it. Allowing Ben Solo to touch and feel and explore as much as he desired. It's strange how something so simple can feel so erotic. He purposefully avoids all of her more sensitive areas but still she feels herself opening up to him. Her breath quickens as his fingers trail up along the column of her neck over her cheeks. They're broad and inquisitive and they make her feel so much more then anyone ever has.

Turning her head slightly she catches one of his curious digits in her mouth, wrapping around it with her tongue as she draws it into her mouth. She sucks softly before pressing a soft kiss against its pad reveling in the growl that comes from her backside. "Play nice," Ben grumbles but his voice is deeper now, less sleep-addled and more gritty punctuated by the slightest rolling of his hips.

Two can play that game. Rey smirks as she forces out a fake yawn and stretches her arms wide above her head, dislodging Ben from his wanderings only to push her hips back against him. It's cruel and torturous but there's something in the way he touches her that makes her feel brave. Desirable. His breath comes in a soft growl as Rey quickly rolls over, falling against the bed face to face with him. His eyes are closed as she adjusts her position. He's so much longer then she is even as he lies next to her half curled up. As she wiggles closer she presses her nose against his and marvels at the way the corners of his mouth lift in a grin. His kiss is soft and quick but it sends lightning arcing through her body down to her toes. When he opens his eyes she can see that dark need burning beneath the surface as the morning light filters in through the window.

"You work today huh?" He asks, his tone casual laced with the softest hint of disappointment.

"Mmm," she offers by way of answer, "But my last client finishes up around three," she wiggles a little closer, slipping her knee between his so her thigh rests against his hip. "After that I'm all yours?"

He kisses her again, firmer this time as he slants his mouth to gain further access. She follows into it, lips pressed in languid motions as her fingers lose themselves within his hair. One of his arms has wormed its way beneath her shoulder but the other traces smooth lines against her neck. It's simple, as though they've done it a million times before. As though this is how they wake up every morning. Only it's not, and there's so much more yet to be uncovered. There are areas she wants to touch, to feel, to taste and Ben, Ben simply takes his time. She can feel him twitch against her leg, the heat within her core building to an embarrassing degree. It would be so easy, so simple. A shifting of some clothing here, an angle of her hips there and Ben could find his way _home_. God how she wants that, how she needs that. To feel him on her, around her, _in_ her. But, as quickly as the kissing starts, Ben is pulling away.

Rolling onto his back Rey leaves her leg draped over him, her hand scooped up in his. "Fuuuuuuuucccckkk," He lets out softly and she can't help but smile, it's nice knowing she can wind him up so easily. "You… you're the devil." He tells her teasingly as he kisses the back of her hand.

It's soft and sweet and so incredibly Ben that Rey's heart flutters softly at the simplicity of the action. "Sorry," she murmurs, tucking herself in close to his side. Laying like this only emphasizes how broad Ben is compared to her. It's infuriating and wonderful all at the same time.

Ben's grin broadens as he grabs her, rolling her on top of him. Her thighs span the width of his hips pinning his growing problem beneath the warmth at the center of her pelvis. Already Ben seems to have found the error in such a position as Rey's grin broadens and Ben lets out a soft huff of frustration. He's like a teenage boy scrambling to figure out what with himself. His hands at her sides, along her stomach, down her arms until he finally settles on pressing their hands together palm to palm. "You make it very hard to be a gentleman," he comments offhandedly as he flexes his fingers over hers.

His hands, like the rest of him are a work of art. Board palms, proportionally thick fingers and remarkably soft for something who works so much with them. They're distracting, large and milky white against her own small and tanned that are dry from over washing, her cuticles in desperate need of some TLC. "You make me look so tiny," she muses as she simply holds herself there, watching the way his fingers fold against hers as he looks up at her from his position below.

"You are tiny," He offers, "And I love it," his chuckle is a deep rumble that makes her belly do flip-flops.

"For the first time in my life, I don't want to go to work," she tells him honestly, rocking her hips a little in idle wonder.

The movement catches Ben's attention as he grumbles a soft warning of, "Rey…" and she's never heard her name said with such want. It stills her. Ben gives a sharp tug and she's pulled down against him, her chest flat against his as she worms her arms under his head and around his neck. Ben's hands find her hips and he's kissing her again, practiced and smooth. She feels his palms as the kneed into her outer thighs, his fingers exploring her curves as he works her shirt up just a little. "Rey…" he warns again as she grinds against him and this time she knows she's being mean.

He's trying so hard to keep his composure, and she's being a brat. "I should shower." she mutters against his mouth, pulling back just a little to nuzzle against his cheek, "You could…" She leaves the invitation open on the air but doesn't miss the way his eyes darken just a fraction, or how his fingers bite into her hips just a little tighter.

"Rey…" he warns again, nuzzling his nose against her cheek, "Please don't," his voice is soft and hesitant, "I don't know if I have the will power to say no if you keep asking."

Rey grins, "Would that really be so wrong?" she feigns coy but there's a deep white-hot need beneath her words.

Ben growls and Rey finds she loves the sound to it. His actions are practiced and quick as he uses his size difference and her more compact position to flip them. Rey's back hits the bed with an _oof_ as Ben lowers himself against her. He fits snuggly between her thighs, like a puzzle piece that's been missing until now. Rey lets her arms fall from around his neck, gasping as he presses his need more securely against her to emphasize his point, "Yes," he grumbles, "No, I mean… Yes," his lips press a line along her neck as he mumbles into her flesh. "I need you to see that this isn't a hump and dump."

The laugh that erupts from Rey's throat is loud, as her body arches into his beneath the sheer force of it closing that little bit of a gap Ben had maintained, "What did you just say?" she cries, eyes watering before she can realize what she's done. There's dampness between them that hadn't been there before and Ben seems all too aware of that fact, his eyes glazing over as he peers down at her in wonder. "Did you really just say that?" she asks, her voice a little softer, as she lets her fingers trace soft lines against his pecs. She's trying to keep her touch gentle and innocent but when Ben Solo is looking at you like he wants to fuck you into the mattress, it becomes a little difficult to find your bearings. Her nails scrape over a clothed nipple softly and Ben sucks in a breath. Immediately she wants to apologize, everything in her screams for her to do so but she simply can't find it in her to speak.

"It's been ages since I've been anything more than a cock to get off on," he explains, his voice gruff and unstable, "I told you I haven't really dated since high school."

"Like, at all?" she finds herself asking.

Ben's nod causes hair to fall into his eyes which Rey can't help but tuck back behind his ear. She loves the way they peek out beneath his dark locks. Hidden but not quite like a secret only she knows the path to. Allowing her fingers to casually draw a line along the shell of his ear Rey smiles as Ben says, "No time. I was too… fucked up." There's a trace of regret there that digs a little as Rey listens, "I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into here." Ben seems to be reeling but Rey presses her thighs against his hips to stop his retreat. "I will struggle every day of my life…"

"And I will be there to hold your hand," she assures him, "You think I'm some great catch? I can't sleep with all the lights off. You've seen what thunderstorms do to me. I can go months with night terrors that wake me up in a fit… I have so many quirks and odd behaviors that I can't help because I'm _damaged_ Ben…" but she smiles, leaning up to kiss him, "So we're works in progress, it'll be messy and maybe we'll fight. I don't know what's going to happen but I know I want to see… I want to try…"

Ben nods as his mouth finds hers. It's a quick kiss that is followed by another and another as Ben makes his way down her body. Her neck, her collarbone, her sternum through her shirt. It's soft and warm and dear god she needs to feel more of it. He's pulled back reaching her stomach as he slides his hands beneath the thin fabric. There's a grin on his lips that could swindle the devil as Ben looms just a moment over the exposed surface of her navel. His fingers touch and explore before his head dips and his tongue swirls over her flesh, his mouth descending to press one warm blistering kiss… then her raspberries her.

Rey squeals at the vibration of his lips against her stomach, giggling as she swats him away. His laugh is like magic as he pops up onto his feet and scampers out of range of her swinging arm. "Go get in the shower," he tells her as he makes his way over to the stairs, "I picked up some fresh avocados, I'll make breakfast tacos," he says with a waggle of his eyebrows, his tongue poking out over his bottom lip teasingly.

"Extra guac!" Rey calls as she falls back against her bed in a huff.

Ben's only response is, "You know it, now get your filthy ass in the shower."

And she can't help but listen, smiling to herself as she goes.

Showering after Ben has had his hands all over her is an exercise in self relief. Her whole body tingles beneath the wake of his hands. Her skin sensitive to the water, the hot and cold alike leave her desperate for a deeper connection for some kind of friction. His broad fingers and the way they tease, his mouth and the wanton way it explores. Even in the shower the path between her legs feels impossibly molten and damp. His damn chivalry will be the end of her but on the other hand it's nice to have someone who wants to take their time. She's never had that. It's always been quick couplings that end as fast as they start. A byproduct of her childhood is this wall she's built up around herself. A wall Ben has been patiently dismantling ever since their first strained interaction.

With her head pressed against the cool tile, Rey allows her hands to slip over her body. She tests the roundness of her breast and the curious nub of a nipple pert and ready for attention. Her palms rove over them, fingers rolling the sensitive buds between them. It's astonishing how sensitive she is from a little heavy petting and the attention of his mouth. Determined hands slip further, dipping between her thighs. If she closes her eyes she can see Ben's face hovering over her, hear his voice speaking of all the deliciously explicit things he wishes to do to her. Curious fingers twitch as they roll over dampened folds before slipping between warm slick lips. It almost feels wrong, sneaky when Ben is downstairs making her breakfast but it's_ Ben_ and he's making her _breakfast_. Is there anything out there that is more perfect than that thought?

She gasps when her finger trips over her clit. In her mind she can see Ben between her legs dark eyes watching as her hips stutter and vibrate. It's his nose, not her fingers and his tongue has drawing a singular line across her slick seam. After a moment or two of gentle stroking she finds herself growing braver, sliding a finger inside only to be met with another because Ben's fingers would be thicker, they'd reach further. She quickly needs to change positions, her back against the tile, but it doesn't take long to pick up where she'd left off. Heat pools in her belly clawing up her spine as she presses herself against the tiled wall and grinds her hips into her hand. It hits her fast and hard, like a wave cresting, crashing against a sandy beach. The water pulls at her, pulling pieces of her arousal away like granules of sand leaving her panting and limp.

After washing her hair and taking particular care to clean off her now blissfully sensitive body Rey climbs out of the shower and makes quick work drying herself so she can get dressed. The smell of spiced meat and onion waft over her from below but more important is the sound of Ben humming to himself as he cooks. Still the tune of '_you are my sunshine_ lingers in his head as he makes his way around her kitchen.

"Your phone went off a couple times while you were in the shower," Ben calls without looking as he scrambles the meat a little and then returns to his post of making her guacamole. Ben makes really good guacamole.

Pulling on a knee-length sweater dress Rey begins rummaging through her sheets in search of her cellphone. Instead she finds it on her dresser on the other side of her room. Pushing away thoughts of how it may have gotten there Rey snatches it up thumbing through the missed calls and text messages. Amilyn called her three times, that's not normal and Jannah has sent a text message telling her not to bother coming in to work today. Odd.

Pulling up her voice mail Rey listens to Amilyn Holdo explain that the storm blew out a transformer on their block and the Spa is without power. No power means no billing and cash will be down. Although Rey could technically still do her job, it doesn't make sense to open for the three massage therapists who are in that morning. Enjoy the day Holdo tells her and she'll let her know how things progress.

Delightful, a day off to bask in the glory that is Ben Solo. With renewed pep in her step and legs that are still a little wobbly from her moment of self-exploration Rey hops down the steps pressing herself against Ben's back. It's an odd position like a squirrel trying to hug a bear but she nuzzles her face against his back all the same. His hand comes to rest against her forearm as he stirs the avocado, lime, onion and… "Did you add chili powder?" Rey asks delightedly.

Ben laughs, "Cayenne pepper, good nose though."

Rey's grin broadens, "You really are the perfect man." his response however is to laugh before he turns and wraps his arm around her pulling her more to his front. He smells like onions and something woody that she's always kind of attributed to being a Ben smell and he's warm, so _warm_.

"I just know my audience," he offers with a kiss to her forehead. "Everything ok?"

Worming her way out of his grasp she pushes herself back against the counter before lifting herself up to sit on its edge. They aren't touching like this but she can watch him work and she rather enjoys the view, "Amilyn can't open, transformers been blown, we have no power."

"So… day off," Ben asks, handing over the bowel and fork so that Rey can continue the mashing and stirring. While Rey picks up Ben's menial task, he sets to chopping up peppers and lettuce. They chat and work in quiet contentment joking around as they discuss options for their gifted day together. In the end after talks of going for walks or checking out the river the two simply curl up on the couch in the sunporch in front of a fire and read. Their newfound closeness is strange but comfortable. Ben lounges with a true crime novel while Rey settles in with one of her dirty pleasures. A young adult fantasy romance that Ben teases her a little about before pulling her down against him. They lapse into a comfortable silence, Rey's back pressed against Ben's side as he snuggles her in close. He has his feet propped up on an old ottoman as BB stares at them ruefully from his position on the dogged a few feet away.

And, this is how their days go. Passing by in quiet contentment as they find their new normal. Ben is far more hands-on then Rey ever anticipated and it takes her a while to get used to. The attention is strange at first but soon she comes to find it's everything she's needed in a partner. There's no guessing where she stands, Ben is right there, a hand across her back as he walks passed or a kiss to her forehead when she's least expecting it.

They've taken to sharing a bed too falling asleep wound up in one another arms. She quickly gets used to his movements and twitching as days bleed into weeks and their little relationship makes its way out into the world beyond. First Finn catches them holding hands, then Han stumbles in on them kissing. Han's response was a gruff, '_not ready for grandkids yet_' which had made Ben blush like a schoolgirl. Everyone gives them their space though which was a lovely change of place. Poe is still hard to convince but Rey suspects Finn has been making him keep his mouth shut on the matter under threats of a more private nature.

The only thing missing was the sex. Ben has a filthy mouth when he's turned on but for some reason or another he always holds back on the physical. It's maddening, feeling so keyed up and ready to burst. Rey half wonders if Ben isn't doing it on purpose. If he doesn't have some anterior motive that will leave her utterly mindblown. He promises ohhhhh how he promises that when it happens she'll never forget it but he seems to be biding his time. It started out gentlemanly but now it's more frustrating leaving Rey to find release in the shower more often than she ever had as a teenager.

There's something else too, something she's picked up over time. It's not something obvious, more hidden in Ben's mannerisms. His gate is off which she has been acutely aware of from the beginning but there are days he seems to trip over himself. It's like when he's tired his right foot has a slight delay. There are other things too, an inability to move his neck in certain ways, or how his eyes glaze over after certain movements. He seems dizzy or confused for a moment or two before he rights himself and everything appears normal again. The rage has quieted and he smiles more now then she's ever seen. Leia has even commented on it the few times she's been in for a massage with Rey.

Even Ben's relationship with Han seems to have improved beyond barking at each other and growling disagreements. She sees the way Han watches too, when Ben's toe hits the sidewalk and he stumbles just a little or how his handshakes just slightly when he zips up his coat. That tremor is new and something Rey has been keeping a close eye on.

His meeting with a man named Ren keeps getting pushed back week after week to the point that Rey wonders if it's ever going to actually happen. Have they just written him off altogether and they don't want to tell him? He's still on paid leave so it can't be all bad but Ben keeps things close to the chest when it comes to the topic of his work and going back. It's one thing they don't really talk about. The elephant in the room that stares at them wide-eyed as they go to bed, or wake up through the night touching and groping one another. It's like being watched constantly, this looming decision that hangs over their heads and makes her feel like she's losing control. It's not a feeling Rey enjoys.

Ben has been so torn on the issue since it was first brought up. Going back to work, leaving her, their newly formed relationship. Maybe that's why they've found themselves in the strange sexual stagnation that has Rey feeling like a fifteen-year-old boy desperate for some type of friction or release.

It's a Friday when Rey finally gets brave enough to bring it up but as always something gets in the way. Ben's picked her up from work and they're driving through the middle rim on their way to his parent's house. Leia wanted to surprise them with a dinner that she had let slip during her last treatment with Rey. Ben had been reluctant, on edge after many late-night phone calls with Armitage. He has his Shelby back and insists on driving it despite the horrible conditions of the roads on the mountain. There's less space for BB too and Rey hates to think of the mess that the shaggy mutt leaves in Ben's more than pristine vehicle. Still, he doesn't seem to care, he loads BB in with no mind at all. He'd even gone so far as to purchase his BB his own car blanket for Ben's mustang specifically.

When they pull up to his parent's house Rey slips from the vehicle with miscalculated feet. It still takes a bit to get used to being so close to the ground. Not that her SUV was some massive beast of a car but sliding across a seat and stepping down into one is a very different feeling.

"Mum said Luke was coming," Ben warns her as he lets BB out his side. Their canine friend fiend does his sniff about marking a few of Leia's covered bushes. There's a light dusting of snow on the ground, the air dead and cold with more to come.

Rey hasn't been to one of Luke's classes in a while, Ben however has made it a mission to go frequently. Apparently Luke's more 'old school' approach is challenging and Ben likes the way it makes his muscles ache. Rey thinks he's a masochist but she only teases him about it a little bit.

Han, as always is sitting out on the front swing but this time there's a shaggy hermit of a man sitting next to him nursing a glass of red wine. Luke grins broadly, a little too broadly as Rey and Ben make their approach, Rey's hand held securely within Ben's grasp.

"Hey there kids," Luke calls teasingly as he hands what Rey now knows is a lit joint to Han. "How was work, Rey?"

Ben grumbles, "Really?" as he watches his father defiantly take a long inhale on the dwindling white stick of herbs. Han merely shrugs his shoulders but Rey can tell Ben isn't as annoyed as he's making himself out to be.

"It's his birthday today kid," Han says with a steady exhale, "Give your old man some slack today at least?"

"Whose birthday?" Rey finds herself asking, looking around at the three men. Luke looks sadly pensive, he'd be the easiest to push but that's sort of like taking candy from a drunk. Han is a little more stone-faced but Ben's lips are set in a line or hard concentration.

"Did you forget?" Han asks softly but Ben shakes his head, almost as though he's scared to speak.

"No, no I didn't forget," he says softly, "I just didn't think we'd be making a deal of it…" She can see his eyes cast in her direction and it makes her bristle just a little, the idea she's been left out of something.

Tugging on Ben's hand like a child Rey questions, "Who's birthday Ben, we didn't bring anything."

Ben merely gives her a sad sort of smile, "My Uncle Chewies…"

"I've never met Chewie…" Rey starts.

"He's dead," Han pipes in only to have Luke punch him in the shoulder. The two break into a fit of childish squabbling as Luke grabs for the joint and finishes off what little is left before dropping it to the ground and butting it out with his foot. "Come on, Leia's waiting."

When Han stands to walk into the house Luke follows. He holds his wine aloft to Rey in mock solute as they move through the doorway leaving Rey and Ben on the doorstep. Ben's breathing is ragged, his eyes dark as she scoots around to stand in front of him. Without thought her hands find his face and she's pulling his gaze down towards her, "Hey… Hey." she says softly as Ben's eyes find her through the dim light. "You ok?"

His breath comes in soft pants as he tries to school his emotions. "Yeah," he forces out but Rey doesn't believe him, she can't. He looks tormented and she's never even heard Han mention Chewie before. Their dog was named Chewie, was that a coincidence?

"No," Rey coos, her fingers sweeping through his hair, around his ears as she cocks her head to the side, "Ben where'd you go, come back to me." his distanced eyes a sign of the underlying truth he's afraid to speak. "Come back to me now," she whispers as her lips meet his for a soft kiss. A tender kiss that's gentle and questioning and sweet.

It's a moment before Ben is returning the embrace. He groans beneath her touch as his arms wind around her, pulling her tight against his body, "Fuck," he mutters against her lips and there's something there at the edge of his tone that scares her a little. A need she's seen before but one he's always tempered. The cool air nips at her fingers as she curls them into his dark tresses pulling him closer buckling them against his temples to leech the warmth there.

"Ben," she squeaks as he pushes her forwards into the darkness of the porch. Her back collides with the brick wall where the garage meets the house and Ben's mouth begins down her neck. The sensation of warm lips against cool skin is striking as Ben's hands slip down along her thighs. She'd changed into a dress before leaving work wanting to look nice for an evening with his family. She didn't account for the cold weather but why would she? They weren't planning on being outside for long. No more than a trip between the car to the house.

Now her skirt is being bunched around her thighs as Ben's warm hands knead and pull and _own_ her flesh. He's kissing her the way he does just before he pulls away only there's no sign of him stopping. His mouth merely slants, his tongue dragging a line across her bottom lip before he nips at it gently.

He has her pinned in the alcove between the two buildings, using his body to block her from the cold air as his hands explore the curves of her hips. When his fingertips reach the apex of her thighs, that hallowed ground between her legs Rey sucks in a breath her eyes blown wide. Ben's mouth is busy at her throat as he growls into her flesh and his fingers tease at the small scrap of fabric she wore on the off chance he might actually see them.

"Ben," she breathes again, this time soft and lost on the air as Ben's finger worms against the slick area between her legs. It's embarrassing how turned on she is from a few kisses and Ben's devious tongue.

"Really?" He asks breathlessly as his finger lightly caresses the dampness he's discovered. She can feel the curve of his lips as he grins against her neck placing gentle nips along his path. "Fuck, I can't believe," His words punctuated with a groan, "Rey, you're so fucking _wet_."

Her skin flushes, her head tilting back against the brick. Ben is merciless in his attentions. His hands are everywhere pushing the lace of her underwear down over her hips. "Ben…" her voice doesn't even register, too breathy, too gone on him already, "Ben we shouldn't…" She barely registers stepping out of the black lacy garment that she's pretty sure Ben has now stuffed into his pocket.

The action takes no time at all, and Ben is back pressed against her, his body hot with need. She's managed to unbutton his black wool coat giving her better access to his chest. Her hands scramble against the soft fabric of his v neck sweater as she grabs a fist full of the fabric to pull him in for a searing kiss. "Tell me to stop and I will," he growls but Rey isn't sure she has it in her to say so. Instead she finds her thigh propped at his hip, opening herself further to his attentions. Broad fingertips continue their search as they knead and press along delicate flesh of her inner thigh, his thumb sweeping across her clit making her gasp. He's everywhere, his mouth at her neck, kissing and nipping and whispering soft praise. How sweet she is, how wet she is, how good he's going to make her feel.

It's all she can do to wrap her arms around his neck and hold tight. She can barely feel the cold air now, the nip of the wind like a balm against her hot forehead as Ben dips his fingers along her wet slit. He's slow at first, testing, one finger drawn along the length of her spreading her wide. The first finger comes without warning, an easy dip of just the tip, a soft in and out. The next press moves in deeper, still testing before it's buried within her. He stays like that for just a moment, allowing his one digit to slowly pump in and out of her before he adds a second.

Rey isn't sure who's groan is louder as Ben mouths along her neck. They shouldn't be doing this, they're going to get caught but somehow that only makes the heat coiling in her belly burn all the brighter. His fingers pump evenly into her, the heel of his hand bumping against that tight bundle of nerves that threatens to send her crashing over the edge. "Rey…" he growls, a warning or a prayer she can't tell but Ben sounds more and more like a man unhinged. "Sweetheart," he purrs accenting it with a lewd "fuuuuck." as the sounds of her saturation reach their ears, "Just listen to how wet you are," he says it like it's a compliment like she shouldn't be embarrassed but her cheeks flush pink as Ben pulls back to look at her. His eyes are fathomless and dark as they search her face. He must like what he sees because he's smiling, his lips quirked in a way that shows off his slightly imperfect teeth. "Hello beautiful," he purrs, watching her as she pants and squirms from the mere motion of his fingers.

"H-hello," she manages and when he kisses her its soft, his lips swollen from their adventure across her flesh.

"You're going to come for me," he tells her certainly as though he's telling her the temperature outside, "You're so close, I can feel it," he accents his revelation by allowing his thumb to swirl slowly along her clit just light enough to be a tease. He kisses her mouth, her cheek, her forehead, and then his lips hover just along the shell of her ear. She can feel the warmth of his breath as it passes in soft pants, "I can feel the way your cunt squeezes my fingers like it wants more. Do you want more Rey?"

His words are honied gold dripping along her spine. She wants to tell him, yes, but all she can manage is a soft nod that he meets with a breathy chuckle.

"What do you want sweetheart?" He asks, his voice so low and thick with lust it makes her ache, "Tell me what you want."

Rey groans against him, canting her hips so she's grinding against his fingers, "Y-You." she moans softly as his fingers slow and he's pumping into her dragging out the build-up of her impending orgasm.

"Tell me Rey," he says as he nips at her earlobe, drawing the small piece of flesh into his mouth with a soft tug.

"I- I…" she stutters as his thumb trips over her clit again, "I want you-" she pants, "I want you to fuck me."

Ben's chuckle is dark, "Right here?" he mocks innocence, "Outside my parent's house?" His slow fingers move slower, their force picking up a fraction.

"Please." her voice comes from far away as though she's hearing it from another room. She's never felt this tightly wound before, this ready for a release and Ben? He's enjoying every minute of her undoing.

"No," he grounds out as he draws his fingers from within her core. The sudden loss of him a shock as she sags against his broad form, "When I fuck you," he tells her softly, "I want to take my time with you, not some quick fuck outside my parent's house. As hot as that might be." He punctuates his meaning by drawing his fingers saturated in her warmth to his mouth and slowly licking them clean. "God, the taste of you."

Rey hers herself whimper and that merely seems to bring Ben's focus back to the task at hand, "Oh sweetling," he murmurs, "Don't worry, I'm not done yet." His thumb strokes a line against her bottom lip, coating it in a thin layer of her own arousal. Without thought Rey allows her tongue to dart out and lap at Ben's thumb before kissing it softly. "Such a sweet thing," he muses before he drops into a crouch before her.

His movement is quick, almost practiced as though he's done this a million times before and maybe he has. He did sort of allude to the fact that he'd been with people, just nothing serious. Rey pushes that thought from her mind, and it's easily done as Ben's nose bumps against her clip softly, his tongue swiping up the length of her slit. His fingers were one thing but the warm broad length of his tongue is another altogether. He takes his time, his palms needing her thighs as he edges her legs apart and Rey can't help but hold her dress up. She's torn between resting her head against the cold brick and peering down to watch him through the darkness. She feels his tongue curl as he draws it upwards once more, parting her folds until he finds his mark, laving at the swollen bundle of nerves just _there_.

Rey feels her hips buck, forcing Ben further into her warmth. She can feel his breathy chuckle and the way his mouth turns into a smile before he prods his tongue into her. It's not as deep as his fingers, nowhere near but the warmth and width of it make her gasp all the same. He's pulling her leg up over her shoulder, muttering something that sounds like '_hold on_' but to what she's not sure. Her hands skitter across the rough brick and it scrapes at her palms but nothing can take her focus away from Ben and what he's currently doing.

The heat creeps up along her spine, her leg at his should jittering slightly as his tongue is joined by his fingers and it's right _there_. That blinding horizon so clear and ready. She can almost taste. The end threatens to ruin her as her fingers weave through his hair and she's pushing herself against his face. Still Ben doesn't complain. He laps at her core swallowing the everything she's giving him. When his lips wrap around her clit she can feel the faintest scrape of his teeth and that's the beginning of her end. There's a faint tug of his lips before the warmth of his tongue soothes the pull and as though sensing her impending fall Ben scissors his fingers before pushing them deep within her.

She's pulling at his hair, harder than probably necessary but all Ben does is moan into her. It feels like rising as high as she can stretch before falling blissfully over the edge of something blinding and hot. Sparks, fireworks, fireflies, whatever they are light up beneath her eyelids as her hips buck and he continues to lick and lap and swallow every last ounce of wet seeping from her body, The moan the rips through her is something unnatural causing Ben to chuckle against her core. She's scrambling to cover her mouth but it's too late, it crests into a keening whine as Ben continues his masterful work. She has to push him away, her hip still twitching every time his tongue hits her clit. Like a puppet on a string.

When he pulls back, his mouth glistens in the dim light, a man thoroughly pleased with a job he considers well done. "You're fucking amazing," he tells her softly, carelessly wiping his mouth on the back of his hand before he swoops in for a kiss. She needs to use him to hold herself upright. Leaning into him for support and warmth as the skirt of her dress falls against her thighs.

Rey can't even formulate words at this point, she just leans into his mouth. His tongue still coated in the tangy taste of her own want. His nose bumps hers and it too is wet. It's embarrassing to think that she's the reason for his dampened state but he seems to be riding the high of it. When his hips press into hers she's pleased to find the strain of his own desire pressing into her. Feeling Brave she palms him through his dark jeans allowing the palm of her hand to press hard and firm.

After a moment or two Ben pulls back, one hand braced against the brick wall beside her head as he gazes down at her. Her hand moves with purposeful intent as he bites down on his swollen bottom lip and closes his eyes. "I need my underwear back," she whispers to him and Ben is suddenly drawing her hand away placing kisses against her palm and then her wrist before giving their bodies some space.

"No, I think I'll hold onto them," he tells her coyly, ducking away as she takes a swing at him. It's half-hearted and she is only now starting to get her feet back under her.

"Ben," she grosses as he buttons up his jacket and slips his hands back into his pockets. She can see him toying with the damp fabric as he grins at her. "I can't go to dinner with your family like this," she bemoans which only adds to Ben's delight.

"Sure you can," He tells her confidently, "Just think of what a tease it is for me knowing you're bare and still wet for me while we're sitting across from Han and Leia."

Truthfully it does sound rather enjoyable and she knows deep down Ben hasn't found his release yet while she in fact has. "Come here," she grumbles instead, digging through her purse to find a handful of napkins she'd shoved in there after she and Finn had grabbed a quick bite at Bantha Burger the other day. Ben allows her to wipe his chin grinning as she does so, "What's so funny?"

"We smell like sex," he says with a quirk of his brow, honestly he's like a teenager sometimes. Rey shoves the sex-saturated napkins into her pocket and searches for something to rectify her issue of their obvious scent. "Han's going to know." Ben almost giggles, as though drunk off her high.

Finding a small tube of hand sanitizer Rey chastises Ben, grabbing his hands to pour the cool liquid over his fingers, "Rub," she demands and the look Ben gives her goes straight to her core. "Your hands together you dirty old man," she teases, "And stop it or they will know."

"I hope they do," He tells her defiantly but he's not the one bare legged and still dripping. She's going to need to get to a bathroom quickly before they're truly discovered. She clips him lightly on the shoulder as he holds out an arm for her to take. Looping her arm with his he pulls her towards the door, stopping only when they're on the threshold his hand on the nob. As his eyes rake over her Rey feels suddenly bare before him. Need soon shifts into affection and his eyes soften remarkably as he tucks a few stray strands of hair behind her ear and smiles. It's soft but sad as he caresses his index finger down her nose twice, "The biggest fight in our family history wasn't over my drug use or me going off the rails. It was after my uncle Chewie died. Dad blamed me and I don't know if he's ever gotten over the loss," he says it all quickly, "Chewie is probably the biggest reason I stayed sober, he was…" loosing a sigh Ben looks out to the dark sky behind, "A lot of who I am as a man is because of him. So, tonight is hard, and it means a lot that you're here." he leans in for a kiss, lingering a moment to whisper against her mouth, "especially knowing you aren't wearing these." he says as he holds her dark ruined underwear aloft.

Rey groans scrambling to grab at them but he issues them away quickly into his pocket. It's after a moment or two that they regain their composure and enter the Solo house. It's warm inside and Rey can hear Luke teasing Leia about the proper way to make sangria. It's oddly homey and comforting, the smell of a wood fire wrapping itself around her as Ben takes her coat before making sure the contents of his pockets are safe and secure. Han and Leia, even Luke have always been family to her but now she's coming to them as something more than just a kid they saved from a bad situation. She's another half to a whole that feels so right it makes her dizzy and as Ben takes her hand she smiles. It's the start of something so much more.


	21. Chapter 21

Luke has _definitely_ had more than one bottle of wine. He's laughing loudly and making bawdy jokes that have Leia groaning and Han grinning from ear to ear. It's not that Rey hasn't seen them like this before but her worry is for Ben. She promised him if he wasn't comfortable she wouldn't drink, not even a glass of wine but Ben ever the pragmatist assured her it was fine. Not drinking would likely only fuel his parents and uncle's need to invent creative reasons for her lack of wine consumption now that November was over.

The thought had brought a hot blush to her cheeks, a blush that was mirrored now as she entered into Han and Leia's kitchen on Ben's arm. She had tried to escape into the entryway powder room but Ben had tugged her along mercilessly. This was a game to him, knowing the state she was in, knowing what he had done to her. Jokes on him though, it's a game two can play quite easily.

Rey has always loved Leia's kitchen, it's warm, inviting, and ever-changing. Always stocked with wine and good food, the perfect place to entertain. And, Leia loves to entertain. With Ben at her side, Rey stalks towards Luke who's wiggling a very fine bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon in Rey's direction. Her thighs are sticky as she moves but the form-fitting dress makes it easy to hide her need to keep them together. Ben, his hand at her back follows, accepting a glass of water from his father who's teasing Leia about the way she's stuffing her mushrooms.

"So glad you came too," Luke says a little sloppily as he pours Rey a glass without asking. The wine is aromatic and thick as she holds the glass beneath her nose and inhales softly. Ben, whether out of a desire to avoid being alone with his parents or just a need to be near her takes up residence at her hip. She can feel him pressed against her still as rigid as he had been outside. _Interesting_.

"Of course," Rey hums around the lip of her glass. Ben's hand is rubbing steady circles over her hip careful to skirt over her backside in the presence of his family. It feels… exhilarating in a way she's never experienced before. No one has ever paid her so much attention or encouraged such deviant behavior. While she'd never dream of doing something like going to a dinner party without any underwear before Ben makes the experience something a little more than just a filthy secret.

It's easy to get lost in his touch, listening to Han chastise Leia for adding too much cream cheese as BB and Chewie wrestle in the living room. The two mammoth puppy dogs have been fast friends so the growling whines are part of their everyday interaction. Chewie pinning BB against the ground and mouthing at his neck while BB wags his tail expectantly. Han mutters something about keeping it down and then throws the canines scraps of dried chicken which they greedily accept before going back to their pawing battle for dominance.

"So, any word from Ren?" Han asks, settling across the island from Ben. Han's eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot, whether from drink or pot is indiscernible but he's pleasant which is really what matters. Han seems to know a lot more about Ben's work situation then she does which leads Rey to wonder if Ben's actually been talking to his father. Or maybe Han really is in the know still. As retired military there's bound to be lots he's still privy to with the right phone call.

Ben makes a noise halfway between a grunt and a sigh, "They keep pushing it back, I just want it over with," there's a note in his voice that sounds hopefully but sad. It's not that they haven't talked about it, they just haven't talked about _it_. Or what it means in the context of their relationship. Ben always assures her he won't let it change anything but how can it not if he's planning on going away again? It's not that she's not used to being alone. In fact, she's probably a little too comfortable with the idea. Now however for the first time in her life she feels like maybe, just maybe it's time to fight against the solitude.

"And how are you doing kid?" Han asks with a nod in her direction. She'd been nursing her glass of wine carefully, intent on only having one or two so that Ben didn't have to deal with her in any state of inebriation but Han's voice comes unexpected, "You seem a little spacey, are you hot? Your cheeks are all red, we can open a window."

"Oh no, I'm ok," she assures him, setting her wine glass down to rub at her cheeks. "Just a little wind burnt. Should have stood a little closer to the house I guess."

"What took you two so long anyway?" Leia chimes in. She's taking puff pastries out of the oven and replacing them with the mushroom tops she's stuffed with cream cheese and what looks like bacon. Luke and Han share a look that makes Rey feel more seen then she's used to.

Waiting for Ben to say something, offer any sort of explanation is like trying to hold her breath underwater after being submerged for too long, "Ben was explaining who Chewie was," she offers softly, catching Ben from the corner of her eye. He's been oddly quiet which makes Rey worry a little but the answer seems to appease everyone.

"Charles was a good man," Leia offers, Luke nodding sagely after her.

Their evening is made up of good food and stories of the late Charles Bachman. From her new position within the family Rey finds she's learning so much more about the Solo-Organa-Skywalker relation. She'd always been privy to certain things, Leia never really hid their families strained history. Now, instead of being another body around the table Rey finds herself there as more of a part of Ben's existence. Strained as it may be the warm familial bonds are tight and warm and it's easy to relax into. Maybe it's more to do with the fact that she's older now and knows more about the world or maybe it's just the way Ben holds her against him but Rey finds it easier to fit when he is next to her.

They've always loved her, that was never a question and it's not a matter of feeling more loved now then she had before. It's more the easy nature in which information flows. There's a comfort, a stream of consciousness that's been let go, a guard let down as they stand around the island and chat. Luke of course close to being obnoxious serenades Leia as he sweeps her into his arms and waltz's her around the kitchen. Leia laughs, as Luke releases her and she grabs Han. Han is a little more stoic in his movements, he's still as Leia pulls against him like a koala bear but within moments that stony shell is gone and he's sweeping her off her feet.

Han and Leia have what Rey has always considered a love story for the ages. No matter how old are or how much they fight they always come back to one another in an almost serendipitous way. While his parents dance and Luke does a sort of one man samba Ben's hands busy themselves against the backside of Reys dress. Their bodies are pressed so close together that his actions go hidden, fingers toying with the hem as he tugs it higher and higher. It's hard to school her features as she sips on her wine. It's difficult to keep a straight face as Leia laughs, knocking her head back while Han swoops in to kiss her cheek.

If she's being honest it's rather thrilling to be touched in such a way in so obvious a setting that it's hard not to be a little turned on. She still hasn't excused herself to the bathroom as she swore she would. She likes knowing what the idea of her being left sticky and damp is doing to Ben. It makes her feel powerful in a sense, owning her body in a way she's never really done before.

Still her dress creeps up higher and higher, Ben's eyes on his parents, his mouth upturned in a soft smile. There's an edge there, a dark glint of something Rey is discovering means trouble of the most delicious variety. Once he has her skirt rucked up high enough that it's just barely covering her backside, she feels his fingers creep between her thighs. She watches his jaw tighten as he feels the heated dampness left in the wake of his previous explorations. Their hips are too close to the island for it to be obvious what's happening but Rey's senses are peeked by the idea that they may get caught. That Ben may be acting a little too brazen in his exploration.

"Benjamin Solo you keep your hands to yourself," Leia's voice is curt and motherly as she points a very Han like finger in Ben's direction. Ben stills, Rey's eyes widen as Leia's brows lift and she gives them a sharp nod, "I can see you in the reflection of the windows, Ben."

The windows, Rey had forgotten about the windows at their back. Rey had forgotten but Ben had grown up in this house, Ben should have known…

Mortified Rey set's her glass down and excuses herself quickly. Rushing off to the bathroom she can hear Leia giving Ben grief, reminding him he needs to act more like an adult. It would be funny if it hadn't been her legs Ben had been trying to push his way between. If these people weren't as important to her as they were. The bathroom light is soft making the red of her cheeks stand out like a glowing beacon. She quickly sets to cleaning herself up, dealing with the tacky state of her thighs and the blossoming warmth that was quickly put out when Leia called them out. Really, she'd only called Ben out but hadn't Rey been complicit?

Taking a cool cloth to her face, careful of what little makeup she had put on before leaving Rey dabs at the heat of her cheeks. Running the cool cloth around her neck and behind her ears she steadies her heartbeat and readies herself to face Han and Leia and Luke after such a teenage act of immature pawing.

As she hovers in the hallway a moment she listens to their voices, Luke and Han are laughing like fools while Leia says, "It's not funny you two, poor Rey looked mortified. And you!" She imagines Leia is talking to Ben.

Han's voice cuts in, "Don't worry about it son," he sounds almost happy, "Your grandparents caught me doing waaaaaayyyy worse to your mother."

"Han!" Leia almost yelps as Luke simply chuckles.

"I remember when Dad found the two of you in the back of Han's old Falcon. That was more than a slip of a hand between the thighs Leia."

"That may have been when Ben was conceived actually." Han muses as Rey finds her feet and slowly makes her way back to the kitchen.

"Jesus dad," Ben barks and Rey can see the look of disgust on his face from his profile but his mother is laughing now.

"Serves you right for being a lech," Leia says as she swats at Ben from across the island countertop with a hand towel. When her eyes fall on Rey her demeanor shifts and Rey feels that warm comfort return, "Rey dear come on, it's ok."

Luke has her wine glass in hand as he approaches, pulling her over to his side of the counter and away from Ben, "Come over here away from my naughty nephew, you poor thing," he jokes and Rey can see the way Ben's eyes follow her.

His face is the picture of calm but for the tiny bit of red that tips his ears as they poke out from beneath Ben's dark hair. It's Ben's one obvious tell and he knows she's seen it. The look on his face is impassive but Rey can see the dark desire that lines the surface of his composure. It feels strange to be away from his warmth in a way that's foreign and unpleasant. Luke's hands a familiar as they rub at her shoulder in a way that's comforting but just not _Ben_.

"That was slick, I will say," Han says as he takes a drink of his whiskey. Leia chastises him, smacking him in the chest with the backside of a heavily ringed hand.

"Will you shut up." Leia hisses.

It's then Ben says, "Chewie would have thought it was smooth," and everyone goes still. Leia and Luke look shocked while Han simply looks stunned.

"Chewie would have never…" Leia starts to say.

Han effectively cutting her off with a fond sort of softness, "Oh… he definitely would have."

And that was that. Their evening rolled on with affable ease. Luke held Rey close for a moment or two longer, his arms looped over her shoulder as he spoke to her about things happening at the studio. Han and Leia picked at one another playfully and eventually Rey found herself back at Ben's side. He was careful to keep his hands where everyone could see them but that didn't stop him from pulling Rey down against his lap. From this position, he could prop his chin on her shoulder and nuzzle his nose against her ear while his arms wrapped themselves around her waist. He held her against him in a way that was protective and possessive all at the same time. When he laughed she could feel it as it rumbled through him, or the breathy way a chuckle would start.

It wasn't lost on her the way the others watched them. The careful fondness in Leia's eye as Ben spoke softly into her neck. Or how Luke just smiled when Ben kissed her on the cheek. Never one for public displays like this it felt odd to be exposed but in the end how was it any different than how Han and Leia acted with one another? If that was what Ben had grown up witnessing it only stood to reason that he would in turn act accordingly. His behavior was as natural over the course of time as breathing. He wasn't about to sweep her up into a dance the way Han did but he would tease her lips with morsels of food encouraging her to try something new. He'd bounce her slightly when she got a little lippy or pretend to let her slid off his lap only to scoop her up again and kiss her cheek. They were developing their own set of norms that felt right and fresh and full of affection.

When their evening came to an end, Luke passed out on the chaise about an hour prior, Han and Leia walked them to the door. Han looks tired, worn in a way that shows his age a little too clearly. Leia simply looks small and pink and flush with wine.

"We're glad you came," Leia says softly as she pulls Rey's hands into her grasp. Silently she mouths a '_thank you_' leaving it's meaning open to interpretation while Han and Ben share a strained sort of handshake.

Ben has his wool coat pulled on when Han wraps Rey up in his arms. He's not as tall as Ben but he's not a small man either. His hug is firm and warm and fatherly as he lifts Rey up off her feet just a little. Her dress shifts and Ben is at her back pulling the black fabric down quickly before too much of her hind-end gets exposed.

"Ever the gentleman…" his mother says fondly as they bid their farewells.

A day or two goes by when Rey realizes that she never did get that pair of underwear back. She's at work going over some files when she picks up her phone to fire off a quick text message to Ben.

_How's my panty thief doing?_

It's simple but it makes her smile as she sets back to her task. Files are the one part of her job the likes the least. Every client's treatment must be documented. Clearly outlining the client's complaints, treatment approach, and reason for it. It's a lot of repetitive writing but it keeps the insurance companies happy. The trouble is, Rey sometimes lets her files build up until she has a pile that's entirely too large so she has to stay after her shift is finished to finish them up and then file them away.

This is one of those days. She'd sent Ben a text earlier in the day outlining her plan to which he'd responded with a tight '_no problem_'. That should have been her first indication that something was off. She knew Ben's plans included a meeting and then heading back to his condo to deal with some work-related business. Ren, whoever that was kept pushing back their scheduled appointments and it was making Ben anxious. On top of that Hux had called him several times in the last few days but Ben had kept it all very hush-hush.

It isn't that she enjoys this sort of silence but she's accustomed to it so it isn't really a red flag.

Until it _is._

Six-o-clock rolls around and Rey is packing stuff away into her purse when Paige pops in. Rose's sister is a sweetheart who has picked up front desk life pretty easily. She's reliable too and fantastic with the customers. Not much phases her so when she pokes her head into the staff room looking more then a little strained Rey's first response is one of concern.

"Hey Paige," Rey calls as she throws her overly large purse over her shoulder casually. "You ok? No issue with Mr. Henley's insurance this time I hope?"

"What? oh yeah, no it went through no issue," Paige says softly, before starting, "Uh, Rose's ex… the redhead?"

"Armitage? What about him?"

"He's been pacing around in the front lobby for about fifteen minutes now, I guess he's here to pick you up?"

That really gets Rey's attention, "Armie is here to pick me up?"

Paige merely shrugs, "I guess so, he doesn't look very happy."

"That might just be his face."

There's a soft laugh from Paige as her fingers tighten on the doorframe, "I don't mean to… I mean I know it's silly it's just Rose is going to be finishing up with a client soon and I don't… I mean things didn't end well. She's still… I mean I don't think it's over for her quite yet."

Stuffing her phone into her pocket hastily Rey nods, "I get it." She's tried hard to maintain a friendship with both Rose and Armitage, a feat that until this point has been relatively simple. The details of the breakup were never public knowledge and Rey never really pressed but she always got the feeling that neither party was particularly happy about the decision to end it. Rose had cried and Armitage had become even more of an insufferable prick for a time, things were only now getting back to the status quo. She was sure Rose wasn't aware of Hux's new lady friend.

With a soft understanding smile Rey makes her way passed Page. True to her word Hux is there, his hands shoved into the pockets of his dark blazer as he traipses back and forth. When he sees Rey everything sort of stops. His blue eyes are wide and open, like an animal caught in the headlights, "Right," he mutters, "Come on then."

Rey wants to scream at him, she wants an answer but cool as ever Armie simply ushers her out the door with a wave over her shoulder to Jannah. His hand at her arm is harsh and biting in a way that is not entirely Armitage's style. He's almost pulling her towards his car before she digs her heels in and pulls back.

"We don't have time for his," Armie seethes, "Come on Rey get in the car."

"Fuck off," she growls back, "Where's Ben?"

"Dealing with something, now come on, this isn't the time for petulance."

Her skin bristles beneath his accusation, readying for a fight. It's the survivor in her that responds harshly. With quick hands she pushes him away from her giving them some space. "You don't have to be a prick," she growls and suddenly Hux's expression softens. His eyes are darting around them as he gazes up and down the snowy boulevard before stepping in tight to Rey. His feet bump hers, his body mere inches away. He smells like smoke and ash and cinnamon. It's different from Ben in a way that isn't unpleasant it's just not for her.

"I… I'm sorry," he mutters restlessly, his hands twitch at his sides, flexing in and out of fists as he taps his curved index finger against his leg. "I may have fucked up." the admission is strange, Armitage is usually so careful, so well put together, Now he looks almost disheveled. "No, no I fucked up," he tells her. "I need you to get in the car." His eyes meet hers for just a moment before he signs, "Please."

Rey can't help but oblige. It doesn't take long before they're pulling up alongside a large building that seems to be built of onyx glass. It's one of the taller in the city but Rey's never known who owned it or what happens within its walls. She never found she'd cared until this moment.

"Sit, stay please…" Hux asks as he fiddles with his seat belt, "I'll be quick."

"What is this place?"

Hux bites at his lip cautiously, "My uh… My Dad's company."

"Armitage…" She doesn't know much about Brendol Hux, what she does know of him isn't what one would call pleasant. His relationship with his only son is strained and Armitage has always gone out of his way to avoid the man at all costs. Why then were they here?

"Don't," he cuts in quickly, "Just… stay in the car. Keep the doors locked. Do not, open the door for anyone. No one, you hear me?"

Rey nods, watching as Armie exits the car and straightens his lapels. He's running his hand through his hair a few times, straightening the cuffs of his jacket and then he's gone. She watches him disappear through the dark glass doors of the building entrance and then there's nothing to do but wait.

Waiting under the weight of this unknown makes Rey uneasy. She crosses her legs, shifting in the small space provided before deciding to dig out her cellphone. Still there's been no response from Ben. Her fingertips jitter, tapping on the blank screen face. Her backdrop springs to life, a picture of Ben and BB wrestling on the floor. Yes, she's turned into _that_ girl.

In a desperate attempt to calm her mind Rey pulls up Facebook and begins thumbing through the posts. Friendly faces, funny cat videos and recipes fill her feed but in the end she's not really looking at any of it. Quickly she texts Poe, an inquiry about the upcoming party. Finn's birthday falls two weeks before Christmas so as a rule they don't usually make a big deal of it. Even worse is Rey's. She doesn't like to think about it let alone celebrate it. Growing up with Plutt made having a Christmas birthday that much worse. Not only was it disappointing knowing that Christmas going to be another evening of cleaning up after her Uncles drunken friends. Her Birthday was always left unacknowledged. She hadn't had a real birthday party until she was nineteen and Finn had taken it upon himself to throw an epic Birthday bash fit with Chrismas Dinner and tacky decorations. The turkey was dry and the trimmings were sparse but she'd never felt more cared for in her life.

With no response from Poe, Rey scrolls through her pictures a bit. The reel is a line of silly selfies she's forced Ben to take, BB napping, BB carrying a stick, Bb eating icecream. A few more candid shots Ben would kill her if he ever knew she had. Him sitting in his sleep pants reading a book. Him cooking supper, dancing just a little to the music Rey forced him to endure. Their time together until this point has been fast and crazy and despite all the drama so blissfully perfect.

After a few more agonizing minutes Rey caves, ready to send Ben another text message when her phone chimes startling her from her thoughts. Expecting it to be Poe, Rey is elated to see it's actually Ben getting back to her

_Sorry, I've been a bit tied up, see you soon though?_  
_Maybe without panties_?

Rey can't help but giggle. Ben is an incorrigible gentleman with one of the most devious mouths Rey has ever known. And he's all hers.

Preparing her response Rey takes a moment to survey her surroundings. The windows of the car are tinted and there's no one really around. There's the slight chance of getting caught but Armitage could be another fifteen minutes how would she know? It wouldn't take her long…

What was she even doing?

Was she really?

A split-second decision has her shucking her boots off, a simple pair of slip-on leathers that only came up to her ankles. The pull tabs at the front and heel make them easy to get on and off. She was small and her wool coat covered quite a bit.

Fuck it.

Squirming out of her leggings quickly Rey tugs the tight cuffs over her ankles angling her hips so she can shimmy out of them. A quick cursory glance around tells her there's a couple walking down the other side of the street but no one within view that can see her. Quick as can be she hooks her thumbs into the band of her underwear and works them down over her hips. The angles are funny and anyone who looked in right now might think she's crazy but her waist is hidden beneath the tight console. Once her bare arse hits the leather seats Rey makes quick work pulling her leggings up and over her shins and thighs, quirking her hips just as she sees a flash of orange hair within the atrium of the building. Armitage is talking to a squat woman with her hair done in winding braids around her head.

It's no good to sit there without underwear on without making a point of it. Quick as she can Rey set's the small blue cotton against the dash of Armitage's prized ride and takes a quick picture before stuffing the undergarments into her purse just in time for Armie to approach from the building. He looks thoroughly pissed. Like someone's just told him he's not allowed to wear black anymore, or that he's going to have to start going to a tanning bed.

Rey doesn't have time to consider as she fires off the picture to Ben rather pleased with herself and her sneaky sexting.

His response is instant.

_Fuck Rey, I can practically taste you, are you wet right now?_  
_Wait are you in Huxley's car?_

Rey laughs outwardly as Armitage crawls into his seat next to her. "What's so funny?" he asks bitterly, "You better not be sexting Solo right now," grabbing for her phone Rey pulls it back out of his reach quickly.

He takes a moment to observe her fully. She knows her cheeks are flushed, she can feel it and her coat is slightly askew, "Why did you take your boots off?" he asks skeptically.

Floundering Rey says, "They're new and they hurt my feet." Armie is eyeing her cautiously, "And I'm texting Rose, sorry…" The guilt Rey feels is immediate. Armitage's face falls from annoyed to curiously hurt in a matter of seconds as he passes a thick manilla envelop as well as a series of blue and green folders into the back seat.

"How is she?" he asks softly and Rey can see it just there, the ebbing guilt over a relationship lost.

"Armie…" she offers softly, ignoring how he hates the name, "It's not my place to say." He's got his keys poised in the ignition when Rey's resolve waves, "If it was then I could tell you she's still pretty broken up over it." Her hand finds his allowing a soft squeeze over his pale knuckles. "What happened?"

Armitage tenses and for a second Rey wonders if she's pushed too far. She leaves him be as he starts the car, pulling his seat belt on in quiet stillness, "She wants kids…" she catches softly and it's the admission of someone who's lived a life of broken cold homes. There are times she's thought about it too, whether or not having kids would ever be in the cards for someone like her. She doesn't know how to take care of herself let alone a tiny human. It's easy to go on autopilot when it comes to your own life but when an innocent needs you…

"And you… don't?"

"Fuck Rey how could I? I don't know how to love someone. I don't even know why Rose stayed with me as long as she did." They're the words of a man who has lost himself. "My father never loved me, he doesn't love me. I'm a pawn, a piece for him to move around as he wishes. I've never been anymore then leverage over my mother who wanted to leave him but couldn't. Because of me."

"I get it," she admits, "You spend most of your life believing you're nothing then there's a sort of selfish survival instinct that kicks in. When you live with that you don't feel like you're capable of providing for something so small."

"Like you'll corrupt them," Armie's head hits the steering wheel, his hands the only cushion.

"Gwen doesn't want kids then…"

"Fuck Gwen barely wants me. We work because we're both too busy for relationships. When we're together we fuck and we talk shop and she gets it but when we're apart I don't miss her. I should miss the person I'm with right?"

Rey thinks of Ben and how not hearing from him all day had made her feel. It was hard at first coming to grips with being a person who cared_ that_ much. Someone who felt so much for someone so quickly. Now, it's like breathing, "Yeah…" she admits, "For what it's worth Armitage, I think you'd be a pretty awesome dad."

The noise he makes is halfway between a scoff and a muffled moan. A broken man's attempt at dismissing a fact he wishes were true. "What about you?"

In the middle of texting Ben back, Rey pauses, "What about me?"

"You and Solo," Armie offers but still Rey's not quite sure. Is he asking if they're going to have kids?

"I… it's never… I don't know." she finishes lamely, "I don't even know if he's going to be going back to the Marines."

Pulling away from the curb Armitage doesn't bother looking at her, he simply navigates the streets around them like a man who knows where he's going. "He won't." As if it's that simple. "He's playing it pretty close to the chest right now but trust me. He has eyes for little brown-eyed babies with your freckles and his dopey big ears."

All Rey can do is stare at her ginger-haired friend, "Has he… have you two…" does she really want to know?

"Have we talked about it?" Armie asks with a dark chuckle, they're only a few blocks away now coming in from the back of the building. "Yes and No. I know you two haven't fucked yet." he offers and Rey's cheeks burn brightly.

She's pulling the collar of her wool coat around her face to hide her embarrassment not sure that she should say.

"Oh stop it, I'm surprised he's held out this long. I've heard the man fuck." Armitage shakes his head as he takes a corner and pulls his visor down pressing a small white button on a fob attached there, "It's enough to make me blush. You know he has a mouth on him right?"

"Yeah… you do." He laughs as they pull into the underground parking area. The lighting is dark and it takes Rey a moment to adjust but she can see the smile that's coiled itself up on Armitage's lips, "Look I'm not about to out him as some sex god, but I won't let you think the man's a saint either. He's had his number of partners but," pulling into his parking spot Hux turns his keys before turning to face Rey. The lighting makes his orange hair look almost brown, his skin almost a normal pallor, "You're it for him, Kitten. All roads start and end with you. He's scared, like terrified and he'll never admit it so don't you go telling him I said this. He wants what his parents have. Fuck, the big dope, he's so hung up on you I bet he's already got a ring picked out."

A ring? Rey's heartbeat hums in a soft staccato in her chest as she rallies her breathing into something a little more reasonable. Part of her wants to think that Armitage is just fucking with her, that at any moment he's going to laugh and Holler '_gotcha!_' But, it never comes. He gives her space, he watches closely but he doesn't pressure her into a response. Her mind is reeling, it's everything she's ever wanted and yet it's all just a little too much. Still it's Ben and no matter what, too much or no sex Rey finds she's prepared to see where he wants to take this.

"Hey, hey, He hasn't," Armie says finally, "Not that I know of anyway." reaching passed her into the back seat he grabs the documents he'd tossed there, arranging them on his lap with a soft thud, "You'll see what I mean… come on. He's upstairs."

So, after pulling her shoes back on she follows. Through the dark parking garage and into the elevators up the glassy column to their floor. Armie leads her down the hallway with the envelope tucked under his arm tapping it against his thigh. He doesn't bother with his keys, simply pushing into the apartment. They find Ben sitting at the kitchen island with an assortment of papers spread out before him like a map to an answer. To _the_ answer.

"You get it?" Ben approaches with a grin as Armie holds his prize aloft.

"You fucking owe me, Solo," comes the response as Armitage smacks Ben's shoulder with the paperwork before throwing it down with the rest.

It's like she's been pulled into some sort of secret investigation that she'd been blissfully unaware of. Ben's arms wrap around her, his hands sliding down over her hips to grab at her backside. Palming her arse as though to test whether in fact those had been her undergarments she'd so surreptitiously sent him. Leaning in for a kiss he nips at Rey's bottom lip, murmuring, "tease," softly into her mouth with a smile.

"Ok ok, enough with the heavy petting, we still have work to do here," Armie grumbles as he pours himself a glass of whiskey. Without any pretense he knocks the amber liquid back like its water with only the softest hint of regret. Not enough it seems as he's quickly pouring himself another.

As Ben moves away from her Rey shifts out of her wool coat, hanging it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. The paperwork is a litany of names and dates and numbers and places, none of which make the slightest amount of sense to Rey at all. Ben is pawing at the manilla envelope as Hux extracts a few photocopied pictures from the green and blue colored folders. They work in tandem piecing information together here and there as though putting together a large jigsaw. As Ben's eyes caress the paper in his hands his eyes go wide, his mouth drawn into a grin that threatens to crack his face.

He has his arms around Armie's shoulders quickly as he cries, "Huxley I could kiss you!"

Stiffly Hux replies, "Your keys and signature will due Solo," as Ben turns on Rey who admittedly is very confused now.

"Someone going to fill me in?"

Prowling towards her, his body slightly hunched at the shoulders Ben looks like a mad man. His dark eyes are wide and bright and fill or something Rey thinks might just be joy. He's worrying his bottom lip between his teeth before he approaches her with his tongue curled up over the top lip in a sort of mad hatter grin. It almost looks like he's dancing, or some odd motion like dancing as he waves the paper around before swooping in and claiming her mouth in a kiss. It's warm and full of promise as he pulls her up against him encouraging her to hop up. His broad hands supporting her thighs as she pops up into his embrace, legs hitched on his hips as he spins her. He's happy about something and it isn't just the fact that she's currently going commando. Slanting his mouth he deepens the embrace much to Armitage's dismay. When he finally pulls away he's setting her on the countertop, a little higher than her own so she sits eye to eye with him.

"We found it." He says with a grin.

"Found…. what?"

"For fuck says Solo, just tell her already." Armitage gripes, he's holding a bottle of Jack Daniels in his fist like it's a baby bottle.

Instead he shifts his head back and forth, wiggling his shoulders as he does so. He _is_ dancing Rey realizes and he's doing so very poorly. All the same, it makes her laugh, "We found how to take make alllllllll of our problems go away. Plutt, the Marines, all of it.

"I didn't realize the Marines were an issue," Rey says softly.

"Ever since I mentioned to Ren I was thinking about taking the honorable they'd offered me he's been dicking me around. I know he's been talking to his superior, General Snoke about it and for some reason they don't appear to be very interested in letting me go."

"Snoke's in bed with Plutt," Armie explains, "It was hard to track down but it's there and it's a weakness we can expose if we do this right."

"That's why you went to your father?" Rey asks, "To get this information?"

Shrugging Armitage takes a long swig from the bottle of Jack, "I not as altruistic as that Kitten, trust me I'm getting something out of this but this is real and it's a start. A dangerous start, but a start."

"I thought you said you fucked up?"

Armie's shoulders tense as Ben turns towards him, "What did you do?" Ben's words are harsh, biting in a way that makes Rey's skin prickle.

"Ahhh... about that. It has nothing to do with all..." waving his hand around Hus says, "This, it's shit with my father, I'll deal with it. It won't affect you, scouts honor." Holding two fingers a loft Armitage huffs before taking another swig of the Jack.

Ben seems to consider for a moment before turning his attention on Rey "I'm going to take it to my dad tomorrow, but this is real, this is good." He's excited and Rey isn't quite sure what to say. The idea of being out from under Plutt's eye is like a dream but to have Ben so willing to give up his job, a job he loved… it's overwhelming. She sees now what it was Armitage was trying to tell her and the reality of it settles into her like a weight. There is so much there to wade through, so many emotions left to pick apart but it's real and it's right there. She only needs to allow herself to hope.

* * *

_I wasn't as happy with how this turned out, I wrote it a few times and this is what sort of stuck. I think maybe I'm reading too much smut. I kind of love Ben being a bit out of control for Rey, is it too much? Let me know what you think lovelies xoxo_


	22. Chapter 22

Rey doesn't hear any more about plans or scheming or General Snoke, or even her Uncle Plutt after that. She does however find out that Ben's response to stress is rather unique. As the weather gets colder and the trails grow unsafe his morning runs become shorter and shorter. Rey quickly finds she doesn't mind when she wakes up to find him there, his arms around her like she's an oversized teddy bear. Ben makes her feel safe and wanted and all the good things being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel.

He's kind and attentive and seems to anticipate her needs before she even knows she has them. He's adoring in a way that should be suffocating but comes across more like a man struggling against restraint.

Her conversation with Hux still lingers in her mind. About Ben's deep affection, about his past, the part he doesn't talk about.

The… girls. It's not that she's jealous. Well maybe she is just a little bit but what bothers her more is how restrained he is around her. It's not as though his escapades outside his parent's house didn't spark something. Oh… it sparked something alright but it has all been far too one-sided. He mouthes and kisses and licks… good god does he _lick_ her and is incredibly vocal about his intentions but he never lets it go passed her pleasure. He never seemed interested in taking it further. It was… nice at first. Then she realized he's using it as a type of stress relief too. Was that why he was holding back?

He whispers such wonderfully filthy things to her. He holds her tight and strokes her thigh while they lie in bed her body cocooned against his chest. He knows what he's doing too, edging her on with no more than his words before he pushes her to the brink of pleasure. It isn't as though he too isn't thoroughly enjoying the spectacle but when Rey finds herself coming down from the high of it all. When she rolls over and tries to give him a _hand_, he simply pulls her close and makes excuses. Sure, she's touched him, gentle strokes and heavy petting don't count though when Ben has his face buried regularly between her legs.

"What are you complaining about?" Jannah cries as she sits down with a cup of coffee at their staff room lunch table. Rey isn't sure how it really came up. Rose had made a comment about missing sex and Rey had made an off-handed remark in return. Next thing she knows she's sitting here talking to Jannah about her boyfriend's penchant for oral sex. "Girl you lucked out."

Rey can't help but laugh, sure it could be seen that way but there's a deep part of her who misses that feeling. Who wants to show him how good he makes her feel. The first time she'd made any attempt had been an utter debacle but Ben was kind enough to never bring it up. He'd made a comment in the beginning about never needing to feel she needed to be that person in order to keep him but that was all.

Carding her fingers through her hair Rey lets out an exasperated sigh, "Fuck, I can't believe I miss…"

"What? A cock in your mouth?" leave it to Jannah not to beat around the bush. Also leave it to Jannah to say that just as Amilyn walks into the room.

"Cock in who's mouth?" Their glamazon of a boss asks. She's in a tight fitted black lace number that creeps high along her neck and ends in capped sleeves. Her hair, still mauve surprisingly is swept off her shoulder in a low messy bun. Her eyes are wide with mischievous and gloriously curious intent. "Are we talking nice cock? Like one that deserves worshipping here or just your run of the mill dick because that can make a huge difference.

Of course it can. Of course Amilyn would need to weigh in and of course both she and Jannah are looking at her like she has some profound answer to give. "What?" Rey chirps uncomfortably as she plucks at her lunch Ben so kindly did up for her that morning. There are only a few cucumbers left, they aren't the french toast Ben had made for breakfast but they'd do for now.

"Yeah Rey, are we talking a nice cock or what?"

Sliding into a chair across from her Amilyn's eyes go wide, "Wait, are we talking about Ben?" she's far too giddy for any good to come of this. The room is just the three of them now, Astrid and Paige are on the desk and everyone else is with clients. "Oh I use to change his diapers, I don't know if I want to know… but… I kind of do." She sounds like a school girl sharing secrets on the playground. Her long arms folding across the dark chestnut of the table as she kicks off her shoes, "Is it wrong that I really want to know?"

"You'll be happy to know he's the prince of pussy eating," Jannah says with a giggle. She's chewing on something animatedly, a scone from the bakery down the street from a box of treats Amilyn had bought for everyone. She's positively giddy and Rey hates this amount of attention. She wants to crawl into her skin and hideaway. Why is this her life again? Working with women, of course this sort of thing comes up from time to time but Rey has never found herself in the center of this attention. She's usually the one offside with a chuckle, or pulling whoever is in the middle out of the fire but she's never felt quite like this before.

Like she wants to talk, but like she wants to keep it a secret. Poor Ben, he doesn't deserve to have all her coworkers, or his mother's best friend at the least staring at him with the knowledge that he…

"Ben?" Amilyn's eyes are wide, her grin so broad it takes up most of her face. She's leaning into the table with her palms spread wide, eyes bright and curious, "Shit… ok, little Ben Solo." Her voice trails off, "He does have a nice mouth. Good kisser?"

Rey can feel her cheeks redden as she shoves another cucumber into her mouth and actively avoids her boss's attention. Sure in some cases this might be considered workplace harassment but this is their dynamic and Amilyn Holdo took as good as she gave. There were countless mornings that she'd come in after a known tinder hook up or a blind date gone wrong and someone without fail would question her on it. She was shameless with her sharing too, but only so much as the person pushed. There was a respect of boundaries there that she never edged passed. She would never talk about her oral fixation with some of her more reserved employees. Not that there were many but Amilyn was good at reading a room.

"Please tell me he's at least proportional." Jannah presses.

"Jannah, Jesus he's huge," Amilyn quips, "Oh, well wouldn't that be disappointing though," she muses, sitting back and casting a glance at Jannah as if the dark-haired receptionist already knew the answer, "A man that large with…" pointing her finger out see scrunches it over as if to imply something small or unimpressive.

At that point Rey isn't sure whether or not it's worse to let them think Ben is ill-equipped or well equipped. Really she should know she's being baited. She should know better than to fall for their ploys but watching Jannah and Amilyn lean their heads together and discuss Ben's endowment leaves Rey a little flustered. "Very proportionate ok?" she cries, slamming her fists into the table.

Jannah laughs and claps her hands together, "Knew it!" with a quick glance at her watch she's scrambling to her feet and Rey has never been so happy to see her friend vacate a room, "Shit, I should go take care of those insurance issues before I send Paige off for her break. Can I use your office?"

Amilyn nods, "That's why I popped in, to tell you it's all yours. Mind the mag lamp in the corner, the wheels are busted, I need to send it back."

With a nod Jannah makes her leave, pausing at Rey's side for just a second with her hand on her shoulder, "All joking aside, I'm glad you found your prince." She grins before ducking off leaving Rey and Holdo alone to the silence.

After a moment or two Amilyn looks up at Rey, her eyes soft and sweet, her grin no longer lecherous, "Does he make you happy?" she asks quietly. When Rey nods, Amilyn's hand closes over her own, squeezing softly, "If someone had told me fifteen years ago that Benjamin Solo was going to end up snagging a girl like you. I would have laughed in their face. He was so lost Rey, so lost for so long. It's nice to see him smile again." before adding hastily, "And he got Leia's lips too so what a smile it is."

"He got her mouth too," Rey confesses. It's a well-known fact that when Leia is pissed she has a mouth like a sailor. Ben's anger is far more physical when he's upset but he's creative in other ways. Holdo doesn't need to know that though.

"He picking you up today?"

Rey nods as she begins packing away her things. She has three clients left before days end and then she was promised gourmet homemade mac and cheese. It's her reward for eating a healthy lunch. Truth be told she's still a little hungry, Ben is forever underestimating the amount of food needed to fuel her body in the run of the day. She leaves Amilyn staring at her nails muttering to herself about trying to get in for another manicure.

When she comes down from her last client Ben is standing in the lobby, his dark hair kissed by snowflakes. He must have just come in from outside. He's watching at a glass shelf with an assortment of different creams and lotions looking more than a little lost. From her perch at the desk Jannah is sitting, hand resting in her chin as she casually follows Ben with her eyes. There's a small flare of something that feels a little like jealousy that bubbles up before putting itself out. She's never really felt… possessive over another human being before but seeing her friend watch Ben like that. It was strange. Fleeting but strange.

Descending the staircase Ben turns to find her approaching. His look of pensive agitation melts into something better-resembling joy as she stops beside him, her arms tucked behind her back. "Need a new facial cream?" Rey teases, "You know I have a bunch of these at home right?"

"It's for mom," he tells her sullenly, "I can't remember which one she told me to pick up and there's… a lot to choose from."

"Oh, Jannah can help. Hey J, can you pull up Leia's last purchase and find out what facial wash and cleanser she usually gets?"

Jannah perks up from her position behind the desk, fingers diligently flying across the keys as she sets to work. Ben gives Rey a thankful grin as he pulls her close and kisses the top of her forehead, "Thanks, you just about ready to go? Snows picking up."

"You didn't take the Shelby in did you?" Ben grins sheepishly which means he most definitely_ did_, "Ben," she groans, "You know mine is better in the snow."

"I love my girl though," he mocks a whine, "Come on, go get your stuff, I wanted to swing by Bormea on the way home."

Home… she loves it when he says that. Like it's not just her home but his too. How something so simple can bring so much joy is unfathomable but she never tires of hearing it. His hand is running down the length of her arm now. His fingertips cold and biting against her bare skin. The temperature must have dropped because Ben is never cold. When his fingers tug on hers, pulling her hand into his she melts a little into his touch with a grin. "Are we getting treats?" Rey asks sweetly which only makes Ben laugh. His mouth is broad and sweet and so… oh yes it's kissable.

They feel like the petals on a lily, not soft and easily damaged like a rose but firm and pliant. When he kisses her, she feels it into her toes, even the simplest graze of flesh has her singing. Like now, when he kisses her, it's nothing scandalous or devious or offensive. Couples do it all the time but when Ben does it, it feels like something out of a romance novel. Those men who are so broad their shirts are practically bursting off of them, their hair down and ready to be swept up in the wind… Not so unlike Ben. Although maybe not the hair. It has gotten a bit longer though, falling around his neck in a body of thick deep chestnut which she would think was unfair if she didn't love running her fingers through it.

She feels a little guilty leaving Ben at Jannah's mercy but once her things are scooped up and her winter coat has been pulled on she finds herself back at Ben's side. Jannah is asking him whether or not he'll be going to Finn's birthday party. He doesn't say much by way of response, still tight-lipped and uncomfortable around her friends. Jannah is sweet and understanding, she offers him a, "Can't wait to see you Friday night." as they leave and a flirtatious lick of her lips as Rey pushes Ben out the door. She hopes Ben didn't see but he's focused on his car, now covered in a thin layer of snow. Turns out Ben isn't the lover of winter that Rey is.

He grumbles about the cold even though he's always worm. He slips on the ice and growls as though the world has done something to curse him. He doesn't like snowball fights, he won't build a snowman with her and he adamantly refuses to go skating. It would be annoying if it wasn't for the sullen pout he adopts when she nails him with a snowball or the fact that he never begrudges her desire to go for a walk when the sky is filled with fat fluffy flakes. He makes a good show of it but deep down Rey is convinced she can make him see the joy of winter.

He's dusting off his car with the soft end of his scraped when Rey scoops up a mit full of snow and carefully packs it. Ben hasn't seen her, or if he has he's choosing to ignore her presence for the sake of snow removal. When she pelts the loose ball of snow in his direction, she's elated to see it catch its mark, hitting him square in the shoulder. She'd been aiming for his butt but her aim has never been the best.

The impact causes Ben to turn slowly, eyes wide and dark beneath the street lights, "Did you…"

"Yup." She knows she's grinning madly and Ben, he doesn't look impressed. Or maybe he is, it's hard to tell but there's a growl she recognizes the minute it escapes his throat. A grin that often signifies trouble of the best variety and Ben is throwing his scraper down beside the car. He doesn't make a snowball, no such things would be beneath a man like Ben, instead, he charges at her. She squeaks, when she sees him move, laughing as she uses trees and cement blocks to block his patch, ducking and weaving. His legs may be long but she's speedy and agile. It never fails though, Ben always wins. He has her around the middle in no time, hoisting her off her feet with a dark chuckle.

"Don't start fights you can't finish Rey," He purrs in her ear and for a minute she wonders if this isn't about to get slightly pornographic right here in the middle of the street. Ben has a certain proclivity for taking risks when it comes to his sexual endeavors and Rey can't lie. She kind of enjoys it. She really enjoys it truth be told. That's why it's a little shocking to feel the cold wet of melted snow drip down her very warm spine. Ben, with his big man hands somehow managed, without her notice at that, to scoop up a pile of snow and shove it down the back of her coat.

She shrieks and giggles and thrashes to get away but Ben holds her steady using the heat of his body to encourage the melting to happen faster. Rey is wiggling, and giggling so much that people walking down the sidewalk are gawking at her as she whimpers and groans.

All Ben does however is chuckle, his lips lining the shell of her ear, tongue dipping out to caress it just so before he softly says, "That ought to cool you down a bit." As though she's in need of tempering.

Petulantly she pushes her hips back into his closing the space between their bodies. Cold be damned and he knows she's got the upper hand when she grinds back against him. Her hands search behind her, pressed firmly against his thighs, kneading into his quads beneath the tough fabric of his jeans. She knows she's won when Ben stills, his arms wrapping around her in a hug more than a wrestle.

"Rey…" he warns and she can't help but smile. She's distracted him enough to free herself free. Groping for a handful of snow from one of the cement planters that line the sidewalks normally boasting a brilliant array of greenery. She's quick enough to manage a snowball, tossing it at Ben as she scampers back to the car. This time when it hit's its mark Ben looks less impressed. The ball wasn't tightly packed so it busts on impact but his hair and face are now dripping.

"Sorry!" she squeals and manages to slip into his car before Ben has a chance to retaliate. He's not happy when he finally slumps into the car. His forehead still dripping, snow still sprinkled in his hair. She likes him like this though, a little more vulnerable then he shows other people. "Do I still get a treat?" she says demurely as he starts the car.

His soft '_of course_' is swallowed up by the sound of the engine as it purrs to life. Its that moment, that initial start that Rey kind of understands why Ben is so obsessed with the car. Still. She would have felt safer in her old Honda. Thankfully Ben has overcompensated with marvelous winter tires.

After a quick stop at Bormea, a gathering of goodies and an order placed for Finn's birthday cake. Rey and Ben find themselves back at home. Their home, because at this point Rey can't be convinced otherwise, settled warmly in their pajamas and ready for bed. Supper was amazing. Rey had helped by grating the cheese blocks that Ben had cut up for her but he had done the rest.

The mountain is always quiet this time of year. A picturesque landscape frozen in time. They're sitting in the sunroom in front of the fire. The backyard now bathed in moonlight as the vestiges of snowfall flutter through the air. Rey has herself tucked into Ben's side, her head on his chest as his fingers trace through her hair. Broad stroking motions that make her insides flutter and her heart feel calm.

"Winter might not be so bad up here… like this." Ben mutters almost to himself but it's enough to make Rey cry. Soft happy tears that she hides quickly. She won't tell him that when the snow squalls hit they might be storm stayed for days or that if (when) they happen to lose power it may be out for longer then he's prepared for. She doesn't tell him because she's sure he won't actually mind and for once she doesn't think she will either.

Finn's party is a lot. It's loud and busy and bright and fun. Everything Ben hates. Still, he's there and he's pleasant when people talk to him. Armitage it seems decided against bringing Gwen. A shit disturber he may be but cruel he is not. Armie would never do anything to intentionally hurt Rose and it's common knowledge that Rose and Finn are close. Not as close as Rey and Finn of course but close all the same.

The restaurant is surprisingly full, the tables pushed to the side where people can sit and eat and talk while servers in Bespin's Finest Uniforms man a buffet table and make sure that the liquor stores are stocked. Han and Leia's caterer it turns out is nothing short of a genius. Rey has never seen so many different types of foods. It's a veritable cornucopia of tests and flavors which Ben has been quietly hand feeding her since she pointed it out.

It's funny how a man like Ben can be so quiet and withdrawn in the company of others while so sweet and warm with her. She isn't even quite sure his parents have been allowed the warmth that Ben has bestowed upon Rey as if that part of him is reserved only for her. Armitage stays close by, He keeps a wide birth of Rose but Rey can see him watching her closely. Like when she goes for a second glass of champagne, or when one of the waiters starts flirting with her. Her face is bright and happy and the pain on Armie's is as obvious as the moon in the sky.

"Go tell her it was a mistake," Rey urges, Ben's arm wrapped around her hip as he takes a sip of his club soda. Armie is onto his fifth beer and going far too hard onto it for Rey's liking. Babysitting him was not on her agenda for the evening.

No, she had other things on her mind.

"I haven't changed my mind Kitten," He must be well on his way to feeling it because he wouldn't be talking so openly about this in public otherwise. "I can't procreate. Pasty ginger half Asians would be adorable I'm sure." he mocks bitterly, "But you know how it goes, being broken."

Oh no, please don't start this in front of Ben.

"You said yourself you don't want kids because of you know, we're irrevocably broken you and I. "

Yep… he's going to start this in front of Ben.

She knows she doesn't imagine the way Ben's arm tenses at her hip, nor does she imagine the way he shifts so he's looking at her just a little clearer. This is not a conversation she wants to be having this early in the relationship. But, maybe it's the perfect time or maybe Armitage is an asshole and has just thrown her under the baby bus like a prick because now he's walking away off to harass Finn and Poe.

Part of her knows she should go after him, Poe will likely eat him alive but Finn is laughing and Ben has her pinned against him and he's looking at her curiously. As though he's trying to read the label on the tag of her dress. A dress she wore specifically for him too.

"So…" She offers softly, this really isn't the place to be having this conversation and she hopes Ben knows this.

"Yeah. Well, uh, that was a thing," he offers, his tone a little more distant than she was expecting. Still he doesn't push or pry. It's there though, that thing left unsaid. That question of, what does it mean? Or was he serious? Or whatever it is Ben wants to ask because now it's eating Rey up inside.

In the background a mic screeches and Poe's voice is heard over the speaker, system. It's the one thing he was absolutely adamant about. Karaoke. For some reason or another it's his and Finn's thing. Now, Rey loves belting out a good power ballad in the car but she's not about to get up and sing in front of a group of her peers. That is not what she considers a good time. Finn however, Finn is laughing and clapping his hands offside as Poe takes the spotlight for a small toast or a speech or… could this be it?

"Hey friends," Poe calls in his friendly Poe way that makes everyone just sort of love him. Except for Ben. Ben still wants to punch him in his very Poe like nose. "Thanks to everyone who made it out tonight, It's… it's really amazing to see you all." He almost looks nervous if that weren't a very unPoe like thing to be but his hair is swept back off his face, almost curly at this length but definitely full of more body then Rey's hair has ever managed. He's wearing a crisp white button-down open at the neck with a handsome sports jacket and pant combination, of deep grey with lines of light grey and maroon running through it. It looks good on him, Rey would know, she helped him pick it out.

"Finn, you've been my partner and my best friend. You're the love of my life man and I just wanted you to have a party that was befitting of how I, and really all the rest of us fell about you. This is your night." No… not now then. "Also a huge thanks to Lando, Han and Leia for the setup and the food and drinks. You guys are… beyond. Without further ado friends, let's eat, drink and be fucking merry."

As Poe steps down Finn pulls him in tight. Rey's pretty sure at this point Finn may be crying. He's a bit of a sap when it comes to overtures of affection which really only makes her love him more. They share a moment while the guests mill about picking away at the food and talking amongst themselves in small groups. People intermingle and at one point Rey would have been right there in the middle of it riding the high of the music and dancing like a fool. That's not to say she won't get there but for now, she has a less than social boyfriend who she must attend to.

It's been about a month now, a month where Ben has been the center of her world and it's odd really to think of life without him now. He's sort of made space for himself in her life and has been since the moment they first met. It was subtle at first, the way he just fit himself in anywhere. Like his presence was something that could be molded to fit whatever she needed him to be. Soon that strange filling in of the cracks became something more of a glue holding it all together until he seemed to carve out a place for himself tucked off to the side where he wouldn't disturb anything else. He didn't change her, he didn't try to anyway but in a way he did. He made her warmer, gave her hope in a way no one has been able to do before. He became the little things in her life that built up into something beautiful and fragile and real.

"Why is there so much Frozen on there?" She hears him ask after a few songs. They aren't all Disney thankfully. Rose and Jannah had done something by Pink not long ago but Poe knew his partner too well.

"Frozen is Finn's favorite movie."

"No…" Ben chuckles into his glass of ice as he catches Rey's elbow to his chest.

"Don't knock it, buddy, have you seen it?" Ben simply shakes his head and Rey is filled with such rapturous joy that she can't help but giggle. "Ohhhh I know what we're doing tomorrow."

"Eating leftover cake for breakfast?" Ben offers.

"You mean I will be doing that, do you even eat cake?" Rey loves teasing him, even the slightest joke made on his behalf makes his ears pink and his lips purse in a way that almost looks childlike. It's adorable, made even more so by the fact that he's a towering six foot one million and built like a tree. A large and very snuggly, totally fuck-able tree.

"I don't like the icing." he tells her softly, "But I could warm up to the idea if I were licking it off your body." his breath on her ear is electric as his lips graze the outer shell softly. He promised he'd behave tonight, he'd promised and now, now he's breaking that promise and she honestly can't find it in her to care anymore. She loves it.

God, what is he doing to her?

As he backs away, seemingly content with his job he asks, "You going to get up and sing?" he knows she won't but he's asking anyway, his eyes glittering with mischief and delight.

Armie is talking to a couple of the mechanics from Falcon, waving his arms animatedly as Rose and Jannah stand off by the buffet watching. Jannah looks positively murderous while Rose just looks sad. Her bright face glittering beneath the twinkling lights seems to have lost its luster since her performance. Paige is trying to coax her out onto the makeshift dance floor but Rose seems firmly planted.

"Will you be ok on your own, can you maybe… make a friend? At the very least don't kill anyone?" Ben gives her a sardonic look as her hands slip from his. She's pulling away when he grabs her quickly and pulls her flush against his body. He's warm and soft and hard and wonderful beneath her hands as she presses them against his chest. Unsure of what might be expected of the men at this soirée Ben decided to go with a simple t-shirt and sports jacket combination which really suits him wonderfully. It makes it easier for him to blend in despite his obvious height and the fact that he practically glows beneath a black light. Rey had assured him there would be no black light.

His touch is sweet at first, broad palms rolling over her bare shoulders as she stands before him in no bra and thin straps that she knows are driving him crazy. It's nothing more than a simple slip dress that lays casually across her chest in a bolt of thick fabric but that combined with the completely open back that dips just a touch too far seems to have Ben a little flustered. The heat of his hands is like magic sweeping down over her hips and around her backside where they sit a little too casually. The fabric is light but not airy. It's silky and flows like water over her subtle curves accentuating the flare at her hips a little more then what she might usually wear. It's also merciless in regards to lines beneath so Rey has made the executive decision not to wear underwear. It's practical for so many reasons the best of which she's enjoying at this very moment.

"You're…"

"Nope." She says with a grin as she kisses him softly and then runs her finger softly down the angle of his nose.

When she pulls away, its with deliberate slowness, an extra sashay of her hips she might have embellished just a little. As she skips down the few steps that lead her away from Ben and towards her friends she knows his eyes are following her every move.

Jannah and Rose accept her company happily, a hand at her elbow, a shared exclamation of how gorgeous someone looks and Rose almost looks like she might be ready to smile. The karaoke machine has been put on hold for a minute as someone at a Mac set up nearby sets up a playlist that has Rey ready to move. When both she and Jannah take Rose by the hand there is little resistance from their friend as they pull her out into the throng of bodies already moving.

Someone, likely Jannah manages to wrangle up some shots of a dubious nature. But the friends knock them back with little haste and the sharp tang of straight vodka and vanilla hits her hard. Birthday cake shots apparently, as per Poe's request. Apparently he wanted everyone thoroughly inebriated because there are serves now weaving through the crowd with trays of these shots offering them up to whoever will take them. Finn and Poe seem to have found themselves a small slice of paradise as they jump and dance together. Finn's mock imitation of a pop and lock robot is… amusing but nothing beats the strange way that Poe manages to move his feet as though he's sliding across the floor on ice. Neither of them are great dancers necessarily but they aren't bad either. Really it's more about the joy on their face as they join fingers and preform their own facsimile of a two-man wave.

Han and Leia are around somewhere with Lando, Rey was sure she'd seen them at some point but that was early on and while young a heart this likely wasn't their crowd. Lando's office was somewhere to the back beyond the kitchen and she was sure Ben had told her something about Lando and Han sneaking out back to enjoy a cigar or two while Leia sipped on her wine in peace.

Bodies moved and it was hard not to get swept up in it. They go from swaying shoulders to jumping around with their arms in the air. Bent forward shaking their faces at one another as they belt out whatever song happens to be playing. At one point Rey has her dress hiked up a few inches as she grinds her body back against Rose's. It's nice to let go, to feel the thrum of the beat as it vibrates in her chest. Ben is right where she left her, his eyes dark and unwavering as he takes it all in. Armie has joined him now and the pair watch in idle fascination. They seem to talk very little but Ben smiles as Armitage crosses his arms to his chest and they just sort of exist with one another. Rey can't help but wonder if that's why they've managed to stay friends. A quiet understanding of one another limitations.

Funny then that Ben would find himself dating Rey of all people who has decidedly made it her mission in life to shake him out of his comfort zone.

"Hows the Prince?" Jannah calls over the music into Rey's ear as they dance.

Rose is swinging her arms around above her head and then in front of her body as she leans back trying to catch the conversation, "Did you call him a prince?" she asks skeptically her eyes following Jannah's until they sit on Ben who unfortunately is still paired with Armitage at this very moment.

"Oh Rey hasn't told you? Ben eats Pussy like it's his only life goal."

"Jannah!" Rose clips their friend as Rey shifts into the song. She can't find it in her to care really anymore. If they have to tease her about something let it be the fact that her boyfriend really enjoys performing oral sex. It's her gain in the end. Maybe if he had a mullet or never bathed sure but not that. _Never_ that.

Instead she lets her shoulders sway, her head swing from side to side and her hips whirl in a circle like she's some wannabe Shakira. You don't need to be good at dancing to enjoy it and that's all she wants to do, enjoy it. She wants to enjoy her friends, enjoy the eyes of a very attractive man as they drink her in. She wants to enjoy the love Poe and Finn have for one another and the good food and the music. She wants to enjoy her life because goddammit she deserves just a little bit of that right now.

So she does.

* * *

_This is a two-parter, apparently, I fluffed it up a little too much by adding their snowball fight but with everything else I want to add for the party it just makes sense to split it. Also it means that I can get this up sooner so yay! There's a weeee bit of smut in the next part and then the proposal which I'm sooooo pumped for. Hope you enjoy this little bit of love darlings. xoxo_


	23. Chapter 23

_This chapter is a bit of a behemoth... be forewarned also there's some smut as promised and gratuitous descriptions of muscles because I couldn't help myself haha_

* * *

Rey's not sure when he joins her but he's there. Ben is there at her back on the dance floor. He's there and he's moving against her like he's… like he's dancing. Only Ben can't be dancing because that is one of the most unBen like things Ben could ever do. Ben would shave his head before he'd step out onto a dance for. He's vehemently opposed to the idea of dancing in public. In the safety of their own home he's a monster. Awkwardly moving limbs and joy as if for no other reason then to make her smile. He can't dance, she knows he can't dance. He's like a teenage boy with two left feet and a desperate need to hide his hard-on.

He flaps his hands and waves his arms around or sometimes he just bounces as he walks making that face. The one where his tongue is half out and he looks like he's going to pounce on her. That's likely because that's exactly what he does. The odd thing is she's pretty sure he can classically dance. Maybe not well but there have been a few occasions where Ben has swept her into his arms and waltzed her around their small kitchen. Even then it's not necessarily good but he doesn't trip over his own feet. He says it's because he's too long, too big, there's too much of him. Rey thinks its more an issue of confidence but it doesn't much matter because he's perfect just the way he is.

So it surprises her when he slides up behind her, his hands on her hips. When his hands slide down her arms which she has held into the air while her hips move and sway. Maybe it's because it's less dancing and more heavy petting with flare. She can feel his thighs as the bump and slide along her backside as he bends just a little as though making room for her in the hollow of his body.

Her friends are watching, she knows they're watching. They've been so apprehensive from the start. From the moment Ben Solo was no more than an idea pushed at her by the insufferable Hux. Hux who currently has Rose pinned by the kitchens. Rose who looks upset, like she's crying.

Ben's mouth is at her shoulder, his lips pressing soft innocent kisses along the exposed flesh until he meets the base of her neck. She can feel his nose as it nuzzles along her spine, while his arms wind about her middle holding tight against her belly. When his teeth graze lightly over the slight prominence at the base of her cervical spine she gasps slightly. She can feel his lips curve into a smile, his fingertips pressing just softly into her abdomen.

"Fuck, you drive me crazy," he growls into her ear. His low baritone is barely audible over the steady thrum of the music.

Jannah is watching them, her smile small but knowing as she grinds her hips into a tall fellow with a man-bun. Rey recognizes him as one of the mechanics from Falcon but can't for the life of her place his name. He's completely gone on her as men often are the minute Jannah graces them with her smile or laugh. She exudes this confidence that Rey could never quite attain. Like she knows the answers to all the questions that have even gone unasked and if you're lucky she may, just may share them with you.

Her head thrown back in a laugh Jannah's filled with pure elation. While man bun nuzzles against her ear and whispers something. Rey's not sure what but she's pretty sure she can hazard a guess as Jannah's eyes go wide and she grabs her companion by the hand. It's not even a question about what's going to happen when she drags him off the floor and they disappear down the hallway towards the bathrooms, or the coat closet or whatever nook or cranny they can fit into.

Ben chuckles in her ear and she realizes he's seen it too. The fevered touches and the look in man buns eye. In Jannah's eyes as they slipped off. Rey has no delusions of innocence, she knows what's about to happen down that hallway just as she knows while man bun may think he initiated it. Rey knows that Jannah has been working him for the better part of twenty minutes. She chose him, not the other way around and she's about to make that very clear to him in five words or less.

"They have the right idea," Ben murmurs and Rey can feel her skin flush beneath his touch. He isn't being lewd, nor is he being particularly obvious in his intent. It's almost lazy the way he moves against her, his mouth still content to kiss and nuzzle the exposed flesh of her neck. Ben Solo, adamant not dancer, pressed against her back, comfortable and content to simply drink her in. It's… more than she ever deserved.

That's when the music stops, the DJ or whatever he is is starting up the karaoke machine as a pasty drunk redhead stumbles onto the small platform where the mic and the projector are sitting. A pasty redhead who looks remarkably like… only it is… it's Hux. Armitage looks… for lack of a better word wrecked. Not drunk, not in the way that would have him forget his own name or piss the bed and never realize it. No, he hasn't had that much, Ben had been quick to turn him onto the soda waters quickly after Armitage tried to approach Rose the first time.

He looks… distraught. Like he's lost without a way of finding himself back to center. Rose had been that for him and then he'd gone and messed that up. Him, not anyone else and now he's here and he's bothering her. Or so it seems. She'd backed away from him the first time and Paige had looked positively murderous. Rey had almost wondered if Paige wasn't going to give him a crack right then and there. Instead she pointed an angry finger in his direction and said something that made his face fall. From that point on Hux had been somber and quiet. He lurked about like a shadow until he managed to corner Rose again. That's what Rey had seen moments ago. When Ben had held her in place and shaken his head. As though he knew something she didn't.

The mic whistles as Armitage hold it up, too close to his lips, his word coming out slurred and almost unintelligible. "Rose," he says and everyone stops. Finn goes to move and Rey reaches out to grab for his hand pulling him back. If Ben thinks this is ok, then it is. She trusts him. "I can't, Just let me…" And then the music starts.

Rey groans, loudly. Nothing good can possibly come from this as the melody to Whitney Huston's '_I will always love you_' pipes through the speaker system and Armitage looks thoroughly distraught. As though maybe he hadn't quite thought this through or maybe, just maybe he realized what an utter arse he's been. Either way, this promises to be rough.

"Did you know he was going to do this?" Rey mutters to Ben who only shakes his head as he watches wide-eyed. Armitage has obviously gone rogue, been pushed over the edge, gone crazy because there is no other explanation for this… this… display.

"_If I should stay, I would only be in your way_…" the words don't come out sung so much as they are said with a mismatched melody. Armie has a great many talents, may he hides from the world but a singer he is not. "_So I'll go, but I know, I'll think of you every step of the way_…"

This is… it's painful but when Rey's eyes catch Rose standing offside, she realizes it's maybe not as bad as she thought. Finn and Poe inspire a Disney like fairytale dream of romance and Rose is closer to Finn then she is almost anyone on the planet. So this act, this, declaration of sorts it actually seems to be working.

Rose's face is bright from tears, her eyes glittering like stars as she holds her hands to her mouth and just watches. Her body seems to shake just a little, she could be laughing. Rey kind of wants to laugh but knows it would be rude but Rose? Rose is smiling. Her lips upturned as just the corners peek out from behind her hands. She's smiling but she's crying and Armitage is still singing, or well half singing half speaking, his voice wavering as he belts out, "_And I will always love you, I will always love you_," Elongating the I's just a little too short for an accurate rendition but his cheeks are red and he's smiling but his hands are trembling. "Please end my misery love, please," he says with a quiet hopefulness that hits Rey square in the chest.

Ben's arms close her in as he pulls her tight and rubs his nose softly against her shoulder. He's not laughing, not really but he's smiling and he's hiding it in her skin like it's a treasure he wants to hide from everyone but her. "You big softy," He chuckles softly as Rey leans her cheek to nuzzle back against him. "Would you sing to me?"

The question is meant to tease, but when Ben asks, "Do I have to?" followed more softly by, "Do you want me to?" Rey feels like the most powerful woman in the room. It's not an admission, but a confirmation of sorts. Ben Solo, hater of snowball fights and icing. Loather of Backstreet Boys and doing anything that might remotely be considered singing or dancing in public has just given her one of the greatest gifts she could ever receive. It's not an admission of the truth. That truth that lies hidden beneath their needy touches and the way he looks at her. But, it's there, hiding beneath the surface of his words. He, Ben Solo, would do anything for her and the reality of it is crushing.

"I would never make you do something that, unless you're offering to get up and sing I want it that way in which case." she pats his leg gently and points towards the small makeshift stage. "Up you get,"

She can feel Ben tense, for just a second she's sure she has him. He's going to get flustered and tell her he couldn't, he would never but all he says is "For you…" and he leaves it at that. It's… world-altering, the husky tone in his voice as he holds her close and sways just slightly. There's even a moment, when Rose climbs up onto the and takes Armitage by the hand. When she smiles at him and pulls him into a hug that Rey thinks she might be hearing things. She's sure of it actually because there is no way Ben Solo is humming along to Backstreet Boys directly into her ear. There's absolute No. Way.

As Rose Pulls Armitage off they embrace. It's not a soft you're an idiot kind of hug either. It's one of those, I-can't-get-enough-I-want-to-crawl-into-your-skin-and-live-next-to-your-heart-forever, kinds of hugs. Rose is all hands and pawing and Hux, he just stands dumbfounded as if he can't even he sure she's real. Rey's happy for them, love is all around them. Love…

When Poe takes the stage he's laughing and smiling and shaking his head as if to say, '_oh you crazy kids_'. He's that guy. The dad of the group who makes sure everyone is ok and happy and his jokes are total groaners too. But he's so loveable and dopey and completely gone on Finn that it doesn't matter. None of it does because he's found his happy too.

"I guess since we're opening the karaoke up again it's time to really get into it," Poe says with a nervous grin. He's running his palm against his pants and searching the crowd, "Finn, will you come up, I want to do this one together."

"Oh shit…" Rey mutters, her hand over her mouth, "shit this is it."

Ben has no sweet clue what she's talking about, so his reaction is more one of panic then elation. Finn pulls away from them making his way through the crowd as another Frozen song pipes through the speakers. Rey can see Finn laughing as he hops up and takes his place at Poe's side. "We doin' this then?" he asks into the mic and his grin is broad and infectious. He's happy, so so happy and completely blissfully unaware.

With a nod in Finn's direction Poe encourages him to take the lead. She can hear Finn's breathy laugh as he says, "_Okay, can I just, say something crazy?_"

His chuckle continues in between his parts while Poe chimes, "_I love crazy!_"

And suddenly it's very obvious where this is going and Rey? She loves every minute of it. The two sing and lean in as they laugh and serenade one another. Finn is more from Armitage's school of song. A lilting note that sounds a bit like talking but follows along easy enough but Poe? Poe sounds… good. It's been a while since they've done karaoke, mostly because Poe makes them all look like amateurs. She remembers him telling her his parents forced him into choir as a kid and he ended up just sort of loving it. He's her carpool song buddy. Finn often tires after a while but Poe could go on forever.

They're shoulder to shoulder when they start the chorus, belting out, "_Love is an open door!_" rocking back and forth against each other as they do. Poe looks like a man in love, his eyes never leave Finns as the go back and forth with the, "_With you_!" 's when Poe stops.

Finn has his head thrown back in a laugh, the mic clutched in his hand as he waits for Poe to pick up his part of the duet. When It comes time, Poe's voice is low, a little husky, shaking in tenor, "_Can I say something crazy_?" The words come out not with the soft smooth of song, put a hushed question that he desperately needs to know the answer to.

Finn stops his laugh, staring now wide-eyed at Poe who is getting down on one knee. There's a soft '_oh_' in Rey's ear as the situation clicks for Ben. Rey on the other hand is on the brink of sobbing. Her eyes sting as she sniffles to suppress tears that are threatening to fall. Ben's hand at her belly presses just a little firmer, his thumb moving haphazardly back and forth. It's a motion that is quite intimate. Not sexual in nature but possessive

Finn is cupping his mouth with his hand, shocked but not overly surprised it seems as Poe presents that small black box he'd shown Rey so many weeks ago. "Will you marry me?"

Not a soul moves, as though the group has taken one collective breath waiting to hear Finn's answer. In true Finn fashion, it doesn't come n the form of a simple yes or no. He's smiling, a smile that reaches his eyes and threatens to burst his face wide open. When he speaks, it's a mumbled, "You asshole," as he wipes at his cheek with the back of a knuckle. "_Can I say something even crazier?_" he tones happily before putting Poe out of his misery with a resounding, "_Yes!_"

Now Rey is not one for sports, so it's unlikely you would find her at a live sporting event or watching one at a local bar. The idea of the whole thing is a bit of a turn off actually but the noise that erupts from their group of friends is so loud and jubilant Rey can almost see the appeal. This is what she images a touchdown or a goal or whatever it's called would sound like. People whooping and hollering, people clapping and whistling. All Rey can do is cry as Poe slips the ring onto Finn's finger. Ben's heat is drawn back away from her as he claps his bear paw-like hands together, the sound loud enough for the both of them.

Rey laughs and smiles and cries some more as she turns around to look at Ben. Her mascara is going to run if this keeps up so has to be careful how she dabs at the corners of her eyes lest she ends up looking like Alice Cooper.

"You ok?" Ben asks softly, his voice barely registering over the crowd. She can see his lips move, as the tears sting her eyes and she tries desperately to curb her mounting emotions. She's not sad or upset, or angry. She's happy, so, so very _happy_ and yet the tears won't stop. Ben takes her hand and kisses her knuckle as he nods to the patio door back over his shoulder. There isn't a soul out there now, everyone who had gone out for a smoke is back in now trying to catch what all the commotion is about. He pulls her passed Jannah who is emerging from the darkened hallway looking confused. She fluffs her hair and adjusts her top which is more a scrap of fabric that ties around her neck and around her back in delicate thin crisscrosses.

"What's going on?" she asks her voice a little rough from use as man bun sidles up behind her adjusting his waistline.

"Poe just asked Finn to marry him," Rey says as Ben grabs her coat and helps her slide her arms into it.

"And you're?"

"Just getting some air," Rey says with a soft smile and another swipe at the corner of her eye, "I'll be right back in, promise."

Jannah eyes Rey and then Ben at her back as he shrugs into his black wool coat. He pats down his pockets and then reaches for Rey's hand. He doesn't pull or insist, he just holds it and waits for Rey to decide she is ready to follow. When Jannah offers a soft albeit skeptical nod Rey allows Ben to lead her out through the patio doors and out into the cool night air.

Her skin prickles beneath the cool kiss of mid-December. It licks at her calves and her toes in her ridiculously high heels as they wander back and away from prying eyes. It's not intentional, seeking privacy, in truth it's more about huddling in the corner. Getting out of the wind. The night air feels fresh and lovely in her lungs as they make their way back towards where the severs station is usually located in the summer. It's a hallow against the building where menu's and condiments are usually kept but it serves as a decent shelter too

They're about four stories up maybe five, it's hard to tell. The world around them is dark and twinkling, as Coruscant shifts beneath their view. She'd give anything to slip her shoes off right now and enjoy a moment of blissful barefoot comfort but the ground she knows will be cold and not worth the bite. Ben is a heat at her back as she leans against the high railing and stares out at the horizon beyond. In the city, light pollution kills the view of the night sky. The haze and glimmer or streetlights and buildings boasting neon signs swallowing up the quiet dark of the sky. Instead it glows, lit up like a nightlight to keep the boogeymen at bay.

Ben's hands are not her hips, palms molded to the swell of her backside as he kneads at the flesh of her sides and then up her back. Beneath the warmth of her coat his hands feel cold, like an icepack against her tempered skin. When his hips slot against her own taking his place at her back she relaxes into the feel of it, the feel of him. He makes her feel like a teenager, or how she imagines a teenager might feel sneaking around with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. Ben is her _Boyfriend_. A month in and that's still not something she can quite wrap her head around. Strange as he does all the boyfriend-y things that boyfriends do. He does more in fact. His presence in her life has become a fixture, a goal of sorts. Still, there's that nagging whisper in the back of her mind. _Not good enough_, _too broken_, _too much damage_. As though Ben, who has worked so hard to get to the place he's in now deserves so much more than a little matchstick girl like Rey.

Self-deprecating thoughts swallow her up as Ben's hands slip around her middle pulling himself just a little closer. He has her boxed in, not inappropriately but his hands are on her belly again and his thumb is rubbing idly there. It strikes her as odd, he's never been so singularly focused on the one place before. Sure he's worshipped her body trailing kisses from her head to toe sometimes literally. The thought of it is enough to light a fire beneath her cool skin. He's never stopped and just held or touched or minded.

Rey's mind tumbles back to Hux's comment at the beginning of the evening. The one he'd made about children. Had Hux changed his mind? Had he and Ben talked about it? About having children and what that would be like? Is that why Ben is so focused on her tummy now imagining her round and full with his child?

Panic eats away at her as Ben's pressure sits firm and sure and protective against her stomach. When his chin notches at her shoulder she jumps. Her heels have allowed the distance between them to close to some degree but Ben still needs to stoop to hold her like this.

Is this just another way she'll only let him down? If Ben wants what his parents have… and isn't that what Rey wants too? Han and Leia had Ben, does Ben want that too? Hux had said as much but Ben had never articulated anything of the likes to Rey before. Ever.

And, why would he? This was still new, but it was fast and it was heavy and it was… Rey fells, real. So very real. And Ben? Ben's older, maybe he's in a place where he wants kids, where he feels he's ready for that. Maybe… Maybe… Maybe she should just talk to him instead of spiraling through ideas that will only serve to suffocate her...

"This night is just full of surprises," Ben muses. Rey can't see his face, not with her back to him anyway but she can hear the smile in his voice as he says it. The warmth on her neck as he speaks into it. "Your dress is so… smooth, so soft. I can't stop touching it. You, I can't stop touching you."

Resting a hand on top of her coat where his lie beneath Rey smiles, "I like it when you touch me."

Ben's laugh comes as a soft puff of air as he leans in to kiss the spot just below her ear above the neck of her collar, "Good." So, he just holds her and it's easy and simple and beautiful. His body warms her back until it's toasty and in complete contrast to her front.

"Thank you," She mumbles into the night air, "For everything tonight, coming, being here, actually talking to people."

"You make it sound like I have no social skills at all."

Rey muses a moment, "No…" offering it quietly. "It's not that. You just tend to avoid it… people."

The silence that follows is still but comfortable as Rey shifts beneath Ben's lumbering form. Turning in his arms is not as easy as she originally thought. He doesn't move at first giving very little wiggle room. His hands press into the fabric, pulling it against her as she turns to press her back against the high railing that runs the length of the patio. After a minute Ben backs away just slightly, enough so that Rey can slide her hands beneath the lapels of his open jackets and tuck her fingers under his arm for warmth. His smile is lit by the nightlife beyond. A silver halo illuminating the pale tone of his skin. He looks almost angelic as he casts her a warm, sweet smile and swoops in for a kiss. It's short and soft and she can feel his lips as they smile against hers. As though just being here is the best thing he could have ever asked for.

"I just find it hard," He tells her softly, nuzzling his nose against hers. It's an action that she has come to expect, anticipate even. The way the strong slope of his nose brushes against her own. The way his breath mingles with hers as he rocks his forehead to press them together. The way he smells, always like spiced sandalwood, bergamot and that underlying bit of something sweet. Like vanilla or honey or something that just seems so very Ben. It's a smell she's come to know and love. A small that comforts and soothes. It's not even in his body wash or his cologne, though there are traces of it there. Like all of those elements combined make up a scent that is so distinctly him. Her Ben.

"I don't know why. I just… "

"You don't people well," she tells him softly, snuggling in against his chest, tucking her face in against the hollow of his throat. It's here the scent seems strongest. Maybe because the flesh is exposed like his skin is made from sweet trees and earth. Without thinking, as though driven by compulsion and alcohol Rey allows her lips to press against the warm column of flesh. Her nose tickling his jaw causes him to suck in a breath, as he angles his head back giving her more access to his throat. It's gentle, kittenish as her tongue darts passed her lips to just barely taste him. Her hands, spurred to action by his body's ready response, slide down along his torso. Exploring the deft lines and sharp angles of his chest and obliques. How he manages to stay so fit is beyond her comprehension. He runs, she knows that she's even tried going with him on a few occasions. That only served to remind her how out of shape she is or maybe, how in shape Ben actually is in comparison.

He's never mentioned going to the gym but that doesn't mean he doesn't go. Maybe he has a secret work out routine he's never mentioned. It's not as though he has to tell her everything. Whatever it is that makes his body like this, Rey finds herself grateful for it. Her fascination with muscle definition aside, she loves the way her fingers dip into his sternum where his pec muscles dip. Or the line beneath them where his obliques pop into her touch just slightly. She can feel them even now beneath his thin cotton t-shirt. Soft and pliant as though he has no idea he's been working them. It's not the hard musculature of someone who has been bodybuilding but the firm yet supple feel of someone who simply takes care of their body.

As her hands slide from his obliques around to his abdominals, she digs her fingertips in just so. Not the scraping of nails. She can't have nails for work after all but the blunt drag of her fingertips seems to be enough. Ben's gasps softly as her touch slows like she's memorizing every glorious dip. "How are you this well defined," She hears herself purr into his neck. Her nose is cold against the warmth of his jaw as she leans in and nips.

To his credit Ben is calm, eerily calm. His hands on her hips as though he's not sure where else he should put them. There's a soft tremor there when her teeth nip at him but he doesn't press his advantage. He stills and lets her explore, as though lost beneath her touch like a man starved of attention, "I … uh…" he starts and it's hard not to smile when she knows she's got him drunk on her affection, "I workout?" he offers lamely.

Her hands push into his lower abdominals where his shirt disappears into his pants. "When do you have time to do that?" she jokes. Ben makes a noise deep within his throat, something that sounds like a muffled gasp and a groan melded together. The sound settles into her mind burrowing there. A reminder that he likes this, that she holds this power over him, that he is hers as much as she is his. When she pulls his shirt out she does so slowly, tugging carefully as she kisses along his neck, not desperate and claiming but asking permission to continue. His hands only hold her a little firmer. Fingertips pressed sharply into her hip almost to the point of too much. _Almost_. It lingers in that realm of possessive that she's come to love from him but doesn't push passed into ownership. It's her turn to own him.

And he lets her, "When you're at work?" As though he's not entirely sure himself, so he lets her touch and explore, much as he always has only this time he's not turning the tabes. This time he allows himself to remain helpless beneath her and its glorious. Her hands aren't as cold now, not biting and bitter as they had been at the beginning of this expedition. They're cool but Ben's skin is so warm as she slips her hands beneath his shirt and allowed herself a moment to enjoy. She can feel his stomach tremble as he takes in another gulp of air. Tracing a line around his belly button she giggles softly and traces the scant trail of hair that disappears beneath the waistline of his pants.

Instead of going straight for it though, Rey sweeps her fingers across to trace along the line of his external obliques, where the muscles dip in a sharp V. When she realizes she can't get where she wants to, where she _needs_ to Rey fumbles with his belt. She tugs and pulls lazily until the leather is freed and she can shimmy his pants down just a little. It's only an inch or two, nothing lewd or inappropriate, not really. Enough that she can trace the deep line along his pelvis where the muscles dip further. Her thumbs sweep beneath the fabric of his jeans, stretching her palms out as her fingers splay across his abs. He feels so good beneath her hands, so warm and inviting. Every inch of him begging to be explored.

She knows how much he's enjoying this too if the bulge at the front of his jeans is any indication. Rey would be lying if she didn't admit to loving this far more then she likely should. The power he allows her to have over him is like a drug. Flooding her system and driving her crazy with the need to touch and know and _own._ Her hands are half massaging at the muscles beneath them if for no other reason then it's instinctual. She's never breached that line, she's never even toed along it curiously no matter how hard she has been pushed. There's a degree of professionalism that is hard-wired into her to uphold but this… this isn't massage, it's something far more intimate.

Dropping to her knees seems like the most rational thing to do next as Ben leans forward just slightly. His leg and hip sheltering her against the thick glass between him and the world beyond. Still she presses and touches and drags her fingers across the hard lines to his stomach. Angling her fingers into him, she scrapes lightly until her fingertips catch on the stiff denim at his waist.

It's then that Ben looks down. His eyes are as dark as pitch as he stares wide-eyed and entranced. He doesn't say anything, just angles his hip against the wall of the patio to better hide her should anyone venture outside. He looks completely gone, as though the slightest thing might send him over the edge of wanting. There's nothing to his eyes but the white of his sclera and the dark blown pupils that seem to eat up most of his already dark iris. "What…?" He asks his voice barely a whisper as Rey's hand's ghost over the front of his pants. It's soft at first, tentative and questioning.

She doesn't bother to answer, it doesn't quite seem necessary at this point. Her intentions are very clear as her fingers toy with the button of his jeans. The strain of denim loosens as the silver fasting pops free. Ben is worrying at his bottom lip as he watches her. Curious, hesitant and yet filled with excitement as he cautiously looks around them. They're alone but they might not be for long and the thrill of it sets her nerves on fire. With the button undone Rey teases the metal of the zipper next while Ben nervously tries to find something to do with his hands. They're on her shoulders, touching her face, the wide expanse of his thumb grazing over her cheek as he just watches. He watches her as though he's never wanted anything so much in his life. As if all his life choices have let up to this one moment. A pretty girl on her knees in front of him willing to take everything he's prepared to give her.

This has never been something Rey does, this risk-taking sexual adventure type thing. She's always thought she was more of a vanilla sort of gal. Reverse cowgirl was exciting the first time she'd tried it but that was it. There was no kink, is this even considered a kink?

No, Rey has always been pretty boring as far as she's concerned regarding sex. Truthfully, sure it felt good, but it was never something she necessarily chased. Sex was a way of showing she was useful, that she was worth keeping around. That was, after all, what most men wanted right? Most people in general? The deep pleasure of knowing someone on a carnal level. It was never enough to drive her to something like this though.

When she has the zipper open, nothing more then the dark fabric of his boxer briefs left between them Rey looks up again. His attention is laser-focused, as though nothing could be more important then what she is doing this very minute. Nothing.

It's oddly empowering.

Maybe that's the theme of the evening because Ben has given so much of it over to her.

With a grin Rey leans in and presses a soft open-mouthed kiss to the rigid clothed length of him. It's slow, and purposeful punctuated by unwavering eye contact and a promise of more, more, _more_. The hiss of air that escapes him sound like it could be her name, or maybe he's just surprised but it's all she needs to tell her that she should continue. She allows her mouth to trace the clothed length of him while her fingers curl beneath the waistline of his underwear. Her fingertips are still a little cool as they curl against his hip and tug. It's gentle and easy, pulling the fabric out and away until the length of him is exposed to the cool air. The noise he makes is like magic, a hiss and a groan melded together perfectly.

Somewhere in the background the patio door opens and suddenly they're no longer alone. Rey can only make out two sets of feet, but it sounds like a man and a woman talking as they turn and venture towards the other end of the patio. If they saw her, they gave no indication. Ben's coat, left open in the dark it seems is blessedly enough to keep her hidden. The thrill of it merely serves to further excite Ben who's cock twitches, bouncing against her cheek. Rey giggles softly as she wipes away a smear of pre-come left in its wake.

"Rey…" Ben growls in warning, maybe a sign that she should stop this now, maybe egging her on, it's hard to tell. But, his hands are resting against the railing and he's leaning in to shelter her from further discovery. He wants this she realizes, he wants this and he's not about to stop her.

Rubbing her hands against his jeans to warm them up some she takes him in hand, careful at first, testing her grip and the feel of him. He's too large for her small hands to wrap around entirely a blessing and a curse to be sure. Still, it's not enough to intimidate as she allows her wrist a few easy strokes. Above her Ben doesn't make a noise. He's gone perfectly still beneath her attention, his breathing coming in easy slow bursts, his belly rising and lowering above her. When she finally brings her mouth against him she can taste his salty sweetness against her tongue. She allows the warmth of it to twirl over him before taking it into her mouth with little hesitation. Like the rest of him, he feels hard and soft, a walking contradiction. Velvety and smooth accented by hard ridges and a firm core. A marvel when you think about it, that blood pressure can provide such a specimen. Ben groans as her lips incase him. His hips still but struggling.

Her head bobs once, then twice, before she pulls back and away from him. Licking her drying lips as her hand continues to move, working her saliva over him. Going down on a man has never been one of those things that Rey has particularly enjoyed. It's not something she ever really sets out to do or even offers up often. It's more of a chore than a choice but with Ben like this, she's content to take her time. There's no rush to get this over with quick so she can get him inside her. It's an exploration that he's allowing her. Encouraging her even which is the strange part. When she takes him in this time she sinks her lips over the swollen tip allowing her cheeks to hallow just slightly. One bob, two bobs, her lower lip bumping along the underside of his glans before allowing the full weight of his shaft to slide along her tongue allowing her to take him just a little deeper.

This time Ben moans, longer and louder than he likely intended to. The sound is swallowed up by another boisterous karaoke ballad and the incessant chatter from inside. Still they need to be careful. Rey moves her hand, squeezing lightly as Ben angles his hips and his cock slides a little further into her mouth. It shouldn't be a turn on, it really shouldn't but it's hard not to be affected by it when Ben starts to babble, "Fuck," it always starts with fuck like it's his favorite word or maybe the only one he can come up with when he's in such a state of want. "Jesus… fuck… Rey." Her name comes out a keening moan as one of his hands slips from the railing to rest against the back of her head. He's careful. His head up, eyes cast down as he holds her in place just a moment.

She can feel the pressure at the back of her head like a warning as he mutters things like "So warm," and "So perfect," and "such a good girl." The last is a strange comment that rational brained Rey would have fought against. Rey is not rational brained Rey right now, Rey is horny brained Rey and horny brained Rey it seems enjoys the praise. It's hard not to enjoy the sound of him so completely gone on her, it's hard to ignore the warmth pooling within her as he practically growls out a groan and his fingers tighten reflexively against her scalp.

With a soft hum she pushes deep, feeling him brush against the back of her throat as she opens herself up to it. It lingers on the edge of being too much but she's wanted this, she's wanted this for a while now and now that he's giving it to her she refuses to waist a minute of it. His groan is visceral as she hollows her cheeks and gives a soft tug. Her name falls from his lips like a prayer, like its transcendent, beyond comprehension. "If you…" he starts as he looks down at her, then off at the city of Coruscant beyond. He's schooling his features, trying to control himself when the patio door opens again.

Rey, so engrossed in her task almost misses the sound of someone else saying Ben's name. A male someone who seems to be walking their way. Rey freezes and Ben's cock twitches again as he instinctively leans against the glass wall. At that moment, Rey has never been so grateful for being so petite. Ben's broad legs shelter her from the newcomer who sounds curiously familiar.

"Hey man, you seen Rey?" the male voice calls. She can't see anything beyond Ben's legs which would be frustrating if hey weren't so effectively hiding her away as well.

Right then moment a choice is made, probably not a good one truth be told but it's a choice all the same. Instead of stopping, Instead of extracting Ben's warm, smooth cock from her mouth, Rey stays the course and holds him deep where he is. Shifting his foot Ben taps lightly against her own in warning. A warning she chooses to ignore. Alternatively she works his shaft with one hand and cradles his balls with her other, Testing their weight in her hand as she massages them gently.

"Jannah said you two came out here together," the man says but Ben seems lost on his words. As though the concept of speech was a foreign one.

"Bathroom," he finally manages, his body shifts as though he's pointing, more likely nodding back towards the hallway just inside the doors. Their new addiction however doesn't seem like they're planning on leaving anytime soon. "Congrats, by the way. On the engagement and I suppose Happy Birthday."

Finn.

It's Finn, of course, it's Finn, the only other options for sheer and total embarrassment would be his parents or maybe Poe. "Thanks," Finn almost sounds hesitant as he says it, as though weighing the truth behind Ben's words. "Really, thanks for coming and well everything really." he offers and Rey can hear the smile there. Finn is smiling at Ben who can do nothing more than nod as Rey carefully bobs her head again.

A moment passes where they two just stand there facing one another. Rey, with nothing better to do to pass the time moves her head back a little more, wriggling her tongue against the head of Ben's cock. He's smooth, she'll give him that, his body still as he stares down her best friend in the world. BB aside of course. "Happy to," Ben chokes out as Rey gives a careful tug, working her hand in tandem with the slow shifting or her lips.

"Mmm,"_ Go inside Finn, go inside_, Rey thinks but Finn continues. "Look man, I know we've been… not the friendliest."

"It's ok." Ben tries but his voice seems to waver on the K sound.

"No mate, we've been shitty to you. I appreciate you being fair about it but we worry about her. I'm sure you can see why it's just…" Finn sighs, "She deserves so much more then the lot life has given her."

Pulling off him a moment Rey works the length of him with her hand, giving him a break from the onslaught of warmth that is her mouth. She's firm, allowing her now swollen lips to overtake the tip and simply lick at it a moment. "She… She…" Ben's speech is still broken, but he's trying to keep it together, trying and slipping quite fast, "has you guys." He offers to which Finn scoffs a little.

Not the response she was expecting.

"Yeah, yeah she does," but the way Finn says it makes it sound as though it wasn't enough. "It's hard not to love her once you get to know her. She's managed to make friends with Hux after what happened with his car and he's a total knob. Sorry I know he's your friend."

Ben nods, "No, no." he chokes out and thankfully Finn seems to take that as more of an incentive to keep talking.

"She brings people in, collects friends like some people do stamps and then she just gives herself to them. She'd do anything for them and asks for nothing back." Ok now, this is getting a little awkward. She pulls Ben deep into her mouth again, suctioning her lips as she bobs, as much to distract herself then it is anything else. It makes her ear's hot to hear Finn talk about her in this way, as though she was something more than she actually is. It's not that she doesn't feel… special and all of that but hearing someone talk about so candidly when they think she's not there is strange. Made even stranger when she's in the middle of fellating her boyfriend.

"Yeah… she's." Ben starts but his words die in his throat, his hips shifting ever so slightly as she picks up her speed just slightly.

"You ok man?"

"Oh… yeah, yeah just." swallowing hard Ben tries his damnedest to school himself. It's cute really and only provokes her further. "Needed some air, bit light-headed." his voice has a deeper huskier tone to it, one Rey knows quite well at this point. One Rey chases with the knowledge of what's likely to come. And come hard.

It's hard to tell whether or not Finn buys any of it. Maybe he's being kind, maybe he's blissfully unaware. Rey likes to believe the latter because what he says next makes her stop dead in her motions. "You really love her don't you." As though he's seeing Ben for the first time, as though he's just now realizing Ben is in fact a person.

Leaving Ben stuck between a rock and a hard place Rey doesn't expect his response to sound so real, so sure. His, "Yes," comes with no hesitation, no time for thought or hesitation as if it's the only answer he would ever dream of giving. "She's…" And Rey swallows around the cock in her mouth, a reminder that she's there if the searing heat of her mouth wasn't enough of a giveaway. "She's everything."

"Maybe tell her that. She likes to act tough like she's put together but she's still that little girl sometimes you know. The one who needs to be protected. She cares for you though, like nothing I've seen and I've known her a while." it's true but made all the more real when it falls from the mouth of your best friend. "Anyway, tell her I was looking for her. I wanted to say thanks for helping Poe and we're getting into the cake soon and she will be fierce if she misses that."

Both men chuckle and she can hear Finn's footsteps as they carry him away. Rey continues her assault with renewed vigor when Ben stammers, "H-hey Finn," If Finn turns Rey can't see but Ben doesn't mean to keep him long, "Thank you." he says and it's real and true and perfect.

When the patio door closes Ben lets out a soft huff and pushes deep. She's determined as she bobs steadily. Groaning at the taste of premium as it coats the back of her tongue.

"Evil," Ben grounds out "Delicious, beautiful evil creature." the words fall from his lips softly as he rocks into her mouth pushing deeper. Her throat is relaxed now so while it takes her by surprise it doesn't leave her choking on it. In fact, it only makes her work harder, faster, more intent of bringing him to his end. She can feel his balls tighten in her hand as she squeezes them lightly. His cock twitching against her tongue, and when she hums lightly Ben groans, and this time it's loud.

Whether or not the other couple has gone back inside is lost on her and really it doesn't matter. Ben's hand is back on her head, fingers through her hair which she had done up in a nice braided twist especially for the occasion. A lovely look now ruined but Ben's desperate tugging at her roots. It should burn and maybe it does but only a little and truthfully she's always enjoyed having her hair pulled. "F-fuck," he growls and Rey knows he's close. She can feel the way he throbs in her mouth ready for release. "Rey… I… God your mouth." There's a soft whimpering noise from above and when Rey looks up he's looking down at her. She hums softly around him and… "I… Rey.." He's breathing through his teeth as his cock throbs again and she knows he's there, teetering on the edge, "If you… I… f-fuck…" It's music to her ears, "I'm gonna… fuck Rey… I… "

She nods her head as she hollows her cheeks and it's as though the permission was all he needed because that's when Ben gasps and groan and bucks his hips just a little. He comes in quick spurts, warm and thick filling her mouth and coating the back of there throat. As quick as she can swallow he fills her mouth again, as though weeks of pent up sexual tension are being released all at once. She holds him there a moment, swallowing around him until he's spent and left softening against her tongue.

Rey takes a moment to marvel at her handy work. Ben's body hovering over hers left panting as he gasps for air and struggles against some unseen weight. Ever so carefully, as easily as she tugged them down really, Rey pulls his boxer briefs back into place. She places soft kisses along the curve of his lower oblique as she tries with great effort to stand. Her feet at this point are blocks of ice, her quads both protesting and celebrating the change in position.

Her sudden shift forces Ben to stop back a little, looking around them to see if they're being watched. At this point Rey isn't sure she even cares anymore. She simply tugs his pants up and pulls his shirt down over his stomach which is still contracting slightly beneath the aftershocks of his orgasm. He looks… wild, recked, completely destroyed and utterly desperate for more. "Rey…" His voice still carries that deep husky tone but it's lined now with a softness that she has come to love. "You…" he starts but his thumb pressed against the corner of her mouth. Mistaking it for further sexual advances Rey turns to kiss the pad of it while Ben laughs. "No, no," he shushes as he shows her. Lingering at the corner of her mouth had been the remnants of his spend. Carelessly he wipes it off on the side of his leg before tucking his shirt in and buckling his belt again. His movements are sluggish and far less even as he straightens himself out and then leans in to press a kiss against her nose.

It's sweet, his palms pressed against her cheeks as he holds her face in place. His lips find her nose then her forehead, then her temple and then finally her mouth. Lingering there for a moment as his body shudders and he groans again. When he pulls away, he's smiling, that Cheshire cat grin of a boy who'd just tricked a girl into kissing him. Only she'd done a lot more than kiss him. Still he looks content, his eyes filled with something that looks almost like…

_Finn._

"Rey… you're… that was… I can't believe…"

"You love me?" she asks suddenly, cutting him off from his inane babbling. It catches him off guard, not something that's necessarily easy to do with Ben. Like his mother he's a hard man to get one up on but he's looking at her now utterly speechless.

It's like he's at war with himself, trapped between a conversation had with Finn just moments before and staring her in the eye. Careful hands reach out, lacing her fingers between his if only to pull one hand back just so. When she kisses his palm he relaxes. When her lips find the pulse on the inner ulnar surface of his wrist she feels his touch deepen just ever so slightly. "It's ok…" She starts to tell him. He doesn't need to say it, she never should have brought it up in the first place, pinning him beneath her need to hear the truth.

But he stops her, pulling his hand from her grasp in order to hold her fingers tight, "I do." he says breathlessly and his kisses mirror hers. Working backward from her wrist he kisses beneath her thumb and then her palm smiling into it as he says, "I do, fuck I'm sorry." the words come out in a rush like he's afraid to stop talking or maybe afraid to start, "I know it's fast and it's crazy and I'm… and you're…"

"I love you too," she rushes out quickly, stopping him from his spiral into self-deprecation.

"You do?"

She nods, her smile threatening to crack her face wide. It's one of those smiles when she feels her lips curl against her teeth leaving nothing but the glowing white of a grin that's almost too big. "I don't think I've ever told anyone that before," she whispers almost to herself distractedly as Ben swoops in for a kiss. It's nearly bruising, his lips broad in a grin as he tries to be sweet. He tries to be soft and kind and gentlemanly but he's lost in it. In the words, in her presence and Rey gets it because she feels it too. This indescribable draw to another human being. This need to allow them to hold your heart within their hands and treasure it, keep it safe.

"Fuck," he says again, that word and it's wide range of uses, "I love you so much," And when his hands pull at her backside she jumps into him. The skirt of her dress is unforgiving, the material slippery so it's only for a moment he's able to hold her up against him but it's enough. It's more than enough, it's perfect.

When he sets her down it's with careful ease, spinning her away for the four-story backdrop. He's nudging her towards the door and she half wonders if he's intent on taking her home to finish what they've started. Truthfully she hopes it but Ben, perfect, handsome, loveable Ben. Her Ben says the one thing that emphasizes the absolute truth behind his words, "Come one," her murmurs against her lips, because of course he's kissing her again or maybe she's kissing him, it doesn't really matter, "We don't want to miss the cake."

* * *

_Ok, sorry this took so long, I hated so much when I started it so I took a break and then life and now I'm happy sort of... I tried to make the smut not too smutty? or tastefully smutty? These two are more cute and fumbling and lost on each other so filthy smut wouldn't have made sense. Anyway, Ben made my heart soar in this chapter, what do ya'll think? sweet and dirty Ben is the best kind of Ben in my humble opinion. However filthy-mouthed Ben also makes my smile but that's neither here nor there. Anywho, Armitage kind of came out of nowhere, I hadn't intended on that but it ended up being a good segway into the proposal anyway, I digress. Let me know what you think lovelies, your comments make my little heart warm in these cold and scary times. xoxox_


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